Chapter 9
“This chocolate cake is delicious, Allie,” Camilla said before she took another bite.
“It really is.” Honey smacked her lips. “You’re going to make us fat.”
“Some of us already are.” Dawn rubbed her belly.
“That’s not fat, you’re just keeping my niece or nephew warm.” Camilla smiled at Dawn across the table.
“Thanks, Camilla.”
“What are big sisters for?”
“How are things going with the mother-in-law, Dawn?” Allie asked.
“Monster-in-law more like,” Camilla blurted.
“Camilla!” Dawn frowned at her sister.
The women had gathered for a Tuesday evening get-together at The Cosy Cottage Café. It had become their routine and only didn’t happen if someone was ill, away, or if there was, in Dawn’s case, a childcare issue. Dawn hadn’t been able to make the previous Tuesday because of her condition but this week, as she was feeling stronger, she’d wanted to come. To get out of the house for a bit while she could.
“I’ll be honest with you… my house has never been so clean.”
“Well that’s fabulous. Wish someone would come and clean mine,” Allie joked. “But that’s not a good thing for you because…”
“I don’t want to seem ungrateful.”
“You can tell us anything,” Camilla said.
“I’m not so sure about that. I mean, you just called her my monster-in-law and I only ever said that once when I was drunk. And I didn’t mean it. Fenella tries hard, it’s just that she’s also—”
“Very trying?” Honey finished her sentence, her brown eyes warm and understanding.
“Yes.” Dawn put her fork down. “She’s cleaned everything from cupboards to shoes to behind the downstairs toilet, but it’s strange having another woman doing that. It’s like my space has been invaded.”
“A space-invader monster-in-law!” Camilla snorted. “Well Rick should have been doing his fair share too, Dawnie.” She took a swig of her wine.
“I’ve told you before that he does what he can but with his job and the hours he works, it’s very difficult. That’s why we have had more traditional roles, I guess.”
“It was like that with Roger and me,” Allie said.
“Was it?”
“He was…”
“Difficult. A chauvinist.” Camilla took Allie’s hand. “You don’t have to be kind about him in front of us, you know.”
“I know. I just don’t like calling him over. It seems like I’m betraying the kids.”
Dawn and the other women knew how tough life had been for Allie in the past. She’d revealed some of the details of her marriage to them that summer, after Chris Monroe had arrived in town, and they’d been shocked that she’d kept them to herself for so long. But Dawn knew that people did keep secrets, even from their friends and relatives. She’d been glad that Allie had unburdened herself and it was wonderful to see her so happy with Chris now.
“Rick isn’t a chauvinist though, Camilla.”
“I know that. He just needs a bit of a kick up the bum sometimes to get him into gear.”
“He’d do more if he had more time.”
Camilla nodded. “All right, all right. I know how much you love him.”
“And as for Fenella, as much as she might be… treading on my toes, she’s the one looking after Laura and James this evening.”
“It’ll be good for her to spend some time with them.” Allie smiled. “It’s nice for children to have extended family.”
“James isn’t so sure. He was delighted at first but now he knows that she’s going to make him eat his greens and tidy up the toy room when he’s finished playing, he’s not so sure. And she’s making Laura practise her times tables every night, which my daughter does not find amusing.”
Dawn thought of the rhythmic chanting that took place after the children had eaten dinner. Still, it was how she’d learned her tables and every child should know them.
“I can understand how it must be challenging but try to take whatever time you can to rest, Dawn. You need it. I doubt she’ll stay permanently?” Allie ended on a question.
“God I hope not. Can you imagine?”
“She’d be getting you to express so she could test the quality of your milk.” Camilla giggled. “Sorry! I think I’ve had too much wine. Just let her know if she’s bugging you.”
Dawn nodded but inside she was wilting. Fenella had been with them for just five days and her domineering presence had left Dawn drained. Keeping her mouth shut when her mother-in-law made sniping remarks was taking all the strength she had. But she didn’t want to snap and hurt the older woman and she also didn’t want to seem ungrateful.
“I’m sure she’ll leave in a week or so.”
“Doesn’t her husband want her at home then?” Honey asked, twirling a strand of her rainbow-dyed hair around her fingers. “You’d think he’d have come too.”
“He’s probably enjoying all the extra time he can spend on his boat, playing chess, golfing and whatever else it is that he does now.”
Dawn thought of her father-in-law and how he liked his time outdoors, often spending weekends at the docks or out on the water. When he wasn’t sailing the boat, he was polishing it or conducting repairs. At least that’s what he told Fenella and she seemed to have bought into it. Was that what happened to marriages long-term then, if they went the distance? Did people accept their partner’s excuses because it was easier to nod along, or because they just liked having time apart?
Something struck her then.
What if Fenella was actually lonely?
After all, Rick’s younger brother, Kyle, had moved away straight after university, just like Rick had. Kyle had a family of his own now and he lived on the Isle of Wight with his wife and three-year-old twin girls. So it was possible that Fenella didn’t see much of him, although she never let on.
Dawn was overwhelmed by a wave of compassion for Rick’s mother. It couldn’t be easy when your children left, especially if they moved far away.
She resolved to try to be extra kind to Fenella when she went home later, and to try to make her mother-in-law feel appreciated. Because everyone deserved that, didn’t they?
***
“Hello?”
Dawn locked the front door behind her.
“Fenella?”
“SHHH!” Came from the top of the stairs followed by the appearance of her mother-in-law in a long white nightgown with a frilly collar, that made Dawn think of those she’d seen in faded Victorian photographs.
“Hi Fenella. Where are the children?”
“In bed, of course.” Fenella replied as she descended the stairs, shrugging into a purple cord dressing gown. “I’ve read them both a story and they’re fast asleep.”
Dawn checked the clock on the wall. “But it’s only eight. Are you sure they’re sleeping?”
“I did have children of my own you know.” Fenella scowled at her.
“Oh, I know that. It’s just that even when James drops off, Laura often takes a while. She tends to spend time thinking and processing her day before she goes to sleep. A few times I’ve even found her still awake when I’ve popped up to check on her and it’s after nine.”
“After nine?” Fenella tutted. “No wonder that little girl has trouble concentrating.”
“What do you mean?”
Dawn removed her coat and hung it over the bannister. Fenella eyed it then gave a small shake of her head.
“She told me she’s having trouble with maths.”
“When?”
“Yesterday. I didn’t want to worry you.”
“Well you should have told me. When I saw her teacher recently, she didn’t say there was a problem.”
“Hmmmm. Well if she got more sleep there wouldn’t be.”
“Fenella…” Dawn took a deep breath.
“Yes.”
“Oh… nothing. I’ll just pop up to give them a kiss then make us a cup of tea. Rick’s not back yet then?”
“No. He’s rather late too, isn’t he?”
“He’s been later. It depends what time he gets out of work. I’ll text him to find out when he’ll be back.”
Fenella nodded then went into the kitchen and Dawn climbed the stairs. She’d had a lovely evening at the café and coming home to Fenella’s disapproval was difficult, especially as she just wanted to put her pyjamas on and lie on the sofa watching some mindless TV. And she’d been intending on being kind to her mother-in-law.
Upstairs, she pushed James’s door open and found him sleeping across the bed, so she gently wriggled him around, then kissed his forehead. He smelt of honey and lemon and a scent that was all his own, one that she’d know in a room full of children even if she was blindfolded. He was her little boy and her heart brimmed over with love for him.
When she went into Laura’s room, she crossed the pink rug to the bed and leaned over. Laura turned suddenly and sat up.
“I thought you’d still be awake.”
“Oh Mummy, you know I need to read before I go to sleep. But Nanny said I couldn’t. I told her she was being a big fat bossy boots.”
Dawn swallowed a giggle. “You didn’t?”
Dawn saw a look of scorn passed over Laura’s face in the light from the hallway.
“Well I almost did. I said she was a bossy boots but I didn’t say the fat bit. Mummy… when’s she going home? I like her and everything but she’s not like you. She has different rules and ways of doing things and I don’t like them. I want it to be just the four of us again.”
Dawn brushed Laura’s hair from her cheek then sighed. “I know, angel, that’s how I like it too. Nanna’s just here to help for a few weeks until I feel better.”
“But you are all better aren’t you? And the baby is okay now.”
“Yes, I do feel much better. But it would be mean if we just told Nanna that and sent her packing.”
“Sent her packing?”
“Yes… on her way, back home.”
“Oh. Yes. Well let her stay a bit longer, but then send her packing.”
Dawn smiled. “Deal. But try to be nice and polite for now.”
“Mummy, can I read now, please?”
Dawn chewed her lip. If she said yes, she’d be going against what Fenella had told Laura to do but if she said no, Laura could well be awake when she came up to bed.
“For fifteen minutes. But no longer. Promise?”
“Pinky promise.” Laura nodded then switched on the lamp that was on her bedside table.
“And it’s our secret.”
“Of course, Mummy. Between you and me.” Laura tapped the side of her nose.
Dawn was still smiling when she reached the kitchen. Laura was so much like Rick with his mannerisms and vocabulary, yet also so much like her. Dawn remembered struggling to sleep in her youth and lying in bed with her mind racing about everything from politics to whether or not Take That would ever get back together.
“Something funny, Dawn? Do share, I could do with a laugh.” Fenella was sat at the breakfast bar with a steaming mug of tea.
“Oh, I was just thinking about how much I love the children.”
“They are lovely. And even if I do think they stay up too late, you and Rick have done a good job, I must admit.”
“Uh… thank you.” Here she went again, being such a contradictory and confusing character. One minute, Fenella was undermining her, the next she was building her up. Albeit as a veiled compliment.
“Did you text Rick?”
“I forgot. I’ll do it now.”
Dawn dug her mobile out of her trouser pocket and swiped the screen. It buzzed as a message popped up.
Staying in London tonight, Dawn. Late one working through, so no point coming home. Ring you in the morning. X
What?
Blood whooshed through her ears and her head spun. He was staying out all night. Granted, he’d done it before when he had an important meeting or a very early start but never at this short notice. Now she’d be left on her own with Fenella and she didn’t know where he was sleeping. Or who he was with.
“I’ve uh… I’ve got to do something a moment. I’ll be back shortly,” she said to her mother-in-law.
“But Dawn…”
She opened the back door and went into the garden before Fenella could argue. This just wasn’t on. What did Rick think he was playing at? She brought up her contacts list and scrolled down to Rick then pressed the call button.
When he answers, he’s going to get a mouthful.
As she listened to the phone ringing, her breaths came shaky and fast.
No, not a mouthful but a few strong words.
It kept on ringing.
Okay then, some questions.
Perhaps but…
His voice came on at the other end and she was about to say his name then realised she’d got his voicemail.
She waited until the recorded message finished then was besieged by doubts so she ended the call.
Should she leave him a message?
Yes, of course.
She dialled him again and waited for voicemail to kick in.
“Hi Rick, it’s me… Dawn… you know, your wife. Hope you’re okay. Could you ring me. Even if it’s late when you get this. I just want to hear your voice. Love you.”
She stared at the black screen, seeing her face reflected there: pale, large eyes wide, fear in her gaze.
“What did he say?” Fenella was peering out of the door.
“He’s not answering. But I left a message.”
“Cup of tea in here for you.”
“Thanks.”
As she followed Fenella inside, the last thing Dawn wanted to do was to sit and drink tea, but if she didn’t, she knew she’d go upstairs and cry. Although what comfort she’d get from the older woman, she didn’t know. But at least it would be distracting and hopefully stop her imagining that Rick might be out drinking with women, smart attractive women in tight dresses and high heels, the type who worked hard and partied hard, who lived without commitments. Women who were a bit like Camilla.
Women who might not mind if a man had a wife in a little country village because they didn’t want any commitment anyway.
She shook her head as if to shake the disturbing thoughts away, still holding her mobile tightly as she willed Rick to call. Just to put her mind at rest. If that were at all possible.
***
“So who is he staying with?” Fenella asked as she poured fresh tea from a teapot that Dawn didn’t recognise.
“I’m not sure.”
“You don’t know?” Fenella frowned. “Well I wouldn’t have that.”
“Look, I can hardly order him around can I? Besides, he didn’t answer so I’m helpless right now.”
The reality of the situation swept over her. “I can’t even have a stiff drink to try to calm my churning belly or to at least numb my nerves. I want to know where he is tonight. But I don’t have any idea…”
She glanced at Fenella and found that the older woman’s eyes were wide as she stared at her. Great. So now she seemed like a suspicious neurotic wife.
“Of course you do. I’m sorry, Dawn, that was unfair of me. You must be worried.”
Again, Dawn had to try to keep the surprise off her face.
“I am.”
Fenella pushed a mug of tea across the breakfast bar. “Drink this. It might help with your upset stomach.”
“Thank you.”
“You know… I’m quite annoyed at Rick.”
“You are?”
“He shouldn’t do this to you. I mean, you’ve just had a pregnancy scare. That’s why I’m here after all, and he’s decided to stay in London without warning you before hand.”
Dawn sipped her tea. She was a boiling pot of contradiction right now, torn between being angry at Rick herself and wanting to defend him from his own mother. And that was ridiculous as Fenella was actually being supportive.
“Why don’t you try to get some sleep and I’ll stay up for a bit. Just in case he rings.”
“But he’ll probably ring my mobile if he does call.”
“Well you can leave that with me if you like so it doesn’t disturb you… or take it upstairs…” Fenella smiled. “Because you probably won’t rest at all if it’s not right beside you.”
Dawn nodded.
“I guess I should try to get some rest.”
“You certainly should. Now take your tea up and get into bed. Perhaps have a read.”
“Thanks, I will.”
“Dawn?”
“Yes?”
“I am only here to help, you know. I’m sorry if I sometimes seem overbearing.”
“You’re not overbearing, Fenella.”
“Really?”
“Well… uh…”
Fenella nodded. “I know I can be. I just… when Rick called me, I was extremely worried about you and the baby but I was also grateful.”
“Grateful?”
“To feel needed. That’s why I wanted to help as much as I could and cleaning was one way I hoped to make myself useful. But afterwards, I realised that perhaps it was a bit out of order. After all, this is your home and there I was sticking my nose in. Paul did warn me before I left. He told me not to try to take over, as I can be quite overpowering when I do. He said I’d soon get my marching orders if I stuck my nose in too far and look at me… I’ve been doing exactly that.”
“No, Fenella, I’m really grateful. Honestly.”
“Thank you, Dawn. You’re too kind.” She sighed. “You know… oh it doesn’t matter.”
“No it does. Please go on.”
“Are you sure? I don’t really have anyone to talk to about these things and sometimes, it all builds up.”
“You can tell me, Fenella.”
“Thank you, dear. When Paul retired, I thought we were going to do all the things we’d planned years ago. We have National Trust membership and I was looking forward to visiting the places we’d admired for so long. He used to show me all these beautiful stately homes and castles on Instagram and we’d talk about how we’d visit them.”
“And it hasn’t happened?”
She shook her head. “He’s always still so busy and I don’t like to ask.”
“But you should, Fenella. You have a right to spend time with him too.”
“It’s like retiring gave him a new lease of life and it doesn’t involve me. I can’t play golf, I’m terrified of going out on that damned boat because I can’t swim very well and I’m not that good on social media, so I can’t even get involved with Wallace and Lulu’s Instagram page.”
“You could learn how to do that. If you like, I’ll show you.”
“I’d be very grateful for some lessons in that respect, Dawn.”
“No problem at all. But what will you do about Paul? You should be honest with him because perhaps he doesn’t even realise that he’s neglecting you.”
Fenella shrugged. “Perhaps I will. Or I’ll just get on with it, I guess. I’m good at that. My sons and their families don’t live close enough to visit every week, and Dawn, please don’t think that’s a criticism. My husband prefers sailing and golf to taking me around stately homes and castles. All I do have to enjoy is a slightly wicked crush on a TV character.”
Dawn smiled.
“You know, Fenella… It would really help us out if you could come to stay more regularly. Perhaps you could pick the children up from school once a week – I could speak to the head teacher and get your name on the trusted contacts list – and you could help me out with the baby. Even once a fortnight if it’s too far to drive on a weekly basis.”
Fenella nodded. “That’s very kind, Dawn. I promise that I won’t do any cleaning unless you ask me to do it.”
“That’s settled then.”
“Every other Thursday?”
“Whatever suits you.”
“Now go and get some rest, dear.”
“Thank you. Good night, Fenella.”
“Call if you need me.”
Upstairs, Dawn changed into her fluffy pyjamas then slipped under the quilt. A noise outside made her jump but she realised it was the wind. It had been breezy all day and the wind was now picking up. Perhaps the weather was changing and the Indian summer they’d talked about was on its way out.
She wondered what Rick was doing. Was he sleeping or engaged in conversation in some swanky London club? Was he poring over figures and offering advice, or was he laughing with some attractive woman who was pawing at his arm and fingering his tie as she hung on his every word…
Stop it!
This wouldn’t do anyone any good.
She picked up the top book off the pile on her bedside table – a psychological thriller that had been raved about recently – and opened it. But the words swam before her eyes and she tried to read the page four times before realising that this wasn’t going to work. Instead, she tried to think about her conversation with Fenella. It had been one of revelations and she hoped that their relationship would be stronger because of it. And that Fenella would feel needed, because she hated to think of anyone feeling lonely or left out. There was no need for that at all.