It was somewhere over the Pacific Ocean that Jay came to terms with how bad this idea was. He knew he was: one, about to get his heart firmly slammed behind a door he might never be able to open and two, he was going to make things harder for Mari than he even had to.

It was with those thoughts in his head that he resolved, firmly, to quit fucking flirting with her. He could keep his hands and his thoughts and his dumb ass feelings to himself. He knew he could. He was not going to make himself her problem. He refused to.

He couldn’t forget the way she’d looked at his house when she’d told him that she was leaving. So lost and alone. He knew that was his fault. His presence in her life was making everything harder for her.

But he wasn’t strong enough to step away. So he was just gonna have to figure out a way to be positive for her. Even if it meant stuffing his gushy feelings all the way down his own throat.

“You’re harshing my vibe,” Eli said from where he sat next to Jay in first class. The man tipped the baseball hat he had covering his face to one side and eyed Jay grumpily.

“I’m sorry?” Jay asked, lifting one eyebrow.

“I’m saying that you finally let me pay for some shit for us—i.e. this entire vacation. And that comes with certain privileges.”

“Like what?” Marcus asked from the other side of Jay.

“Like I get to tell you two to quit worrying about whatever you’re worrying about and relax and have some goddamn vacation, alright?”

Marcus leaned back in his plush seat. “Not all of us just won the Superbowl, dude.”

“Yeah, well, all of us are on vacation right now. So act like it.” He smashed the baseball cap over his face again and reclined.

Marcus and Jay rolled their eyes at one another. He had technically paid for everything. It was the only way Jay and Marcus could have traveled on such short notice. And Eli had been thrilled. They never let his millionaire ass pay for shit and he’d leapt at the chance. But now he was out here acting like a relaxation czar.

And he kept up the act all the way to the luxury resort where he’d booked a three-room suite for them. It wasn’t far from the best surfing spots and Jay supremely hoped that Mari was somewhere close to them.

He’d barely tossed his bag onto his king-sized bed before he pulled out his phone.

Just got to our hotel. Where you at?

He shot for a casual tone. Perhaps he’d overshot.

An hour later, the three of them sat on the balcony of their suite, sipping drinks, when her text came in on his phone. Jay nearly bobbled his guava juice.

Surfing. Duh.

You wanna have dinner with us?

There was a long pause. And then.

Ok. Where?

“Mari’s gonna have dinner with us,” Jay told the other two unceremoniously.

“Surprise, surprise,” Marcus said with a smile on his face. “Where you wanna eat?”

“I know a place down by the beach,” Eli said, rattling off the name. “Not too fancy. Good food. Better view.”             

“Perfect.” Jay typed in the address to her and sent it off.

***

Mari was nervous and she hated it.

After a few days in Kauai, she’d finally started to feel at peace again. She’d surfed every day. Met a bunch of new people, cooked at her AirBnB. Totally relaxed. In fact, it was the first time since before the hurricane that she could remember feeling this relaxed.

After her parents died, Mari had traveled by herself all over the world. Usually somewhere warm. She’d almost forgotten what it felt like to be this independent. This adventurous. She was loving it.

Thinking about Linc was painful, but nowhere near as painful as it had been in Ocean City. More than anything, she felt disoriented. It was confusing to have your life upended like that. She knew she was going to really miss Linc, and soon, but part of her felt a strange relief as well. She was independent again. No one to answer to but herself. Alone was different than independent. And before the hurricane she’d known that very clearly.

And now, here she was, nervous as hell, halfway dressed up and about to go mix herself up with another man. What the hell was she doing?

Mari stood outside the restaurant where the three men waited for her. She was perfectly still. Any random passerby wouldn’t realize that nerves were making her go out of her mind right now.

It wasn’t just any man. It was Jay. Jay who made her chest swell up whenever she got within ten feet of him. Jay who’d held her through the hurricane. Jay who she’d thought was gone forever. He sat inside the little cabana-style restaurant.

And damn it, her stomach was flipping.

Realizing she’d left them waiting long enough, Mari strode through the restaurant, scanning around for the three of them.

She didn’t have to look long. In fact, all she had to do was look where every other woman in the restaurant was sneaking covert glances.

She stopped in her tracks for a second. They really were something to look at. The three of them. One brown haired, one black haired, and one blonde. They were all huge, handsome in their own way, and grinning at one another. Brotherhood.

The word came floating into her head unbidden. These three men had cobbled a family together.

She cleared her throat as she crossed over to them. “Hi guys,”

All three rose up at once. Mari didn’t miss the look in Jay’s eyes. The way he devoured her all at once. Her hair loose around her shoulders, the flowy white top she wore over her little red shorts. She also didn’t miss the way the look completely shuttered off after a second. When his eyes met hers, they were in a very benign, friendly expression.

She hugged Eli first, who planted an expected kiss on her mouth. “Mari! I’m so glad we get to spend time with you this week.”

And then Marcus, who kissed her too. “Hola, Marita. Eres hermosa, chica.”

She smiled up at him. “I’ve gotten a lot of sun the last few days.”

And then on to Jay. Who didn’t kiss her. But who did hug her just a little too tight, like always.

“So,” Mari stepped quickly back from Jay, slid into the chair next to him. “What are you boys getting into tonight?”

“We’re gonna slide into vacation,” Eli said, giving his two compatriots a bossy look. “So we’re starting with good food, good drinks, and good company.” He grinned at Mari.

“Fair enough,” she grinned back.

“How’re the waves?” Marcus asked.

Mari explained about the two different surf spots she’d been tooling back and forth between. The pros and cons of each. She learned a bit about how they’d all learned how to surf. The conversation wound back around to the Superbowl, lingered on Tia for a long time. It was when Marcus asked her why Linc hadn’t come with her that Mari realized two things.

One, none of them knew that they’d broken up. And two, Jay had barely said a word this entire dinner.

The waitress brought a round of coconut milk ice cream for everyone and Mari savored the bite while she thought of how to answer that question of Marcus’s. She should just come out and say it. They broke up.

But she knew, in her heart, that saying those words would also be saying something else to Jay. Something she wasn’t sure she was ready to say. She needed time. She was just getting back on her feet. Her independent feet.

“He’s spending a few months in London and Seoul. Trying to get the international branches of his charity off the ground.”

“Hmm,” Eli nodded. “That’s great for Cavanaugh’s Kids. Long distance is hard though.”

All three of the men at the table watched her carefully as she took another bite of her dessert. “Mmhmm,” she answered in a noncommittal way. She felt like a rat for lying by omission. But again, she just didn’t have it in her to open that can of worms tonight.

“Well, I’m gonna get back to my place,” she said. “I wanna get up early for some surfing.”

“We can drop you off,” Eli insisted. “We rented a car for the week.”

“That’s okay. I’m actually just over the hill.” Mari pointed behind her. It was legitimately a two-minute walk.

“I’ll walk you,” Marcus and Jay said at the same time.

Mari’s eyes skittered over to Jay’s and because he couldn’t read what she was saying with them, because it might be interpreted as panic at the thought of being alone with him, he relented. Waved his hand to Marcus.

Marcus rose up and nodded to Mari. She lifted one shoulder and dropped it. Rising, she touched Jay lightly on the shoulder to say goodbye, kissed Eli on the cheek and followed Marcus out of the restaurant.

They weren’t thirty feet away when Marcus turned to her. “Are we friends?” he asked her.

She blinked up at him in surprise. “I don’t know,” she answered honestly. “I like you.”

“Yeah,” Marcus scrubbed at his dark stubble. “I like you too. But I’m about to pull some friend shit right now. Some real friend shit. So if we’re not there yet, you gotta tell me.”

She furrowed her brow, more curious than anything. “Alright, shoot.”

“You don’t seem good, Mari. You seem… weird. And sad. And you didn’t look at Jay almost once tonight. And I know you love him, so what’s going on?”

She took a deep breath. Stared off to one side at the black ocean that slammed up against the side of their little island. What did she have to lose by telling the truth?

“Linc and I broke up.”

“Shit.”

Mari looked up at Marcus’s shocked face.

“I’m sorry, Mari. Break-ups are the worst.”

She searched his expression for any insincerity there but found none. Just concern.

“Can I,” Marcus started, paused, tumbled on. “Can I ask what happened?”

Mari laughed a mirthless laugh. “I don’t know. My life happened. My stupid need to be brutally honest happened.” She looked down. “Jay happened.” She missed the expression on Marcus’s face. “I think it was a good thing. I think I’m realizing that I was using Linc for all sorts of things that weren’t fair to him. Mostly for getting over Jay.”

Marcus cleared his throat. “Are you over Jay?”

Mari rolled her eyes. “Don’t ask stupid questions, Marcus. You and I both know there’s no getting over Jay.”

Marcus laughed in surprise and in relief. This entire time, the only thing he hadn’t understood about the whole equation was Mari’s feelings. He felt inexpressible relief that she was finally admitting them out loud. Now she just needed to admit them to Jay. He studied the unhappy set of her jaw.

“But it sounds like you don’t think that’s a good thing, huh?”

She sighed again. “I don’t know what the hell I think. I definitely thought I was taking a vacation by myself.” She slanted her eyes toward Marcus. “Tell me the truth. Is it really a coincidence that we’re all here?”

Marcus cleared his throat. As a field agent, he was an accomplished liar. He had to be, his life was often on the line over it. As a man, as a friend, he tried his best to tell the truth. “I plead the fifth.”

Mari cast her eyes to the sky, laughing a little and assuming what was sure to be the truth. “Wow.”

“You haven’t told Jay that you and Linc broke up.” It wasn’t a question.

“No. I haven’t.”

“Can I ask why?”

Mari tipped her head to the side as they sidled up to her AirBnB. “It feels too much like telling Jay I’m single. And…”

“You’re not ready for that.”

Mari shrugged. “I don’t know.” Suddenly she looked up into Marcus’s eyes, needing him to understand something. “I know that I don’t want to hurt him. I’m confused. I- I love him. In a hundred different ways. I’m just confused.”

“Mari,” Marcus’s voice was gentle, but very stern. “Letting him believe that you’re still with Linc is hurting him. Maybe irrevocably.”

She dropped her head. Pressure squeezing her chest. “I’ll think about it, Marcus, I swear.”

Suddenly he grabbed her up in a hug. “I know you will. You’re smart and loyal, and honestly, I can see why he sees the whole world in you. You’re one of the good ones, Marita. You’ve just got a lot of shit to figure out.”

Tears pricked her eyes as Marcus’s friendly arms banded around her. “I’ll tell him, Marcus, I swear.”

“Alright.” He released her and gave her shoulders a friendly squeeze. “I won’t rush you. Just as long as it’s on your to-do list.”

He waited until she was inside and had flipped the lock on the door before he turned and jogged back down toward the restaurant. He wondered the whole way if he’d stuck his nose where it didn’t belong. He heard Mari’s words echo through his head. I love him. In a hundred different ways.             

Marcus batted the side of his fist against his heart. Shit. Mari was cute, not his type, but cute. And she sure as hell made it look good. Having somebody love the hell out of you. And for the first time in a long time, he realized that he wanted a girl—and for a hell of a lot more than one night.              

***

For about the fiftieth time that day Jay bit back a growl. It felt to Jay that there wasn’t a dude out on the beach or on the waves that didn’t have something to say about Mari. Either how she looked in that tiny black bathing suit or the way she was throwing herself into each wave she chose. Of course, Jay also found those things wildly attractive. But he didn’t need a group of beach bums pointing it out every thirty seconds.

Jay ground his teeth and found himself cursing Linc. Defending Mari’s honor was that lucky asshole’s job. But he wasn’t even here to do it. Linc was off somewhere getting all the benefits of a relationship with Mari and none of the work.

Jay scowled over in her direction as some long-haired beach rat with too much tan and too many tattoos paddled over toward her. He didn’t hear what the idiot had to say to her, but Jay ground his teeth together when whatever it was made her laugh.

He heard a snicker and snapped his head over toward Eli and Marcus.

“This is funny to you two assholes?”

They bobbed on top of the waves.

“Yeah?” Eli said, glancing at Jay’s furious face, assessing a set of waves rolling in and deciding it was time to surf in for the afternoon. “I’m starving. I’m gonna head in. Mari girl!” he called and she immediately turned to him, missing the way the beach rat’s eyes wiped themselves all over her. Jay didn’t miss it and he felt like screaming.

“Yeah?” she called over.

“I’m going in for lunch. Wanna come?”

Jay knew that Eli was inviting her in part so that the beach rat would get the hell away from her, but that didn’t do much to soothe his frustration. Because fact of the matter was, he didn’t want her having lunch with Eli either.

“Sure!” Mari called back.

Eli nodded, timed it, and took the ride of a pretty decent wave back to shore. Mari followed suit and Jay couldn’t help but grunt at the fearless way she dove into the wave she chose. She wasn’t the most skilled or the most graceful surfer there ever was. But she absolutely shredded. She sliced into the water like she was conquering it. Sometimes it won, but most of the time, Mari won.

He’d seen her surf a few times in Maryland. Smaller swells and more wetsuits. It was really something to watch her surf out here on these turquoise behemoths, her skin glistening and tossing the sun right back at itself.

“Since when did you become such a possessive bastard?” Marcus asked Jay.

Jay just grunted, eyeing the beach rat who’d made Mari laugh. “I don’t know. I’m losing my mind. I’m gonna tell her how I feel tonight. Just lay it all out on the line. I cant’t take this anymore.”

Marcus cleared his throat. “I dunno, man. I think you should wait.”

Jay turned and glared at him. “What do you mean, wait?”

Marcus didn’t say anything.

“Seriously,” Jay plunged on. “You’re the one who told me to get a move on just the other day. That every minute I waited was another minute she was gonna get sucked on by the douche in a suit.”

Marcus grinned a little on the side of his mouth that Jay couldn’t see. He had said that. And sometimes he was kind of an asshole. “I’m just saying. He’s not even here. You don’t have to worry about Linc right now. Just chill.”

Jay narrowed his eyes in suspicion. “Do you know something?”

Marcus looked behind him, saw a good set coming and ignored the question, paddling like hell to catch the wave.

It wasn’t long before the three of them were standing on the beach in the hot sun, watching Jay surf his way back to shore.

“Jesus,” Mari murmured in wonder. She’d seen Jay surf before. But never a wave that big and never watching from shore.

“I know,” Eli chuckled, watching his friend do the thing that he did best. “He’s ruthless.”

“No,” Mari shook her head. “It’s not ruthless, it’s… effortless.”

Marcus agreed. “Like he was born to do it.”

Mari nodded again. “He barely looks human.”

She watched as he raced the pipe of a humongous wave, the aqua shadows rippling over him as he came bulleting out and into the sun, beating nature all the way back to the shadows. She expected him to whoop or smile or celebrate the amazing run the way almost every surfer might.

But not Jay. He just kept the peaceful expression on his face. The gratitude and acceptance of what he’d just been given.

They waited for him on the beach as he jogged through the knee deep water, shook his head like a dog. He couldn’t help but grin at the three people staring at him. His two best friends and the woman he loved best in all the world. Any frustration and anger that had been coursing through him melted away in the course of that run.

He’d always been able to lose himself in surfing. The concentration-zone out balance that it required. The full body perfection-full body surrender that it required. It was a Zen zone that didn’t have room for your petty shit. Nobody brought their problems to a wave. The wave crushed you if you did.

Jay’s heart pounded as he jogged after them up the beach. He felt energized and relaxed all at once. He watched Mari’s ass in her bathing suit. The graceful swell of her hips up to her teeny tiny bathing suit. She had the most beautiful back.

He was grateful to be there with her. That’s all he was going to concentrate on. Not on the pain of being arm’s length from her. He was going to relish the opportunity to be in her sphere. In her orbit.

And that’s how they found themselves, at lunch in a small beach shack, laughing their asses off.

Jay couldn’t remember ever seeing her so relaxed. She leaned all the way back in her chair, sipping on a corona and chasing every sip with a suck of a lime she held in her hand. Jay wanted to lean over and suck the lime right off her lips. But for the first time since she’d been back in his life, he didn’t let the reality that he couldn’t do just that bother him at all. He got to sit here next to her and listen to her laugh.

He got to split half his lunch with her too. He got to laugh when she’d polished off her food and then opened the menu again, unabashedly ordering another sandwich.

“Where the hell are you putting this food, half pint?” Eli asked in astonishment.

Mari shrugged. “I surf, I eat.”

“Fair enough,” Eli murmured but he was already lost to the conversation, grinning at his phone and whatever text he’d just received.

“So you like, really love Tia, huh?” Mari asked with her mouth full of sandwich.

“What’s that?” Eli asked, typing for a second before he drew his eyes back up to Mari.

Jay tipped his chair towards Mari, curious at the line of her questions, and he draped an arm over the back of her chair. Not touching her. But he could still feel the heat off her skin.

Mari swallowed her bite. “You and your girl. It’s the real deal?”

Eli grinned. “Realest dealest.”

Marcus rolled his eyes. “He stole her from me.”

“Really?” Mari looked back and forth between the two of them.

“That is an incendiary way of presenting that information,” Jay cut in, for the sake of Eli’s blood pressure, who hated when Marcus said shit like that.

Eli elbowed Marcus away from the fries his friend had been reaching for and took no small pleasure in the wince of pain it caused them both. That’ll teach him. “Marcus had a big crush on her in high school. But she had a crush on me.”

Mari eyed the proud set of Eli’s shoulders, the friendly smile, the faraway look in his eyes. Yeah. She wouldn’t mind having somebody talk about her that way. “And who did you have a crush on?”

Eli blinked. “Nobody really. My mom had just died. It took a while for my heart to kind of…”

“Restart,” Mari supplied, understanding the feeling 100 percent. “I’ve been there. I lost both my parents when I was 18.” She slid her hand over top of Eli’s and Eli flipped his so that they were palm to palm. He gave her a good hard squeeze before she slid back to her sandwich and took another bite.

Eli nodded. “Yeah. I guess I had to restart it. But I went on to college, played football, went to the NFL, played more football. Had a lot of, uh, company.”

Mari smirked. She didn’t know much about sports, other than surfing, but she did know that Eli had had quite the reputation as a player for a long time.

“And then I got hit by a car.”

Mari paused with her sandwich halfway to her mouth. “That’s the scar on your stomach?” Mari asked, hoping she wasn’t being too nosy. But it was hard to miss. Especially when he’d been shirtless all afternoon.

“Yeah. Emergency surgery. I almost died,” Eli continued.

Mari felt the tension radiate off of Jay and Marcus. She could tell that reliving those moments was hard on them. They really were quite the family unit.

“Tia was my surgeon,” Eli finished.

“You’re kidding.” Mari swallowed the bite in her mouth, realized she was full, and absently handed the rest of her sandwich to Jay. She didn’t notice or pay attention to the familiarity of the moment, but both Marcus and Eli did.

“Yeah. It didn’t take long for me to realize how lucky I was. Not just to have had her as my trauma surgeon—she’s incredibly talented—but also to have had a second chance at having her in my life.”

“You two engaged?” Mari asked, taking another sip of her corona, grimacing at how warm it’d gotten, and reaching over for Jay’s iced tea instead. This time, all three men noted the intimacy of the gesture.

Eli shrugged. “Yeah.”

“Wait,” Jay said and Mari turned to look at him. She hadn’t realized quite how close he was sitting to her. She didn’t say anything or pull away. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean that I asked and she said yes. But we haven’t set a date or anything.”

“What the fuck?” Marcus and Jay spoke in unison.

Mari eyed the men, wondering what the hell she’d just stepped in. Marcus and Jay were glaring at Eli.

“Explain,” Marcus demanded, jabbing a finger at Eli.

A smile came over Eli’s face. Happy, hopeful, a little shit-eating. “After the Superbowl. Once we finally got home. Once we finally… went to bed. I asked. She said yes. I put the ring on her finger. Bam.”

Marcus and Jay stared at one another. And then back at Eli. They moved at the same moment, both of them coming around the table to shove Eli around, grab him up into bear hugs.              

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Marcus exclaimed.

“About fucking time!” Jay kissed Eli, full on, on the cheek.

Mari put her hands over her mouth, watching the three men grin and laugh and play with each other.

Jay came around the table, couldn’t help but hug Mari too, kiss her on the top of her head. She rose, went over to Eli and hugged him around the neck. “Congratulations.”

Mari furrowed her brow and sat down. “Wait, you just got engaged to the love of your life and then you go on vacation with these two bozos?”

Eli grinned and shrugged. “She can’t take off time from work on a moment’s notice.”

Mari’s eyes shot to Jay’s on the phrase a moment’s notice, but neither of them said anything more.

“I think we need to celebrate your engagement,” Mari said finally.

“Oh yeah? How?”

“First of all, you and I are gonna go somewhere and pick out something very nice and very expensive for Tia, since you went on vacation without her,” Mari gave him a stern look. Eli grinned and nodded. “And then we’re gonna get all dolled up and go have a fancy drink someplace. We’ll toast to her, video it, and send it to her.”

Jay felt his chest practically swelling with the good feelings he allowed to grow within him. It felt good to not let the worry and frustration take up too much real estate. Something about the surfing, the vacation, the distance from Linc, it was allowing Jay to not get bogged down in the bad stuff.

His feeling grew as the four of them left the restaurant. It grew as he watched Eli and Mari peel off to head to the shops to pick something out for Tia. The feeling grew as he realized that Mari was becoming friends, real friends, with the two people Jay loved the most in the world, besides her.

His feeling grew when Eli showed back up to the hotel with a grin on his face and his arms full of packages.

“Your girl sure knows how to work a credit card,” Eli grumbled, but the grin on his face offset his grumpy words. It was obvious he’d had a good time shopping with Mari.