Anna sipped at her cocktail nervously, as if she was relying on it to keep her alive. They were sitting in the front room, staring at the television and waiting for the local news. She prayed she wouldn’t make the edits but, halfway through the national news, the Beeb cut from George Alagiah to BBC Points West, and Anna’s sweaty red face filled the screen.
‘Local yummy mummy wins giant pork pie-rolling competition, beating all her male competitors. Miss Compton proved that women are just as able as men. But where did it all start for Anna? Andrew Daly speaks to Anna’s mother and all is revealed.’
The clip cut to a VT of her mother. ‘Well, when I didn’t quite make the Olympics, I knew it was time to give up. But I’ve never stopped loving sport and I’m so glad my daughter’s taken after me.’
‘Uh, Mum?’ Anna looked hard at her mother. ‘Olympics?’
‘Oh, darling.’ She slurped loudly from her mojito. ‘Don’t look at me like that. You know as well as I do that if I’d been encouraged to run at a young age, I would have ended up at the Olympics.’
‘Mum, you told me you were taken out of P.E. when you were twelve because of your asthma.’
‘I know,’ her mother nodded, ‘another setback in my sporting career.’
‘Unbelievable.’
The twins started to run in circles around the sitting room.
‘Mummy’s famous! Grandma’s famous!’ they chanted until they fell in a heap at Anna’s feet.
‘Come and sit up here with me.’ They each snuggled under an arm and Anna had to reposition herself so they weren’t digging into her bruises. ‘God, I think I’ve broken a rib.’
Diane flung the front door open, Larry on her arm. He was back to Farmer Larry, his dreadlocks put away for another day. It was quickly apparent that Diane had been drinking.
‘Here she is,’ Diane beamed, ‘here’s my bestie. Here’s the woman everyone’s been asking after.’
‘Don’t be silly,’ Anna said, chucking a cushion at her.
‘No, it’s true, isn’t it, Lars?’ She poked Larry in the chest. ‘We’ve just bumped into loads of people. One woman asked if I was proud of you. She said she didn’t know women could run.’
‘Oh, goodness,’ Anna said. She looked at her mother, who in turn looked at her, and they both burst out laughing ‘Well, if nothing else, darling, you’ve shown them you’ve got stamina and guts. You’re much better than those stick-like women picnicking on the side.’ She looked at Diane. ‘Do you know one family had brought a picnic and a trestle table! Set it up like they were in their own dining room… Talk about crass.’
Diane wobbled over and sat at Anna’s feet, pouting. ‘You were great out there today.’ Her eyes were glistening with tears. ‘I’m not sure if it’s the drink talking, but God, I was proud of you.’ She smiled. ‘It didn’t go unnoticed that you basically had three men vying for your attention… And I saw Lucinda on the side. She walked off when you won.’ Diane hugged her friend’s knees. ‘I love you.’
‘Oh, Dee, you’re such a hoot,’ her mother screamed with laughter. ‘You can take it from me that you’d be best off sticking with Larry. Women are the worst kissers.’
‘And you would know…’ Anna almost didn’t want to know.
‘Oh yes, it’s true. I mean, when your father appeared to have gone off me, I tried my luck with Deidre down the road.’
‘What?’ Anna tried to put her hands over the twins’ ears. ‘When you say tried your luck?’
‘Well, you know…’ She waved her hand casually through the air. ‘We had a few sherries one night, both decided we were bored senseless in our marriages, and we kissed.’
‘Oh. My. God,’ Diane breathed. ‘Linda you are, like, so—’
‘Insane,’ Anna finished for her.
Anna looked behind her to see Larry standing awkwardly by the door. ‘Come in, Larry. We’re just waiting for some ridiculous footage of me winning this ridiculous race.’
‘Here you are, Mummy,’ Freddie said, pointing at the television.
The camera showed her tumbling to the bottom, getting up like a dazed meerkat and promptly being trampled once more by what looked like an entire rugby squad. Then the footage cut to Anna being lifted up into the air.
A knock at the door drew her back out of the moment.
‘That’s probably your fans,’ Diane said, her head slumped on Anna’s lap, her arms around Anna’s legs. ‘Larry, can you get it?’
Poor Larry got up once more and opened the door.
‘Oh, hi,’ came a male voice. ‘Is Anna in?’
Anna had already shaken the children and Diane off, and she sprinted to the front door, pushing past Larry and pulling it closed.
‘Hi,’ Simon said, casually leaning up against the wooden porch frame.
‘How did you get this address?’ Anna whispered angrily.
‘I asked that guy. The one who was pulling puppy dog eyes at you at the race.’
Anna crossed her arms. ‘You had no right to ask Richard to give you this address.’
Simon smiled. ‘He wasn’t called Richard. His name was Horatio.’ He laughed. ‘I remembered because I thought it was a funny name.’
‘Simon,’ she said, taking a deep breath, ‘I don’t really know how to say this, but probably the simplest way is: go away.’
‘Oh, Anna,’ he said, his voice dripping with mock-surprise, ‘come on. It’s me.’
Diane pulled the door open and came out and, on seeing Simon, shut it behind her again. ‘Oh, it’s him.’
‘Yeah,’ Anna said.
‘What does he want?’ Diane said, pulling herself up straighter. ‘Because I don’t think we want him here, do we?’
‘I don’t know. What do you want, Simon?’ Anna said, standing closer to Diane.
‘I want to see my kids.’
‘You lost the right to see your kids the day you walked out on us over five years ago.’
‘That’s unfair. I’ve been sending money.’
‘When you remember,’ Anna said.
The door opened again and Freddie appeared and his eyes grew rounder at the sight of a stranger. ‘Mummy, Antonia made Grandma cry.’
Anna turned, her heart hammering. ‘Just go on back inside.’
‘No, Mummy, you have to come. Antonia called Grandma fat.’
‘She has a point,’ Simon said.
Diane took a step towards him.
‘Freddie, I really need you to go inside.’
Freddie looked past Anna. ‘Who’s the funny man?’
Anna exchanged glances with Diane. ‘Freddie…’ she started.
‘I’m your daddy,’ Simon said.
Anna’s breath caught and anger surged through her veins: how dare he drop that bombshell as though he was announcing the weather. She clenched her fists, her eyes welling with tears, desperate to protect her children; it felt as if her whole world had just come crashing down around her. She watched Freddie’s face, trying to take it in.
‘You must be Freddie,’ Simon continued, totally unabashed.
‘Mummy, is he the man you did the kissing and hugging thing with?’
Anna nodded. ‘Yes, he’s that man.’
‘Oh.’ Freddie nodded and crept forward to his mother’s side.
‘How you doing, Freddie?’ Simon kept on.
‘OK,’ Freddie said. ‘But you can go now. You make Mummy sad.’
Anna looked down at Freddie, his small hand entwined in her own, and wanted to cry. She drew an unsteady breath. ‘You heard him, Simon, you need to go.’
‘And don’t come back,’ said Diane.
Freddie let go of her hand and went back inside. Diane pulled the door closed after him.
‘Anna,’ Simon smiled, ‘you told him we kissed and hugged? I didn’t think you would speak of me so fondly.’
Diane brought her face up to his. ‘No, asshole, she was trying to explain how he came to be. You know, that bit before you buggered off?’ He took a step back. ‘Anyway, I heard about how small you are. You know, down there. That’s a bit,’ she paused, ‘embarrassing, isn’t it?’ She placed her hands on his shoulders and turned him around. ‘Now, why don’t you skip back to wherever you crawled out of and leave my beautiful friend alone?’
Anna bit down hard on her lip, trying to hold back the tears. ‘I don’t understand, Simon, why you’re doing this. I don’t understand your sudden need to see the children.’
He looked at her in earnest. ‘Because I realised I’ve been a crap father; because I don’t want to be a stranger to them any more.’
‘But to come here, Simon…’ Anna halted, too overwhelmed with emotion to form words. ‘Please, go.’
Simon looked at Anna, regret and confusion crossing his features. ‘That’s what you want?’
Anna wiped a tear. ‘Go and don’t ever come back.’
He nodded. ‘Fine, but I’m sure we can sort something out, Anna. I know it’s a lot to ask, but please… Consider it.’ He drew breath to speak but Diane moved a step closer, shooting him a warning look. ‘Fine.’
He walked off, climbed into his car and sped down the drive, his tyres screeching on the gravel.
Anna walked up to Diane and hugged her. ‘You are amazing.’
Diane smiled. ‘Actually, I’m drunk, but, either way, it worked.’
On Monday morning, Anna was standing outside the school gates, rearranging Antonia’s plaits, when Horatio came over.
‘Anna, well done on Saturday. That was quite something.’
Bye, Mummy!’ the twins said and ran off happily with Jeremy.
‘I cannot believe you would tell my ex, the man who walked out on me, where I live,’ she said, her eyes blazing. ‘I mean, Mr Horatio, are you trying to ruin my life?’ She swayed, anger pumping around her body. ‘I barely know you and you have the nerve to divulge where I now live to my ex, despite what my mother told you about him being the bacteria that lives on the flea…’ She was breathing fast, her hands clenched.
‘I would never do that, Anna,’ he said, his eyes meeting hers. ‘I could see how much grief he was giving you.’
‘Then why did you?’ She was aware that some of the other mothers were watching her, but she didn’t care any more.
‘I didn’t.’ He shook his head vehemently.
‘Did Simon ask you where I live?’ She stuck out her chin. ‘Did he?’
Horatio swallowed hard. ‘Yes, he did.’ He paused. ‘But I did not tell him. What do you take me for?’
Tiredness washed over Anna and she stood defeated. ‘I don’t know, Mr Horatio, I’m so confused.’
‘Confused?’ He furrowed his brow. ‘About me?’
‘No.’ She shook her head. ‘Yes,’ she nodded. ‘Oh, I don’t know. I just want to know it’s all going to be OK. I just want to protect my children and make them happy.’
‘And you think I don’t want that for you? I would never have told him where you live.’
He looked so beautiful in that moment; his eyes filled with compassion and something even deeper than that. She wanted, strangely, for him to take her in his arms and tell her it’d all be OK. What was she thinking? She shook her head to clear it of such absurd thoughts. She barely knew him and she just needed to look out for the children, not get involved with another man who might set her and her twins up for a fall.
She looked at Horatio and he read her thoughts.
‘Anna,’ he started, looking crushed, ‘please.’
Lucinda tottered over in her skyscraper heels. ‘Oh, Horatio, so good to see you, sweetie.’ She delivered a wider than ever air-kiss and looked at Anna. ‘Oh, gosh, don’t you look upset. What’s happened? Have you been outed as a fraud at the pork pie rolling? You’re making a habit of this.’
‘Lucinda,’ Horatio said, his voice steely, ‘that’s uncalled for.’
She looked hurt. ‘Oh, Horatio, you know I’m only pulling her leg.’ She smiled with saccharin sweetness at Anna. ‘Darling, why don’t you come to yoga with me? Then we can chat, you know, girly chat?’
‘I don’t think so because…’ Anna was starting to say when the Long-Legged-Redhead bounced over.
‘Angela, I was just saying to Anna that she must come to yoga with us. Show us her moves. Especially as she’s clearly quite the sportswoman.’
Angela thrust her hand forward. ‘I’m Angela. Single mother and yoga buff.’
Anna nodded and shook her hand. ‘Anna. Single mother and pork pie winner.’
‘So, come?’ Angela nodded encouragingly. ‘Have you ever done yoga?’ Anna shook her head. ‘Ah, well, you’ll be in a different class to us, then. The beginners is run by your girl, isn’t it, Horatio?’
‘Yes, that’s right.’ Horatio nodded. ‘She’s loving teaching there.’
Anna remembered the woman, his mistress, outside the school, holding the yoga mat. ‘Oh,’ she said quickly, ‘I’m better than a beginner. Who runs the intermediate class?’
‘That’s Sally, isn’t it?’ Lucinda said to Angela.
‘Yes, Sally. I use that class as a warm-up before the advanced. Then I finish up with a Bikram.’
‘Bikram?’ Anna echoed. ‘Oh yeah, I love a Bikram.’
Angela laughed. ‘Really? Wonderful, you can come with me and Lucinda tomorrow.’ She looked at her watch. ‘We’ll go to the intermediate class first. Meet me here at the school gates?’ She turned to Lucinda. ‘Right, Cinda, you ready for this five-K run?’
Anna watched Lucinda and Angela skip off in the direction of the park and wondered how hard it could be to learn yoga. There had to be some good videos on YouTube.
Two hours later, Diane had placed two electric fan heaters in their bedroom, put the heating on and laid out the duvet on the floor.
‘So, right, Anna, are you concentrating?’ Diane clicked through some images on the screen. ‘You need to stretch your left leg a bit more and wind it around your neck.’
Anna almost screamed with pain. ‘My whole body hurts from Saturday. I think I should just phone Angela and tell her I can’t.’
Diane gasped. ‘And let Moose-inda think you can’t do yoga.’ She opened her mouth wide, horrified.
‘Uh, Dee, I can’t do yoga. It’s not a case of letting her think that, it’s actually true.’
Diane sighed. ‘Anna, if you think like that, then you won’t be able to. Everyone can do yoga. That’s a fact.’
‘Why aren’t you, then?’ Anna said, trying to remove her right foot from the depths of her abdomen.
‘I am your mentor. I am your guide. I am your faith. I am pure.’
Anna nodded. ‘You are crazy.’ She fluttered her eyelashes. ‘Dear mentor, could you get me Ibuprofen and some vodka to wash it down with?’
‘Good idea,’ Diane nodded. ‘Just a sec. I’ve got some under the bed.’
Anna shot her a quizzical look. ‘I daren’t ask.’
Diane handed her pills and a vodka miniature, but Anna only accepted the Ibuprofen, instead swigging them down with the water from the bottle next to her. ‘I’m in a bit of pain, I’m not trying to end my life.’
‘Whatever. Have it your way.’ Diane shrugged. ‘Right, let’s get back to the yoga.’
Anna heard a car pull up outside and gratefully got up and looked out of the window. Her heart fluttered at the sight of Richard getting out of his car. Today he wore a check shirt, suede jacket and jeans. ‘Good God, he’s so yummy.’
Diane peered over her shoulder. ‘What’s with the jacket?’
‘It looks great on him.’
‘It’s a bit eighties.’ Diane smiled. ‘He looks like he could be off an ad for Marlboro cigarettes.’
Anna glanced at her. ‘And that’s a bad thing?’
‘No,’ Diane admitted. ‘By the way, your boobs are hanging out.’
‘What?’ Anna dropped her head and looked down.
‘Got you!’ Diane laughed. ‘Now, go downstairs and see Mr Hunka-Munka. I’ve got Kama Sutra moves to practise and vodka to drink.’
‘Kama Sutra?’ Anna said, smoothing her hair in the mirror and hurriedly applying Diane’s lip gloss. ‘You mean yoga.’
‘No, I mean Kama Sutra. I figure you can kill two birds with one stone.’ She gestured the length of her body. ‘I mean to tone this baby up and have outrageous orgasms. What’s not to like?’
Anna walked to the door. ‘I fear for Larry’s safety.’ She bounded down the stairs and, checking her appearance one more time, took a deep breath before opening the front door.
‘Anna. Hi.’ Richard smiled, displaying his perfectly even, white teeth. ‘How are you?’
‘Good, thanks,’ she said. ‘Bit bruised but basically fine.’
‘You put on a fine show on Saturday afternoon.’
‘Yes, I know.’ She pulled a face. ‘It wasn’t intentional.’
‘Anyway…’ He pushed his hand through his hair. ‘I wondered if you were interested in that visit to the farm?’
‘Oh yes, we’d love to.’ She grinned. ‘It would make the twins’ day; no, correction, year.’
Richard nodded slowly. ‘I was really hoping you’d come alone. How about tomorrow afternoon? Surely the kids will be at school anyway.’
‘Oh…’ Anna flushed. ‘It’s just that, before, you said… Well, um, yeah, I just have to make sure I’m back to pick them up, I guess.’
‘Excellent.’ He smiled. ‘I want to show you something special.’
She heard Diane, who had clearly abandoned the Kama Sutra and vodka, laugh out loud.
‘Yeah, sure.’ She nodded uncertainly but he was already moving down the path. ‘Sounds great.’
‘See you tomorrow. Come to the farm for one,’ he called out as he climbed into his car.
Richard sped off and Diane appeared at her side. ‘Wow. He’s going to show you something special.’