Anna had been walking on air the entire weekend, Diane and Larry had watched Alice Cooper videos on YouTube for the whole of Saturday, and her mother had kept Tony company in the garden. Anna couldn’t swear by it but she thought Tony was taking longer than was probably necessary to complete the list of jobs. Every hour or so, her mother would walk into the kitchen and fill her in on the last sixty minutes of one-sided conversation.
Today, Diane had done her mother’s make-up and Anna thought she looked like a carved-out pumpkin: a sea of orange foundation, broken up by two dots for eyes and a toothy smile. Perhaps appropriate, given the season.
‘Darling,’ she gushed, returning to the kitchen again, ‘he’s doing such a good job. I’m just going to make him another cup of tea and take him his favourite.’ She was carrying the post and put it on the table.
‘Favourite?’
‘Chocolate digestive.’ She snorted. ‘Hobnob. What a funny name. I’d never really thought about it before, but, come to think of it, do you think it’s some sort of sexual innuendo?’
Anna looked up from the kitchen table, where she was busy making chocolate Rice Krispies with the twins. ‘What? A Hobnob?’
‘Yes, you know, because it’s got the word kn—’
‘No,’ Anna said quickly. ‘I think it’s just the name of the biscuit.’ She cleared her throat. ‘When do you think you might be, um, heading back to Bath, Mum?’
Her mother turned, a pained expression plastered across her face. ‘And I thought we were getting on swimmingly. I was only thinking last night that you, Diane and me are the perfect team.’
‘We are?’
‘Yes, don’t you think so?’
Anna smiled. ‘Of course, though you know the kids go to school tomorrow, so you won’t be able to spend as much time with them.’
‘I hate school,’ Freddie said.
‘Well then, we’ll get more time together and won’t that be nice?’ Her mother had finished brewing Tony’s tea and busied herself arranging the biscuits in a domino effect on a side plate. ‘There.’
‘How do you know they’re his favourite? Did he actually speak and tell you that?’
‘No,’ her mother admitted. ‘We have a game. I have to list whatever we’re talking about and I can tell by his face whether he likes it or not.’
‘Isn’t that a bit exhausting?’
‘No, darling, I love the silent type.’ She started to walk from the kitchen. ‘Open the post, Anna. There’s a very grand-looking envelope on the top there.’
Anna saw that there was indeed an orange (in fact, it looked like a sampler for the foundation her mother was wearing that day) envelope with gold writing. It was addressed to her.
‘What is it, Anna?’
Anna tore it open and looked up. ‘I’ve been invited to a drinks party at the Spencervilles’ home, Ridley Manor. An annual harvest celebration, apparently.’
‘Oooh, marvellous. When? What shall I wear?’
Anna set it down on the table. ‘It says plus one.’
‘Exactly.’ Her mother beamed. ‘You’re single and I’m your plus one.’
Diane entered the kitchen. ‘Who’s Anna’s plus one? For what?’
‘For this.’ Anna handed her the invitation.
‘Uh, hello. Why is your mum the plus one? Why can’t I be the plus one? I got here first.’ Diane shot Anna’s mother a look. ‘No offence, Linda, but I so deserve this more than you… Anna owes me.’
Anna and the twins stared at both of them, arguing like children, and Anna put her hand up. ‘Stop.’ She took a deep breath. ‘I’m not going, anyway, so I won’t need a plus one. And if I did, maybe Richard would agree to go with me.’
‘When is it?’ her mother asked.
Anna skim-read the invite. ‘In just under a week.’
Her mother and Diane exchanged looks.
‘I am going on a date on Wednesday night, you might remember, so who’s to say Richard wouldn’t agree to come with me?’ She puffed out her chest. ‘Besides which, I don’t trust the Spencervilles, especially that Horatio, so why should I lower myself to attend their party?’
‘Are you sure you’re not muddling feelings of affection for Horatio with disliking him?’ Diane arched an eyebrow.
‘He makes me so…’ She tried to think of the word. ‘So aware of myself.’ She grew a bit hot under the collar and tried to regain composure: he wasn’t even in the room and yet she couldn’t stop thinking about him. It was highly irritating, she thought. Lost in her own reverie, she continued, ‘He’s just so cool about everything, you know? He, like, has it all sorted and I reckon he pities me and I don’t want his pity, I want…’
‘You want?’ Diane smiled.
‘I want something else,’ Anna said defiantly.
Diane shot her an ‘I rest my case’ look.
Her mother shook her head and walked off, muttering, ‘Always told her father she was too picky.’
The twins, bored of stirring the Rice Krispies and melted chocolate together, had started to spoon it into their mouths.
‘You two go and play and I’ll put these in the cupcake wrappers.’
Needing little persuasion, they slid off their chairs and ran outside.
‘You know one reason why you should go?’ Diane said, her face growing serious. ‘It would make a great story for your column.’
Anna nodded. She hadn’t thought of that. ‘True.’
‘Then you can take me.’
‘Or Richard.’
‘You’d have more fun with me.’
‘No offence, Dee, but I’m not sure how it would look.’
Diane sat down and mindlessly stuck the wooden spoon into her own mouth and chewed. ‘Fine, your loss.’ She paused. ‘This is good. Do you mind?’ She indicated the mixture.
Anna looked in the bowl and shook her head. ‘There’s only a bit left anyway.’
Her mother breezed into the kitchen and, by the looks of it, Tony had demolished the entire plate of Hobnobs. Anna was fully expecting the handyman to leave this job a textbook example of morbidly obese.
He wouldn’t be alone, she thought, as Diane smacked her lips, finishing off the last of the mixture. ‘Perfect.’
‘So,’ her mother announced, ‘I have news.’
‘What?’ Anna dared to ask.
‘The woman who lives down the lane, her name’s Rosie. She’s a love. We just had a long chat about you, darling, and Rosie thought you two were an item.’
‘Who? Us?’ Anna said. ‘I rest my case about the plus one to the party.’
‘Yes, you and Diane.’ Her mother nodded.
‘What?’ Diane jerked her head back. ‘Hope you told her I wouldn’t touch Anna with a barge pole.’
‘No, didn’t want to waste my breath because then she tells me about the most fun thing ever.’
‘More fun than the march?’ Diane said.
‘Yes, totes.’ Anna’s mother grinned. ‘You’ve heard of that cheese-rolling competition in Gloucestershire? The one the council have tried to stop? Well, turns out Oxfordshire has a competition of its own and I’ve signed you up, Anna. Told Rosie that, despite us not being very sporty, we’d be game.’
Diane threw her head back and laughed. ‘What is it?’
‘Well, she was telling me that this is the first year they’re letting women do it.’ She paused, flinging her arms out wide. ‘Giant pork pie rolling.’
‘Mum!’ Anna could have throttled her. ‘Why would I want to make an idiot of myself in front of all the locals and my neighbours?’
‘Rosie told me,’ she said, growing serious, ‘that it would be a really good way to start meeting the locals.’
Anna looked through the window at her children. It was about time she tried a bit harder to fit in. Cutting through her thoughts, her phone buzzed.
‘Compton, it’s Barry,’ he said, breathless. ‘Loved the article on the speed dating. Who knew that Compton Big Knickers could look so good in a black dress? I’m looking forward to the article on the protest.’ She could hear him smiling. ‘Diane sent over great photos of some really quite scary-looking characters.’ He paused. ‘People are loving it. We’ve had great feedback. In fact, people think you’re a bit of an adventurer, Compton.’
Anna smiled, despite herself. Anna Compton, great explorer.
‘Thing is, I need something even more juicy, something that really shows off the eccentricity of old Trumpsey Blazey.’
Anna looked at her mother and thought, why the hell not?
‘Well, actually, I’m just about to enroll myself in a pie race.’
‘Compton, I don’t think people in London need a reminder of an egg and spoon race.’
‘No, this is different.’ She explained that it would apparently entail rolling down a hill with a pie strapped to her. Sometimes she wondered if she had entered a mad house.
His breathing quickened with excitement. ‘Now, that is good.’
‘Yes, although I’m not trying to be the laughing stock here, Barry.’
Her mother overheard.
‘Darling, why change the habit of a lifetime?’ She chortled.
‘Who was that?’ Barry asked, and she could almost envisage him craning his neck.
‘My mother.’
‘So you’ve got Diane there, your mother and the children?’ He chuckled. ‘Now that is very much like the Waltons.’
There, she couldn’t disagree.
Barry paused. ‘Diane let out that you’ve had some problem with a chap called Horatio Spencerville?’
Anna shot daggers at Diane’s back.
‘Nothing I can’t handle,’ she said. She didn’t need the world knowing about how this man was getting under skin.
‘So, you’ve both been invited to a party?’ he pushed.
‘No, I was invited to a party.’ She paused. ‘How much does Diane tell you exactly?’
Barry grew gruff, ignoring her question. ‘Anna, at the moment your column is proving one of our biggest successes. If you give me more, I can give you a pay rise.’
She took a sharp intake of breath. ‘Really?’
‘Really. Think about it, Compton.’ He had her pinned down. ‘You owe your children at least that.’
He hung up and she looked at Diane, her mother and the children playing, confused. How was her London life following her to Trumpsey Blazey? She had naively dreamt of pies in Agas and, now, looking at her bank balance on her phone, she realised Barry was giving her an opportunity she actually couldn’t ignore.
The next morning, Anna’s stomach churned as they approached the sea of tweed and frills outside the school gates of Trumpsey Blazey Primary. She looked down at her torn jeans, speckled with chocolate from yesterday’s baking-fail (chocolate Rice Krispies was a form of baking to Anna’s mind), her biker boots and, most ashamedly, her fleecy top that actually belonged with her PJ bottoms. The twins appeared uncharacteristically happy at the thought of going to school and, in many ways, Anna was envious of their break from the chaos at Primrose Cottage.
She spotted Horatio talking to a petite blonde in pale-pink skinny cut-offs and a dazzling white shirt. The pearls around her neck swung in time with her elaborate hand gestures. Anna thought the woman didn’t need to laugh quite so loudly at Horatio’s jokes. She couldn’t even imagine Horatio was all that funny. The woman’s body language screamed ‘snog me now’ and Anna could almost see the aura of oestrogen emanating from her pores. The woman may have been well dressed but there was no excuse to act quite so cheaply, Anna reckoned. She gazed at the throng of adoring mothers and noted that Horatio was, in fact, the only man to be seen. Another woman, this time a redhead with legs up to her armpits, smiled at him and flicked her hair as she walked in what appeared to be three steps to her car on the other side of the road.
‘You guys OK?’ Anna looked down at the twins and they nodded. ‘You know, you’re going to have lots of fun.’
‘We know,’ said Freddie, tugging free of Anna’s hand.
‘Hi.’ A man’s voice.
She turned and found herself face to face with Horatio, a young boy by his side.
‘Oh, hi,’ she said, as if she had barely registered his existence.
‘First day at school for the twins?’
‘Yes.’ She nodded, staring ahead. ‘Thank you for the—’
‘Did you get the—’
They started speaking at the same time.
‘This is Jeremy.’ Horatio indicated the boy. ‘He’s six. This is your second year, isn’t it?’ Jeremy nodded shyly. ‘Your children will love it here. Jeremy, why don’t you show the twins the hall?’ Horatio gently pushed his son forward. ‘I’ll be here at three o’clock, OK?’
The boy looked as if he might cry and Anna wanted to bend down and hug him. Horatio, sensing his son’s tears, knelt down. ‘You OK?’
‘I miss Mum,’ he said.
‘Me too,’ Horatio said, pulling his son in awkwardly. ‘Me too. You going to be brave for me and show these guys the ropes?’
Anna reeled at Jeremy’s words, ‘I miss Mum’. What did he mean? Clearly, Horatio was divorced or something had happened. She furrowed her brows. He seemed genuine and she realised she hadn’t given him enough credit; he was a single parent, just like her, doing the best he could.
Jeremy nodded and Freddie and Antonia looked unsure as to what to do next. Anna kissed them on their heads and urged them to follow Jeremy.
Then it was just Anna and Horatio.
She looked at him and, in that moment, exchanged a look of deep understanding and something inside her shifted. They were single parents.
‘Why does Jeremy miss his mum? You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.’
His eyes clouded over and he clenched his jaw. ‘It’s um, hard…’
‘Oh, OK…’ Then something clicked inside her head. ‘Have you had an affair?’
‘What?’ His hardened look changed as quickly to pure disbelief.
‘I saw you with that woman the other night.’
‘What do you mean?’ He rubbed his forehead. ‘Oh, outside the Rose and Crown?’
‘Yes, outside the Rose and Crown.’ She glared at him. ‘I thought it was your wife and then, when you didn’t bother introducing us, I knew it had to be your mistress.’
He burst into laughter, his shoulders shaking.
‘This is not funny, Horatio.’ She exhaled loudly, a rush of relief at getting the issue out in the open.
‘Anna,’ Horatio started to say, ‘let me explain.’ He waved at someone behind her and, when she looked, she saw it was the very same woman she had spotted him with the other night: the quite attractive brunette. She was beckoning him over. ‘Look, I have to go. Sorry. You are coming to the party?’ His eyes met hers.
‘Well…’ Anna jutted her chin out, but then remembered the one compelling reason she would have to attend his ridiculous soiree. ‘I’m not sure…’
An image of Barry with a wad of cash flashed through her mind.
He paused. ‘Why won’t you come? I hope you’re not feeling awkward about the plus one situation.’
She gasped. ‘Situation? There is no situation there, Mr Horatio. I am very happy in a relationship now, thank you.’
She enjoyed the look of surprise on his face. ‘Oh.’ He furrowed his brow. ‘Only, you were in the Rose and Crown the other night waiting for a speed-dating event, which suggested…’
‘Which suggested that I’m such a good friend to Diane, I would accompany her to such a thing.’
‘Oh.’
‘Yes, I’m involved with someone,’ she lied, immediately wishing she hadn’t felt the need to.
‘Do I know this person? Or is he from London?’
‘He is a land owner, much like yourself, only he has the humility not to flaunt it in quite the same manner.’ She smiled, victorious. ‘His name is Richard.’
Horatio’s face clouded quickly with displeasure. ‘Richard? Richard who?’
She hadn’t thought about his last name: this was a minor detail in comparison to his status. ‘The owner of Briars Farm.’ Anna turned on her heels and started to walk towards her car. She could feel Horatio’s eyes on her, boring into her back. Anna realised halfway across the road that her car was, in fact, in the opposite direction, but not wanting to give Horatio the satisfaction of seeing her mistake, she continued to walk up to the corner of the road where she stopped and looked over her shoulder.
Horatio had joined the brunette and held the woman’s yoga mat while she bent her ridiculously lithe body to tie up her laces. Anna could see she was wearing a pink velour tracksuit and her perfect glossy hair was trailing perfectly down her perfect back and swished perfectly as she rose.
Horatio, as if sensing her gaze, looked down the road and Anna, like a rabbit in headlights, panicked and walked into a postbox. Once she had finished nursing her throbbing knee, she walked once around the park and, by the time she had returned to her car, they were gone.