Chapter
Eighteen
I’m angry for the rest of the day, and I’m glad I don’t spot Cass at lunch, because I’d probably rip into him and call him all sorts of names. I know that sounds crazy, but I can’t help my feelings. It’s like my emotions are all over the place, all because he called me defensive.
Maybe I am defensive. Maybe I’m on edge. Maybe I’m scared someone is watching me and might try to off me next. Gretchen and Lex were both strong girls. Stronger than me, at least physically. I probably couldn’t fight off this creep if he came at me and tried to kill me.
Or she. It could be a she. It could be anyone.
We sat in the library for lunch, just Dani and me in a quiet corner, sharing a Fiji water and a packaged salad her mom keeps on hand for days when we don’t leave campus. And right now, they’re not letting anyone leave. We’re all prisoners trapped at Cape Bonita, since the teachers and administration don’t want to let us out of their sights.
I’m glad to be alone with Dani, considering I don’t want to deal with anyone during lunch. I don’t want to listen to Courtney and everyone else talking about the party this weekend, which is bullshit. That’s all it is, complete bullshit. I’m over this entire thing. People pretending they care about Gretchen and Lex when really they just want to party.
But I’m no better. Not really. Do I miss Gretchen and Lex? I would never, ever wish them dead, and I’m sad they’re gone, but I wouldn’t say I miss them. Which sucks, right? I’m an awful person who doesn’t care. That’s how I feel. I remain pretty quiet throughout lunch, letting Dani jabber on about all kinds of stuff. She doesn’t even realize I’m being abnormally quiet and I’m sort of glad. This way, she won’t question me too much.
Right after lunch, though, I’m called into Mrs. Adney’s office. The second time in less than a month, which isn’t cool. People are starting to talk. And if it’s those detectives wanting to interrogate me again, I’m going to freak out. They really should focus their energy elsewhere, not on me. I know nothing.
Well. Not really. Cass’s theories are overblown. And I have no idea who might’ve done this. So I’m just keeping my mouth shut.
It’s probably best.
When I show up just outside Mrs. Adney’s door and see who else is in her office, I figure out quick what this visit is all about.
“Hi Mrs. Adney.” I stop in the open doorway and smile at her. She scowls in return. “You wanted to see me?”
“Sit down.” She waves a hand toward the empty chair between where Courtney and Danielle sit.
I do as she demands, shooting Dani a sympathetic smile.
Yet I don’t even bother looking in Court’s direction. I’m still pissed at her about this Friday-night party thing. We haven’t really talked beyond that one minor moment in physics class, when she gave me crap over Cass. The last real conversation I had with Court was when she left my house Tuesday morning with two of my mom’s homemade brownies wrapped in a napkin and tucked inside her Gucci purse.
“My three senior Larks. How are you all doing?” Mrs. Adney settles into the chair behind her desk and studies us with that hawk-like gaze of hers. I do my best not to squirm in my seat, but Dani’s sitting next to me, wiggling her butt like she’s ready to leap out of her chair at any second. Courtney, on the other hand, is totally relaxed, slumping down like she doesn’t have a care in the world.
“It’s been very difficult. We can’t believe both Gretchen and Lex are gone,” I say, my voice barely above a whisper.
“Right. You girls are so torn up, you’re planning on having a party to celebrate the loss of your friends this Friday night.”
Courtney opens her mouth to argue, but Mrs. Adney shuts her down with only a look. “I cannot believe you girls would plan something like this. I thought you knew better. All three of you are considered leaders; girls look up to you. You’re leaders of one of the most coveted and respected organizations in this school. Yet you plan something so incredibly insensitive and downright callous, considering what’s happened to our school these last few weeks. Don’t you think so, Courtney?”
Court sits up straight, her expression serious, even a little sad. She knows how to put it on when she needs to. “I know we’re supposed to be in mourning, Mrs. Adney. And we are, I promise. What’s happened to CBP and to the Larks is awful. A total tragedy, and those girls will be missed, most of all by me.” I come this close to reminding her of her awful speech at Gretchen’s candlelight vigil, but I keep my mouth shut. “But sometimes, even in the absolute darkness of tragedy, we need to let loose and remember that we’re still alive. We need to strive toward the light.”
Oh my God, is she for real? The girl is ballsy, I’ll give her that.
“To be honest, Courtney, I’m particularly concerned by your behavior.” Mrs. Adney shakes her head. “I think we should have a meeting and get your parents involved.”
I’m silent, deathly still. So is Dani. I can’t believe Mrs. Adney is saying this in front of us, and I think Court feels the same. Her face is red, like she’s going to blow at any moment, and I grip my chair handles so tight my fingers ache.
“Mrs. Adney.” Courtney tries to smile but it’s shaky. “You don’t have to do that. My parents don’t need to be involved.”
“Too late. I’ve already called them. But we’ll discuss that privately in a moment.” Mrs. Adney turns to look at Dani and me, her gaze narrowed. “Penelope and Danielle, I’m disappointed and surprised the both of you would support something like this.”
I don’t want her to call my parents, either. No way. “The issue was discussed, and we brought it to vote during a casual Larks get-together, but I voted against it,” I tell Mrs. Adney. I can feel Courtney glaring, her anger radiating toward me in palpable waves, but I ignore her. I want Mrs. Adney to know I never supported Court’s idea, and I refuse to go down with her. “I’m worried over who we might end up offending.”
“Right. Like the girls’ families.” Mrs. Adney stares hard at Courtney. “This is not the time to have a party. You know this.”
“I can do whatever I want as long as I’m not on school grounds,” Court says defiantly, crossing her arms in front of her chest. “You can’t stop me.”
“The Larks is a school organization—”
“Fine, then this particular party won’t be sponsored by the Larks,” Courtney says, looking pleased that she was able to talk over Mrs. Adney. “I’m the one who’s sponsoring this fund-raiser for Lex and Gretchen. Who will want to stop me when I’m doing a good deed? I’m sure my parents will support it.”
Court has to be bluffing. She just told us she could have this party because her parents will be out of the country. If they find out about the planned party—and you know Mrs. Adney is going to tell them—they’re going to shut her down fast.
Mrs. Adney sighs heavily before she turns to stare down Dani. “What about you? How can you explain your part in this atrocity?”
“Um, well. I thought…” Dani shrugs and looks down, twisting her hands together in her lap. “I thought it might be fun, you know? We could have a little party and relax after all the seriousness of the last few weeks. It’s been really stressful for everyone, especially the seniors. I haven’t been able to work on my college applications as much as I’ve wanted to, what with everything going on.”
“Uh-huh, sounds very stressful. While the Nelson and Nguyen families have lost their daughters forever.” Mrs. Adney slaps the edge of her desk so hard it makes all three of us startle. “I would strongly advise against having this party, Courtney, and I’m going to say the same thing to your parents. But as you stated, if you want to host this special little get-together on private property and as long as the Larks aren’t associated with it, then I can’t stop you.”
Courtney looks terribly pleased with herself, despite Mrs. Adney calling her parents. She just won that battle.
“I would suggest, Penelope, that you avoid going to the party. You, too, Danielle.” Mrs. Adney nods once. “You’re dismissed. Go back to your class. And don’t dawdle!”
The moment we hustle out of the main office, Courtney is in full-on attack mode.
“Way to make me look like a total shithead, Penny. Thanks for the support,” she says snidely.
“Hey, you know how I felt about this situation. I never wanted to have this party. I’ve said that from the start,” I remind her. “It was all your idea, I just got outvoted.”
“Yeah, but you didn’t need to tell her that you voted against the idea. Now I look like a total bitch, and Mrs. Adney is trying to keep you out of the party when I’ll need your help!”
I shrug. She wants me there so I can help her? Screw that. “I never planned on going in the first place. So I wouldn’t have been much help.”
Courtney comes to a stop, as does Dani. “What did you just say?”
We’re standing in the middle of the empty hall, most everyone tucked away in their classes. “I didn’t want to go. I still don’t want to go. So.” I take a deep breath. “I’m not going.”
“Fine. You’re not invited.” Courtney sniffs. “I don’t want you there. If you show up at my front door, you’ll be turned away.”
“Good.” I tilt my head up, hoping I look like I don’t care. I really don’t. There’s just hoping you don’t make an ass of yourself, and then there’s social suicide. And I feel like Courtney hosting this party is flat-out social suicide.
“Penelope,” Dani starts, and I turn to glare at her, shutting her up.
“Since when did you turn into such a righteous little bitch, Penny?” Courtney asks.
“Since when did you turn into such an attention-seeking whore, Court?” I break out into a big smile, keeping my voice disgustingly pleasant. “Oh, that’s right. You’ve been keeping that up for years. Nice to see you’ve been staying consistent! Even Mrs. Adney said so.”
Um.
Wow.
I can’t believe I just said that.
But…it’s the truth. I’ve always kept quiet and let the girls act like they usually do. So they’re bitches to everyone, so what? That’s what I would tell myself. I sort of fell into their ways, though I tried to be kinder. My older sister was no better. She wasn’t just queen bee at the school, she was also queen bitch. When we were younger, she terrified me most of the time.
She’s better now. But am I? Or am I just a queen bitch, too?
No one is laughing. No one is gasping or yelling, either. We’re all three just staring at one another like we’re having some sort of face off, and in a way, I suppose we are.
I refuse to look away first. Seems like Courtney feels the same way. It’s finally Dani who breaks the tension.
“I hate it when you guys fight,” she says softly.
“Too late. We’re fighting.” I raise my brows and pin my gaze on Court. “You really think you’re going to have a blow-out bash for two dead girls and people will actually show up?”
“Better than sitting at home and doing nothing about it. Maybe we could bring out the killer with this party. Did you ever think of that?” With a huff and a flounce of her tiny plaid skirt—she likes to roll up her waistband to show off more leg—Courtney stalks down the hall toward her class, never once looking back.
“Is she for real?” Dani asks the moment Courtney’s out of earshot. “Do you really think she’s having this party to lure out Gretchen and Lex’s killer?”
I shrug, kind of pissed I didn’t think of the idea first, since it’s a good one. I can admit it. Though it’s scary, too. What if Court’s party does bring the killer out? What then? The way Courtney’s acting is totally reckless. “Maybe. I don’t know. She’s crazy to do something like that, though it’s also kind of smart. I doubt she’s the one who came up with it.”
“Who would?”
“I don’t know.” I shrug. “Maybe the cops?”
“You really think so?” Realization dawns all over Dani’s expressive face. “You think Court is working with the cops?”
“Who knows?” I can’t imagine Courtney willingly working with the police department, but stranger things have happened. “I’m so confused with everything going on, I don’t know what to think anymore.”
“Me neither,” Dani mutters as she looks around.
“I have a confession.” When Dani turns to look at me, I admit, “Now I sort of wish I could go to that stupid party. We need to stick together.”
Despite how risky it would be to show up, I do want to go. Is that dumb? Probably. I shouldn’t bother, especially if I’m by myself. What if something…
Happens?
I don’t want to risk it.
“You’re right. We should stick together. I can get you in if you really want to be there,” Dani says with a slow smile. “She said you’ll be turned away at the front door, but she never mentioned anything about the back door.”
I return her smile. “That definitely has potential.”
…
I’m in bed when I get a Snapchat text from Cass. I don’t remember adding him, but I must’ve, so I open it up, curious to see what he says.
Cass: You still mad at me?
I can’t help but smile. He’s pretty unapologetic, isn’t he?
Me: Sort of.
Cass: Will my saying sorry help?
Me: Maybe.
I receive a selfie pic of him making an exaggerated sad face, with a pouty lower lip and everything. The caption on the photo says: Sorry Pen.
The smile that stretches across my face can’t be helped. It comes easier, too, considering no one is around to see me. I take a selfie of me in mid eye roll, a slight smile on my face, and include a caption.
Me: You’re forgiven.
Cass starts texting me again.
Cass: Good. I don’t want you mad at me, Pen. I like you.
I frown when I read his response. I don’t get this guy. It’s like he came out of nowhere and wants to attach himself to my side. It’s kind of…weird. And intriguing. But he’s weird and intriguing and mysterious. Totally not my type.
So why am I…attracted to him?
Me: Why do you like me? I don’t get it.
I send the text before I can second-guess myself and then drop my phone on the bed, covering my face with both hands. I’m quietly freaking out and wishing I had someone to talk to. Dani would try to convince me I’ve lost my mind—and maybe she’s right. Court would laugh her ass off and blab to everyone at school that I have a thing for Cass. And I can’t tell my parents, not that I really talk to them about this type of stuff anyway. Plus, Dad would probably suspect Cass is the killer and trying to get close to me—which is just ridiculous. While Mom would ask if he played any sports. She has a thing for jocks, like I used to.
Ugh.
Dropping my hands, I grab my phone and check if Cass replied.
He did.
Cass: You’re beautiful and smart and funny. Why wouldn’t I like you?
Me: Are you being for real right now?
Cass: Are you being insecure right now, Pen? I didn’t know you had it in you.
Me: What’s that supposed to mean?
Cass: You’re a confident girl at school. It’s like nothing bothers you.
Me: Things bother me. My friends being murdered bothers me.
Lots of other things bother me, too. Like how it’s starting to feel like my friends aren’t really my friends at all, with the exception of Dani. How fast everything’s changing yet I somehow still feel the same. How everyone’s scared and tense and nothing is normal and I hate it.
I really do.
Cass: They were my friends too.
I frown at the words he typed, wondering why neither Gretchen nor Lex ever mentioned Cass to any of us before.
Me: Were you guys close?
Cass: Sort of. I’ll tell you more about it next time I see you.
I don’t reply for a moment, too stuck on what he said. He’ll tell me more? I’d love to hear it. I don’t know anything about him. Nothing at all save for the few rumors Dani mentioned to me. Oh, and Court. He’s a total mystery. One I’d like to get to know better.
But on the down low. I don’t want my so-called friends knowing about this. They’ll just give me endless crap.
I receive another Snapchat from Cass, and this time it’s a photo of him. I can tell he’s shirtless but I don’t see much, just his shoulders and up. He has tan, smooth skin, fresh-shaven cheeks and sleepy eyes. His hair is tousled and it looks damp. Like he just got out of the shower.
Hmmm.
He captioned the photo, too.
Good night, Pen.
He included a star emoji.
I send him a pic of myself back, my eyes closed and my head against the pillow like I’m already asleep.
Night, Cass.