Chapter
Twenty-Four
“Where’s Dani?” Courtney asks after Brogan drops her onto her giant bed. I swear it’s custom-made, the mattress has to be bigger than a king and outfitted with the fluffiest, pinkest comforter I’ve ever seen.
“She’s passed out. I left her on the lounger outside. Put a blanket over her and everything. A bunch of junior girls were sitting on the loungers by her. Some of those Lark girls you don’t like.” Brogan’s still standing by the end of the mattress with his hands on his hips and his back to us. I wish I could see his face. “You should be happy with me. I got Dani totally wasted just like you told me to.”
“Good.” I can hear the smugness in Courtney’s voice, and it makes my stomach turn. She’s so mean. She knows how much Dani likes Brogan, how she’s been after him for what feels like the majority of our high school lives. And she actually told Brogan to get Dani wasted on purpose?
I wish I could call her. Text her. But I don’t want to make a wrong move and let them know we’re hiding out in the closet. So we’re stuck here while Courtney is with Brogan in her room. I know something is about to go down.
Ew. And we’re trapped in the closet. We won’t have to watch but we’ll still have to hear everything.
Double ew.
“I have a theory,” Brogan says, his voice serious, which is a surprise. Brogan’s rarely, if ever, serious.
“What is it?” Courtney scoots toward the top of the mattress, her back pressed against a gigantic pile of pillows. I can see her face, the amused tilt of her lips, the way she’s hungrily watching Brogan.
Who is currently pulling his shirt off and dropping it onto the floor.
I cover my eyes but keep listening.
“I think you like me because I like Dani.” He hesitates, like he’s afraid to mention the next theory. “I bet you’re one of those girls who always wants what you can’t have.”
I drop my hands from my face. Wait a minute. He actually likes Dani? Then what the hell is he doing with Court?
“You don’t really like her,” Courtney says in that blasé way of hers. “You just like the idea of Dani. How she chases after you like a hyperactive puppy dog, always wanting to please you and tell you how great you are. She’s your biggest fan and you love it.”
“Yeah.” He chuckles. “I do kinda love it when she makes a big deal about me. She’s just so into me, you know? Who wouldn’t love that?”
I roll my eyes and send a look to Cass, who quirks his lips.
“But after a while, doesn’t all that adoration get…annoying?” Courtney asks. “Old? Cloying—”
“What do you mean?” Brogan interrupts.
Courtney growls irritably. She hates having to explain herself. “She suffocates you, Brogan. She doesn’t understand that sometimes, a guy just wants to get off, you know? And that’s it. That’s all you want. Your needs are simple.”
“Hell yeah, they are. I’m a simple dude.” I can hear the sound of his zipper going down. “All Dani wants is me to be her boyfriend. Like, she wants a real relationship. But maybe I don’t want that. Why’s everything gotta be so serious all the time? I just wanna fuck, you know?”
“I do know. I know exactly what you mean. And all I want is for you to get naked with me.” Her voice is low. Seductive. She makes what they have seem so easy. What horny boy wouldn’t be drawn to that? Drawn to her? “So get in my bed, Bro. Let’s get naked together.” She hesitates, and I swear I hear Brogan swallow extra loud. “You know you want me.”
Okay. That’s it. I can’t take it. I send a panicked look in Cass’s direction, and he backs away from the closet door, so I do the same. He straightens out and reaches into the front pocket of his jeans, pulling out a pair of ear buds, then waves his hand at me to scoot closer to him.
So I do, curious to see how he’s going to solve our problem. I can hear Courtney and Brogan kissing, and the loud, wet sounds of their mouths connecting over and over again? It’s gross. I like sexy scenes in movies, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t want to see this sort of stuff live and in person, with two people I know and go to school with five days a week.
It’s like watching Courtney and Brogan’s own personal porn video come to life.
No, thank you.
Cass slips his head under his sweatshirt and thrusts his hands under it, too. I see his phone light up through the dark fabric and I realize what he’s doing. He doesn’t want Courtney or Brogan to see the light coming from his phone. He’s tapping away at the screen, then he plugs the ear buds into the jack. His head pops back up through the neck hole and he pushes the hoodie back, resting his index finger against his lips.
I don’t think we have to be deathly quiet any longer. Those two aren’t paying attention to anything else but each other.
“Come here,” Cass says in the softest whisper. “Get really close to me.”
I do as he asks, until I’m pressed up next to his side. He hands me an ear bud and I take it, putting it in my left ear. He slips the other ear bud in his right ear and then he turns on some music.
I’ve never been so thankful for a bunch of loud, alternative, angsty music in all my life. I concentrate hard, focusing all my attention on the music, and I realize quick we’re drowning out the sounds of Courtney and Brogan hooking up. Cass smiles at me and I return it, startled when he leans in close and whispers in my ear bud–free ear, “You like it?”
I shrug and whisper back, “Sort of.”
“I can change it. I have a few different playlists.” His mouth is so close to my ear again, I swear his lips brush the sensitive skin. I shiver, my shoulder pressing into his chest, and then he’s grabbing me by the waist, hauling me onto his lap.
“Ssh,” he whispers when I go tense. I can tell he knows I want to protest, but it’s only because I’m scared. “Relax. We don’t want them to find us.”
I sit in his lap, his arms encircling me, making me feel protected and safe. I try to concentrate on the music that’s still playing, but all I can focus on is Cass’s warmth and strength. The width of his chest, how thick his arms are, how my butt is perched on his thigh. We are sitting so close it would take nothing for me to wrap my arms around his neck and push his head down so our lips would meet.
But I don’t do that. I can’t. I don’t have the guts, and besides, I’m still sort of pissed at him for using me to get inside her room. I really don’t fully trust him, either.
The music is turned down and then Cass’s mouth is right at my ear.
“I’m sorry for what I said earlier,” he murmurs. “I was a total jackass.”
“You were,” I agree, making him chuckle. “But so was I.”
“You still have that note on you? The one you found?”
“I do.”
He stares off into space. “Wonder who wrote it.”
“You think it was Brogan? They kept talking about getting naked.” And the note mentioned getting naked, too.
“Maybe. Or maybe it’s someone else.” His arms tighten around me.
“Did you ever get naked with Court?”
His gaze meets mine, his eyes intense even in the darkness. “No.”
“How about Gretchen?” My voice rises, and Cass rests his finger over my lips for the briefest moment before removing it.
“Becoming…intimate with each other would’ve been a huge mistake, and I tried to avoid it. We were messed up enough on our own. We didn’t need to enable each other.”
He sounds like a psychologist. “Did they want to get with you?”
“I don’t know.” He does this half shrug that jostles me even closer to him. “Maybe. Maybe not.”
He turns up the music just as the current song ends and a new one begins. This one is slow, the lyrics sad. I recognize the song but don’t remember who sang it, and we remain quiet, the both of us listening until I hear a low groan come from the bedroom, followed by a feminine whimper.
I immediately lift my head, my gaze meeting Cass’s and we make faces at each other. “So gross,” I whisper.
“Yeah.” His gaze drops to my lips and lingers there. “Hope they don’t take too long.”
“Knowing Brogan, he’s probably incredibly selfish. He’ll be finished in a few minutes.” This reminds me of my orgasm book, which, of course, makes my cheeks go hot.
“You don’t think he’ll care if Courtney gets off or not?” I know he’s repeating the same things Court just said, but it’s still embarrassing. Which is dumb, because I’m a girl who’s tried her best to embrace her sexuality, even if I haven’t had much sex in my life (those few times with Robby were super awkward and not that satisfying, at least for me).
Sitting with Cass like this, being so close to him, makes me hyperaware of everything about him. His clean, tinged-with-fabric-softener scent. The sound of his breathing, the beat of his heart. His hair is soft, so are his clothes, and he has angsty taste in music. His shoulders are broad, his thigh is hard beneath my butt, and his chest is firm.
I like him. Despite being angry with him earlier, I can admit that I’m attracted to him. And I think he’s attracted to me.
“I’m pretty sure the only person Brogan wants to get off is himself,” I mutter under my breath, ducking my head.
Cass chuckles, the warm, deep sound making me shiver. “Most guys are selfish assholes.”
“Even you?” I look up to find he’s already watching me.
He nods slowly, his gaze dropping to my lips again. “Even me.”
“I bet you’re not that selfish,” I whisper. I am totally flirting with him.
“Oh, I definitely am. Watch me.”
And then he does the craziest thing.
Cass leans in, his mouth drawing close. So close, I can feel his breath tickle my lips. I part them, ready to say something, anything to break the sudden tension that’s crackling between us, but his mouth lands on mine in an instant.
I suck in a breath, shocked by the jolt of electricity that rushes through my blood when his lips touch mine. We’re already completely wrapped up in each other. It feels…natural to kiss him.
His arms tighten around my waist, pulling me into him. I circle my arms around his neck, my fingers sliding into his hair. It’s thick and soft, the ends curling around my fingers, and I tunnel my hands deeper into it, savoring the hitch in his breath when I do so.
Our mouths are still connected. We kiss and kiss. Soft, innocent kisses at first, and then I part my lips, and he does too. Our lips linger, the kisses last longer as our breaths accelerate, and then his tongue is there, tracing my lips, circling mine…
It’s the hottest kiss I’ve ever experienced, the both of us trying to be quiet as we secretly make out while hiding in Courtney’s closet. His hands go to my waist and he readjusts me so I’m straddling him, and I wrap my legs around his hips. We’re chest to chest, his bulky sweatshirt is totally in my way, and I wish I could tear it off him so I can get closer.
But I settle for this. We’re kissing for kissing’s sake. There’s no end game, no trying to get into each other’s pants or get each other off, as Courtney so eloquently put it. And it feels so good, to get lost in Cass’s arms and lips for a while, to forget about my troubles, to concentrate on the delicious slide of his tongue against mine, his hands in my hair, the race of his heart and the heat of his skin.
Plus, it’s Cass. We’re giving in to the chemistry that seems to simmer between us every time we’re together. There’s something between us I’d like to explore, despite all the extra baggage that seems to come with this boy. His dead dad and his murdering mom and his weird grandma with the cluttered house and the cats. His mysterious ways and addiction problem—all of this adds up to a guy I should avoid at all costs.
I don’t want to, though. I like him. I think he likes me.
“Are they still in the room?” I ask minutes later, when I finally tear myself away from his lips.
“I don’t know,” he murmurs against my neck just before he starts kissing it. His lips are warm, his teeth graze my sensitive skin and make me shiver. I clutch him close, frustrated by the stupid hoodie he’s wearing, frustrated that we’re curled up together in Courtney’s stupid closet when I wish we could be somewhere else. Anywhere else…
“Should we check—” I start, but he cuts me off.
“Sshh.” Cass gently places his mouth on mine, his teeth tugging on my lower lip, making me whimper in surprise. “Forget them,” he whispers just before he kisses me again.
Well. More like he devours me. I can’t even blame alcohol for what I’m doing with him at this very moment. I am completely sober. And I am also shoving my hands beneath his hoodie and his shirt, so I can touch his bare skin. My fingers roam over the width of his back and he shivers. I skim my nails along his skin and he sucks in a sharp breath. And then his hands are beneath my sweater and he’s touching my back, my hips, my waist, my stomach…
I pull away, his hands falling from underneath my sweater, his eyes lit with surprise. His breaths are coming fast again, and so are mine, though for a different and better reason this time.
“I think they’re done,” I whisper when I realize they’ve gone silent on the other side of the closet door.
We stare at each other, the both of us quiet as we wait to hear something come from the bedroom. I focus on calming my breathing, my racing heart. I look down, needing to break away from the intensity of his stare, and his fingers trace my hairline before tucking my hair behind my ear.
Glancing up, I find he’s watching me, his eyes full of confusion. “What just happened?” he asks.
I frown. “Out there? I don’t know. They’re not even talking anymore.”
“No.” Cass shakes his head. “Right here. Just now. Between us. What was that?”
“We, uh. We kissed,” I whisper.
“Yeah. We sure as hell did.” He runs a hand through his hair, making it stick up all over the place, and I’m tempted to reach out and smooth it back down just so I can touch it. Touch him.
But I restrain myself. For now.
“You don’t regret that, do you?” he asks me.
I slowly shake my head, hoping that being honest won’t backfire. “No.”
“Good.” His gaze meets mine, his eyes sparkling. “Me either.”