Chapter Sixteen
I stood frozen in the doorway as I took in the dining hall and all the Weres who were now staring at me. Everyone had just seen my exchange with Vivian. I fought the urge to close my eyes and sigh. I couldn’t let on that I hadn’t realized who was watching. A pack leader knew their surroundings. Always.
My father always said that if you couldn’t get a Were to show you respect out of kindness, then you had to make them respect you out of fear. Of course, he said that to my brothers, but I’d always disagreed with the advice. Until I met Vivian. I didn’t mind one bit if she feared me, especially if she was the one behind Bhrunyz’s attacks. Although if I wasn’t already his next target, I probably was now.
Every Were in the room was giving me either a carefully blank look or an expression of horror or fear. There was no salvaging this. From their perspective, I’d just attacked their second because she touched Donovan’s arm. Even for a young Were who might have a short temper, my actions were a little overboard.
I noticed a speck of red on my hand and decided I might as well go for broke. “Damn it. She got blood on me.” I gave Donovan a smile and a small shrug.
Well, that’s one way to do it, he said.
Vivian shuffled down the hall, holding her face in her hands. Hopefully, she was heading straight for the medic. I wasn’t joking about her nose healing wrong. It was going to have to be re-broken if she didn’t get it fixed in the next few minutes.
I watched her retreating form for a second before turning back to Donovan. I know it’s too obvious, but I really think Vivian’s behind everything. And if she’s not, well then she threw household decorations at me. Girl deserved to get hit.
Donovan nodded. But you’ve made yourself a target. Even if not her target, she has allies in that room.
I blew out a fast breath. I know, but I already was one. Even if Vivian isn’t behind the murders, what she did to Ciara will seem like small potatoes compared to what she must want to do to me.
He rubbed his thumb down my cheek.
What do you think?
Seems like you’re doing a grand job of running this show. Why would I step in now?
“Awesome. I totally agree.” I turned to the room. “Anyone have a napkin?” I said sweetly. Either they were going to see the humor or they were going to think I was nuts.
Some of them got to their feet, holding out little white paper napkins. Most were giving me some serious side-eye. And a few looked seriously pissed.
On the whole, I guessed most of Donovan’s pack thought I was officially off my rocker.
Donovan and Ian started laughing hard. It took a second before the rest of the pack caught up, but I was pretty sure they weren’t laughing for the same reason Donovan and Ian were.
I moved into the dining hall. Inside were long, wooden banquet tables. They were old and beat to hell, but looked sturdy. They’d stood long years of pack wear-and-tear, and that meant something. Some of the tables had long benches, and others tall-backed wooden chairs. There was enough room for a few hundred or more werewolves, and it was packed. An empty seat here and there caught my eye, but it was mostly full.
I walked over to a girl whose eyes seemed like they held genuine amusement. Her curly, black hair was tied back in a long ponytail, but little ringlets had slipped free around her face. Her eyes were a deep brown, and she reminded me a bit of Tessa.
I took the napkin from her. “Thanks.”
“No worries. She’s had that coming to her for a long time.”
“Let me introduce my mate, Saoirse,” Ian said. “I think you’ll be fast friends.”
“Oh, good!” I glanced at the empty seat in front of her. “This seat taken?”
“By all means.”
“Thanks.” The rest of the table was full, but as soon as I sat down, there was suddenly enough room for Donovan and Ian.
Saoirse’s necklace caught my eye as I waited for the guys to get settled in their chairs. It was a large silver rose about half the size of my fist. A worm wrapped around the flowering bloom and its head stuck out the center of the rose. Something about it gave me the heebie-jeebies, but who was I to judge someone else’s jewelry. Especially not the first woman in the pack to be nice to me. “Interesting necklace.” There had to be a story behind it.
She grinned and caressed the rose. “Thank you. It’s an heirloom.”
That explained it. My grandmother had given me a hideous ring, and it was the only thing I had of hers, so I wore it sometimes. Right now, it was locked up with the rest of my stuff at the Colorado house.
I leaned forward across the table. “Saoirse, tell me all the gossip. What do I need to know?” Maybe she’d spill what was going on in the pack. Stranger things had happened.
A plate of food appeared in front of me, and I turned to see a nice-looking Were with an apron. Streaks of gray ran through her hair, which was an unusual sight in the pack. “Thank you,” I said, and her eyes went wide as she spun around.
What was that about? I motioned toward the quickly retreating lady.
Maybe because you grinned at Vivian the same way after you broke her nose.
I nodded. I came off as crazypants, but at least I made an entrance.
That you did. Donovan gave a little chuckle.
Ignoring the stares, I checked out my plate. There was a giant meat pie, mashed potatoes with gravy, chips—also known as French fries—and peas with mint, which I wouldn’t be eating. Mint belonged in toothpaste, gum, and very, very selective desserts. But not with peas. Another small dish held fruit and a crusty roll. A mug was placed in front of me. The scent told me it was jasmine tea. The only tea I’d actually drink.
“This looks amazing.” I grabbed a fork and tucked in, but everyone was still staring at me. What was the deal? Was I supposed to say grace or something?
Donovan laughed and shook his head. I think they’re just now realizing what kind of mates we are.
“Ooooh,” I said aloud. “You’re probably right.” It used to bug me so much when Tessa and Dastien talked to themselves. Half of me was jealous, and the other half felt like they were being rude, having a secret conversation while I was sitting right there. It wasn’t my intention to do the same, but now that I had Donovan, it felt natural. Easy. But it was still rude. “I’m sorry. It’s habit, but I just asked why the nice lady with the food seemed shocked by my thanks.”
“And why did you laugh?” Saoirse asked Donovan.
“She wanted to know why everyone was staring at her. She asked if she should’ve said grace or something.”
A few chuckles came from down the table.
I shrugged. “Hey, I didn’t know. Maybe you’re a more formal pack.”
“Not in that way. Although we’ve a fair share of Catholics in our midst. But you know how Weres can be,” Saoirse said.
“I do.” Weres saw all kinds of supernatural stuff, and that usually had one of two results. Either they hunkered down in their religion of choice, or they called all religion crap.
“You haven’t completed your bond, but you can speak to her in your mind?” A guy a few seats down said. “A good number of us have mated fully and cannot do that. I’m not liking it. Not at all. Vivian said your mate was cursed and can’t shift. And last night she didn’t shift. Sounds like witchcraft to me.”
From his first sentence alone, I knew this guy and I were not going to be friends. Add in the fact that he was believing to whatever Vivian was spreading about me, and he was officially on my list of suspects. Sure, the curse was real, but I wasn’t cursed anymore. It shouldn’t even be a thing.
“Cursed?” Another male voice chimed in. “You’d mate a cursed one? Bring her among us?” And now that guy was on my list, too.
“You’ve been mated to Vivian for years. How can you do this to her?” The lady in the red shirt now had a place on my list.
“Vivian’s stood by your side for decades, and you’d throw her off for this brasser?”
Okay. Everyone in the fucking room was on my list, except Saoirse, Ian, and Donovan. I was doing a terrible job of narrowing down suspects.
But I had one question. Brasser? I asked Donovan.
Whore. His tone was less than pleased. He let out a rumble. “Did any of you ever attend my mating ceremony?”
There was silence.
“Did I ever say I was mated to Vivian?”
Silence.
“Was there any indication, aside from a solitary night spent in my bed, that I was mated to her?”
Even more silence.
“Then what should that tell you? It’d be wise to use your brain if you’ve got one. Vivian is not, and never was, my mate.” Donovan’s voice was ice cold. “Do not call my mate, Meredith, a whore. Not ever. Not if you want to live.” Power rolled through the room until we were all choking on his anger.
That pretty much ended the question and answer portion of our night. Thank God. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take. I’d thought that I wanted to be accepted by the pack, but I wasn’t so sure anymore. Not if this was how they treated people.
Donovan took a bite of his food, and that signaled that he was moving on. Still, there was silence for a few minutes, before someone started talking. At first, it was just murmuring in the back, but over the course of a few minutes, the room slowly came to life. But my mate sat there, silently eating his food as he thought.
What do you think? I asked him.
I’m not sure this pack is salvageable.
From that line of questioning, I wasn’t sure either. I’d never heard an Alpha be questioned like that. The lack of respect was staggering. Being with me isn’t going to help. They’ve already decided to hate me. Maybe it’d be easier if I left after we find Bhrunyz. I can come back when you’ve got more of a handle on things.
Donovan took my hand in his and gave it a squeeze. No. Don’t leave. I need you here. You help me.
I’d been going back and forth, but for the first time, I really wondered if I could survive here. What the hell was I going to do? I couldn’t join a hostile pack. It was going to take months to sort it out. If it could be sorted.
I shoved the thought away to be dealt with later. I was tired, hungry, and overwhelmed. The pains in my stomach were the only thing that kept me at the table.
I took a bite of now cold mashed potato and barely managed to swallow. Saoirse caught my attention from across the table, and stood up, motioning me to follow her.
Why not? She seemed friendly enough, and I could use an ally in the pack. This could be my in.
I’d barely touched my food, so I decided to bring it along. With a nod to Donovan, I grabbed my plate and mug and followed Saoirse toward the back of the dining hall.
You okay? Donovan asked.
Yes. I’m making a friend. What are the chances that Saoirse has info on your traitor?
Pretty good. But it might take her a while to open up to you.
I had to start somewhere.
We pushed through the swinging kitchen doors. The chefs were hard at work, moving fast and calling out orders. Waitstaff stood off to the side, waiting for the orders. It was chaos, but they seemed to be handling it well. Moving deeper into the kitchens, we entered a smaller dining room. One of the cooks sat with his feet up, taking a break.
Saoirse cleared her throat, and the man jumped up. “Would you have Maureen come back?”
“Of course. I’ll get right on that.” The guy looked older than me, but it was hard to tell with Weres unless you knew them. He hustled out of the room like the hounds of hell were on his tail.
Whoa. Someone was eager to make sure Saoirse was taken care of. I wondered if she abused her position as Ian’s mate? It was too soon to tell, but it was something to keep an eye on.
I took a seat, and put my plate down. I was starving but the mountain of cold food wasn’t exactly appealing. “Thanks for getting me away from that. It was… Not pleasant.”
“Seemed like the case.” She nodded to someone behind me. “And I thought you might want to meet Maureen.”
The gray-haired woman who’d brought my food to the table in the dining hall stood twisting her apron in her hands. “I hope I’ve not upset you.”
I smiled, hoping to calm her nerves. “No. Thank you for the food. It’s really good.”
“You’ve not eaten but a bite of it.”
“It got a little tense out there. Saoirse saved me.”
Saoirse laughed. “You’re being kind.” She motioned for Maureen to sit. “This lovely woman is Ciara’s mother. I believe she’s now with your father’s pack? She’d love if you’ve news of her daughter.”
Why hadn’t I seen the similarity sooner? It was the eyes. Maureen and Ciara weren’t even close to being copies of each other. Ciara must’ve had more of her father in her. But now that I knew who Maureen was, I could see that they had the same mouth, too.
“Ciara’s going to be so glad I met you.”
“How is she? I know she wasn’t well when she left, but I’ve hoped…” Maureen leaned forward, pleading for information.
I wanted to defend Ciara, but it wouldn’t do any good. Vivian’s had done her damage years ago and it was probably ingrained, even in her mother. But Maureen clearly missed her daughter. “She’s actually doing great. She was supposed to help run our household, but somehow got stuck being my nanny. She’s not just pack to me. She’s family.”
Maureen’s eyes grew glossy with tears. She blinked a few times, and they slipped free. “But she was mad? How is that possible?” She rubbed her face dry. “I don’t understand.”
I fought the urge to shake the woman. How could she think that? “She’s not mad. Never was. If you want, I’d be happy to put you in contact with her. I think she misses you more than she says.”
“Oh.” Maureen opened and closed her mouth a few times before getting any words out. “I’m not sure. I… You’re sure she’s not mad?”
“Absolutely. If she were mad, she would’ve been taken care of a long time ago.” I touched her hand. “You’re aging? Wouldn’t you like to see your daughter? I guarantee she’s not mad.”
She shook her head. “I can’t. After burying my son, daughter, and mate… It’s time to let this life go. I’ve held onto the fonder memories.”
I was about to cut in to try and prove to her that Ciara wasn’t mad, but Saoirse grasped Maureen’s hands. “It’s dreadful what happened. We’ll remember Ciara as she was when her mind was about her. And I truly believe that our loved ones are in a better place watching over us. You’ll be reunited with them one day soon.”
I sat frozen. What a bunch of bullshit.
Weren’t they listening to me? Ciara wasn’t mad. Not at all. And sure, I agreed that our loved ones were in a better place and all that, but Saoirse was basically giving Maureen permission to give up.
Before I could argue, Maureen got up and left.
I couldn’t believe it. Didn’t she want to hear more about her daughter? Didn’t she care? Didn’t she have any questions?
I was heartbroken for Ciara. No wonder we got along so well. Both of our mothers had abandoned us.
Saoirse gave me a smile. “Do you need a new plate? Or I could get you something else if you’d like?”
I shook my head. “This is fine.” I wasn’t even hungry anymore.
All I could feel was exhaustion. And I suddenly wasn’t so sure about this Saoirse girl. She was the first person to be friendly to me, and I was hesitant to write her all the way off, but why would she say that to Maureen?
Maybe Saoirse just believed Vivian’s line? Ciara had said she left because no one believed her. So, I shouldn’t expect Saoirse to know the truth. I wasn’t here when everything happened. Maybe Ciara had come off as crazy.
Ripping Saoirse a new one wasn’t going to win me any points in the pack. It’d only make me look even more off my rocker than when I punched Vivian in the face. So, I kept my mouth shut. It was just too hard for me to be objective when it came to Ciara.
The pack is going to go for a run in a couple hours, Donovan said through our bond.
God. I had no desire to go. I didn’t have the energy, but it wasn’t an ordinary run. It was the memorial for two of Donovan’s Weres, and that meant I couldn’t skip it. I was so going to need a nap. I’m going back to your rooms to sleep for a bit. Come get me when it’s time?
Of course, but have some food first. You’ll need the energy.
I looked down at the cold food. My gravy had congealed. Gross. “Actually, do you think I could get another plate? I’m going to eat and then head to bed.”
“You’re not going for the run?”
“I am. Just going to nap before.”
“Aye. I hear you. You’d have to be exhausted.” She gave me a tender smile.
God. I was such a crank when I was tired. I was glad I hadn’t snapped at her about the Ciara stuff. I needed a friend. I’d clear Ciara’s name eventually, but not today. “Totally. It’s been a little crazy.”
She nodded. “Don’t worry. It’ll get easier.”
“I hope so.” It honestly couldn’t get much worse.
“This pack can be right assholes, but your run-in with Vivian…” She started laughing. “That was the best thing I’ve seen in years. Good on you for taking her down a notch.”
She hated Vivian. I hated Vivian. It was a match made in heaven. And now I could possibly get some actual information about rumblings in the pack. “Does everyone realize she’s a mad wolf?”
“No. That’s the sad bit. Not everyone knows. Wait here. I’ll grab you a plate and then I can fill you in on some of the pack drama.” She disappeared back into the kitchens, and I relaxed into the chair.
Getting some intel on pack drama was going to be key. And I’d actually made a friend. A little food and a nap and I’d be set.
For the first time, I felt like joining this pack wasn’t going to be all bad.