f o u r t e e n
“The real test of friendship is: Can you literally do nothing with the other person? Can you enjoy those moments of life that are utterly simple?”
—Eugene Kennedy
Sam’s on his way to pick me up.
I’m finally not grounded. It’s been almost a month since I fought with Antonia. It’s only a few weeks away from Thanksgiving and the air is beginning to cool down.
We’re going to our place. Marina del Rey.
We usually sit on a bench and watch the harbor. We always joke about escaping on a boat together and living far away. We sit. We watch the boats. We imagine how our futures might turn out. Then we go back to our lives.
Antonia’s still mad at me. We haven’t spoken since our fight. Maybe Sam and Antonia are hanging out together, but I don’t ask. Antonia seems to mostly hang out with Heather and her friends. Sam’s been wrapped up in speech and debate. He’s probably been going out with Nina—the girl I’m almost certain he was with when I called him the night of the Jackson disaster—but I don’t really know because Sam and I have barely talked outside of school this last month. And my life has basically been school or campaign events. Dad wouldn’t let me go anywhere on my own for the whole month.
Now I have a pretty strict curfew.
Music blaring over the car stereo, Sam rolls up to the house. He’s energetic, smiling, singing along with the music. His blond hair lifts in the breeze and I suddenly catch myself wanting to run my fingers through it. I haven’t seen him in this good of a mood in forever. I don’t know what, but something’s definitely changed about him.
“Hey, Liv,” Sam says. “Buckle up.”
Maybe a little distance was a good thing for our friendship. Maybe Sam and I were too close to allow each other to change and grow. I like the mystery.
“Thanks for helping me deal with this whole thing,” I say sheepishly. I explained the disaster to Sam the day after. Except I left out the part about going to Jackson’s car. I’m sure Sam saw the article too. The whole school looks at me like I’m a wild party girl now, which is kind of weird, since I’ve pretty much always been a loner.
I’ve only talked to Zach a few times at school. We exchanged numbers and text occasionally, but both of us are pretty busy. I guess there’s still some hope though.
“I got your back,” Sam says like it’s no big deal. “You know that.”
I feel terrible. Sam’s such a good person. I still don’t understand why he would want to be friends with a girl who’s a total mess.
“Didn’t you have a debate competition last night?” I ask, watching the scenery flash past the window.
“Yeah. I won second place,” Sam says. “I think I’m getting really good, actually. Last night’s topic was national security and digital privacy—some of the stuff I heard made me think twice about posting selfies. Apparently the NSA uses them as mug shots.”
“Well, mine would just be a bunch of duckfaces,” I say, making Sam laugh. “By the way, how’s...uh...Nina? That’s her name, right?”
“How do you know about Nina?” Sam asks.
“Oh. Antonia told me you were talking to her a while ago.”
“We hung out after the debate actually. Played mini golf at that place shaped like a castle.”
“That’s awesome. I’m terrible. I have literally zero aim.”
“I always thought I was decent, but she actually kicked my butt. She got a hole-in-one by putting the ball up a fiberglass dragon’s mouth.”
“That sounds fun,” I say absentmindedly, trying to gauge how I feel.
It’s weird to hear Sam talking about a girl. Am I jealous? Or am I just afraid that I might lose him as a friend? That too much distance will come between us?
I pause just long enough to make my question sound casual. “Are you guys dating then?”
Sam shakes his head. “We’re just talking, I guess.”
“So are you into her?” I know I shouldn’t interfere, but I can’t help myself. “Because you shouldn’t lead her on.”
“Jesus, Liv,” Sam says, turning into the parking lot at the marina. “Since when have you been interested in my love life?”
“I’m not trying to interrogate you or anything. I just want to catch up.”
“If I decide to date someone, I want to make sure I really like that person. That’s all.”
Sam and I find our bench along a strip of green and watch the boats in the harbor.
We listen to the way the water laps across the boat hulls, the way the waves trickle along the edges of pylons and rocks. I can tell what Sam’s thinking. He’s dreaming our dream again. We’re on a sailboat heading out to sea. The ocean is quiet. The wind is catching the sails. The horizon calls us with its long blue arm, saying, come gently this way. Sam scoots closer to me. My knee is nearly touching his.
“What are you thinking?” he asks.
“I’m just thinking about our boat,” I say, though I’m really thinking about so many other things too, like what I want my future to be. Where will I go to college? If I go to art school, will I keep studying painting or will I specialize in something else?
“Someday I’ll buy my own,” Sam says.
“What should our boat’s name be?” I ask.
He laughs. “Not the Antonia.”
“Hey,” I say. “That’s mean.”
“You want to ride on that boat?” he says. “That would be one crazy ride.”
“Okay, fine then,” I say. “How about the Jasmine.” I blurt the name out without even thinking. I don’t know. I’ve just always looked up to her.
“Yeah, I kind of like that,” he says. “That’s our boat then. The Jasmine. Just don’t tell her or Royce. She’d probably think that’s pretty weird.”
“Scout’s honor,” I say. I squeeze his hand and hold on. We’ve always done this. Held hands. But only here. Only on this bench at this marina. We don’t say anything about it—almost like it’s a secret even to ourselves. It just sort of happens.
“By the way, you and Antonia really need to hash things out. This whole fight seems pretty ridiculous.”
“Have you talked to her about it?”
Sam shakes his head. “Nah. I figure that would be breaking the girl code or something.”
I turn to face him. “What do you mean by girl code?”
“Whoa there. Easy, tiger,” he says, holding up his hands. “I’m not being sexist. I just mean that whatever happened was between you two. Not me.”
“You’re right. I do need to talk to her. Do you think she’s moved on?”
“I don’t think so. I haven’t talked to her about whatever you guys were fighting over. We don’t really hang out with you. I think she probably wants you to be the first one to say something. You know Antonia. She’s just stubborn as hell.”
“Thanks, Sam.” I lean over and put my head on his shoulder. “Talking to you always makes me feel better. Well, most of the time.”
“What are you doing tonight?” he asks. “I thought just you and I could...”
My phone rings just as I’m about to answer him.
No one ever calls me. Except for my parents.
“I better get it,” I say. “Might be my mom.”
She’s been texting me all morning telling me I need to be more supportive of Dad and that she wants to talk to me. I text her back and everything, but she keeps saying she needs time with me. I take the phone out of my purse.
It’s not Mom or Dad.
It’s Zach.
“I’ll just be a minute,” I say, standing up and walking toward the water’s edge.
Boats are slowly docking and undocking. Sailboats glide by while rowers bend back and forth, pulling their oars through the water. I can even spot a group of women doing paddleboard yoga across the water near Marina beach.
“Liv,” Zach says. “Do you have a second?”
“Yeah, sure,” I say. “What’s up?”
“I wanted to talk more at the yacht party, I’m sorry we didn’t get to. Things were kind of crazy with Cristina.”
I don’t understand why he hasn’t mentioned any of this stuff until now. What took him so long?
“Yeah, they were,” I say, remembering my exchange with her in the bathroom.
“We’d broken up already, like I told you, but we were fighting again. It just wasn’t... Anyway, I wanted to talk to you at Silver Lake too, but...I mean, I had a lot on my mind. We ended things a while ago, but I had to make sure that she understood that I didn’t want to get back together. I wanted to do things right. So if you want to go out soon...”
Get real. Zach Park is asking me out on a date?
I’m so stunned that I don’t answer right away, but then the silence starts getting awkward so I blurt out a hurried “I do.”
Sam’s sitting over on the bench waiting for me. I haven’t answered his question about tonight. Will Nina care? Does she know Sam and I have kissed before? He’s tilting his head to the side, wanting to know who I’m talking to on the phone.
“Can we talk about this later?” I ask, then pause and bite my lip. I look over at the harbor, at all the uncertainty floating out there. What will Sam think?
“Oh sure,” he says. The poor guy sounds confused.
“I’m glad you called. I really am,” I say, then hang up.
Christ. The guy I’ve had a crush on for two years has just asked me out and now I’m trying to rush him off the phone. This is definitely not how I imagined this moment.
Returning to the bench, I’m really trying not to look excited even though I want to burst. I don’t want Sam to feel rejected. And I don’t want things to get weird between us.
“Who was that?” Sam asks.
“Zach,” I say. “He asked me out.”
“Oh,” Sam says, fiddling with the button on his cargo shorts. “When?”
“I don’t know. He didn’t say.”
Is he upset that Zach and I are going to go on a date? I can’t tell whether he cares or not.
Sam looks up at me. “Do you still want to hang out tonight? We could catch a movie or something.”
“Of course!” I say, trying to reassure him. Just because Zach asked me on a date doesn’t mean I can’t hang out with Sam. I hope he doesn’t think I’m replacing him.
“Right,” Sam says. There’s an awkward silence between us. I can’t help but wonder whether Sam was actually trying to ask me out on a date when Zach called. “How does six o’clock sound?”