“Nothing’s changed bro,” Josh breathed out in frustration. “Fuck sake,” he bit out in anger. “My little sister and big brother are lying in hospital beds and there’s fuck all I can do. It’s killing me man.”
Callum clapped Josh on the shoulder, “I know bro. It’s fucking hard and it sucks. But have faith, they’ll get through this, they’ll gonna fight this.”
I rubbed my temples in frustration, still consumed by so much guilt. They said they didn’t blame me, hell I knew they didn’t blame me. But hearing them, hearing the pain in their voices, it felt like someone had plunged a knife right through my god damn heart.
“Shit,” I breathed. “It should be me,” I craned my neck upwards looking them both in the eyes. “I should be the one in the hospital bed, not them.”
“Kaden man, don’t say shit like that,” Josh said shaking his head. “Nothing should’ve happened to anyone.”
“Why shouldn’t I say that?” my voice rose. “I would deserve it,” I pointed to Eva’s closed door. “Look at what I’ve put them through.”
“Enough,” Melody yelled almost. Coming to stand in front of me, she grabbed my face in her hands. “What have I told you. You are not to blame for this, those sick sons of a bitches are,” tears welled in her eyes. “I refuse to let you talk this way and torture yourself, because if you were in that bed too, it would kill me. You’ve always been like a son to me. And I couldn’t be happier that you are the one who is going to spend the rest of your life with my daughter.”
“I want to marry her,” I admitted.
“Then marry her,” she told me. “You will one day have a beautiful family of your own and that thought makes me happy and keeps me breathing. You are a great man Kaden. I love you and my daughter very much, so please stop talking this way, it breaks my heart” she pulled me into her arms and that’s when I truly broke, I could hold it in no longer. Tears fell freely down my cheeks. My heart swelled some more, because Melody had to be the greatest woman I knew. She was a good mother to her kids, they should be proud to have a mother as good as her.
Time was impossibly slow in the hospital, I felt like bashing my head against the wall. I hated this damned place.
With every second passing, I felt more anxious and fearful. Many horrific and painful thoughts plagued my mind and I wanted them to go away, but they wouldn’t.
Again, nothing had changed. Those words were starting to piss me off. I shouldn’t get angry with the doctors and nurses, because as they said, they’re doing all they could. It was down to both Eva and Caleb. They needed to fight, and they needed to want to wake up. Right now, they were in the process of healing themselves. They would heal better, when sleeping rather than awake. I just wished they would hurry up. I was getting impatient I just wanted to hold my girl in my arms and not let go. I needed her so fucking bad, it was killing me.
I missed the sound of her voice. her contagious smile, her heart-warming laugh, and her beautiful bright eyes that were always filled with love. She warmed me. I didn’t care if that made me sound like a pussy, she truly did warm my heart, she broke down all the wall that had surrounded my heart the day I had met her when I was a kid, she was the reason I breathed, the reason I woke up in the morning. Eva was my life and I Intended to keep my promise to Melody, I would marry her and then I would fill her belly with our babies. I wanted a family with this woman, I wanted many things with this woman, because Eva was the other half of me. I just hoped like hell she would say yes, if no she would break me.
“Here,” Josh thrusted a cardboard cup into my hands. “Coffee, you need it.”
“Thanks,” I nodded. “Where’s your brother and mom?”
“Callum is sitting with Caleb,” he sighed, “and mum is with Eva. Which brings me to my question,” I felt his eyes on the side of my face. “Why aren’t you in there?”
I dragged my hand down my face letting out a harsh breath. “Looking at her like that, makes me sick to my stomach,” I swallowed down the lump of emotion lodged in my throat. “Makes me want them to be alive, so I can butcher them,” I laughed humourless. “Nah fuck that, I would torture them, because those fuckers didn’t deserve quick and easy, they deserved a lifetime of pain.”
“Kaden” the chair squeaked as Josh turned in his seat “I wish those fuckers could’ve paid more than they did. Hell, I would’ve been by your side, so I could personally torture them myself” his eyes darkened with anger “but man, you really need to let it go, because that girl in there” he pointed to Eva’s room “Needs you more now than ever, she’ll want you there when she wakes up”
I nodded agreeing with him. Because he was right, I needed to let it go. I couldn’t let those sick fucks like them invade my mind any longer. Eva needed me and to be honest I needed her just as much.
Clapping Josh on the shoulder I climbed from my seat and went into Eva’s room. I greeted Melody with a smile. She kissed my cheek and passed me to leave the room.
I took the seat next to Eva’s bed and grabbed her hand. Needing to touch her and hold her in some small simple way.
“Eva baby,” my voice was gruff. “Please wake up we need you,” a lump formed in my throat once again. “I need you, so fucking bad. I can’t do anything, I can’t think, can’t eat, drink even sleep, knowing your lying in this shitty bed, all because of me.” I pulled her hand to my lips kissing her fingers softly. “Shit, your family keeps telling me to stop blaming myself, I can’t though I really fucking can’t I should’ve known Eva. I should’ve known it was Ben. I always knew something was off with him, but fuck I was blinded by my own stupidity. I couldn’t think straight then, I needed to find Anton, but it was too late” a lone tear fell down my cheek “I’m sorry so fucking sorry this happened to you Eva. I will never leave your side again. I will never let anyone hurt you, I swear. I hope you don’t hate me.”