The fucking what. Did I hear him right? It couldn’t be, this must be one shitty arse nightmare, it couldn’t be true. He was twenty-three years old and he was the mafia, not part of it, was it, how and most of all what the fuck, this couldn’t be, he was so young. Oh my god, the mafia existed, I only thought it existed in movies, shit, pain creeped into my chest, I started to breathe hard and fast. I was going to have a panic attack, could I had taken this any better.
“Shit Eva,” Kaden placed his hand on my shoulder. “Take deep breaths ok, calm down.”
“Calm down!” I sounded hysteric. “Your telling me to calm down,” I clutched my chest. “Oh my god, I’m going to die and you’re the fucking mafia.” I heard him chuckle under his breath, obviously finding my reaction to be quite amusing. “Your laughing at me!” I screamed almost. “Why the fuck are you laughing at me?” my breaths came out short, I’m choking on my own oxygen. “Oh no,” I cried. “My last conversation on this planet is with the mafia,” I panted for air. “That’s so depressing.”
He blew out air from this nose, “I get it ok. It’s a lot to take in, but Jesus fuck Eva you need to calm down.” He grabbed both shoulders now and forced me to look at him, “slow breaths ok. Copy me yes?” I nodded. I took slow, deep breaths in through my nose and blew them out shakily through my mouth, my heart started to beat at its regular pace and the pain in my chest seemed to have faded away. My body still shook violently, but I wasn’t sure If it was because of the cold or the news or maybe both.
He grabbed me in his arms and pulled me flush against him. I laid my head on his chest, closed my eyes and listened to his calm and soothing heartbeat. He sat us down, not once breaking our embrace and situated me on his lap.
“You’re ok,” he whispered, stroking my hair. “You’re going to be fine,” he told me. “I got you pretty girl, and I won’t let nothing, or no one hurt you.”
My head was spinning, his words swirled around in my head, repeating over and over again I’m the mafia, my head was lying on his chest, his arms were wrapped tightly around my shoulders as he whispered soothing words in my hair. This would be the part I should probably say something, but what the hell did I say, play it of as casual oh you’re the mafia, that wasn’t a problem at all, let’s be best friends I didn’t know whether, I should laugh, cry, or scream, or maybe even all three. I felt sick, this couldn’t be happening, but it was.
“Talk to me,” he whispered, in my hair.
“I don’t know what to say,” I admitted. “I’m just,” I breathed shakily. “I’m confused.”
He sighed, “come back to mine tonight. Let me explain everything to you, I really need you to hear me out Eva.”
“I uh,” I stumbled. “I don’t know Kaden, I don’t know what to think or say at the moment.” I pushed away from his chest and climbed off his lap. I held my face in my hands, shaking my head. Tears threatened to spill, my eyes stung from holding them in. I was overwhelmed with emotions, I wanted to go to sleep, to wake up and pretended this night never happened, that way I wouldn’t have to deal with my turmoil of emotions.
“What’s going on?” Caleb walked to where I was still standing, with my head in my hands. Removing my hands from my face, I looked at Kaden who was now standing inches away from me, with his arms folded across his chest, looking lost and defeated, it made me want to comfort him, but I didn’t because I didn’t even know how to comfort myself right now and I shouldn’t even be thinking about comforting him “What’s going on?” Caleb repeated and looked from me to Kaden, with furrowed brows.
“She knows,” Kaden told him. “She heard us talking in your room a few months back.”
“Fuck,” Caleb threw his head back. “Shit,” he muttered and swore some more. “How much do you know Eva?”
“Not a lot,” my voice was quiet, almost a whisper. “What were you thinking Caleb?” he came over to me and grabbed my hands and squeezed them.
“I,” he began. “Fuck, I don’t know to explain it, I can’t explain it until you know everything Eva. Hear Kaden out, please just let him tell you.”
“I don’t think I can right now,” I admitted. “I’m tired. I want to go home.”
“Let me take you,” Kaden said, coming to stand at my side. “Please, just let me do this one thing, the right fucking thing for once in my life,” I nodded yes. I told Caleb that I came with Ben and Liv. He informed me he would make sure he got them home, I didn’t say much, I couldn’t seem to find my voice, I nodded, I seemed to be doing that a lot just lately nodding, it was ridiculous.
The car was warm, yet goose bumps littered my skin. It was a long drive back to my house, but the drive was going to feel much longer, when Kaden and I didn’t know what to say to one another. I needed to know everything, how did he become the mafia, what did he do as a leader and why did he do it, there was so many questions I needed to ask, but I wouldn’t get the answers if I hid away.
I looked out of the window, it was dark out, you couldn’t see much, over then shadows of trees, but out there it was peaceful, in here it was deafening. I knew what I needed to do now. “Take me back to yours,” I told him. “I need to know everything Kaden.” He didn’t say anything, but again he didn’t need to. I would get my answers soon enough, but once I would, would it change the way I felt about him? I guessed that was something I would have to figure out for myself.
We arrived at Kaden’s home and of course he lived somewhere spectacularly beautiful. The building he lived in, was three stories high and he lived on the top floor, it was an expensive apartment, everything was open planned and modern, yet homely and warm, Blacks and whites, creams and deep browns, it was coordinated to perfection. It screamed rich and was slightly intimidating I shall admit.
“Wow,” I breathed, following him into his living room. “Your place,” I swirled around taking in the beauty of it, the old fire place that was under the gigantic TV that was placed on the wall, was a light, the flames were burning brightly wild and was radiating so much warmth, I felt it beneath my clothes. “It’s amazing!”
“Thank-you,” he said as he took my coat from me and hung it on the back of a barstool at the breakfast bar. “It’s the only home, I’ve enjoyed living in,” he went into his open planned kitchen. Deciding to make myself comfortable, I kicked of my shoes on the rug and sat on his sofa. He came back through with two crystal glasses, filled with what I presumed was whiskey, I guessed I was going to need it with the talk we were going to have.
He handed me my drink and sat next to me, but not to close where he thighs would touch mine. “It should help keep you calm,” he told me. “Feel free to ask me any questions.”
“Ok,” I said. “Maybe you should start from the beginning.”
He threw back the light brown liquid in his glass and placed it on the coffee table. “You obviously know I’m from New York,” I nodded, he continued. “My parents were stinking rich, I never knew what their jobs were, never thought to ask you know, I just assumed I was born into money and left it at that. That was until they were murdered when I was six years old, they were shot in an alley way on the way home from the theatre, I was told they were mugged, of course I believed it, I was a fucking child for Christ sakes, I believed most things I was told as a kid. But what I didn’t understand was if they got mugged like I was told, then why didn’t they take nothing, my Dad still had his wallet and watch. And mom still had her purse and jewellery, I couldn’t make sense of it. But hey what did I know, I was a kid and according to my Uncle I was making up conspiracy theories.”
He raked a hand through his hair, his expression hardened as he spoke, “Nick moved us to London not long after my parent’s funeral, I didn’t get why we had to move and when I asked. He told me we needed a fresh start, I was ok with that, ok to get away from all the bullshit in New York, my parent’s death was all over the papers, I couldn’t stand seeing it plastered in my face all the time, so of course, I was happy to move.”
He paused for a second and glanced at me. “You still with me?” I nodded again, although my head was all over the place, but I wasn’t going to stop him now, I needed to know everything.
“Turns out Uncle Nick had a lot of money to, we moved into a fucking mansion, again I had no idea what he done for work, but as I grew up I got suspicious. I noticed him having secret meetings in his office, with men I had never seen before. I used to hide behind the door, just so I would hear what they were talking about and to this very day I fucking regret it, they were talking about guns, drugs, woman you name it and it was all fucking illegal.”
My eyes widened in shock, but I quickly masked my features, otherwise he would stop “One day he caught me snooping around in his office, I didn’t see much, just papers lying around, but Nick thought I had seen everything. He was pissed, real fucking pissed and that’s when he thought he had no choice but to tell me. So, he sat me down in his office and told me that my parents were murdered not because they were mugged, but by a man named Anton not at his hands, he never does he’s own dirty work, but by his goons hence why they could never find these alleged muggers, they left no evidence behind. When Nick told me, shit I wanted to kill him, that man took my parents away, but then I was angry, so fucking angry at my parents for bringing me up in a dangerous lifestyle I knew nothing about. If my dad were here today, he would’ve groomed me to be just like him, but it happened anyway it was my destiny. My dad dealt with gun shipmen’s, drug dealing shipment’s, money laundering, strip clubs, the list goes on and of course that made him a well-known man, my mom, she dealt with the books, the legal side of things, she kept the businesses running, the clean money flowing and kept employees in line. They had to work with Anton on this one shipment of drugs, he was below my parents, no one was in the same ranks as them, they were feared but also respected, but Anton was greedy he wanted it all, wanted to be the top fuckin dog so he killed them and took everything from them, their money, their business even their fucking employees.”
A humorous laugh escaped him, “Nick moved us to London because he was trying to re-build my parent’s name, he was getting things in order both here and in New York. Anton made my parents out to be rats, that they would rat on other criminals, so they would never get caught, it took a while for Nick to get people to gain his trust, but he done it. He got everything in line, we moved back to New York to take back what was rightfully ours, our compound, our life, our people and our businesses. Anton got wind of us coming back, he was pissed, but he knew he couldn’t touch us, which made him angrier. For years I worked by my Uncles side, helping him run Clubs, bar’s, hotels to launder our money in, to make it clean, we only stuck to dealing drugs, got out of gun dealing, we wanted to change our name become something bigger and better, but this time keeping our records clean, well as clean as they can be.”
He grabbed the empty glass from my hands and placed it on the table beside his, he shifted himself, so he faced me, he grabbed my hands, I looked down to our joined hands and back up to his eyes “Despite what you might think Eva, I’m not a bad man. I may have done some bad shit, seen some bad shit, but it was all with reason, I would never hurt an innocent person, you know, that right?”
“I do,” I said honestly. “But why stay in this life Kaden, why not come away from it, make a different name of yourself?”
“I am, that’s what I’m doing, with your brothers help. He doesn’t know as much as you now do, I like to keep him in the dark to protect him, he’s straightening out my businesses, making them clean. I’m making a better name for myself, I’m trying to get out of this world, but it’s hard Eva, shit it’s not easy, when everyone knows your family’s reputation, and Anton fuck I don’t know if he’s dead or alive because when Nick died, Anton disappeared into thin air, I’ve had people looking all over for him, but they can’t find him. I need to know if he’s coming for me, because I took back everything and left him with nothing, I need to know if he’s out for my blood” he squeezed my hands tightly, but not tight enough to the point of pain. “This is why I didn’t tell you, you knowing puts you in danger. He could hurt you, if he knows how much I care about you. You’ve always been my weak spot pretty girl.”
“So, uh,” I stumbled out. “What is it you do now, do you still deal drugs?” god, it sounded so foreign coming from my mouth, yet when the words came out they sounded casual.
“On the odd occasion, yes,” he told me truthfully. “But I have been trying to put a stop to it. I’ve been meeting with my father’s old associates letting them know I’m out of the illegal business, of course, in return I give them a name for a new supplier because it wouldn’t be fair to leave them empty handed, especially in that line of work. Some have taken it well, while others are pretty fucking pissed I’m getting out for good, they think it’s stupid I’m leaving my parents legacy behind, but shit I would hardly call it a legacy when it’s not something I want”
“That’s erm good then?” I replied, although it sounded like a question.
“Yes Eva,” he chuckled. “It’s very fucking good.”
“Erm ok then,” I laughed nervously. “I’m sorry, I really don’t know what to say about all of this. I mean it’s a lot to take in you know, I can’t just sit here and talk about the weather and pretend that you weren’t in the mafia because you are, then I would be lying to myself” I sighed “I’m kinder out of my depth here.”
“I know pretty girl,” he smiled. “It’s a lot of information, I was like you once, when my Uncle told me I couldn’t believe it. I wish it was some fucked up dream, but unfortunately for me it was my fucked-up reality.”
After a long pause, I broke the silence. “I’m sorry about your parent’s Kaden, no child should have to go through what you did, no child should even lose their parents at young age. For what it’s worth, regardless of how your family chose to live, I’m glad you had your Uncle.”
“My parents were good people Eva, even with the fucked-up shit they did. They loved me, gave me everything I could have ever imagined, they showered me with affection and I lost them too soon, same with my Uncle. I don’t want you to look at them as criminals, even if that’s what they were. Because that’s not who they were as people, as people they’re kind, loving, caring and everything you would expect a parent to be. I used to look at them with hatred, I was angry at them for a long time, but I couldn’t hate them, because they’re my parents and they loved me. Just as I do them.”
“Could I maybe ask you something?” my voice wobbled with nerves.
“Feel free to ask me anything you like Eva, I’ve told you that,” he laughed. “Fuck, I guess I’m an open book now anyway.”
“You said your uncle died from a heart attack, do you really believe that?”
“Do I fuck. It was Anton, I know it and my gut tells me it,” letting go of my hands, he dragged a hand down his face. “I need to find him Eva, before he finds me.”
I was about to ask a question, and I knew I shouldn’t because, I already knew what the answer would be and hearing it out loud would only make things more real. “What are you going to do once you find him?”
“I’m going to kill him Eva, like he killed my family.”
“Why?” I said. “Why not just leave it and move on, you don’t need blood on your hands Kaden.”
“Because Eva,” his tone is laced with anger. “He killed my family, he took my people away from me, he ripped my fucking heart out and he laughed doing it. He deserves to be killed, I’m in this for revenge, it was like this from the start,” grabbing our empty glasses he stood up. “Want a drink?” I nodded, because I so desperately needed a drink, if I was going to make any sense of this.
I wanted to kill Caleb for keeping this from me, but I also understood why he didn’t tell me, it was Kaden’s story to tell. A part of me was glad Caleb was helping Kaden straighten out his businesses, but another part of me was scared, he was out of his depth and he was placing himself directly in the line of danger. I felt for Kaden I really did, he was a scared little boy who got placed into a world he knew nothing of, but it made him who he was today, and I liked this Kaden maybe more than I should. I couldn’t help but see him as a little broken, I couldn’t begin to imagine how lonely this life had been for him, not being able to tell anyone, or confined in anyone, his words from our conversation back at my house floated in my mind it can be lonely I guessed he was right, he’s life had been lonely.
Kaden came back through and sat beside me, he handed me my drink. We sat quietly for a while, sipping at our whiskey. It was nice, the drink warmed my body, and gave me a calming buzz. I laid my head against the back of the sofa, the cushion was extremely comfortable, I closed my eyes and before I knew it I drifted off to sleep from exhaustion and alcohol.