MAYA

I was young and stupid, but that was no excuse. Everyone is young and stupid at some point in their life, but not everyone makes the mistakes I'd made. It all started when my brother Luke brought over a new friend. I was a senior in high school, a good girl. A girl my family could be proud of. I didn't go out and party like my brother. I studied. I worked hard. I was going to be a doctor one day, and that meant taking advanced classes while I was in high school, to prepare myself for college and beyond.

I was the white sheep of the family, my brother the black one. He would disappear for days on end, partying and drinking, until he finally couldn't party anymore. Even at twenty-one, he was still living at home. He worked mostly odd jobs – his latest one at a club in Chicago. Luke told me all about it, making it sound like an incredible opportunity, rather than the latest waystation on the road to nowhere he was on. But I'd listen as he told me how great it was to sling drinks and flirt with all the hot women – and to get paid for it too.

He'd apparently found his dream, and I guess that I had to be happy for him.

Every week, we had a family dinner. It was something of a tradition with my folks. Once a week, we'd all gather around the table and eat a home-cooked meal, all in one place. During the week, my father's job kept him away a lot and Luke was, well, Luke. He was hardly ever around. But he was good about never missing a family dinner. Mostly because mom would have had his hide if he had.

But I remember clearly, this one specific family dinner, when Luke brought a friend from work to our weekly family gathering.

“His name is Reese,” he told my mom beforehand.

“Reese isn't family, dear,” she said. “Only family should be at family dinner.”

Yeah, my mom was a bit uptight. Sometimes too uptight for her own good. But I had to admit that I agreed with her. At least on this one thing. I didn't want any of my brother's scumbag friends hanging out with us. Especially not on the one night we were supposed to come together as a family.

“He has no family, mom. I feel bad for the kid,” Luke complained. “Would you really turn away a guy who has no family instead of welcoming him into ours for an evening?”

I rolled my eyes as I listened from the living room. My brother knew how to work it and play on my mom's heart strings. It made me sick.

I heard my mom sigh as I walked into the kitchen. She put the lasagne in the oven and wiped her hands on her apron. She tried a little too hard to be the picture of the perfect mom – her perfectly coifed hair, the church dress, the pearls around her neck. She had that Donna Reed thing going on, but was exactly the type of woman I aspired to be. Except, of course, that I wanted a career. I gave her props for all she did, but being a stay-at-home mom wasn't for me. In that regard, I was more like my dad – who was a doctor too, of course.

“Fine, I guess I shouldn't be so cold,” she said. “Tell him he can come over, but please – and I beg of you, Luke – tell him to make sure he dresses properly. None of those baggy jeans and baseball caps at the table.”

I snickered. It was hard enough to get Luke to dress properly, especially back then. He was trying so hard to be a gangster type – baggy jeans, tennis shoes that cost his entire pay check, baseball caps turned backward with the brim left unmoulded. He didn't want people to believe he was the adult son of a doctor and a stay-at-home wife living in middle class suburbia outside of Chicago. That would have damaged his street cred or whatever he called it.

If Luke heard me laughing, he ignored me. Instead, he agreed – reluctantly – that they'd dress appropriately for the dinner table. Though, it didn't take a genius to know that his idea of appropriate and my mom's likely didn't match up too well. I figured we'd be lucky if he wore anything that even remotely resembled appropriate dinner table attire.

When he brought Reese over though, I wasn't surprised to see that the kid was wearing the exact attire that mom had said not to wear to the table. Of course, he was. So was my brother.

But Reese, unlike my brother, made it look natural. Unlike my upper middle-class, spoiled snot of a brother, Reese actually looked the part. His brown hair was shaggy and stylishly messy. And unlike my brother, he had the decency to take his hat off at the dinner table – something that surprised the hell out of me.

My mom shook her head, mumbling to herself about ungrateful kids, but she let it go without causing a scene. She never let us argue at the dinner table and always made sure to set the example for us.

I, of course, was dressed in a pink floral skirt with a white, button-up blouse. Not the type of outfit I'd wear to school, but for family dinner, I was expected to dress a little nicer than normal. My father usually wore whatever he wore to work that day – usually a shirt and tie.

“Luke, would you care to say grace?” my mom asked, shooting him a look of pure death that was camouflaged by a saccharine sweet smile, of course.

“I'd rather not,” my brother said. “I'm sure Maya would be more than willing though.”

It was my father, the one who normally didn't like confrontation, who started the dinnertime prayer. I bowed my head, but caught myself staring over at Reese with wide eyes. He pretended to bow his head, but while everybody had their heads lowered, he looked around our dining room, his eyes almost as wide as mine, but probably for different reasons.

I was staring because Reese was actually pretty hot. My dorky brother usually had dorky-looking friends, but this time, his friend wasn't so bad on the eyes. So, sue me. I was a warm-blooded high school girl who didn't get much attention from boys because I was shy and often kept my face hidden by a book. But there was an older guy, someone with a little more experience behind him than the stupid boys in my high school class. I stared until Reese caught me staring. I quickly looked away, my cheeks flushed with embarrassment.

My father ended the prayer and we all started eating. I kept my eyes lowered and tried hard not to get caught staring again. I was, after all, a dorky high school girl and he was a cooler, older guy who worked at a club. There was no way, in a million years, my brother's best friend was going to look twice at me.

But a girl could dream, couldn't she?

* * *

“Dude, where did you get the money for that?” my brother asked.

We were hanging out in the living room, watching television as I pretended to study, and my brother was on the phone – talking to Reese most likely.

“I'm so jealous, dude,” he said, shaking his head.

“Could you please be quiet –” I started to ask him, but it was my mom who beat me to it.

“Please don't make us listen to your conversations, Luke,” she said. “Take it to your room.”

“Nah, it's fine,” Luke said. “He's coming over anyway.”

“Who is?” I asked, already knowing the answer and feeling the heat rise in my cheeks.

“Reese, Duh. He just bought a killer new sound system for his car and wants to show it off,” he said.

“Where does he get the money for stuff like that?” my mom asked.

It was a question that had occurred to me, but one I never really pursued because it really didn't matter all that much to me. But I had thought about it briefly given that my brother worked at the same club and couldn't even afford his own toilet paper – he made our parents buy it for him.

“I dun no. Side jobs and stuff,” Luke said, not meeting our gaze. “What's it matters to you? At least he's making a living, right?”

“Unlike someone we know,” I muttered under my breath.

“You're just jealous and you have a massive crush, Maya,” Luke said. I turned bright red. “But keep dreaming. There's no way he'd ever be into a nerdy little high schooler like you.”

“I don't have a crush,” I lied, looking down at my textbook as if mitochondria and nuclei were the most interesting subjects on the planet. “I would never have a crush on one of your loser friends, Luke.”

“Ha. Yeah, right. We both see the way you gawk at him every time he comes over,” he sneered. “You're not fooling anyone.”

“Enough!” My mom shouted, putting her hands up between us. “Stop it already. Just stop arguing. I'm trying to watch my movie.”

I glared at Luke and he smirked at me. He knew he was right. And even worse, I knew he was right. He knew I had a crush on Reese, and no matter what I said, there was no denying it. And now that Reese knew, well, that would make running into him even more awkward than it already was.

I picked up my textbook, slammed it shut and walked toward my room. The tears were fresh in my eyes and stung, but I couldn't cry in front of Luke. I couldn't give my obnoxious brother anymore reason to smirk or laugh at me than he already had.

Only a few more weeks until graduation, then I was off to college, I reminded myself. I'd be going to North-western, so not terribly far – but far enough that I would be able to avoid my brother and his friend. I'd meet other boys at college and forget that Reese even existed, I was sure of it. I was going to meet more worthy boys, not boys who worked at nightclubs and likely sold drugs on the side to live an expensive lifestyle that he otherwise shouldn't have been able to afford.

It was hard being eighteen and a virgin still, but I'd survive. One day, I'd find the right boy and we'd have sex and it would be magical. Reese would be a distant, shameful memory. And sooner or later, he'd wise up and drop my brother, the wannabe gangster. Then I would be the one laughing at Luke.

But until then, I'd hide away in my room, do what I needed to do to get ready for college, and escape from it all. I'd watch from my window as the two of them played basketball, laughing to myself as Reese obliterated my brother every time. Luke sucked at basketball – most sports, really. He only played so he could look cool next to his new friend from the city. The basketball hoop attached to our garage was just beneath my window, so sometimes they'd catch me watching. Luke would flip me off, Reese would roll his eyes and pretend I wasn't there.

But I could always find some measure of escape in my room. And by escaping, I, of course, meant masturbating, because God knew, I was still very much a young, warm blooded woman with needs and desires that needed to be met.

And yes, I often imagined Reese while I touched myself. Because I knew that he was just the right type of bad who could talk me out of my panties. He'd let me do all the dirty things my heart desired – and I wouldn't have to feel guilty about any of them. Not with Reese.

Not that it would ever happen, of course.

Which is why they were called fantasies.

* * *

A Few Months Later

Allie poked her head into my room with an overzealous smile. “We're all going to a club downtown, wanna join us?”

Inwardly, I groaned and stared down at the textbook in my lap. I was studying for a test, my first one in my chemistry class and I wanted to ace it. But there was some small spark of desire in me to get out and have some fun.

“Come on, the test isn't until next week, Maya,” Allie said, rolling her eyes at me. “Don't you want to get to know your sorority sisters?”

Yes, my sorority sisters. Me, of all people, had pledged a sorority – though, it hadn't been my choice. No, my mother had insisted I pledge. She'd been a Delta Lambda back in her college days and wanted her little girl to be her legacy. Even though sororities were so not my thing. I got in – thanks to my mother being an alumna – but I never really fit in. The girls – and my mother – kept trying to get me to come out of my shell, but it hadn't taken very well.

“You're a smart girl, Maya. Smarter than most people I know,” my mother had once told me. “You don't have to study all the time to do well. Go out with your sisters, make some memories. Heck, maybe meet a good man like I did with your father.”

I tried telling my mom I wasn't interested in meeting a husband, not while I was in college. Not with medical school on the horizon. I didn't want that to deter me from my dreams. I could meet a husband afterward, once I'd gotten settled into my career. I had plenty of time and wasn't in any hurry.

And as far as the sorority went, well, I wasn't thrilled to be a sorority girl. Though, I had to admit – if only to myself – that it was nice to have friends and feel like I was part of the cool crowd for a change. I knew my mom was right about getting out and creating memories with my newfound friends. I didn't want to look back at this part of my life twenty years into the future and remember that all I had were books and tests in my life. There was a part of me that wanted some fun and some wild stories to tell. And Allie seemed cool enough – so did a few of the other girls.

“What club? You know I can't get into most clubs because I'm not twenty-one –”

Allie held up what appeared to be an ID – an ID I knew had to be fake. “We have you covered, girlie. And we're headed to the Neon Dragon – that hip place downtown.”

The Neon Dragon. Why did that name ring a bell? Then it hit me. My brother worked there. At least, he had once upon a time. Not that long ago really. He'd not so surprisingly managed to get himself fired for drinking on the job. His good friend Reese still worked there, though. If I was going to go – and I was leaning toward going – I knew I would just have to avoid the DJ booth since he knew I wasn't twenty-one.

“I've never been to a club before,” I said, biting my lip. “I don't think I even know how to dress for it.”

Allie squealed with delight, as if I'd already told her I was going. I hadn't given her an affirmative answer yet, but she heard one anyway.

“That's fine, you can borrow something from me or my roomie – you're about the same size as Lauren, I think. You have some curves on ya, girlie – you can totally look sexy, you know. In the right outfit, with the right makeup – you'll be a sex kitten in no time, doll.”

I cringed. “I'm so not a sex kitten.”

“Don't you worry, we can change that,” Allie said with a wink. “Come on, let's get you dressed!”

Allie took my hand, yanking me from my bed and onto my feet. My textbook fell to the floor with a clatter and a rustle of pages as she dragged me down the hallway to her room. When we entered, Lauren – a stunning blonde girl with crystal blue eyes – gave me the stink eye. She was sitting at her desk, staring at herself in the mirror as she meticulously applied her eyeliner – acting for all the world as if she was painting the Sistine Chapel. Maybe in her mind, she was.

“She's going?” Lauren asked, not bothering to look up from the mirror.

“If we can get her the perfect outfit, yes,” Allie said with a smile. “Won't this be fun? A makeover for Maya!”

Yeah, fun. Right. I sat down on Allie's bed nervously. “Well if she doesn't want me to go, I can –”

Lauren turned around, one eye finished, the other makeup-free. It was sort of odd – yet magical – how she could do so much with makeup. Her eyes looked like they belonged to different people.

“No, I think it'll be fun,” Lauren said. “She needs to loosen up a bit, anyway.”

“Loosen up a bit?” I scoffed.

Both Allie and Lauren looked at me, eyebrows raised. They didn't need to say a word; I knew what they were thinking and knew they were right.

“I'll pick out the outfit,” Allie said, opening up the closet door and rummaging through it, tossing skirts and sparkly items I couldn't make out onto the bed next to me. “You get her makeup, Lauren.”

“Can you do that to me?” I asked, motioning toward her eye.

“Do what?” she asked, cocking her head to the side, confused.

“The thing – with your eyes.” I moved my finger around the corners of my eye. “The eyeliner, I mean.”

Lauren laughed, turning toward the mirror and getting to work on her other eye. “Wow, this is really going to be interesting, Allie. What a nice little project this one will be.”

I wanted to argue that I wasn't a project or a toy – but again, I knew they were probably right. I hardly ever wore makeup. Maybe a little lip gloss or powder, but that was it. I just didn't spend as much time dolling myself up as some of the girls.

As I stared into the big mirror across from me, my auburn hair was pulled back in a messy bun, my pale white face was covered in freckles. I had a hard time imagining myself looking like either of them – both Allie and Lauren were the perfect cheerleader types and every man's fantasy. Blonde hair, blue eyes, perfect makeup and hair, clothing and accessories not unlike what you'd see on a runway.

And there I was, messy hair, freckled face, in penguin pyjama pants and an old grey t-shirt. The exact opposite of the girls in front of me.

So yeah, maybe I was a bit of a project.

* * *

Allie picked out an outfit for me - a black skirt that hugged my hips and fell just below my butt and a sheer long-sleeved red top that showed off my black bra clearly. I stared in the mirror and gawked at my reflection. Sure, I had a nice figure from having parents that scrutinized every little thing I ate, but this was showing it off a bit too much.

“Lovely,” Allie said, beaming with pride. “What do you think, Lauren?”

“I think that top looks better on me, but whatever,” she said, rolling her eyes. “She looks awesome though. Can't even tell she's a bookworm.”

“Now for the hair...” Allie said, pulling my messy bun loose. My auburn waves fell over my shoulders and Allie looked impressed. “Nice. I'll just clean those waves up and that should work.”

Lauren pulled me over and applied makeup, but wouldn't let me look in the mirror until I was done. Allie stood over her shoulder, watching and commenting as she worked. I'd never had someone apply my makeup before, so it felt weird – as weird as wearing fake eyelashes and eyeliner, both a first for me. My eyelashes felt heavy, the makeup felt thick on my face. I almost felt like a clown, like these girls were playing a joke on me, but when Lauren turned me around – I didn't recognize the girl looking back at me in the mirror.

“What do you think?”

“It's – or rather, I'm – beautiful,” I said softly, touching my cheek. It was powdery soft.

My eyes were larger – almost too large for my face. The green in my hazel eyes shone brighter than before, thanks to the eyeshadow Lauren used. My lips were supple and red, but there was no sticky lip gloss in sight.

“You like?”

“I love it,” I said, a note of awe in my voice.

The two girls smiled proudly behind me. “See? There's hope for her yet.”

I wasn't sure what Allie was talking about, but it didn't matter. They rounded up the other girls, all of whom were surprised by my transformation, and we headed downtown to the Neon Dragon.

Even though it had been months since I'd last seen Reese – and I doubt he'd remember me anyway – I had to wonder what he'd think of me now. The new me. The prettier, less nerdy me.

I couldn't wait to run into him and see what he thought – see if he regretted missing out on this new me. As we rode in the Uber, all of us crammed together in the car, I couldn't help but wonder if that was my motivation for doing this. After everything my brother had said, all the mocking and teasing about my crush on his friend and him telling me that Reese just thought I was weird, I was going to show them once and for all.

I was sure this wasn't what my mom had in mind when she told me to be social, but hell, I was doing exactly what she wanted me to do.

And I'd show them all.

ooo000ooo

The first thing I noticed upon entering the club was that no one – and I mean no one – was sober. Most of the people around me looked stoned or high, staring off into space and dancing like they were off in their own little world – which, they probably were. Electronic music blasted through the speakers, drowning out any potential conversation you might want to have, and the place reeked like booze and vomit.

Very glamorous indeed.

We pushed our way through the crowds, headed to the bar. I had a wristband that was given to me at the door saying I was, indeed, twenty-one. Even though I wasn't.

“What'll you have, beautiful?” The bartender asked. He was a good-looking guy, so to hear him call me beautiful made me blush.

And I continued to blush as I tried to think of what to order. There weren't any menus like at restaurants and I'd never ordered a drink before, so I was at a loss. I stared, wide-eyed at the bartender and then turned to my friends who laughed at my naiveté.

“Let's do shots!” Allie shouted. “Together, as sisters, come on!”

She ordered the shots and the bartender – his name was Chad – poured and passed them out to us. I had no idea what I was holding, but it smelled like death. It was clear, and once Allie gave the word, I followed the lead of my sisters and drank it down. It burned my throat and for a second, I feared I might throw it all back up.

“What the hell was that?” I asked Allie.

“Vodka.”

“Straight?” I said.

“Yeah,” she smiled. “Good stuff, huh?”

Not really – it tasted like ass, I thought to myself. I decided to take it easy from there on out, and told Chad to surprise me with something yummy. He smiled as he put together some mysterious concoction and then passed me a brightly colored drink with an umbrella poking out the top.

“Sex on the Beach. It's a good beginner's drink,” he said with a wink. “Think of it like the training wheels of the drinking world.”

“What do you –”

“I can tell it's your first time,” he said with a smirk. “I can always tell when it's a girl's first time.”

The double entendre wasn't lost on me. I thanked him and turned away, blushing, as I sipped the fruity concoction, which was actually pretty good, I was surprised to find. The girls started dancing, yanking me to the floor with them. I started dancing – or tried to at least – but I was terrible at it. While they all looked graceful and sexy grinding against one another on the dance floor, I was positive I looked like a hippo with two left feet trying to work it out on the dance floor.

As I stood there, unsure of what to do, my eyes fell on the DJ booth. And that’s when I saw him. Reese Williams. My brother's best friend. He was working the booth, focusing on what he was doing – except when someone walked over and talked to him. A beautiful Asian girl walked over to him and handed him some cash. He handed her something in return and flashed her a smile that could melt hearts – or the panties right off some young, horny girl.

It was all so curious to me.

I turned to find Allie and Lauren, but found that they were gone. While I'd been busy watching Reese, I'd lost them in the crush of bodies on the dance floor. Nearing panic, I pushed toward the booth, hoping to find my friends in the process, but had no such luck. Of course, I didn't. One of my other sisters though – Ashley – was busy making out with a guy. Other than her though, I saw nobody else from my sorority.

I kept moving though, and before I knew what I was doing, I found myself at the DJ booth. I stood there awkwardly, looking up at Reese who didn't even notice me – typical. I started to turn and walk away – the heels killing my feet – when I heard his voice behind me.

“Need something, sexy?”

Nah, he wasn't talking to me. I kept walking, but was stopped by a couple who'd stopped to make out – right in my path. I couldn't get around them as they were groping at each other, so I turned back around, only to find Reese staring directly at me.

“I asked if you needed anything,” Reese asked, shouting down from the DJ booth.

“Uhh what?” I asked, walking toward him, not sure I'd I heard him correctly. “Need something?”

“I guess not,” he said with a smile. “I was just hoping a pretty thing like you –”

He stopped and stared for a moment before jumping down from his spot at the DJ booth and got right up in my face. His eyes grew wide as recognition crossed his face.

“You're Luke's sister, right? Luke McConnell?”

“Uh yeah, my name is –”

“Maya. Yeah, I remember,” he said. “Though I don't remember you looking' like this. Damn.”

His gaze moved all over my body as he undressed me with his eyes.

“Damn indeed,” he said, returning to look me in the eye. “Wanna step away for a bit?”

“What?” I asked. “Step away? Aren't you working?”

“Yeah, but later, I mean. Hang out for a bit.”

“Hang out?” I felt my knees wobbling beneath me. Reese wanted to hang out with me, the nerdy, seriously uncool sister of his friend?

“Yeah,” Reese said, scratching his chin as he smiled at me, a charming smile that had won me over time and time again. He was smooth, that was for sure. “Just you and me, if you know what I mean.”

“You and me,” I muttered.

I only had a second to decide what to do. I could turn him down, sure, which was the right thing to do. Given the fact he was nothing but trouble and I was on my way to medical school, I knew there was no way anything could work out between us. He was a baller – into drugs and basketball and hanging out on the streets. And I was a good girl. Totally opposite worlds.

Good girls didn't hang out with guys like him – especially when those guys don't even look twice at them until they were in a short skirt and showing off some cleavage. There was only one thing Reese wanted from me – I was inexperienced but not naive. I knew exactly what would happen if we got together.

“Sure,” I said, feeling a smile on my own face. “That sounds nice.”

“Yeah, that sounds real nice,” he said, stepping in just a little bit closer, close enough that I could feel his breath against my face and see those brown eyes boring into mine. “Meet me here at closing. We can head over to my place.”

“Alright,” I said, feeling like my heart might explode in my chest. I was doing this. I was going over to Reese's house to hook up. After all that time spent mooning over him – not to mention touching myself thinking about him – this was really happening. “See you then.”

As I turned to walk away, I felt his gaze upon me, staring at my ass as I walked. I swished it, just a bit extra for him. Giving him a little show. Of course, I nearly fell in my high heels, so I had to grab onto the nearest bar stool for support and pray he didn't see it.

* * *

I told my friends I'd met someone – an old friend. He was an old friend – sort of. If you really stretched the definition of friendship, anyway. I told them I was going to hang out with him for a while and that they should just go on back to the house without me.

Allie was shitfaced and had no idea what was happening. Lauren couldn't care less. She waved at me as they climbed into their Uber, but that was it. That was the last I saw of them before I headed back inside. The place was emptying out as security tried to usher the remaining people from the premises. There were a few drunk couples still getting handsy with one another and a few drunk guys that tried to get me to dance with them, but I was on a mission.

I walked over to the DJ booth as Reese was packing up. It was late and I was tired, but there I was, walking up to Reese as we'd discussed.

“You ready, beautiful?” he said.

“Yeah, just one thing –”

Reese raised an eyebrow, but waited for my response.

“Don't tell my brother you saw me.”

“Ah hell no,” Reese said with a laugh. “No way would I tell your brother anything. As far as he knows, I've never seen you outside the times we've been at your house together. And this Maya – this sexier version I never knew existed – will remain a secret too.”

I smiled. “Good. My family doesn't need to know about this.”

“Your secret is safe with me, baby,” he said.

His voice was as smooth as chocolate and it dripped with sensuality. It was as if he knew he held me rapt in some magic spell. He probably did – or at least knew how to seduce a woman and was very good at it. There was no way I was his first.

Reese leaned in and kissed me, as he ran his hands through my long hair. He held my face and kissed me the way I'd always wanted him to kiss me. Then his hands moved down, over my body and for a moment, I feared we might not make it back to his place.

But Reese pulled away, leaving my mouth and my body yearning for more. I whimpered as he pulled away, my eyes wide as I stared at him, wanting him with every inch of my body.

“We should get going,” he said.

He took my hand in his, and together, we walked out of the club – which was pretty much empty, except for a few employees cleaning up the mess that had been left behind. No one even noticed as the two of us walked out of the club together. I was probably not the first woman Reese escorted out of the club after work. And hell, I probably wouldn't be the last. But it didn't matter. I was getting my wish. My one desire.

ooo000ooo

Reese lived down the street from the club, right in the heart of downtown Chicago. The part of town my parents told me to avoid, of course. But what did they know? I was a big girl now. Besides, what they didn't know wouldn't hurt them in the least.

We walked into his building – which was situated above a liquor store, tucked away upstairs.

“Sorry, no elevator. Old building,” he said as we started up the stairs, “But I'm only on the 2nd floor.”

“That's fine,” I said, cursing my heels and wishing I had worn more suitable shoes. After a long night at the club, my feet were begging for sweet relief.

We reached his apartment door on the second floor and Reese unlocked it. Apartment 207. For some reason, I'd always wondered where he lived and had sometimes imagined what it would look like. I knew he didn't live like my family did – in a nice, two story house in the suburbs – but I always wondered what his life might be like. Part of my interest in Reese was that he was so different than me. I'd never met someone like him before. All of the guys I went to school with were preppy and well-off, living in houses that resembled my own. We were all very much the same, living the same cookie cutter existences – but Reese was different.

I think that's what caught Luke's attention too. My brother so badly wanted to be someone else, to not be the loser in a family of winners. Reese offered him that, but little did Luke know, Reese was still the better person. Because in the end, Reese could hold down a job and lived relatively well for someone on his own in the city. Unlike my brother, Reese wasn't relying on somebody else to buy his toilet paper for him.

Reese's apartment wasn't what I expected, though. I guessed that I'd sort of figured flashy car and the expensive shoes meant he was well-off. But he lived in a studio apartment that was a little beat up and run down. There was a futon folded down into a bed already against one wall, a 52-inch flat screen tv hanging on the wall opposite the bed. And there was an Xbox hooked up beneath it. He had expensive electronics, but everything else seemed to be somewhat lacking.

Perhaps it was less about not having the money, however, and more about where his priorities were at.

“Want something to drink?” he asked, opening up the fridge. He pulled out a beer and offered it to me.

“Uhh no thanks,” I said. “Just some water, please.”

Reese reached over his head into the cabinet above the fridge and pulled out a plastic cup that said Bernie's Burgers on it. He handed it to me and I just stared at him blankly.

“Oh, sorry, I don't have any ice or anything,” he mumbled.

“Oh, okay.”

I walked into the kitchen and turned on the tap, filling up the cup. My hands were shaking to the point that I was slopping water out of the cup – I just didn't exactly know why they were shaking so badly.

“You know, maybe I'll take a beer instead,” I said, biting my lip.

Deep down, I was hoping the beer might calm my nerves a bit – or just numb them altogether. I needed to loosen up. I came to Reese's knowing what was likely going to happen, and yet, there I was – terrified. I needed to chill out, relax a bit. Maybe a beer would do the trick, even if I hated the taste.

“Here ya go, beautiful,” he said, handing me the beer.

I put the cup in the sink, and Reese took my hand again, this time leading me into the room that served as his living room and bedroom. He smiled at me – that boyish smile that often caused me to go weak in the knees.

He gave me an enigmatic, but still somehow salacious smiled. “Come over here, sexy.”

Not like I was going anywhere. Not now, anyway. I followed him over to his futon, which was actually really comfortable once we sat down upon it. It was softer and fluffier than I imagined it to be. And the view from his bed was of the city street – which was alive and full of people and cars. Even at that hour. It was nice, actually. Not what I was used to, but it was nice.

The shaking in my hands stopped long enough for me to take a drink from the bottle of beer. I tried very hard to hide my disgust as I swallowed the beer down. Reese laughed and took the bottle from my hands.

“Not your cup of tea, huh, baby?”

“Not really,” I said, trying not to blush.

“That's fine,” he said. His hand moved from my hand, up my arm and he started stroking my shoulder as he leaned forward, his delicious lips inches from my own. “We don't need to do much drinking anyway.”

His hand grabbed the back of my head and pulled me into him. He kissed me long and hard. It was dizzying and full of passion. His tongue danced with mine, sending me my head spinning. This wasn't real. I wasn't actually about to have sex with a man I'd fantasized about for so long – was I? It was all a dream. Had to be. Just another fantasy, right?

Except, in my fantasies, we were never in a crappy studio apartment on a futon. We were somewhere more romantic, somewhere more luxurious than that. No, the fact that we were in that crappy studio, on that futon meant it had to be real. And the realness of the moment hit me hard, making me pull away, just to gasp for air and get my bearings again.

“What's wrong?” Reese asked, staring deep into my eyes. “You okay?”

“Nothing,” I muttered. “I'm just – well –”

I wasn't sure if telling him I was a virgin would be a good or a bad thing. I mean, I didn't want to scare him off. But if we did end up having sex, he was going to find out.

So, I lied, kind of. Split the truth down the middle. “I'm just not very experienced, that's all.”

Reese pushed my hair back from my face and smiled at me, his dark eyes taking me in like I was the most delicious feast a hungry man had ever sat down to. I could get lost in those eyes – something I always did when I was a stupid girl back home. It often led to awkward moments where I just stared at him, unable to articulate anything at all. But there, in that moment, I could stare all I wanted and it was delightful.

“But,” I continued, talking a little bit faster than normal, just to make sure I didn't ruin the moment, “I want this. I still want to do this.”

Reese looked worried for a second, and I thought perhaps I'd ruined everything after all. I was kicking myself mentally until he finally spoke.

“That's fine and all,” he said. “I just want you to know I'm not looking for anything serious, you know?”

“Oh no,” I said, eyes wide. “I have no preconceived notions about what this means, Reese. I'm not looking for a boyfriend either. I've got a lot going on. And I'll be heading off to medical school in a few years – I don't want to be tied down like that.”

An expression of relief flooded his face. “Good, because I didn't want to lead you on or anything. I wouldn't do you like that,” he said. “I'm actually leaving Chicago in a few weeks, heading off to Los Angeles for a new club gig and this could be huge for me. Could be my big break.”

“Oh wow, yeah, that's awesome,” I said. “And you don't have to worry about anything. I'm not naive or anything. Whatever happens tonight is just for tonight.”

That seemed to please Reese very much, as he said no more and that hunger returned to his eyes. He merely leaned in and started kissing me again as he pushed me onto my back. His hands moved under my shirt and teased my nipple, causing me to shudder as he kissed my neck. I gripped his shoulders as a fire ignited between my thighs.

My hands were in his hair, pulling him toward me. I had no idea what to do with myself, and Reese seemed content to do most of the work – so I let him. His hand moved from my breasts to somewhere much lower. I gasped as his hands moved under my skirt and up my thighs. As he came closer to my most intimate parts, I felt my nerves take hold of me once more, and I felt myself starting to freak out. But this time, I managed to keep it under control and to myself.

Oh, my God, this is really happening.

As Reese slipped a finger past my panties and slid it inside of me, I moved my hips upward, surprised at the sudden sensation that flooded my body. I'd touched myself countless times, but this was the first time someone else had touched me – it felt weird and wonderful all at the same time.

His finger moved in and out of me, slowly and rhythmically, as he kissed me.

“Nice and tight, just like I thought you'd be,” he murmured in my ear.

I whimpered as he pushed not one, but two fingers inside of me. Slowly and deeply. My eyes grew wide as he fingered me, preparing me for what was to come. I was ready, mentally, but I knew my body needed to relax – if it didn't, it was going to hurt. And I didn't want it to hurt. I didn't want Reese realizing I was a virgin, not if I could help it. That would just make it seem even more awkward.

Reese started removing his pants, and I watched as they fell to the floor, exposing himself to me – something I'd only imagined for so long. As I took him all in, I felt like my eyes might pop out of my head as I stared at him, naked, for the first time.

Most women I'd heard talking might consider him average – maybe slightly above average. I had nothing to compare it to, but the idea of taking that inside of me shook me up, just a bit. He was larger than my toys, larger than anything I'd put inside of me before. And as I stared at him, I knew it was going to take some getting used to.

Reese fell on top of me, pressing himself against me. I felt how hard he was as he pressed against me, pressed against my opening just beyond my panties. He wasn't even going to remove my clothing, I realized. So, I decided to help him out a bit. I sat up as best I could with him pressing me down me and lifted the see-through shirt over my head, exposing the black bra underneath. Reese gave me a coy smile as he reached behind my back and unlatched it, like a pro, letting it fall to the bed softly.

He stared at my breasts for a moment before taking my nipple between his lips, sucking on it gently. I writhed against him, taken by surprise at the pleasure coursing through my body as he licked and sucked on my nipple. Never before had I played with my nipples, so I had no idea they were so sensitive, but as he sucked on it, I felt myself growing wetter and more turned on by the second.

Reese spread my thighs with his hand and I felt him pressing against me. His erection was pushed against my panties – the only thing separating him from me. And with one sudden movement, he pulled my panties down, removing them, but leaving my skirt on, but then pushed it up over my hips.

I was pretty much naked for him to see now. And judging by the way his gaze fell upon me and the light of lust burning bright in his eyes, I knew he enjoyed the view.

“Mmm, I never knew you had such a tight little body underneath your frilly dresses, Maya,” he said, pressing the tip of his cock against my opening.

I was too focused on his cock; I couldn't even respond. I was mentally preparing myself for what was to come next – taking him inside of me. The mere thought of it scared me, but drove me wild at the same time. And as if acting of its own volition, my body thrust upward, trying to close the distance and take him into me.

Reese kissed me as he slipped the tip of his cock inside of me, spreading me open bit by bit. I grabbed onto him, eyes wide, as the sensation of him entering me took over. It hurt, yes, but there was more to it than that. The feeling of him being inside of me, even just a little bit, was amazing. My heart was thundering in my chest, the fire between my thighs burned hotter than ever before, and I could feel how absolutely wet and slick I'd become. I stared into those dark eyes as he thrust deeper into me, spreading me open wider than ever before. I'd never been stretched like that before, and it was all so surreal, yet so wonderful at the same time.

I whimpered, just a bit, as he thrust the rest of his stiff cock inside of me. Reese seemed to think it was a sign of pleasure as he filled me up with his cock, and made sure to go even deeper, ripping me open with one final push. I screamed this time – it was a scream of both pleasure and pain as I took every inch of him deep inside of me.

Reese groaned, his eyes rolling back in his head. “So fucking tight,” he said through gritted teeth.

Slowly, our bodies started moving in rhythm together as Reese started fucking me. He was gentle, for the most part, as he moved in and out of me, kissing me as he thrust in and pulled out, moving slowly at first, only gradually speeding up.

I was having sex, I thought to myself. I was actually having sex with Reese. It was just like I'd always fantasized about – well, almost, anyway. It was surreal. I was really there beneath him. He was really inside of me. And the look on his face was one of pure bliss as he ravished my body, pumping his thick cock into me again and again, harder and faster, drawing screams and moans out of me.

The expression on his face as he stared d down at me while fucking me was a look I'd never forget. With our foreheads pressed together, staring deeply into one another's eyes, he looked as if he finally saw me as someone other than Luke's annoying little sister. I was a woman – a sexy woman at that.

As my body got used to the sensations that rocked me, I started moving in time with him – meeting his thrusts with my own, allowing him to go even deeper inside of me. My nails were buried in his back, drawing a hiss from him as I held on for dear life while he pumped his cock into my hard and fast...

I didn't expect to orgasm, not my first time, but the sensation built up in my body. I could feel it coming on, the pleasure washing over me, and I knew from all that time I'd spent masturbating what an orgasm would be like. Or so I thought.

But as I came, my body shuddered wildly, making me feel like I was completely out of control of myself. I screamed in pleasure – this was nothing at all what it felt like when I took care of myself. It was so much better. My every nerve ending felt like it was on fire and like I had electricity coursing through my veins. Reese smiled as he watched while I writhed underneath him, continuing to move in and out of my tight little hole with the precision of a man who knew exactly what he was doing.

I felt my pussy tighten up around his cock, spasming around it, and Reese's eyes grew wide. An animalistic groan escaped his throat as he buried himself deep inside of me in one long, hard thrust. I felt his cock pulsating and I wondered if this was what it felt like to have a man come inside of you. His breathing was ragged and the sounds coming from his throat were of desperation and need, and I watched as he squeezed his eyes shut and just stayed there, deep inside and pulsating inside of my tight, wet, little pussy. I felt a warm wetness inside of me that I knew wasn't from me – it had to be Reese's seed pumping into me.

“Fuck,” he said, collapsing on top of me. “That was amazing.”

I had no words. I couldn't even speak. My body was still in shock from everything that had just happened, and I laid there, motionless, trying to learn how to breathe all over again. But I had to admit, – it had been amazing. My body was still coming down from the high of having a real orgasm – it was unlike any I'd experienced before.

His cock was still in me, but I felt it growing soft and after a moment, he pulled it out. A rush of warmth covered my thighs as he removed his cock from me. Such a strange feeling, I thought. To have his cum inside of me, to have it come pouring out like that. Such a strange and new feeling.

But I loved it.

I loved everything about it.

Reese leaned down and kissed me as he flopped down beside me. He pulled me into him, resting my head on his chest so I could hear his breathing and his heartbeat. He kissed the top of my head, but neither of us said anything for a long while.

There was nothing I could say, really. I just kept thinking about what I'd said earlier. When I thought – and told him – I could do this once and move on without a second thought, had I been wrong? Had I been lying to myself? Because deep down, I so badly wanted to stay with him, to experience the magic of having him inside of me again and again, to cuddle up to his warm body afterward. I wanted it even more now that I'd had a taste – and I feared no other man would do for me.

Reese, was it. He was the one. I was sure of it.

But then I reasoned with myself that all girls probably think like that after their first time. Besides, I had medical school and he had the job in LA.

It simply wasn't meant to be. We had our moment and that moment was now over.

This one time, this one memory – it had to be enough.

* * *

“Maya, what are you doing in there? I need to use the bathroom!” Allie banged on the door.

I just sat there, staring at myself in the mirror and feeling like nothing was real. This wasn't happening to me. It couldn't be.

No, no, no, I kept saying to myself. As if repeating it would somehow make it so. I wasn't crying. I didn't feel anything. I just stared at the little stick with the blue lines and thought it had to be wrong.

But it was the third one I'd taken. The third one that said it was true. The third positive I'd had that day.

I didn't answer Allie even though she kept shouting at me through the door. There was another bathroom she could use in the house. Somewhere else. Right now, I needed to be alone. I needed to keep staring at that little stick, praying that somehow I was reading it all wrong. But my thoughts were all jumbled and I couldn't pull myself together. My head was spinning and my heart was pounding. What was I going to do?

“Maya?” Allie said. This time her voice was softer, it sounded concerned.

“Yes,” I responded, my voice cracking. “I'm still in here.”

“Are you okay? Are you sick?”

You could say that.

“I'm fine,” I lied.

“You don't sound fine,” she said.

The doorknob rattled as she tried to open it, but I'd had the foresight to lock it.

“Listen, if this is about what Lauren said about you putting on weight, just ignore her. We all know she's a bitch –”

“It's not that,” I said softly.

“Then what is it?” she asked. “Come on, I'm your best friend, aren't I? You can tell me anything, you know that.”

Allie had quickly become my closest friend, so yes, she was right. She was my best friend. But I still felt so terribly alone. I didn't want to tell a soul. The fear and the shame that were gripping me so tightly were overwhelming. I just wanted to stay in this bathroom and hide away until I woke up from what had to be a terrible, horrible dream.

But I knew I couldn't go through this alone. Because it wasn't a dream, it was reality. And I needed help to get through this. Allie was all I had – the only person I could trust.

With tears stinging my eyes, I opened the door.

Allie stepped inside, her eyes on me. She looked concerned as she noticed the tears rolling down my cheeks. I looked at her and opened my mouth to speak, but couldn't find the words, so I closed it again. As I stood there before her, my best friend, I realized I didn't know how to tell her why I was crying – so I showed her instead. I picked up the pregnancy test and held it out to her. She didn't take it, she just looked down and a moment later, her eyes grew wide as she realized what she was staring at.

“Is this for real, Maya?” she asked me. “I mean, false positives aren't impossible, right?”

“It's the third one I've taken – all positive,” I said weakly.

To cover my face and hide away as best as I could, I put my head in my hands and fell to the floor. I was leaning against the bathtub, sobbing. I'd finally had to face the truth. I was pregnant.

“Who's the father?” Allie asked softly, sitting down beside me. “I didn't think you were seeing anyone –”

“I'm not,” I said. “It was a one-time thing. Just a one-nighter. So, goddamn stupid of me.”

“Shhh,” Allie said, pulling me into her and holding me close. “It's okay, Maya. It's going to be okay.”

Was it, though? How could it be? My life was forever changed and I felt like things would never be okay again.

“Well, there are ways we can handle this, clinics that will –”

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “No, let's not talk about that. I can't do that. My parents would kill me.”

“They don't even have to know, Maya,” Allie said.

I knew she was right. It would be so easy. My life could go back to normal in no time. I could go to the clinic, have an abortion and no one would ever have to know. It could be my little secret. And it could save my life. My plans. My dreams.

But I'd know. I'd always know what I'd done.

“It goes against everything I believe in, Allie,” I said, choking up. “I don't think I can, not easily.”

“Well, you can think about it, Maya. You still have some time, so just think about it, okay?”

I nodded. “Okay,” I said. “I'll think about it.”

But lying to my parents? How could I look at them in the eyes ever again if I did that? How could I sit down to dinner, stare them in the face and keep this secret from them? They might expect it of Luke, but they would be absolutely devastated if it came from me.

I knew I couldn't.

There was no way I could keep this from them. Even if I decided to do what Allie was suggesting, I had to tell my parents. I had to own up to my mistakes. Whether I liked it or not, I had to tell them I was pregnant and find a way to deal with the fallout.

“I'm going to tell my parents though,” I said, feeling marginally better for having decided that. “I have to.”

“Are you sure that's a good idea?” Allie asked, raising an eyebrow. “I don't know your parents, but I know you've mentioned how strict and religious they are –”

“It may not be a good idea, but it's what I have to do,” I said. “Besides, my dad is a doctor, he'll understand. He'll support me – he has to, right?”

Allie didn't look so sure, and honestly, I didn't feel so sure myself.

ooo000ooo

“Maya,” my mom said, surprise in her voice as I stepped inside my family home, “we weren't expecting you tonight. Don't you have classes in the morning?”

“Yes, and I'll get up early and drive in,” I said with a fake smile. “I just needed to see you guys.”

Her eyes softened as she hugged me, thinking I came home because I missed them.

“Where's dad?”

“He worked a little late, but he should be home any minute now.”

“Good,” I said, my voice shaky as I removed my coat and scarf, hanging them up on the coatrack behind the door. “And Luke? Is he out for the night?”

I was hopeful. The last thing I needed was for my brother to be there to judge me and to mock me – especially considering the fact that the father of the child was his own best friend. Not that he'd know that, if Reese had kept our secret, anyway. I hadn't spoken to Reese since that night. He'd taken me back to my sorority house the next morning, dropped me off with a kiss and said he was leaving for LA so we probably wouldn't see each other again. I'd felt a twinge of sadness as I watched him drive off, but that was the deal. That's what we'd agreed to.

I just hadn't expected that I'd end up pregnant because of it.

“I think so? He didn't come home from work last night, so I don't really know. You know your brother and his friends,” she said, rolling her eyes.

“Yeah, I do. All too well.”

“I'm just glad one of our children turned out well,” she said, beaming with pride as she stared at me.

I had to look away from her. There was no way I could meet her gaze with the secret I was holding onto. I couldn't tell them until dad was home. He was the doctor; he'd be the logical one. My mom was emotional and was always concerned with what others thought of us. There was no way she'd take the news well. Not when I was their precious little angel. Not when I'd be neighborhood gossip when this got out.

Thankfully, the front door opened a moment later and my father stepped through it, kissing mom and looking at me with surprise.

“Well, look who decided to stop by!” he said, hugging me tight.

My dad's hugs usually always seemed to make everything better – but not this time. Not even daddy's hug could make this situation better. But perhaps his advice would.

My entire body was trembling and I was fighting a nauseous feeling in my stomach. My dad pulled away and stared at me, concern in his eyes. He looked at me and I lost control of myself and my emotions and began to cry. Normally, there was so much pride for me in those eyes, and I'd let him down. How could I not cry? I was probably never going to see that look of pride on their faces ever again.

“What's wrong, sweetie?” my mom asked, stepping up and putting her arm around my shoulders.

And before I could stop myself, I blurted out the news. No preamble. No softening of the blow – just threw the cold, hard truth out there.

“I'm pregnant,” I said.

And the room went completely silent and it felt like all of the oxygen had been sucked out. Neither my mom nor my dad said a single word for a long moment, and I would have sworn that they weren't even breathing.

“I'm sorry, I really am,” I sobbed. “I didn't mean for this to happen –”

“Who's the –” I knew what my mom was going to ask long before she spit out the words, but she couldn't bring herself to finish the sentence.

Knowing how they felt about Luke's friends, and knowing that Reese has made it perfectly clear that he didn't want to be serious with me, I did the only thing I could think of – I lied.

“I don't know,” I said, rubbing my eyes. “I don't know. It was a mistake; it was a one night stand at a party and I have no idea. He left before I could get his name.”

My mom looked as if she'd seen a ghost. My dad's grip on my shoulders got tighter, but his face remained neutral. He just stared at me, and I couldn't tell what he was thinking or feeling. He just stared at me without saying anything at all.

My mom, on the other hand, took a seat, fanning herself as if she might pass out. But my dad stared at me, and I watched as the pride he'd had in me slipped away, bit by bit. He looked at me as if he didn't even know me, like I was a stranger to him.

And honestly, I felt like a stranger myself.

* * *

Several Years Later

“Elijah Michael McConnell, put that down!” my mom shouted.

Visiting my parents with my son was always an adventure. My mom, as much as she claimed to love children, really wasn't too fond of a toddler who liked to grab all the little trinkets off the shelves. Maybe it was because she'd thought she was past all of that. That she'd done her tour of duty raising kids and it was over. What with her own kids grown up and able to comprehend that the porcelain birds on the shelves were fragile and all. But I never remembered my mom being that strict or grumpy when I was a child myself.

My son, Elijah, was precocious too. I often said he was just like his father. He looked like him, not that anyone but me knew who his father was, but I could see it plain as day. His skin was a nice natural tan and he had the same dark eyes and dark hair that his dad did. Thankfully, no one else put two and two together – Reese was so far out of the picture, no one even mentioned his name anymore. Luke seemed to have all but forgotten about him. He was off in LA, living his dream and he'd forgotten about all of us there in the suburbs of Chicago.

And most of the time, I was thankful for that.

“What's he getting into now?” I asked, coming down the hallway.

I had stepped away to use the bathroom – that was it. A few minutes away and my mom was already freaking out because Elijah was getting into something – again.

I walked into the living room to find her hovering over Eli, standing over him and blocking him from getting to her shelves. She had one of her glass birds in her hand, holding it out of reach and Eli reached up for it, a smile on his face.

His father's smile.

“Maybe you should try putting those stupid birds up higher,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Why put something that looks like a toy – but is made of glass – within his reach? You're only tempting him and seriously, it's not worth the trouble.”

Yeah, that was the new me. I was no longer the dutiful daughter who never talked back. Once I'd lost my status as the family's golden child, I realized my parents weren't the perfect parents they pretended to be either. And now that I was a mother myself, I had grown up. A lot.

“Because it's my house, Maya, and I want to decorate it how I please,” my mom said.

I picked up Eli, propping him up on my hip and laughed. “Well, he's your grandson, so it's either put the birds up higher or expect them to get broken, because you know he's going to find a way over there when we're not looking.”

My mom scowled and placed the bird – a white dove – on the top shelf. Almost like she was admitting I was right without actually admitting it. Because I couldn't be right about anything. Not anymore.

Luke came downstairs at that moment, saw the way mom and I were staring at each other – probably felt the tension in the air – and laughed long and loud.

“It's so nice not being the biggest failure in this family,” he said and smiled wide.

It was a common insult, one he tossed at me whenever he had the chance.

“Oh shut up, Luke,” I said, bouncing Eli on my hip. “I'm still not a bigger screw-up than you. At least I went to college –”

“Only to drop out in your first semester because you got knocked up at a frat party,” he said, rolling his eyes. “But hey? Who am I to judge?”

I gritted my teeth and prepared to go off. I didn't want my son hearing crap like Luke was spewing. Right now, it didn't mean anything to him because he was so young and didn't understand. But one day, it would. And Luke had no right to talk to me like that.

“You're a disgrace, Luke McConnell,” I said, leaving the room and heading toward the kitchen.

I needed to get away from him before I went off and said some things I'd regret later. I couldn't let him get to me. I couldn't let my son see me this upset. Luke wasn't worth any of that.

I put Eli in the high chair and sat down in the breakfast nook, my head in my hands, tears streaming down my face. Luke was right though. Try as hard as I could to deny it, it was the truth – I was a failure. Medical school? Down the drain. I was taking classes at the community college in the evening, but there was no future for me as a doctor. Not anymore. I'd never be able to do that, not as a single mother.

Eli babbled, but all I could make out was, “Mama crying,” and instantly, my heart broke.

I didn't want my child to see me crying, especially about my future – or lack thereof. Especially, since my future included him. And he was very much a blessing. I never wanted him to feel like a burden or an unwanted presence. Never.

Yes, Allie had suggested an abortion and I could have done just that. If I had, I wouldn't be in my current situation and would probably already be in med school. But God, there was no way. Once I'd went to the doctor and confirmed what was happening to my body, I couldn't do it. I would never judge somebody else for having an abortion, but I couldn't do it. Not for me.

And despite the fact that my future looked way more uncertain and scary, my son was the best thing that had ever happened to me. I was thankful for him, and I could never, ever let him see me crying over the future I gave up to have him.

“No, mama isn't crying, Eli,” I said, wiping the tears away. “I'm fine. Now let's get you something to eat, okay?”

Eli smiled a toothy grin, his dark eyes so sweet and filled with so much love. My son was already getting so big; he was growing up. One day he'd hear the insults Luke threw at me and he'd understand that they were about him. Which was why I needed to put a stop to that. My son didn't need to feel like he was a burden. He was a choice. I chose to keep him. And that was a choice I never regretted – not even for a second, even though my dreams of being a doctor flew right out the window.

“What do you mean you're having a friend over? You know it's family dinner night,” my mom said as she and Luke walked into the kitchen. “It's for family only.”

Luke went to the fridge and pulled out a carton of milk, drinking from it before my mom shot him a dirty look. He grabbed a glass and rolled his eyes.

“Come on, mom. You know Reese. He's like family, isn't he?”

My heart stopped. Literally, it stopped in my chest as I fed Eli his animal crackers. I stared up at Luke, eyes wide, a nervous energy making my body hum.

“Reese? Didn't he move a long time ago?”

“Yeah, but he's back. The LA thing didn't work out too well,” he said.

“He's back?” I choked.

“Yeah, you deaf or what?” Luke turned to me with a scowl on his face. “Oh, you don't still have a crush on him, do you? He's not into MILF's, sorry.”

My hands were shaking, so I kept them underneath the table. I focused my attention on my son, trying to keep from fighting with my brother. You'd think that a twenty-five-year-old man wouldn't act like he was twelve, but he always got away with murder – even now. Mom let him talk to me this way, without so much as sticking up for me, and I hated it.

“He's not family,” I said., trying to answer for mom, hoping she'd agree with me. “Why can't he come over another night?”

“Because he just got back in town and I want to see him,” Luke said.

“Well see him,” I said. “But he doesn't have to come to dinner.”

“Oh, okay. I'll just skip dinner with the family then –”

Mom finally spoke up, shouting above both of us, “Fine, yes, invite him over. No one misses family dinner.”

She left the room in a huff, leaving me with my obnoxious older brother who looked pleased as punch. He smirked at me, and I swear, it took everything in me not to smack that smile right off his dumb looking face.

* * *

No one missed family dinner. My mom said it herself. Nobody missed it without suffering some dire consequences – usually in the form of a never-ending guilt trip. So, I knew there was no way I could get out of the dinner despite the fact that I desperately wanted to.

I racked my brain trying to figure some way out of this mess but was coming up empty at every turn. Maybe if I pretended to be sick? Maybe that would work? Nah, she rarely bought illness as an excuse for anything. Her standard response would likely be telling me to suck it up and be there. I came to the inescapable conclusion that nothing outside of my death would get me out of this.

So, the only thing left for me to do was to talk myself down from the ledge.

It was going to be okay. There was no way Reese could know Eli is his son. Right? In fact, he probably wouldn't even look at me. He likely wanted to avoid me just as much as I wanted to avoid him. Just keep my head down and avoid speaking or making eye contact – just like I used to do when I was young – and hopefully he wouldn't ask about the child sitting next to me that happened to look just like him.

Shit.

Okay, so maybe I noticed the resemblance because I knew the truth of his parentage. It seemed more than obvious to me, but my family – not even Luke – had put two-and-two together. So, maybe Reese wouldn't either. After all, we'd had our one night fling four years ago. Maybe – if I was really lucky – he even forgotten we'd ever slept together. That would be good. That would be very good. In fact, it would be ideal.

As dinnertime approached, I found myself pacing the living room, a knot and a side order of butterflies battling it out in my stomach. Eli was playing on the floor and I was keeping an eye on him, making sure he didn't go near those damn birds again. But I was beyond distracted and couldn't focus on anything.

I listened for any sound that would signal Reese's arrival. I listened for a car pulling up. Footsteps on the front porch. The sound of his voice. Since he and my brother often came in through the back door off the driveway – through the kitchen – I felt relatively safe in the living room. At least, for the moment. I couldn't help but pace as I listened and tried to prepare myself for what was about to happen.

He'd be what, twenty-five now? Like my brother? He could have changed and grown up a lot since I'd last seen him. Maybe he was a completely different man. Perhaps life in LA had changed him. Maybe for the better. Maybe, he'd become a responsible adult who was putting his life in order.

Maybe, he had the right to know he had a son.

I looked down at Eli, at his sweet face, and it broke my heart that he might never know his father. Every little boy deserved to know who his dad was. But that competed with my belief that not every dad deserved to know who his son was. Some men wanted to be in their lives and others didn't. Would not knowing his father be better than the rejection of a man who wanted nothing to do with you?

And what kind of man would Reese actually be?

So many thoughts. So many questions. None of them had answers.

“Hey, Maya.”

Reese's voice surprised me, caused me to jump, and made a fist seemingly made of ice squeeze my heart painfully. I literally screeched when I heard him. I was facing away from the kitchen and somehow, he'd managed to slip inside without me hearing him. And there he was standing there, bigger than life, and was even saying hi to me.

I turned and put on a fake smile. “Hi Reese. How's it been?”

I didn't know if he noticed Eli at that point or not, because he just stared at me and smiled. That smile that always pulled me in and made my heart flutter. The one that had never been directed at me until the night I'd conceived our son. And yet, there he was, smiling at me again.

Oh, and he was still so gorgeous. Tall, dark and handsome as ever. He was no longer wearing the super baggy jeans and baseball caps he wore in his younger days. But he was still looking every bit the part of the big baller – just a little bit nicer. Nicer jeans, a nicer shirt. And he'd grown up a bit too. His face had stubble on it, just a light dusting of hair that made him look more like a man and less like the boy that he was before he left town.

“It's been good,” he said. “Glad to be home though. I missed Chicago.”

“Missed it here? While in LA?” I asked.

I was nervous, not really sure how to make small talk with the father of my child – especially given the fact that he didn't know he was the father of my child.

“Yeah, the weather is nice out there,” he said. “But it's just not the same as home, ya know?”

“Not really. I've never been,” I said. “But I guess home is where the heart is, right?”

“I suppose so.”

That's when Eli pulled on my pants leg and said, “Mama, hold me?”

Reese's gaze fell on the toddler, and there was a moment of surprise in his face – but also a question in his eyes. I could see it on his face, plain as day, as he studied the child in front of me. I picked up my son, cradled him in my arms, facing him away from Reese.

“Listen,” I said, “It was nice catching up, but I really have to help my mom in the –”

But Reese stopped me from walking past him and into the kitchen. He stopped and looked at the child in my arms, then back at me, then back at Eli again. Eli looked back at him like he would any new person – with a wary curiosity.

“You have a kid?” Reese asked.

“I do, yes,” I said. “His name is Elijah. Eli for short.”

“How old is he?”

I could see Reese putting the pieces together, one-by-one. He was doing the math in his head, trying to find proof that this wasn't his kid.

“Three years old,” I said. Almost four now, but Reese didn't need to know that much.

“And what about medical school?” he asked me quietly.

“It didn't work out,” I said. “Now if you'll excuse me –”

Luke came down the stairs at that point, pulling Reese away. Thankfully so. Eli and I escaped into the kitchen, and I tried to remain calm.

* * *

We gathered around the dinner table, Reese sitting next to Luke – which meant he was directly across from me. I refused to look at him, and instead focused my attention on Eli. The meal was fairly uneventful, even though Reese kept staring at me, trying to get me to meet his gaze. I refused to acknowledge him, choosing to keep my head down and eat quietly, not saying much. Speaking only when I was spoken to.

“So what are you doing now, Maya?” Reese asked during a lull in the conversation.

“Well, I'm taking classes again. Planning on becoming a nurse,” I said. “And working as a receptionist part-time.”

“Oh yeah? A nurse, huh?”

“Yep,” I replied. “A nurse.”

It wasn't medical school, but it was close enough. As close as I was going to get anyway. And even that was hard as hell – not that I'd ever admit it to anyone. I was struggling with working, being a single mother and going to school. But I'd made that decision. I'd made that choice. And now, I was living with it.

“I'm looking at going back to school too,” Reese said.

I merely nodded, not wanting to continue the conversation – in fact, hoping that the meal would end and we could all scatter to the winds once more. But my mom, ever the gracious host, was always the talker.

“That sounds wonderful,” she said. “And what are you considering going to school for?”

“Sound engineering, I think.”

“Right on,” Luke said. “I was thinking of doing something like that too.”

Luke was working at a restaurant nearby, waiting tables. I rolled my eyes as he spoke since he'd never mentioned going back to school before. If it wasn't for me wanting to keep to myself, I would have mentioned how that was the first time he'd said anything of the sort. But I just wanted the evening to end, so I kept quiet. It took everything in me to hold my tongue, but I did it.

I tuned out the rest of the conversation, and dinner passed by without Reese speaking to me again. Thankfully. I hoped this would be the last of our interactions. Hoped it would be the last time I saw him ever again, quite honestly. He could leave, we'd go our separate ways and hopefully there'd be no more family dinners with him anytime soon. One could hope, at least. Especially since he wasn't really family. Not to anyone but Eli, but no one even knew about that.

After dinner, I expected Reese and Luke to disappear somewhere. Just like old times. I figured they'd play basketball in the driveway or listen to music in the basement or run off downtown to a party.

I was really hoping for the latter, that they'd go away, but they hung around instead. They went outside, presumably to shoot some hoops like they used to do. Eli fell asleep, so I put him to bed in my old room and went downstairs to help mom clean up from dinner. The dishes were already done, though, and my mom and dad were nowhere to be found. They likely retreated to the den to watch some television before bed like they normally did.

I turned to go back upstairs when the back door opened. My heart skipped a beat when Reese came inside – and Luke wasn't behind him. We were alone. We stared at each other for one long, awkward moment before I turned to leave, but he grabbed my arm.

“Wait, Maya – we need to talk.”

“We do?” I asked, my voice cracking. “What do we need to talk about?”

I tried to pretend I had no idea what was happening, but Reese knew. I could see it in his eyes.

“I'm no fool, Maya. After talking to you and then asking your brother a few questions, I put two and two together – I'm Elijah's father, aren't I?”

My heart dropped into my stomach. Suddenly, I felt like I was going to get sick and my knees turned into jelly. I never imagined that I'd see Reese again, so I hadn't bothered to prepare for the moment. I couldn't lie though – the facts were right there. And if I lied to him or tried to play it off, he could always request a DNA test – he had a right to know, after all.

He had a right to know.

“Yes,” I said quietly. I closed my eyes, trying to stop the tears from falling while avoiding the expression on Reese's face. I didn't want to see it. I was so scared of what he might say or do. “But please know, I don't expect you to be part of his life. We're doing just fine and no one knows you're the father –”

“What kind of man do you think I am, Maya?” he asked.

He sounded angry, and that caused me to open my eyes and look at him. He was angry, but also sad. There were a lot of emotions on his face, many I couldn't discern.

“I don't know, Reese,” I said. “I don't want to sound mean, but I hardly know you, honestly.”

“I know,” he said with a sigh. He sat down at the kitchen table, wringing his hands as he stared off into space. “It's just... wow. I'm a father. I wasn't expecting this, at all –”

My bottom lip trembled and I started shaking – the sobs came shortly after. I tried so hard to hold it in, but I'd been holding it in for far too long and it all came rushing out at once. I broke down, falling to the floor, pulling my knees to my chest as I just let it all out.

I was so tired of being alone, of doing this all by myself. Of keeping all of this to myself for so long. It was almost a relief, in some ways, to tell Reese the truth. At least now, it was no longer a secret. Not something I had to fear getting out there and getting back to him somehow. Because it was out there now. And now, he knew. What he chose to do now was up to him. I was already used to being a single mother, so if he decided to bail, that wasn't going to be new to me. And there was no way he'd take my son from me, no court in their right mind would give custody to him like that.

Yet, I still cried.

Reese got up from the table and joined me on the floor, pulling my face from my hands, forcing me to look him in the eyes.

“Maya, please, listen to me,” he whispered. “I want to be a part of his life. I want to see my son, to help you raise him. It's gonna take me a minute to figure it all out, but you're no longer alone.”

It was as if he'd read my mind and knew how to speak to my heart. He said the words I so badly needed to hear, but the problem was, I didn't know if I believed him.

“Are you sure? Because I can't have you in his life now, then a year down the road you're gone – off to somewhere new and exciting. I can't have his heart broken like that. I won't.”

Like mine had been, but I didn't say that. No, I didn't need to say that. Couldn't. Because it wasn't about me. It was about Eli now.

“Yes, yes, I'm sure,” Reese said, holding my hands in his. “I promise you, Maya. I will be the best father I can be for that boy. I may not be perfect, but he's my kid and I'll do my best.”

I wanted to believe him. Oh, God, I so badly wanted to believe him, but until I saw it with my own two eyes, I wasn't sure I could.

But he deserved to know his son, and his son deserved to know his father.

“Okay,” I said. “Okay. But just know – if you ever hurt our child in any way, I will kill you. That's a promise, Reese. Nothing in this world matters more than him. Nothing.”

* * *

We set up a time for Reese to meet Eli in a more personal setting – well away from my parents' house. We'd agreed to not tell anyone – including Eli – that Reese was his dad until after they became more comfortable with one another. It just made sense to ease into it. My family didn't need their nose in our business and I knew Luke would only make things more stressful. There were no rushing things with Reese and Eli. Slow and steady. That way if Reese bolted, my son wouldn't have to know anything.

Not that I told Reese my reasoning. He didn't need know how much I didn't trust him.

For our first meeting, Reese came over to my place to visit for a bit. Just the three of us. I expected things to be awkward. I mean, except for the night I slept with him, we didn't really have much history together. We didn't seem to have much in common. And suddenly we'd be together with our son and I'd have to make conversation. What in the hell were we going to talk about?

My heart stuttered in my chest when Reese knocked on the door – right on time. Which was a surprise for me. As I opened it and let him in, he looked around, nodding.

“Nice place,” he said.

“Thanks. It's a bit small, but it'll do for us, for now.”

I didn't mention that my parents paid half my rent, just so I could provide a nice home for our son. I couldn't afford to pay for everything, not on my own. Not yet, at least. I'd told them we could rent an apartment, but they insisted on helping. Because of their help, we were able to get a small two-bedroom house down the street from them. And for that, I was more thankful than I could say.

Eli was on the floor watching cartoons when Reese came in. He looked up at Reese, but didn't pay much attention and turned back to the television. He looked up again when I turned the TV off though.

He started to cry, his little lip trembling as I turned off his favorite show.

“We'll watch it later, bub,” I said. “I want you to meet someone right now.”

Reese just stood there and stared, almost like he was still in shock about the fact that this was his child. Eli was still upset about me turning off his favorite show, whining at me to turn it back on. I walked over and sat on the floor with him and looked up at Reese, inviting him to join us.

He did, after a few moments, but I could tell he wasn't comfortable. Not that I could blame him. It's not like he had time to really prepare for this. One day he was a bachelor, living on his own, and the next he was the father of a toddler. I was sure it had to be completely overwhelming.

“Hey there, Eli,” Reese said. “I'm Reese.”

Eli just stared blankly at him.

“I'm sorry. He's a little shy with –” I almost said strangers, but stopped myself in the nick of time, “new people.”

“I understand. I am too,” Reese said with a smile.

“No, you're not,” I said with a dry laugh. “You're the most social person I know.”

“Oh yeah? Says the girl who hardly knows me.”

He laughed, and it sounded sincere, but the plug about barely knowing him hurt. It reminded me yet again that I didn't know the father of my son, not very well, at least. And that hurt. Reese must have noticed the hurt on my face, because he followed it up by giving me a smile and a gentle squeeze on the shoulder.

“I'm sorry, Maya. I didn't mean to –”

“No, it's fine,” I said. I let out a deep sigh. “This is certainly going to take some getting used to, isn't it?”

“You can say that again,” he said. He smiled at me though, and I felt a smile touching my lips as well.

ooo000ooo

Reese stuck around until it was time to put Eli to bed, and he asked to help with that. Slowly, over the course of the day, Eli had started warming up to him.

“Read me a story, please?” Eli asked, putting a book into Reese's lap.

He stared up at his dad with those same dark eyes, and I could see Reese turning to putty right on the spot. It was funny to me – this big baller, this supposed hard man with a ton of street cred – turning to jelly in the face of one small child.

“Uhh yeah, sure thing, little guy,” he said, picking up the book.

I was standing in the doorway – keeping my distance to let them have their time together – and I couldn't help but smile. It was sweet seeing this former bad boy adjusting to life as a father. He was trying, I had to give him credit for that.

I walked over to tuck Eli into bed, and I turned on the night light while Reese read from the book. For a moment, I had to admit, this was nice. Up until that point, I was the one who did everything. I was the caretaker, the story reader, the nurse, the cook, everything. But for a brief moment, I could step back and let someone else take over for me.

Married couples had it good, I thought.

“Another story, please?” Eli asked as soon as the first one was finished.

Reese seemed perfectly happy to be doing what he was doing, but I almost stopped him. It was getting late, but I decided to let it go. A small smile touched Reese's lips as he read, so I decided to leave them alone and stepped out, just into the living room where I could still hear everything that was going on. My eyes were heavy with exhaustion though, and I fought to keep from falling asleep. It wasn't even nine yet, but after working all day and then being a mother to my son all evening, I was worn out.

I drifted off to sleep, and only woke up when I heard Eli's bedroom door close softly. My eyes opened wide, as I expected my son to be standing there looking at me, but it was just Reese.

“He finally fell asleep,” he said softly.

“That makes two of us,” I said with a laugh.

I expected Reese to hit the road, but he sat down in the chair across from me as if he wanted to talk. Or maybe he felt obligated, I didn't know. I didn't want him to think I expected anything from him. Honestly, I expected nothing from him, so anything I did get was a bonus at that point.

“Why didn't you tell me, Maya?”

Oh. He wanted to talk about that.

“How could I? You were in LA, I had no way of reaching you, even if I'd wanted to,” I said.

“Luke had my number. You could have called. You should have called.”

“And say what? 'Hey, remember me? I'm that girl you fucked that one night? Well guess what, I'm pregnant.' and besides, I didn't want Luke to get involved. He's an asshole.”

“He kinda is, isn't he?”

We both laughed at the same time. It felt good to laugh, honestly. After all the tension and stress about Reese's sudden appearance back into my life, I had to admit, it had gone pretty well.

“Major prick,” I said, smiling when I said it. “But he's your best friend, so I shouldn't –”

“Was my best friend,” Reese said. “But we've changed. He still acts like he's sixteen, which was fine a few years ago, but now – hell, maybe it's because I'm a dad now, but I just can't see myself hanging out with the likes of him anymore. We just don't have anything in common. I've moved forward and he seems to have stayed in place.”

All of this was news to me. And it struck me as a little bit – contrived. Or at least, naïve.

“So you're a dad and suddenly you want to change who you are overnight?” I said. “Please, it doesn't happen that way.”

“Maybe I changed before I found out, Maya. This just makes me even more determined to clean up my life and figure out what the hell I'm going to do now. For him, you know? For him. For Eli.”

It was a nice thought. Really, it was. But I was still being that naive girl who thought Reese was amazing, when in actuality, he was nothing more than a bad boy who'd been a childhood crush. I didn't want to get my hopes up. These were all words. Words meant nothing if he took off next week.

I didn't know why, but there was some small part of me that wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt.

“I appreciate that, Reese,” I said softly.

The tears welled up in my eyes, but this time, they were tears of happiness. My son was my entire world, and everything I did was for him. I was even letting Reese into my life – for him. Not for me. Not even for Reese. But for Eli.

“I know you do, Maya,” he said. “And I'm sorry you've had to raise him by yourself for so long. I'm sorry you had to put your dreams on hold for something that happened one night, all those years ago –”

“My dreams aren't on hold, Reese. My dreams have merely changed. And Eli is my world now, everything I want in life revolves around him. So, don't think I regret it, not even for a minute, because I don't.”

“You're a good mom, Maya,” he said, staring me dead in the eyes. “Just know though, from this day forward, you're not going to have to do this alone.”

I hope not, I thought to myself. I really, really hope not.

* * *

Reese and I worked out an arrangement – he came over a few times a week to spend time with Eli. And eventually, I let Reese take his son to the park and out on trips, just the two of them. I knew the day was coming where he'd want to tell Eli the truth about who he was, and I knew I needed to break the news to my family too. But I kept pushing it off. Part of me was just waiting for something to happen and for Reese to disappear. And the other part of me was just plain terrified to do it.

But the fear of him bolting was diminishing day by day. It didn't scare me as much now that we'd been doing this for a few months. I was slowly starting to believe that this was real. That Reese was going to be a permanent part of Eli's life.

But I was still afraid of how my parents would react when I told them who Eli's father was. I'd lied to them about the father of their grandson, acted like I had no clue where to find him all these years. When all along, I knew.

I knew because it had to be Reese. He was my first, and at that time, my only.

And the day would come that I'd have to admit that to everyone, Eli included.

And one evening, after Reese dropped Eli off, he stuck around until we put our son to bed, together. It was something that was becoming more and more common and something I was beginning to enjoy. I could tell there was something on his mind though, and I prepared myself for the talk I'd been dreading since I told Reese about his son.

As Reese closed the door to Eli's bedroom, he smiled at me. “Asleep at last.”

“You spoil him, you know? I only read him one book, then it's off to sleep.”

“Yeah, I know,” he said, sitting down on the couch beside me instead of across from me. “But I can't help it. When he asks, it's so hard for me to say no.”

“Oh trust me, I know,” I said.

“I know you do,” he said. “I really can't say it enough, Maya, but thank you.”

“For what?”

“For being amazing. Seriously, I couldn't ask for a better mother for my kid.”

I could feel myself blushing, my cheeks were literally on fire. I couldn't even bring myself to look at him, but Reese surprised me by reaching out and lifting my face up to look him in the eyes.

“Thank you, Reese,” I said, my voice soft. “I just love that little guy. More than life itself.”

“I know you do, Maya. And I love him too.”

I stared into his eyes and knew he meant it. He meant every word he was saying.

He continued, “And I think I may be falling in love with you too.”

My heart stopped. Everything stopped. It was like time was standing still as I looked at Reese, trying to figure out if I'd heard him correctly. No way. No way did I hear him right.

“What?” I finally asked, shaking my head as if trying to wake myself from a dream. “I missed that. What did you say?”

“I said I think I'm falling in love with you too,” he said, speaking louder this time. He looked so sure of himself, as if he'd known for a while now, but it was a surprise to me. “Seeing you with Eli, watching you with our son, it made me see what an amazing woman you are. So, strong, so loving, so beautiful... I just can't –”

Before he could say another word, I kissed him – which surprised us both. His lips felt as nice as they had all those years before, and when his tongue pushed past my lips and into my mouth, it took my breath away – just like it had before.

As hard as it was, I pulled away.

“Stop,” I said, putting my hand on his chest to keep us apart. “We can't do this.”

“You're the one who kissed me,” he said with a smile.

“I know, I'm mainly talking to myself right now.”

Deep breaths, Maya. Deep breaths. I had to step away. I couldn't let my childhood crush get the better of me, not when there was a child in the middle of all this. Reese reached out and stroked my cheek, and I so badly wanted to lean into that touch, but I stayed strong.

“We can't do this, Reese,” I said again. “You, me, it's not going to work.”

“And why not? I mean, we already have a kid together, why can't you and I be together like that? For real?”

“For real? As in girlfriend and boyfriend?” I scoffed. “Because what happens if we break up? What happens if things go south? Right now, we have a nice arrangement that works. We're civil, we get along well enough, we don't hate each other's guts, but what happens if we do this and then it doesn't work out –”

“But what if it does, Maya?” Reese asked. “What if it works out and we get married, and Eli gets the family he deserves?”

“Get married?” I almost couldn't believe I was hearing this from his mouth. I stood up from the couch and paced the room, trying to collect my thoughts – which was a lot like herding cats at that point. “Whoa, I can't even believe you're talking like this. Not that I oppose the idea, in the future of course, but just because we have a kid together doesn't mean we'll make a happy family. That's not how this works, Reese. It's not that simple.”

“And why can't it be?” Reese stood up as well, walking over, putting his hands on my shoulders and stopping me from pacing the room once more.

“Because – well, because –”

“Because – I'm me? Because I'm a loser like your brother?”

“No, that's not what I meant! You're nothing like him. You're –” I stammered, trying to find the words.

“I'm what, Maya?” Reese asked, raising his voice.

“You're better than him. You've always been better than him. It's just – I don't want you to be with me just for Eli. Or because you think you're doing the right thing and feel obligated. We don't have to force anything, Reese.”

“I'm not forcing anything, Maya. I care about you; I think you're amazing and I want to make this work. I mean it.”

Reese was still holding onto my arm, but he loosened his grip. I could walk away if I wanted to. I could tell him to get lost if I wanted to. But I wanted neither of those things. Truth be told, what I wanted in that moment was him. It was stupid and selfish and childish, but I wanted to be with him again. This time, for real.

After several moments of silence, I looked into his eyes and say the truth in his words. It put cracks in the walls of my fear and insecurity. And those cracks in my walls finally let me speak.

“I want that too,” I said softly. “I do.”

“Then let's do it, Maya. Let's try it,” Reese said. “Let's make this work.”

He pulled me into him and held me close, my head resting on his chest. He stroked my hair and kissed the top of my head as he spoke.

“Back then, I was a stupid kid,” he started. “But my time in LA forced me to grow up, forced me to see that I couldn't keep living like that. I realized that I needed to get my life together or else I'd end up on the streets one day. And that's why I came back here. I didn't expect to find you or Eli or any of this, but honestly, it's exactly what I needed right now. I need you in my life, Maya. I want you in my life. And not just because you're the mother of my child, but because you're good for me. You make me want to be a better man.”

I looked up and found him staring down at me, the shadow of a smile on his lips. I stood on my tip-toes and pressed my lips to his once more, and this time, I didn't stop.

* * *

We made our way into my bedroom, trying our hardest to be quiet as we walked past Eli's room. And as soon as we were alone, Reese kissed me, long and hard as he held me close. I worked at his pants as he worked at mine, and we were both undressed before either of us had even drawn a breath.

Reese pushed me down onto my bed, but I resisted. I was no longer the meek, inexperienced girl I had been before – time had changed me in a lot of ways. I pushed him over, forcing my way on top of him. I pressed my body into him as I kissed him, rubbing my pussy all over his cock, remembering the way he'd felt inside of me all those years ago.

Reese's hands cupped my breasts and he took a nipple into his mouth, sucking on it long and hard, sending shivers down my spine. I rubbed myself against him, rubbing my clit over his stiff cock while he explored my body with his hands and mouth.

Taking him in my hand, I gripped him tightly as I guided him into me, lowering my body onto him as I stared deeply into his eyes. Unlike the first time we were together, it didn't hurt. There was no pain as he spread me open – only pleasure as he filled me up. His hands grabbed onto my ass and held me in place, allowing our bodies to adjust to being united. He pulled me down so our lips met once more as we kissed deeply. Passionately. I rocked on top of him, riding him slowly at first, enjoying the sensation of him being inside of me again after so long.

“Maya, Maya,” he whispered into my ear. “Oh God, Maya.”

This wasn't the frantic fucking of years ago, this was of two adults making love. And we were trying to be as quiet as possible because unlike before, we had a little boy sleeping in the next room. But God, it was so hard to not call out Reese's name, as our bodies found a nice, solid rhythm and pleasure washed over the both of us.

But even Reese managed to keep his groans quieter, and as I felt the first wave of orgasm approaching, I bit my lip, hard. And as I fell forward, spasming with pleasure, I bit Reese's shoulder, shielding the screams that fought to explode from my throat. If it hurt or he minded, he didn't show it. Maybe he didn't feel it, as he was in the midst of his climax too. His cock pulsated inside of me, his breathing was ragged.

“I love you, Reese,” I said before I could stop myself. “I've always loved you.”

And as he thrust upward, filling me with his seed, he stared deep into my eyes and said the words I'd wanted to hear for so long, “I love you too, Maya.”

ooo000ooo

The next morning, I awoke to find I was alone in my bed. At first, my heart broke as I wondered if I'd been duped and used. If Reese had only come over and put on a good show to get into my pants again. But then I heard sounds coming from the living room. Eli was laughing. So was Reese.

I threw on some pyjama bottoms and a top and walked down the hallway, where I found Eli hiding behind the curtains and Reese pretending not to be able to find him. The smell of bacon filled the room.

“What's going on in here?” I asked with a laugh. I stared at the clock. It was after eight in the morning. I never slept past eight – not since Eli had been born.

“Oh nothing much,” Reese said. “Just figured you could use the sleep and I heard the little guy moving around in his room, so I made him some breakfast.”

Eli popped his head out from behind the curtain. “He burned the bacon, mama.”

“Shhh,” Reese said. “You weren't supposed to tell her that. Now she won't want to eat any of it.”

Eli giggled maniacally. Reese got up off the floor and walked over to me. He went in for a kiss, but seemed to think better of it, giving a look back at Eli to see if he was watching. Of course, he was.

But I didn't let that stop me. I kissed Reese, just a quick peck, nothing more.

“Thank you for letting me sleep in,” I said.

“You needed it,” he said quietly. “There's some eggs and burnt bacon in the kitchen, I'm happy to make you a plate.”

“Sleeping in and breakfast? A girl could get used to this.”

“Maybe you should,” Reese said, flashing me a smile and wink before heading off into the kitchen.

Amazed by what was happening, I followed behind him and watched as he prepared me a plate. I leaned against the counter, and just stared at him, still trying to decide if this was real or not. And as I realized that yes, this was real, the thought that had been rampaging through my mind for weeks suddenly came flying out of my mouth.

“What do you think about telling Eli you're his father? Are you ready for that?” I asked.

Reese looked surprised as he handed me a plate. And yes, the bacon was badly burnt – black and crisp – but I wasn't one to complain about breakfast I didn't have to make.

“The real question is – are you?”

“Yeah,” I said, taking a bite of the charred bacon. “I think so. As long as you're ready, so am I.”

“Then let's do it,” he said.

* * *

Of course, there was more than just telling Eli. We needed to break the news to my parents too. All these years, they had no idea I knew who my son's father was – and now I was coming clean. I was admitting the truth. Or at least, I would be, once I worked up the nerve.

We picked a family dinner, as was only fitting in my mind, to break the news. But before that, we made a point of sitting down with Eli. It went easier than I thought, but mainly because he was, after all, only a toddler and didn't quite comprehend the news the same way my parents would. Which was good. It meant he'd grow up with early memories of his father, of knowing who he was. Reese missed a few years, but not too many.

“So Eli,” I said as we sat on the floor of the living room with him, “you know how I have a mommy and daddy?”

“Yes,” he said, not looking entirely interested in anything I had to say.

Reese sat across from me, and we shared a look. This was it. This was the moment.

“Well, you know you have a mommy already –”

“You!” he said, pointing at me with a smile. “You're my mommy.”

“Yes, Eli,” I said with a laugh. “I'm your mommy. But did you know you also had a daddy?”

The little boy cocked his head and looked confused. His eyes were wide as he looked back at me, almost like I was speaking a foreign language.

“Reese isn't just mommy's friend,” I said. “He's also your daddy.”

Eli's eyes grew even wider as they went from looking at me to staring at Reese, then back at me.

Reese took this moment to speak up. “Do you know what that means?”

Eli shook his head and stared down at the floor, tracing something with his fingers. But I knew he was listening.

Reese continued. “It means that you have two people who care for you, Eli. Two parents who love you and will always be there for you. Who will do anything for you.”

That made my heart explode in my chest. All the warm and fuzzy feelings came rushing to the surface as I wiped away tears of joy from my eyes. All these years, I'd raised Eli alone. Sure, he had his grandma and grandpa, but he didn't have a mom and a dad. It was hard trying to be both for him. And whether I liked to admit it or not, that bothered me. To know my child would grow up without a father bothered me a lot more than I realized until that moment. Knowing that he had us both thought, there with him, no matter what happened between Reese and myself – well, that meant a lot. More than I could possibly express.

“And,” Reese continued, reaching out and taking my hand in his, “it means your momma doesn't have to do all this alone, because I love her too.”

Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined something so perfect. My life may not have turned out the way I had planned, but that was okay. Because it was starting to turn into something that was pretty damn amazing anyway. Unexpected, of course. But amazing all the same.

ooo000ooo

Family dinner, a few weeks later. This time it was me asking if someone could join us.

“Seriously, Maya,” my mom said, shaking her head at me, “You've always been on my side on this. It's family dinner, not a time for friends or anyone not part of this family –”

“Just this once, mom,” I said, trying to maintain my composure. “You always let Luke have his friends over. This one is a special friend. It's important to me.”

I'd never pushed the issue before, not like my brother, and I knew my mom knew that. Maybe it was the determined look in my eye or perhaps my old mom wasn't as stubborn as she liked to appear, but her face softened slightly.

“Okay. Just this once,” she said. “I suppose it couldn't hurt.”

I hugged her, held her tight. “Thank you,” I said.

She had no idea about the announcement I'd be making. She had no idea that in a way, the person I was bringing over for dinner was family – but that was all about to change. And the knot in my stomach, as well as the feeling of nausea that was sweeping over me only reinforced that fact.

I let Reese know it was okay, and he said he'd be there, right before dinner. He had some errands to run first, and honestly, I was relieved for the extra time to mentally prepare myself for the revelation. I had a feeling it was going to be a rough, emotional night.

As the clock ticked closer and closer to dinner time, I began to worry when Reese hadn't arrived. Was he chickening out? Was he not coming? Had he ditched us? No, Reese wouldn't do that. He wouldn't go back to his old ways. I saw in his eyes that he'd meant what he'd been telling me about changing and being part of our lives. I'd believed him when he'd told me that he loved me. He wouldn't do this to me – would he?

“Who's the friend?” Luke asked, leaning against the kitchen counter where I was standing, staring out the back window and praying for Reese's car to pull into the driveway. “Finally get yourself a boyfriend. Or maybe a girlfriend?”

I rolled my eyes. Luke had no idea what was happening, and he was probably going to be the most surprised of all to see his former best friend walk through that door. Especially when he found out that Reese wasn't there for him – but for me.

“You'll meet him soon enough,” I said.

Inwardly, I smiled. Luke was going to flip out when he found out the truth. He was going to lose his mind to learn that I was the mother of his much cooler friend's child. That yes, his friend actually liked me, even though Luke liked to tease me about how Reese would never, ever be with someone like me.

But where was he? I bit my lip and continued staring out the window. No sign of his car and my mom was already setting the table.

“Should I set a place for your friend, Maya? You know I don't appreciate late-comers...”

“He'll be here,” I said. I know he will be.

But my heart was heavy. Reese said he'd be here right before dinner, and dinner was about to be served.

“Come to the table, dear, I don't want the meatloaf getting cold.”

One last look out the window. No sign of Reese. With a heavy heart, I sat down at the table – between my son and an empty seat where his father should be sitting – but wasn't.

We lowered our heads in prayer, and I tried to hold back the tears. Maybe he was just running late, I thought. It could happen. Of course, this was a big deal for us, a stepping stone toward coming together as a family at last. And if he was going to be late to this, what else would he be late for in the future? Birthday parties? School plays? Soccer games?

Stop it, I told myself. Don't cry. You've been alone up to this point, you'll be just fine if he doesn't show and yes, maybe he was just running late. Really late.

I had wiped away the tears as we said “Amen,” and that's when there was a gentle knock at the back door. My parents looked at one another and shrugged as Luke got up to answer it since he was the closest one to it. I stood up, hopeful and happy that he'd finally made it.

“Hey man, what are you doing here?” Luke said, shaking his friend's hand. “Wasn't expecting you to stop by.”

“Actually,” Reese said, looking past my brother toward me, “I'm not here for you. I'm here for Maya.”

“Maya?” Luke asked, turning to look at me.

My parents were staring at me as well, an expression of sheer confusion on their faces.

“Yes, he's with me. He's the friend I told you was coming for dinner.”

I choked on the words. He was more than a friend, wasn't he? After all, we'd said we loved one another – that meant we were something more? And he was the father of my child, there was that part too. But friend came out easier than all of that when I'd been talking to my mom.

“He's your friend now too?” Luke scratched his head.

Reese and I stared at each other, and I was grinning like an idiot as relief washed over me. I wanted to rush to his side, to embrace him, to kiss him, but that felt weird in front of my parents. Reese moved past my brother and walked toward me and the empty seat, but he didn't sit down. Instead, he took my hand in his and kissed it softly, never once taking his dark eyes off of me.

“What the hell?” Luke said.

That pretty much summed up all of my emotions too. What the hell was going on? Was he...?

“Maya, I'm sorry I'm late. And I don't mean just to dinner, but I'm late getting back into your life as well. Now that I'm here though, I want to stick around. Not just for you, but for our son as well.”

That's when my mom made a sound – a gasp. Reese was nervous, I could tell and cast a scared look their way before turning back to me. My mother started to say something, but my father hushed her and let the scene play out. Luke, on the other hand, look dumbfounded. But none of that mattered, because what did matter was that Reese had something in his hand.

He slipped a ring onto my finger – a diamond solitaire. I stared at him, my mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water as he lowered himself to a knee.

“Maya McConnell, will you let me right the wrongs and be the man you deserve?” he asked, his eyes locked onto mine. “Will you marry me?”

It felt like my entire body turned to jelly. Thankfully, Reese had hold of my hand, it kept me from falling as I stared at him wide eyed, my body humming with an electricity inside

“Yes,” my voice came out in a whisper.

We embraced, kissing as if there was no one in the room but us – until Eli started fussing.

“Mommy,” he said. “Hold me.”

“Yes, baby,” I said, picking up my son and holding him close.

Reese kissed his forehead, and I think that's the moment it made sense for everyone in the room. But it was Luke who finally articulated the words.

“You mean to tell me – Reese is Eli's father?”

“Yes,” I said, wiping away the tears. “Yes, he is. He's Eli's father. It's a long story.”

“A very long story,” Reese said, never taking his eyes off me. “But one we'll be happy to tell over many family dinners to come.”

* * *

DREW

Frisco's Bar was still the same place I remembered it being all those years ago. The faces were no longer familiar to me, but the atmosphere was still the same. A live band played some cover music from the eighties – really badly – while twenty-somethings got drunk and danced the night away. A wave of nostalgia washed over me as I took it all in.

We were out on the patio – it was pretty sparsely populated since the San Francisco air was a tad bit chilly. It felt nice to me though. It reminded me that I was home. The Bay Area had always been my home. It was where I felt comfortable. At peace. And leaving it had been the hardest thing I'd ever done. That had been back when I was young and naive and thought serving my country was what I was born to do. Not that I regret serving my country. Not in the least.

“Damn, it feels good to be home,” I said, taking a long sip of my beer.

“The city missed you, Drew,” Nick said.

“The city may have missed me, but I doubt many others did, I'm afraid.”

Nick and Bryan were my buddies. Guys I knew from way back in high school. When I'd gone away to serve, they'd stayed here, started families and had gone about the traditional path to creating a normal life. Nick's wife – Elizabeth – was currently pregnant with baby number two. Bryan was engaged to be married.

It was hard to convince either of them to join me tonight, but I had no family left, no friends, no one. I was pretty much alone in this world. I kind of felt like I'd pressured them to come out and they'd been a little bit reluctant, but eventually, they'd agreed. I think they just felt sorry for me.

“Ahh, we're all just busy, you know? Work, family, all that –”

I really didn't know because I had none of that at the moment. My mom and dad had both died while I was away – I hadn't even gotten to say goodbye to them. I had no siblings. I'd returned to San Francisco because it was familiar and comfortable. Not because I was returning to anyone in particular. There really wasn't very much for me in the Bay Area. And some days I wondered why I 'd done that to myself.

“Did you hear back about the job?” Bryan asked. “The one you interviewed for last week?”

I tried not to cringe, focusing my attention on the napkin I was folding and unfolding on the table in front of me. I nodded and gave them a rueful grin.

“Yeah, I heard back,” I said. “A form letter. They went with another candidate.”

“I'm sorry, man,” Nick said. “If I hear of any openings at my company, I'll let you know.”

I nodded my thanks and then chugged the rest of my beer, hoping the alcohol would hit me sooner, rather than later. This was supposed to be a night of celebration and fun – not a bunch of moping around feeling sorry for myself, depressing shit.

Nick's phone buzzed and he excused himself to go outside to talk to his wife, leaving just Bryan and me at the table.

“So how did you meet? You and your girl?” I asked, hoping to take the attention off of me.

“Oh, umm, well Melissa and I went to college together,” Bryan said, adjusting his glasses.

He looked around, a strange expression on his face, almost like he was hoping Nick would be back to alleviate the awkwardness of the conversation and atmosphere hovering over the table. We had never really been all that close back in the day. And it seemed that the years between our last visit had only pushed us further apart.

And a few moments later, Bryan got his wish. At least for a moment.

“Hey guys, that was Beth,” he said, a sheepish grin on his face. “She's not feeling well and our youngest is acting up, so she needs me at home. I'm really sorry, Drew. I was hoping to get a chance to hang out a bit longer.”

“Nah, no problem,” I said.

We said our goodbyes and Nick departed, leaving just Bryan and me. As if things at the table couldn't be any more tense and awkward.

“I don't envy that guy one fucking bit,” I said, watching Nick leave. “Tied down like that, you know?”

Bryan didn't say anything.

“Oh right, you're getting married,” I said. “Well, just don't be like that guy. Live a little, have some fun –”

Bryan was already standing up and putting on his coat, before Nick had even walked out the door. “You know, Drew? I have to be going too. I have an early meeting at work tomorrow –”

“Oh, yeah, right. Okay.” I said, rolling my eyes as I finished off my beer – and then downed the rest of Nick's beer for good measure.

“Happy birthday, man. I'm sorry we couldn't stay out longer. Responsibilities, you know? Life really sucks sometimes”

As if I didn't know a thing or two about responsibilities. I may not have the house with the white picket fence and the mortgage to go along with it, but that didn't mean I didn't know a thing or two about responsibilities. I didn't even thank Bryan, just let him walk off, leaving me alone on the patio.

Yeah, happy fucking birthday to me.

ooo000ooo

“I want to close out my tab,” I said, leaning over the counter so the bartender could hear me.

“Already?” the man joked. “It's not even –”

“Yeah, I know,” I said, trying to not be irritable with the guy. “My friends are assholes, but what can I do? Can't force those pricks to hang out with me.”

The bartender nodded, gave me a tight smile, and then got to work closing out my tab. I was leaning against the bar waiting, when out of the corner of my eye, I saw a woman standing near the bar – alone. I turned to get a look at her and saw that she wasn't just any old ordinary woman – she was someone who was smoking hot and I couldn't tear my eyes away from her.

Her auburn hair was long, flowing over her shoulders in soft waves. She had curves in all the right places – hot tits, a small little waist and from what I had to imagine with the package I could see, she had a nice tight little ass too. She was the entire smokin' hot, gorgeous package. Her gaze slowly slid over to me and she smiled. It was the shy smile of a woman who appreciated the attention but might have been a little uncomfortable with it.

“Hold up, man,” I told the bartender as I walked over the woman.

She was leaning against the bar with no friends – and even more importantly, no boyfriend – in sight. She kept my eyes fixed on me as I made my way over to her. A small smile played at the corners of her mouth, but she didn't seem to mind the way my eyes roamed all over, taking in her figure as I walked her way. She was wearing a short skirt – one that fell right above her knees and showed off a pair of killer legs in a pair of stiletto heels.

When I finally reached her, she smiled at me as she sipped her cocktail, her eyes checking me out over the top of the glass. Lucky for me, her glass was nearly empty.

I motioned for the bartender. “Can you get this lady another? On me, of course,” I said.

“Now why would you go and do a thing like that?” she asked. “How do you know I want another? Seems a little presumptuous if you ask me.”

I shrugged. “I don't,” I said. “Just trying to be neighborly.”

She gave me a coy look as the bartender delivered her drink – some fancy martini of sorts. Nothing too fruity and sweet for this girl apparently.

She took a sip of her new drink and smiled at me. “How do you know I don't have a boyfriend in the bathroom, who is going come out at any second and kick your ass for talking to me?”

“Kick my ass?” I let out a low whistle. “I'm almost scared.”

She laughed. “Presumptuous and cocky,” she said. “You're off to a great start.”

I shrugged. “I mean, he can try, of course. But good luck to him if he does. But there's no way anyone is kicking my ass. Sorry, it's not cocky. It's just a fact.”

“Oh?” She raised an eyebrow as she looked over at me. “Just a fact, huh? Wow, you really are pretty cocky.”

“Not cocky when it's true,” I said with a laugh. “Ex-military. I tend to have an upper hand in most fights.”

I wasn't throwing around the military bit to impress her – though, if it worked, kudos to me. But I did watch her facial expression. Just to see if what I'd said had any effect on her whatsoever.

Her face remained neutral.

“So when did you get back to the Bay Area, soldier boy?” she asked. “Been away long?”

“Too long, if you ask me. Too fucking long. I feel like I've lost touch and my connection with everyone and everything here,” I said a split second before realizing that it was too much information too fast and changed the subject. “So what's a pretty thing like you doing all alone out at a bar?”

“Oh I dunno,” she said, parting those perfectly red lips and nibbling on her lower one gently, “Maybe I like hanging out at places like this to bring comfort and joy to all the lonely men who also have no one to go home to.”

“Perfect, because I definitely don't have anyone to go home to,” I said. “I think that qualifies me for your services.”

The way she looked at me – as if I was a piece of meat – took me by surprise. She looked me up and down, an approving look in her eye as she slowly returned her gaze back to my face.

God, it had been so long. Too fucking long since a woman had looked at me the way she was looking at me. It had been too fucking long since I'd last been with a woman. I was horny as hell and this sexy little thing standing in front of me was pretty much begging for me to take her home.

It seemed like a dream come true. A kick ass birthday present from the gods.

It seemed like it was too good to be true. Which meant that there had to be a catch, right?

* * *

AMELIA

He didn't have to know my reasons. He didn't even have to know my name. When I set out for the bar that night, I had one goal in mind – to find a man to sleep with. That's all I wanted, all I needed, and all I was looking for.

I needed my rebound boy and something that was about as far from serious as I could get. All I wanted was someone to have a little fun with – someone to remind myself that I was worthy, sexy, and desirable. And well, because it had been too long since I'd been with anyone other than my scumbag ex, Charlie. I thought that maybe hooking up with somebody new, if only for a night, might help cleanse that palate a bit.

He looked a little sceptical, as if he was waiting for the other shoe to drop, but we walked out of that bar together and he called a cab. We talked, yes – inconsequential small talk, for the most part – but I never caught his name and never told him mine. Names didn't matter. I didn't need to know anything about him and he didn't need to know anything about me. We both needed something from each other – something one hot, passionate night of sex would accomplish.

A hot, passionate night of sex with no strings or attachments, of course. That wasn't what this was about.

We got to his place – a house that seemed much too large for a single man like him. Having a house in the Bay Area was hard enough as it was thanks to the rising home values, so I was impressed. But I didn't ask him any questions. I didn't want or need to know. He was ex-military and had a smokin' hot body – that was all I needed to know. He'd been away, had probably seen some horrible shit, seemed to be having a crap night at that bar, and just needed to get laid. Nothing wrong with that.

“Would you like something to drink?” he asked as I stared at the fireplace.

The mantle – like the walls in his place – was empty, no pictures or personal touches in sight. It looked so barren and cold. Sterile. It was almost like he'd never moved in fully or he was hoping to move out soon. The place just had the feel of a single guy who had one foot out the door. Might be why he was alone, I thought to myself.

“No thanks,” I said softly.

He stood behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, kissing the side of my neck. I felt his erection pressing into my ass as he planted a line of kisses down the length of my neck. He moved slow and was cautious – almost like he expected me to stop him. But I pressed my ass into him, rubbing it against his tight jeans and felt him grow harder against me.

“You like this?” he muttered in my ear.

“Mmmm, yes,” I said.

He flipped me around so I was facing him now, and he lowered his face to mine, kissing me. The stubble along his jawline scratched at my face. I was only used to having Charlie's clean-shaven face pressed to mine, but the difference felt nice. Everything about him was different than my ex – from the way he touched me, to the way he smelled. It was an entirely different experience from the get go, and I was grateful for that. It was exactly what I was looking for.

I tugged at his shirt, pulling him closer to me as I walked backward toward the couch. I worked at his buttons as he slipped my shirt over my head, exposing my perky breasts encased in a purple Victoria Secret lacy push up bra.

“Damn, you're so fucking sexy,” he said, his gaze falling on my cleavage.

“You're not so bad yourself,” I said, undoing the last button and letting his shirt fall to the floor.

His chest and abs were rock solid. I'd never laid eyes on a perfect six pack in person, until that moment, and it was every bit as glorious as one would imagine. Tattoos covered his torso and arms - I couldn't make them all out, not in the darkness of the room, but I saw an anchor on his chest, front and center. Made me think I had a Navy boy on my hands. Charlie wasn't somebody who enjoyed working out and I couldn't recall ever being with a man this fit. But then, this was my first military man. There's a first time for everything. And I licked my lips, looking forward to indulging in new experiences.

I dropped down to my knees, just yearning to kiss those perfect abs, and worked at his belt while I was in the neighborhood. He helped me, and before long, his pants joined his shirt in a heap on the floor. I stared at his cock – long, hard and straight, poking out at me from his boxers. His delicious looking cock, like his physique, was absolutely perfect. I couldn't help but stare, my mouth agape, as I took in the beauty before me.

I couldn't help but touch him – I stared in awe as I ran my hands over those abs. Eventually, I took his cock in my hand, squeezing it tight and stroking it gently before eventually, sliding it into my mouth. I couldn't take him all the way in, he was too long and too thick, so I stroked him with one hand as I sucked on the tip. He groaned, his eyes partially closed as he stared down at me while I licked and sucked on that glorious dick of his.

But he wouldn't let me do this for long. He pulled me up by my hair and kissed me, long and hard, as he motioned for me to lay back. Together, we fell to the couch, him on top of me and he kissed my mouth again as he pressed himself against me. I spread my legs and with one hand, he reached down and slipped my panties off – tossing them onto the ever-growing pile of clothing on the floor. Something I took to be the mark of a successful evening.

Before I even had time to ask him to put on a condom, he was inside of me. One thrust and he was sheathed deep inside of me completely, and my eyes nearly bulged out of my head from the surprise. I let out a gasp, but it wasn't a gasp of pain – it was one of complete and utter bliss. All thoughts of condoms and safe sex suddenly evaporated – all thought of anything really – and I was nothing more than a bundle of sensation.

I wrapped my legs around his waist, pushing upward to meet his thrusts. Each and every one of his deep strokes pulled a moan from my throat, and he held himself above me, moving in and out of me like a pro, like a man who really knew his way around a woman's body. He was glistening with sweat, a look of pure rapture upon his face, and his every muscle at work as he fucked me and it was a glorious sight.

His eyes were squeezed nearly shut as he was lost in the moment, but I watched his facial expressions closely, enjoying the look on his face as he fucked me. I could feel myself growing tighter, the pleasure intensifying as I shuddered against him. He was sheathed inside of me, and my muscles clenched tightly around his cock.

“Jesus,” he said, his head falling forward. “You're so fucking tight. I'm not sure how long I can last.”

Truthfully, I wasn't sure either. Not with how fucking amazing he felt inside of me. From the sounds coming from his throat, I knew he was close – so very close – and so was I. But he stopped, suddenly, pulling his dick out of me as he grabbed me by my hair. I was so caught up in the pleasure of the moment, I barely had time to register the fact that he was turning me over until he bent me over the armrest of the couch. My ass was in the air and I looked back at him just as he buried himself deep inside of me again, without so much as a warning.

“Holy fuck,” he said, grabbing onto my ass and lifting me toward him.

My entire body was convulsing by that point. I was a rag doll, entirely at the whim of his movement as he held me there, moving in and out of me with such precision and speed. The sound of our flesh slapping together echoed throughout the room. My mind was spinning and before I knew what was happening, I was gripping onto the couch and holding on for dear life, crying out in pleasure.

“Oh God!” over and over again since I didn't know his name.

His nails were buried into the flesh of my ass as he pummelled himself deep inside of me one last time, sending my body bucking wildly against him, squirming against him as I came hard. Harder than I had in a long time – if ever.

My whole body felt like it was on fire. I needed this. Oh, God, I needed this tonight. After years of terrible sex with Charlie, to be fucked by someone like this guy – whatever his name was – had been a blessing. More than I'd hoped for when I set out on my mission earlier in the evening. And he was driving me absolutely wild.

I could tell by his frantic, nearly frenzied movements that he was close – and I remembered at the last minute about the lack of a condom. I was on the pill, so pregnancy was not a concern for me. And it was already too late to worry about any diseases really, so I did the only thing I could do – I just pushed myself backward into him, taking him deeper inside of me one last time as he spilled his seed, cumming inside of me with one, long, loud animalistic groan.

And afterward, he just held me there for a few moments, still laying on top of me, still sheathed inside of me. We both relaxed against each other as my heartbeat slowly returned to normal. He gently put my feet back down on the ground and helped me stand up, sliding out of me as I did. His cum slid down my legs as I got to my feet, and I had to admit, it was pretty damn hot.

“Follow me,” he said, taking me by the hand.

“Where are we going?” I asked, my legs feeling a bit wobbly.

“To bed,” he said. “But just to sleep, I swear.”

I wanted to argue with him, to tell him I should get going. Staying overnight with somebody hadn't been my plan, hadn't been what I'd set out to do that evening, and it would be awkward to wake up next to him in the morning. But I was so tired, I wasn't sure I could even get dressed. And sleep, letting my body rest for a bit, sounded absolutely wonderful at the moment.

* * *

We curled up, naked, in his bed, our bodies, still slick with the sweat from our exertions, pressed together. He wrapped his arms around my waist as we spooned – an awkward position when you hardly know a person. I appreciated the cuddling, but deep down, it all felt so odd to me. This was the first time I'd ever slept with someone like this – my first one night stand – and I was so confused as to whether this was normal or not. I eventually drifted off to sleep, but I didn't sleep well. I kept waking up disoriented, not sure of where I was at, and feeling out of place.

Eventually, around four that morning, I'd had enough. He was snoring away, in a deep sleep, and I figured it was probably the best time to sneak out. I'd call a cab and catch a ride home before he woke up, sparing us both the awkwardness of the morning after, of having to make conversation. Hell, we didn't even know each other's names – could it be any more awkward?

Before leaving the bedroom, I looked back at him, resting peacefully and had to smile. He was gorgeous, so incredibly sexy, and we'd shared something last night. There was a connection between us – at least on a physical level. Our bodies had communicated in a way that we hadn't been able to verbally.

It was most definitely something I wouldn't soon forget. He'd given me more than an orgasm; he'd helped me realize that there were other men out there. Men who would find me desirable. Sexy, even. Charlie, wasn't it for me, and I deserved better. I could have thanked him for that – but I wasn't going to stick around to do that. I wanted to be long gone before he ever woke up.

I slipped quietly from his bedroom and moved on tiptoes down the hall. I picked up my clothes from the living room floor and quickly got dressed. Once I'd dressed and had slipped out of his house, I'd called for a cab.

Standing on the curb outside, I turned around and admired his house. It really was a magnificent home, and I had to wonder why he was living there all by himself. Unless, of course, he wasn't. Maybe he had a wife who was out of town. I knew absolutely nothing about this man. He very well could have an entire family off at Disneyland for all I knew.

It just didn't add up to me. A guy like him living in a large house like that all by himself? How did he afford it? Why did he choose to live in such a big place all alone?

But I didn't spend too much time questioning it. None of it mattered. After all, I was never going to see him again, so wondering over his living arrangement didn't matter. Once the cab pulled up, I gave the driver my address and felt relief as we drove away. I'd managed to have a night of intense pleasure with no awkwardness after. As much as I'd have loved to fuck him again someday, it just wasn't in the cards.

I didn't have time for a rebound boyfriend, not right now. And I knew better than to expect anything from a guy who takes a girl home to fuck without so much as knowing her name. As nice as he might have seemed – and he did seem nice – he didn't put off the vibe that he wanted something serious.

Which was a blessing because truthfully, neither did I.

ooo000ooo

By the time I got home, it was after five in the morning. I groaned when I looked at the clock, realizing that I had to work a few hours later. I put on some coffee and trudged down the hall so I could shower and get ready for the day.

As I stared in the mirror, I could see the exhaustion written all over my face. But along with the dark circles and red, puffy eyes, there was something else there too. I smiled in the mirror and it felt genuine. For the first time in a long time, I was smiling again. There was a lightness to my spirit that hadn't been there for a long, long time. Charlie hadn't broken me, thank God.

I applied concealer to my under-eye circles, but kept the makeup pretty minimal. Nothing like I'd worn on my night out. I had no one I needed to impress at work. I just needed to look professional and clean. My hair was thick and long, and I didn't want to blow dry it, so I pulled it back in a bun, pinning it in place as I straightened my side-swept bangs.

I looked in the mirror again after fixing myself up and nodded approvingly. You could hardly tell I was tired. Okay, maybe if you looked close enough, you could see it. But I looked better than I had before at least. And being tired was okay. No one had to know the reason for why I'd gotten so little sleep the night before. My personal life wasn't their business.

I left a few minutes early and stopped at Starbucks, grabbing a coffee before catching the BART into the city. As I waited in line, I felt confident and happy, which was a really nice change of pace for me. As I approached the barista, I smiled at the familiar face and ordered my usual.

“Vanilla latte with soy milk, no whip, please.”

“Sure thing, Amelia,” the girl said, remembering my name even though I couldn't remember hers. “And the Americano as well? Like usual?”

My heart sank. “Uhh no thank you.”

The Americano was for Charlie. I usually picked up his drink and we met at the BART station where we'd ride into the city together.

The poor girl had no idea why my face fell so quickly, so I feigned a smile for her and shrugged casually, as if it were no big thing.

“Me and Mr. Americano broke up,” I said.

“Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.”

She seemed genuinely sorry, and for that reason, I made every effort to read her name tag.

“It's okay, it was for the best, Tara,” I said quietly.

Who knew getting your morning coffee could be such a downer?

* * *

DREW

I laid in bed and stared at the ceiling, trying to will myself to get up, get showered, and get dressed. Last night had been fun – the most fun I'd had in a long time. But there was still that overwhelming sense of loneliness I faced most days since returning from overseas. My phone buzzed with some belated birthday greetings from relatives that I'm surprised even remembered my name – an uncle who lived in the Midwest, who I'd met maybe once or twice, a cousin I used to be close with before leaving to serve overseas, and a few other people.

I closed out of those notifications, and when my phone went off again, I cursed. But this time it was just a reminder.

“Therapist appointment with Dr. Emerson at nine,” I read out loud.

I rolled my eyes and considered calling to cancel. But even though I briefly considered it, I knew it wasn't actually an option for me. Missing an appointment with the exalted Dr. Emerson would screw up a lot of things – including the disability payments that paid for my food and shit. The house was paid for, free and clear thanks to my folks, but living wasn't cheap. Even when you were living rent-free.

The girl I'd brought home last night left – snuck out in the middle of the night. And yeah, that made me feel like shit. Not that I'd expected anything more than a one-night stand with her, but some breakfast – and maybe even getting her name – would have been nice. But she snuck out at some point, leaving me alone in my bed, making me wonder if I'd imagined fucking her in some elaborate masturbatory fantasy.

Except, I knew it wasn't a dream. It had been too good and I hadn't been fucked up enough to dream up something like that.

Nah, she'd just snuck out in the middle of the night. Not that I blamed her. It was usually pretty awkward to wake up and look your one-night stand in the eye. Sharing conversation over breakfast? Probably too much to ask.

I took a piss and stared at myself in the mirror, not liking what I saw. The scruff on my face getting a little out of control and I looked exhausted. I should shave before my appointment, but I didn't feel like it. Not that it mattered anyway. Not like I had a job to go to or anyone to meet. Besides, I was just meeting this Dr. Emerson dude, and who the fuck cared what he thought? He was just giving me a psych evil. Hell, maybe the scruff on my dishevelled appearance would help my case some – so I left it.

After a quick shower, I let my hair go wild too. It was short to my head, almost military cut but with a little length on the top. Now that I didn't need to keep my hair cropped close, I could do whatever the fuck I wanted with it. And letting it grow out sounded good to me. Again, it just added to the stereotype a bit more. Rugged vet, down on his luck, haunted by the demons of war.

Yeah, since I was pretty much a poster boy for the anti-war crowd, I might as well look the part.

A pair of jeans and a black sweatshirt I'd been given as a parting gift after leaving the Navy was my signature look these days. I wasn't dressing to impress anyone after all. A quick run into the city, meet with the good doctor and then back here for a nap before God knew what later in the evening. Maybe some video games. Maybe see if the pussy whipped guys who called themselves my buddies could get together again tonight, to make up for being lame asses the night before.

I sighed, unable to avoid the reality that my life was a shitshow. If it wasn't for the fact that my parents had money, I'd have been one of those homeless vets on the street. Or worse. Probably dead in a gutter somewhere.

I was one of the lucky ones, that was for sure. Which was another reason I didn't want to blow the appointment for my evil – even though I didn't think it would do any fucking good anyway.

ooo000ooo

“I'm here to see Dr. Emerson.”

“Oh, she's running a little behind today,” the friendly receptionist said flashing me a smile that was blindingly bright – her teeth far too white to be real. “But she will see you in just a moment.”

She. My therapist was a woman? For some reason, I pictured a balding older man with glasses. Maybe a little on the overweight side wearing an ugly sweater vest. But Dr. Emerson was a woman. I would be telling my entire life story and deepest problems to a woman. I didn't consider myself a sexist by any stretch of the imagination, but honestly, I wasn't sure how comfortable I was about that. There was some dark shit in my head and I wasn't sure about having a woman opening up that Pandora's Box.

Hell, maybe I was a little sexist after all. But in my defence, I would feel the same way about a woman giving me a hernia check. There was some shit only guys could relate to. Or so I thought.

I consoled myself with the idea that I could always request a change in doctors – which I might do after today, depending on how it went. But I was going to be fair and give the lady a chance. I told myself that I wasn't going to be a sexist pig about it. And I kept telling myself that as I took the forms and started filling them out in the waiting room.

I read through all of the questions and just shook my head. Did I drink? Hell, yeah, I had a few pops now and then. But I wasn't an alcoholic or anything like that. I always hated answering shit like this, there was hardly ever any wiggle room and I always got the feeling people were judging me based on my answers. I had a drink now and then, but I didn't spend every night all fucked up. But the only answer I could give was a yes or no. There was no maybe or chance to explain.

Yes, I drank. How much? I had a beer or so almost every day. But it wasn't as bad as it sounded, so I fudged a bit and checked the box that said a couple times a week. I'd make my own wiggle room.

Drugs? No. That one was easy. Well – except for smoking pot now and then back in the day. I'd had to be clean in the service and I'd pretty much stayed that way. Even now. I couldn't remember the last time I'd fired up a joint.

I went down the checklist, ticking the box that said no to most of the health issues. I had no heart problems, no vision issues. My cholesterol and blood pressure were normal.

Anxiety? Ehhh – maybe. But anyone who'd been through what I had in the service would probably have some anxiety, right? That wasn't abnormal?

Depression? Define feeling depressed.

“Fuck this,” I said, just marking no to everything on the list.

I came here to be diagnosed, I didn't need to tell them my mental issues. It was their job to give me the psych evil, not make me do all the work. I'd never been diagnosed with anything, so that helped. This would be a first.

I handed over the paperwork and sat back down to wait. The television in the waiting room kept playing the same medical information over and over again. Why even have a television for your clients if you're not going to let us watch something good while we wait?

I sighed and flipped open a magazine – some entertainment rag – and saw a photo spread from a new movie with Brad Pitt. A war movie, of course. And as I stared at the photos of the beautiful holiday celebrities decked out in military garb, I cursed to myself about how much they got wrong. Except, of course, there was some unknown actor in the back, behind Pitt, and I couldn't stop staring at him.

He reminded me of Mason.

In that moment, as I looked at the man's face, the air was sucked straight out of my lungs and all I could do was stare. The actors in the photos weren't even SEALs – they were in typical Army uniforms. But still, I felt my pulse quicken as panic set in while I stared down at the man who looked like my best friend.

“Drew Hunter?” The receptionist called my name, pulling me from the abyss of my own mind.

I shook my head and cleared my throat. “Yes?”

“Dr. Emerson is ready to see you now,” she said. “Come on back.”

She opened the door for me and ushered me into a room with soft lighting and an even softer couch. There were throw pillows, so I situated myself between those awkwardly, not wanting to mess anything up. A box of tissues sat on a table beside the couch.

“She'll be right in,” the receptionist said. “Just make yourself at home and get comfortable while you wait.”

Get comfortable. At a shrink's office. Hardly possible. Even at one set up as cozy and comfortable as this was. Yeah, sure, I was supposed to come in and open up and explore my feelings and shit, but that was hard to do when you'd been taught and conditioned to push your feelings away for your entire life.

There was a soft knock at the door, and a moment later, it opened. I stood up to greet my therapist, and when I did, our eyes met and my jaw hit the floor.

“It's you,” I said, feeling ashamed that I never got her first name. “It's – it's you.”

She seemed as shocked as I did, as she held onto the door for dear life. Almost like she wanted to leave again. I couldn't blame her. The instinct to bolt straight out the door and never looking back was running through me.

“Y - you're a doctor?” was all I could think to say. “My doctor?”

In my head, I was trying to recall everything we'd talked about the night before. I ran through as much as I could remember, trying to figure out if I'd said anything too revealing or personal. Never once had it ever entered my mind that this hot piece of ass from last night was doctor material so I wasn't overly careful with my words. But then again, it wasn't like we did much talking anyway.

“Yes, I am actually,” she said. “And you must be Drew – Drew Hunter, I see.”

She looked down at my file, reading it to herself. But her eyes lingered on the pages a little longer than necessary and I got the impression she was just trying to avoid looking into my eyes. Flashes of what we'd done last night scrolled through my mind and I had to admit, I felt myself growing a little warmer and getting a little stiff in the pants.

“It's very nice to meet you, Mr. Hunter,” she said, reaching out to shake my hand, her eyes still not quite meeting my own. I watched her hand trembling, even as she tried to smile and play it off. “I'm Dr. Emerson.”

“Please, call me Drew,” I said. “I mean, after what we did last night and –”

“Drew it is then!” she said with a little too much enthusiasm before taking a seat across from me.

She crossed her legs, and yes, I noticed her sexy legs in her pencil skirt – legs that I'd had my face buried between not all that long ago. She was dressed professionally today, her hair pulled back and even had some glasses on her face. But it was her. It was the girl from last night. Neither her clothes, her hair, or her glasses could hide that fact from me.

And she was my fucking therapist. I didn't know if I was lucky or cursed.

* * *

AMELIA

Drew. His name was Drew. I had to admit, he looked very much like a Drew too. As I met his gaze, my eyes fell on his lips – lips that were so thick, so luscious, so soft, and oh so delicious. I licked my lips as I remembered kissing those lips last night – only hours ago, actually.

No, stop it, Amelia, I told myself. You can't do this. Pretend like nothing happened. That's the best course of action. Act like it never happened. Just carry on and do your job.

“So this is your first time in therapy, Drew?”

“Yeah,” he said with a sly smile. “I guess there's a first time for everything, huh, Dr. Emerson?”

If he expected me to tell him to call me Amelia, he was going to be waiting a long time. As awkward as it was for the man I'd just fucked to call me doctor, it would be even more awkward – and much too casual for my liking – if he called me by my first name.

“I've looked over your file. The Navy was kind enough to send it over, and it seems that you've been suffering from what appears to be PTSD. I understand that you're looking for a formal diagnosis, as well as to get treatment for your condition. Is that, about right?”

“I'm fine,” he said, brushing it off. “I'm not dealing with anything anybody else isn't. I don't think what I'm going through is different than anybody else goes through when they've seen combat.”

“Uh huh,” I said, pushing my glasses up higher on my nose as I tried to look at Drew through my professional, medical lens opposed to the one of a warm-blooded female. “If you're fine, why are you here?”

He shrugged. “My Captain insisted upon it. I told him I could go back to work anytime now, but they seem to think I need to talk to a shrink – err, I mean a therapist. No offense.”

“None taken.”

The notes from Drew's Captain told an entirely different story altogether. Dissociation, depression, panic attacks – all symptoms that had manifested during combat. I knew men like Drew – I worked with them every single day. He wasn't going to talk to me about anything he'd gone through over there.

Even if we hadn't hooked up, I could tell it would be hard for him to truly open up. But since we had a sexual relationship, there was no way this Navy SEAL was going to allow himself appear weak or vulnerable in front of me. Especially after his bravado when we'd first met in the bar last night. It was hard enough to break through that tough exterior as it was, but now, given our history – limited thought it was – I felt like it very well could be impossible.

“Well, Mr. Hunter –”

“Drew, please. I insist.”

I cringed. I normally don't mind calling my clients by their first name, if it made them more comfortable. But this wasn't normal in the slightest and I had to tread carefully. Very, very carefully.