“Hey, there.” A deep voice startled the shit out of me, making me jump and bash my head on the door.
“Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.” The voice belonged to a man who was now making his way up the driveway toward me.
Rubbing the sore spot on my head, I tried my best to plaster a smile on my face as I greeted him, suddenly realizing that this must be the Baker’s nephew.
“That's ok, I was lost in thought.”
“You must be Willow, right? he asked me, giving me a dazzling smile.
“You must be, Jesse.” I countered back without really answering his question. His grey eyes lit up with a genuine smile and I couldn't help but smile back. Running a hand through his dark brown hair, he nodded his head once and held out his hand.
“Yup, that’s me. Betty has obviously told you about me.”
Taking his warm but calloused hand in mine, I shook it firmly but gently as I took him in. His height towered over my five foot frame so I had to tilt my head back to meet his gaze. He had dark brown hair that was long enough to curl around his ears. A muscled body filled out the dark green Henley he was wearing. Dark blue jeans and black work boots completed his look. I really couldn't help but agree with my nan, he was very handsome. I am also very married, technically, for the time being at least.
Pulling my hand out of his firm grip I nodded my head. “She certainly has. You gotta watch out for that one.” I hooked a thumb over my shoulder. “She is far too nosy for her own good. She lives for gossip, so watch yourself.”
“I kinda gathered that last night when she basically demanded to know my life story as I was unpacking my truck,” he replied with laughter in his voice. “I was just grabbing the last few bits that I didn't manage to get last night when I saw you come out of the house. I just wanted to introduce myself seeing as I will be around here for awhile.”
Needing to get on, I moved away from the front door and walked over to my car. Pulling open the door, I lifted my head and met his eyes before I got in. “I hope you settle in well but fair warning. My nan thinks you're handsome, watch your back!”
His booming laughter was all I heard as I pulled out of the driveway driving toward the unknown that was awaiting me.
I’d lied to Nan. I didn't have anything to do before I got the kids from school. I just couldn't sit there any longer and pretend to be happy when deep down I was dying. I knew if I had opened up and told her, she would have been on my side, but I just couldn't do that to her, not on her birthday.
Nursing the biggest cup of coffee known to man I settled down in the local coffee shop, ready to wait out the rest of the day. Wrapping my hands around the cup, I tried unsuccessfully to gain some warmth into my body. I was cold, numb, unfeeling. That was also a lie. I felt so much but I just couldn't process it all so internally I had decided to shut it all down.
The one thing going around and around in my mind was, Why? That one word caused me so much pain because I just couldn't answer it. Only Rob had the ability to answer that question and so far he had been radio silent. Not one phone call, not even so much as a God damn text message.
When the waitress came over, I asked her to fill up my cup, not quite ready to leave the sanctuary of the coffee shop yet. She gave me a friendly smile as she poured the strong brew, a concerned look crossed her face. “You look glum, honey. Pretty thing like you shouldn't look like that.”
Taking a sip of the fresh coffee, I hoped that she would take the hint that I didn't want to talk. Unfortunately for me that wasn't going to be the case as she waited for me to put my cup back down.
“I caught my husband having sex with my neighbor this morning, on our dining table,” I blurted out. “I’m hiding out here while I wait for him to clear his things out of the house.”
Pulling out a chair, the waitress sat down next to me and took my hand in her own. The other patrons of the coffee shop were forgotten about as she saw to my emotional needs. In that moment I was so grateful for her act of kindness, her holding my hand letting me know that I'm not on my own. I suddenly realized I didn't even know her name, the thought making me feel like shit for not even taking notice of her name on her badge. I flicked my eyes up and over to her, spying her name. “What am I going to do, Rose?” I asked as I squeezed her hand back. “I have two young children. What he did doesn't just affect me, it affects them too. I can't believe he would be so selfish. That he would throw us all away for some quick fuck.”
“Honey, if there's one thing I've learned over the years it’s that not all people are the same. Sure he has done something terrible to you, but you look like a strong girl. You will move past this and onto something better. Trust me when I say good things are waiting for you. Fuck him, if he risked someone as pretty as you for a quick fumble then I say he ain't worth it. Now you drink up. Go get your kids and go make sure that no good bastard is out of your house. Then I suggest you change the locks and hire a good divorce lawyer.”
She gave my hand one final squeeze as she left me alone once again.
“Hey, baby. Did you have a good day?” I asked my little girl as she skipped out of her class and into my waiting arms, throwing her own tiny arms around my neck.
“I did, Mama. The best day yet.” She wriggled out of my hold and I reluctantly let her go, taking her hand instead.
“The best, huh?” I laughed, amused by her love for life. “I’m glad you had the best day, baby. Let's go get your brother.”
Walking to where we had to get Nate, I mulled over what I was going to tell them both when we got home and they asked about their Dad.
Nate came strolling out of his class surrounded by a group of friends. It warmed my heart to know my little man was as loved here as he is at home. He's growing up to be a lovely young boy. Turning ten on his next birthday, he already acted so much older than his years, far wiser than any of us gave him credit for sometimes.
I'd had Nate right out of high school. He was my happy accident and I was over the moon when he’d been born. Rob and I doted on him. Sure we had it hard at first being young parents but we loved him so much. Rob’s parents were so disappointed in us. They’d wanted us to do everything the correct way around; education, marriage, buy a house then have children, but luckily we’d had my grandparents’ support and between us all we made it work. When Kaylee followed a few years later we knew our little family was complete and I couldn't have been happier. We had a great life. Rob went to work each day while I stayed at home and tended to family life. It was perfect. Well, so I thought anyway.
Waving goodbye to his friends, Nate walked over to us. “Hi, Mom. Hi, squirt.” He ruffled his little sister's blonde curls affectionately. He grabbed her free hand as we all walked toward where I had parked the car. I listened in on their conversation about their school day. The bond that they had warmed my heart every day. As soon as she'd been born, Nate always looked out for her and in turn she grew up idolizing her big brother.
“What do you two say to having pizza for dinner tonight?”
A chorus of cheers for pizza rang out as I drove home, the home that would be forever changed after today. My heart broke a little more knowing that my two babies were going to suffer because of one man's mistakes. That actually had me hating Rob a whole lot right now.
The house was quiet as we let ourselves in. “Go wash up you two while I order the pizza,” I instructed the kids as I walked closer to the dreaded kitchen. I knew Rob wasn't there but I also knew that I'd be assaulted with the memories of the act as soon as I entered the room.
Everything was how it should be, the slight smell of bleach lingered in the air. “Well the fucker actually did as I asked,” I muttered to myself as I flung open the windows, letting the fresh air take away the smell that did doing nothing but remind me of what he did, what they did.
Wiping away a tear that had managed to escape, I set to ordering the promised pizza, glad that it got me out of cooking tonight. That's the last thing I wanted to be doing when I am feeling like utter shit.
Hanging up the phone I ran up the stairs, calling out to the kids. “Pizza will be here in thirty minutes. If you have any homework, meet me downstairs and we can go through it before it arrives.”
“Okay, Mama,” Kaylee answered me right away, emerging from her room wearing her favorite princess nightgown, clutching her homework book in her hand.
“What do you have there, baby?” I asked her as I walked into my room. I avoided looking around for the time being, instead focusing my attention on my daughter.
“Just some spelling I have to practice before the test on Friday. I know them already, so I can just spell them out to you.”
Entering my room, she shoved her book at me. I barely got the chance to see what the words were before she recited all ten to me, all correctly spelt in no time.
“What a smart cookie I have, huh, baby.” I placed a kiss on her head as I gave her back her book. “You will ace that test on Friday, no sweat.”
I started stripping down to my underwear, pulling on my favorite pair of comfy yoga pants and an old tee that belonged to Rob at one point before I claimed it for myself. Looking down at the tee I decided that I needed to start fresh, so I quickly pulled it back off, throwing it on the floor and went off in search of something else to wear.
“That shirt dirty, Mama?”
I grabbed a tank out of my drawer, quickly pulling it over my head. “Yes, baby. Mommy needs to wash it, it stinks!” Picking it up off the floor I ran toward her. “Want to smell it?”
“Ewwwww, no!” Screaming with disgust she ran out of my room. I heard her footsteps banging down the stairs. I let the tee drop back to the floor the same time I let the smile drop from my face. Only then did I dare to look around the room to see if anything of his was missing from the room we shared together for years.
Sure enough, I noticed his charger was gone off the nightstand. Rushing over toward the closet where Rob keeps all his suits, I pulled it open as a strangled gasp left my mouth. It was empty, the entire thing had been emptied. “The fucker had really left us.” The pain had me dropping to my knees, tears coursing down my face. “He really left us,” I mumbled through my tears, the pain gathering momentum in my chest feeling like it was going to split me in half.
“You alright, Mom?” Glancing up to see Nate walking into my room, I scrambled to my feet using my hand to get rid of the tears and I tried my best to give him a smile.
“Yes, sweetie. I’m fine.” Looking him in the eyes I could tell he didn't believe me, but I could also see he wasn't going to question me. Walking closer to me, he took my hand in his own just as the doorbell rang announcing the arrival of our food. Literally saved by the bell.
“Come on, I'm starving.” With another forced smile I pulled him down the stairs, hoping that he wouldn’t ask me if I was okay because I didn't think I'd have it in me to lie to him again.
After the pizza had been devoured, the kids and I called nan and the kids wished her a happy birthday. She filled them in on her birthday adventures which included going to the Simpson’s house to play cards and then over to the new neighbors to take him some cookies that she baked.
Once Nate had put the phone down, he asked me if nan could bake since she had never baked him any cookies. I assured him that her baking for Jesse was a one off thing to welcome him to the neighborhood before mentally reminding myself to ask her if she did indeed actually bake those cookies. As far as I'm aware, my nan could not even scramble an egg, never mind making chocolate chip cookies.
The rest of the evening flew by as we stuck to our normal routine. Only at bedtime did Kaylee ask where her Dad was. I fobbed her off with a generic “he’s working late” answer before tucking her into bed and kissing her goodnight. Nate never asked once, which surprised me a little.
Once I settled down on the sofa with a large vodka and diet coke the silence really hit me. I was so used to Rob being here that I felt lost. Turning the television on, I flicked through the channels to see if anything caught my eye. Nothing did, so with a huge sigh I switched it off and threw the remote onto the end table in frustration.
Trying to read a book couldn't hold my attention for long either, so after quickly downing my drink I headed off to bed. I had nothing else to do and no one else to talk to now that the kids were asleep. I had no friends I could call and have a chat with. Rob, Nate, Kaylee, and my nan were literally all I had. That thought brought me more sadness than ever.
I’m not his best friend anymore, I’m not his lover anymore, I’m not his wife anymore. So who the hell am I if I am not any of those things? I really didn't know but it's something that I'd have to work out.
Climbing into bed I let my tears finally fall free as I cry myself to sleep, feeling so alone that I feel like I was suffocating and drowning in the sadness of it all.