PROLOGUE

SKYLAR

Click. Snap. Click. Snap.

The shutter on my camera opens and closes with lightning speed as Scott makes his approach. He stops a few feet from me, and I don’t miss the small smile hidden beneath the scowl he’s wearing.

“What are you doing, Sky?” He groans when I snap one more before lowering the camera to my side. “You need to find another subject.”

A sheepish grin forms on my lips as I close the short distance between us. “I’m capturing this moment for posterity.” He makes a disgruntled noise in the back of his throat, but his arms wrap protectively around my waist. “Don’t grumble at me, Scott Rivers. You were amazing out there tonight. Twenty-five saves! That’s bound to be a record. Right?” I push up on my toes and plant a kiss on his cheek

Tonight, our school went up against one of our biggest rivals in the division. Of course, Leland won. Scott is Leland High’s starting goalie and the best around. So good in fact, he was recruited to play for Great Lakes University after graduation. Which means, in just three short months, he’ll be leaving me.

“Nope. There’s a senior in Minnesota who just made twenty-eight,” he corrects me.

“Pish-posh. A measly three shots. I still say you could beat him in your sleep.”

“Our defense sucked ass tonight. I just had to work a little harder.”

“That’s what makes you the best player out there.” I beam proudly.

I lean in to give him another teasing peck, but this time he doesn’t allow me to pull away. One hand weaves its way into my hair, and his lips momentarily connect with mine before I draw back and give him a playful shove.

“Boy, I give one little compliment and you automatically think you can take advantage of my sweetness.” I cock my head and give him a touch of attitude. “Maybe I didn’t want you to kiss me. You ever think of that?”

A small smile flirts with the corners of his mouth, and his gaze darkens as his hands fall to my hips. “Is that so? Well, I happen to have it on good authority that your toes curl whenever I kiss you.”

I swallow the giggle forming in my throat then lower my voice to whisper in his left ear. “Nu-uh. Your kisses don’t have that kind of effect on me. If anything, they bother me.”

“Is that a fact? Well, too bad, Blondie, because I happen to love bothering you,” he drawls, and his voice is raspy with want. “In fact, I plan on bothering you all night. Tomorrow, too. If you’ll let me.”

“Really?” I can’t help smiling, because all kidding aside, I really do love being in his arms. I don’t think I’ve ever felt as safe as during those moments when he’s holding me. Kissing me. Loving me. I step into his open arms and tilt my face up to look into his eyes. “I can’t think of anyone I’d rather be bothered by.” My lips part, and I feel the slow slide of his tongue as it meets my own. The hand in my hair tightens, drawing me tighter against his hard body, and he nibbles on my bottom lip before fully breaking away.

“You’re good for my ego. You know that, Dennison?”

“I knew there had to be a reason you keep me around.” I poke him in the side with my finger. My tone is playful, but inside, I’m serious as a heart attack. Why does he keep me around?

We couldn’t be more opposite if we tried. He’s insanely gorgeous. I’m somewhat average-looking. He comes from a close-knit family that’s warm and loving. I’m an only child whose mother is rarely ever home. Scott is extremely popular and school would probably shut down if he didn’t show up. And me? Well, I’m not a social outcast, but let’s just say I could stay away for two weeks and can count on one hand how many people would notice.

“Hey.” He takes me by the arm and guides me into a darkened storage closet. Before I know it, my back is pressed against the closed door and his arms are on either side of me, caging me in. “Stop tearing yourself down. You know how much I hate it when you do that. There are many reasons for us to be together, and none of them include you worshiping the ground I walk on.”

I open my mouth to protest, but he cuts me off with another kiss that nearly sweeps me off my feet. For the moment, his kisses make me forget our differences. He nips and pecks his way across my jaw, teasing my skin with an occasional flick of his warm tongue. This feels so good. He feels so good. Strong hands meet the back of my thighs and I’m lifted off the ground. My legs instinctively wrap around his narrow waist and lock at the ankles, while my arms cling to his neck. Hanging on as if my very life depends on staying this way. Sometimes I think maybe it does.

His lean body bears down against mine, and I don’t miss the hard press of his erection between my parted legs. I won’t deny I love having him this close. Love the feel of his breath on my skin. The weight of his body pressed against me and the press and pull of our tangled mouths as his tongue melds with mine.

If only this was all he needed from me.

I’ll admit he’s been very patient with me. But I know his patience is bound to be wearing thin. I mean, a guy like Scott can only handle so much teasing from his friends before his resolve begins to crack.

This is our last year of high school. We’ve known each other most of our lives, but we only began dating last October after he approached me in the library. I love going to the library, love getting lost between the pages of a book. For weeks, I would see him there with his friends, and from the corner of my eye, I would catch him watching me. Most of the time, I would pretend I hadn’t seen him, then one day, something happened, and when our eyes met, I held his gaze. There was something about the way he looked at me, almost as if he could see right through me. As if he suddenly knew all my secrets and dreams. I’ve always noticed Scott Rivers. Of course, I have. He’s pretty hard to miss. But that day I saw something different. Something more than just the outward appearance the whole school is privy to. I remember going home that night wondering if I’d somehow been able to see through him as well. Two days later, on a warm October afternoon, he joined me at my table, and before I knew it, we were dating. Being with him was easy, and for the first time in my life, I felt alive; but after a few days, I knew our differences surpassed anything I could have ever imagined. Despite all my protesting, he still wanted to be with me. I immediately told him I was a virgin. I figured there was no sense in pretending to be someone I’m not. I’m sure my little revelation hadn’t come as a surprise. I’m not exactly popular. Or exceptionally pretty, for that matter.  Scott is the star goalie for the hockey team. Homecoming King. Adored by everyone. Desired by many. He could have any girl he wants. But he chose me.

“W-why me?” I blurt against the press of his lips. Even though I’ve asked him this question before and I know the answer, my own insecurities beg to hear him tell me again. “You could have any girl at this school. Probably anywhere. What made you choose me?” My voice drops to barely a whisper, and my hands fidget at my sides. “I’m nobody special. Not like all of them.”

“Don’t,” he warns. “We’ve been over this before, Sky.” His hand comes up to tuck a few wayward strands of hair behind one ear. He kisses one side of my mouth and then the other. Looks me in the eye and lifts the corners of his mouth up into a sly smile.

“I’m attracted to you, because you’re not like the other girls in this school. You’re beautiful. Smart. Yet you don’t hang on every word I say. You have a mind of your own. I like being with you, because I can have an actual conversation with you. Those are the things that attracted me to you, but I stay with you, because for some crazy reason you seem to like me.” He laughs softly. “All that aside, at the end of the day, there’s no one else I’d rather have in my arms.” He bumps the end of my nose with the tip of his finger and uses his other arm to draw me closer.

I sag against him, literally melting against the sculpted muscles that make up his chest. Resting my chin on a defined pec, eyes smiling as I peer up at him. “How is it that one minute I feel unworthy, then you go and say something like that and I feel like the most beautiful girl in the world?”

“That’s easy, Blondie. To me, you are the most beautiful girl in the world.” He dips his head and kisses both my cheeks. Devouring me with his beautiful mouth. We break apart, and I’m dizzy. Warm all over. He cups the side of my face in his big hand and runs the tip of his thumb over lips he just sampled. The look on his face says he’s thinking of tasting them again. The look I give in return says I’d love to be his next meal. “I’m crazy about you, Skylar Dennison, and there’s nothing you’ll ever say or do to change that.”

“Promise?” I whisper.

“Promise,” he answers before settling his lips on mine once more.

***

Weeks pass and things continue heating up between us. Most of our time together is divided between hanging out in the library pretending to study or watching movies in his bedroom. Well, the movies are usually running as background noise while we kiss and touch until both of us are so worked up we need a shower after we part ways.

Tonight, we’re grabbing a pizza and heading straight back to his place. After many discussions—and a great deal of thinking on my part—I think I may be ready to take our relationship to the next level. For the past week, Scott’s seemed a little preoccupied. I can’t put my finger on it, but it’s hard not to jump to conclusions and wonder if there may be someone else he’s interested in. I know it sounds stupid and I’m probably doing it for all the wrong reasons, but yesterday between classes, I caught Scott in the library stacks, and he wasn’t alone. His former girlfriend, Rachel Westin, had him cornered, and her hands were all over him. He never touched her, but he also didn’t stop her from touching him. Rachel’s been dying to get her claws into him again, and she hates me with a passion. At one point, she leaned in and whispered something in his ear before kissing him on the cheek and walking away. The look on his face and the way he watched her go nearly took the breath right out of me. I can only assume what she said. But there was no denying how he felt about it, especially because I know just how far she’d been willing to go while they were dating. Until that moment, I never had a reason to doubt him. Girls are always coming onto him and he blows them off. But these past few days he’s been different. Quiet. A little more distant than usual. It’s hard to explain, but whatever it is, I don’t like it. Seeing the two of them together opened my eyes to the realization that his kisses have blinded me to the cold, hard truth. He really is out of my league.

Maybe I’m crazy for thinking this will keep Rachel and the others at bay. I don’t know. I guess I’m just afraid he’ll grow tired of waiting and I’ll lose him.

Common sense niggles at the back of my brain, arguing that if he dumps me for not sleeping with him, then he isn’t the guy I want to give myself to.

But I ignore those warnings.

“Where do you think you’re running off to, missy?” My mother’s raspy voice beckons as I try and sneak past the kitchen on my way out the door. My shoulders slump as I stop and backtrack a few steps before turning to face her.

She’s sitting at the kitchen table. An ever-present cigarette dangles from her mouth and a half empty bottle of whiskey sits next to the pile of papers she’s sorting. At one time, my mother had been an attractive woman with long, brown hair and vibrant eyes. I only know this from old photos I once found in a box hidden beneath her bed. Ever since I can remember, she’s always looked the same. Her hair is cut way too short for her thin face. Clothes way too tight for her frail body. Voice rough from too many years of smoking. And a constant frown where a smile should be.

Growing up, most of my friends’ mothers were always happy and baked cookies for their family. I can’t remember the last time my mother baked. And she hasn’t been happy since the day I was born. Her words, not mine.

I’ve never met my father. He walked out of our lives the day Mom told him she was pregnant. Guess that explains the loss of happiness.

I stuff my hands in my pockets and lean against the doorjamb. “I already told you. I’m meeting Julia at the mall and we’re going to grab a bite to eat before catching a movie. I’ll be home by midnight.” The lie falls easily past my lips.

She lifts her chin and levels me with a hardened stare. When she opens her mouth, a trail of smoke follows each spoken word. “That boy. The one you’re always chasing after. Will he be there?”

The hairs on the back of my neck prickle, and I return her stare with my own firmly set jaw. “That boy? Mother, Scott is my boyfriend. You already know this. I don’t chase after him. We’ve been dating nearly six months.” I can’t help throwing in an exaggerated eye roll, but she just waves it off.

“Maybe so, but that still doesn’t answer my question.” She narrows suspicious eyes at me, waiting for me to cave. When I don’t, she twists the blade of insecurity a little deeper, knowing just how much it hurts me. “You know, Skylar, boys like Scott Rivers don’t fall in love with girls like you. He’ll say all the right things, but in the end, he’s just using you for sex. One day, he’ll find himself a much prettier girl. A girl he’s not ashamed to be seen in public with. A friendly piece of advice: keep your legs closed. The minute you let him in your pants, he’ll drop you like a dirty dishrag.” She takes a deep drag of her cigarette, holds it a moment, then a long stream of smoke wafts from her nostrils. “Mark my words, baby. Boys like him will only break your heart.”

My chest heaves in frustration as I fight to keep my emotions in check. I’ve heard this warning so many times. And to be truthful, I’m sick and tired of it. I honestly don’t believe she’s trying to hurt me. She’s just a bitter woman who doesn’t believe in love and can’t stand seeing me happy. Isn’t it enough I already question what it is he sees in me? Or that some nights I cry myself to sleep because I worry one day he’ll open his eyes and realize I’m not good enough for him?

Would Scott really do something that cold? Are her constant warnings the very reason I keep asking him to wait?

If I lose him, how will I ever find the strength to breathe again? God, please don’t let me have to find out.

***

My original plan was to wait until after the movie started before I came onto him. But after the run-in with my mom, I knock once and he barely has a chance to close the front door before I’m climbing him like a tree. When I whisper my intentions in his ear, he draws back to stare into my eyes. “You sure about this?” Without blinking, I peer up at him and give a quick nod of consent. After that, it’s all he can do to carry me down the hall without tripping over his own feet.

“Sky, baby,” he whispers between damp kisses on my throat. “Lie back against the pillows.” Using one hand, he gently lowers me onto the bed as the other slides back and forth, teasing my ribcage. Each pass brings him closer to my breast, and when his thumb brushes over my nipple, they both pebble against my cotton bra. Large hands palm each breast, and I wince with embarrassment. The caressing stops and his brow furrows in mild confusion. “Why are you making that face?”

I release my bottom lip from between my teeth and mumble. “Sorry. It’s just… My boobs are so small.”

He responds by giving each breast a squeeze before lowering his mouth and kissing a path up my neck. “They’re not too small. They fit my hands perfectly.” His fingers grip the hem of my shirt to slide it past my shoulders. “Not to mention, they’re the perfect size for my mouth.” He dips his head, his tongue laving at my nipple through the thin material, and I swear I feel every lick and swish that circles my taut flesh. Once he’s finished teasing the right, the same blissful torture is repeated on the other. Each sweeping pass feels better than the last, and when he works his way down between my legs, I find myself opening wider to accommodate his broad shoulders.

My heart beats erratically as soft lips tickle over my bare belly, sending a sharp jolt of electricity through me because I feel everything. Even through two layers of material. Holy hell. I love his mouth.

Calloused fingers tug at the waistband of my leggings, slipping between the layers. The tip of his thumb teases the elastic band of my panties, and our eyes meet as he hovers above me. I stretch to close the distance. Craving the taste of his lips. At the last second, he pulls back and gives me the sexiest wink. It may sound silly, but my heart actually flutters. I love the way a wink from Scott leaves me feeling. It’s a simple gesture, yet it speaks multitudes. And it affects me. Deeply. Like down-to-the-very-depths-of-my-soul kind of deep. And when he does it, I feel as if I’m floating on air. Like I’m the only girl he’s ever winked at.

I reach behind me and unhook my bra then add it to the growing pile of clothes on the floor. A low growl rumbles in the back of his throat when his mouth opens to suckle my breast. I squirm beneath him as he works his way across my skin, leaving a trail of teasing kisses in his wake.

“Scott,” I whisper as the tip of his finger eases inside, swirling once before plunging all the way in. Deep “Oh, my. That feels really, really good.”

Our lips meet, my name falling past his lips before I feel his tongue teasing my lower lip. Lick. Retreat. Repeat. Then he kisses me. I mean, really kisses me. My tongue grazes against his, and I’m met with an appreciative moan. His kisses leave my mouth but continue a path down the column of my throat. Sampling my flesh. Lick. Suck. Taste. Savor. I’m high on his kisses and grounded by the heel of his hand grinding between my legs.

I feel the softest of nibbles on my earlobe. The slow pumping, combined with teasing flicks of his thumbnail across my sensitive nub send me over the edge in a matter of seconds. I thrash my legs against the mattress, trembling under his soft caress as sweat beads heavily on my brow, and soon I’m crying out his name.

Thank God, his parents and sister aren’t home to hear me.

“Sky, baby. I want you. Please tell me you’re ready to let me inside you?” he whispers in my ear.

“I think I am.” I nod and look away, unable to meet his gaze as my heart pounds frantically against my ribs. Warm lips trace the curve of my neck as he whispers soft, lust-filled words that trickle up to my ears. I know his words are meant to help me relax, but all they end up doing is reminding me that he is much more experienced than I am. He knows what he’s doing, while I’m a nervous, sweaty mess. How many girls have been in this very same spot? Am I the first he’s had in his bed? What if I mess up and say something stupid? Or worse, what if it hurts and I end up crying? God. How embarrassing would that be?

Doubt takes hold, and now there’s a war waging deep inside me. I want this. I chant this over and over inside my own head, hoping it will erase my fears.

His hand reaches behind me and pulls two condom packets from his beside table.

“Two?” My voice cracks.

“The first time is usually pretty quick and probably a little uncomfortable,” he informs me. “After that, we’ll take our time and do it right.” He kisses me with those full, damp lips. The same lips that have formed the words ‘I love you’ more times than I can count.

My mom was not right about him. He loves me.

Nimble fingers make quick work of dropping his jeans to the floor as I stare open-mouthed at the sheer size of his penis. It’s not that I’m surprised by it. I mean, I’ve touched him before. It’s just that I haven’t been this close to having all that between my legs. I’m not even sure if he’ll fit. How the hell does this even work?

Oh God. Am I ready for this?

Sensing a change in my demeanor, he angles his head to the side and studies me. “Everything okay?” he asks, rolling the condom on before settling between my thighs.

I kiss the corner of his mouth and work my way down his throat, opting for a minor distraction as a way to buy myself some time. Meanwhile, my heart is lodged in my throat and my stomach is doing that nervous fluttery thing it does right before a big test. This is what I came here for. To lose my virginity to the boy who winks at me. Kisses me silly. The boy I love. This is what I want. Right?

“Ye-yeah,” I stammer.

“Yeah?” he asks huskily, hooking his fingers into the waistband of my leggings and giving them a gentle tug.

Oh, shit.

My hands move to his shoulders before I stop him. “W-wait.”

“Jesus, Sky.” He pushes away from me, rolling his legs over the side of the bed as his hands cover his face to help muffle his frustrated groan.

“Scott?” I reach for him, and he stiffens beneath my touch. I hear him sigh before turning back around to face me.

“What?” he bites out before strong arms circle my waist and he’s murmuring an apology. This kind of connection is exactly what I’m seeking, but he doesn’t meet my eyes right away. It’s a subtle gesture, yet it feels like a knife plunging deep into my dread-filled chest.

“Please. Give me a little more time. I want this. I really, really want this. I just don’t think I’m as ready as thought I was.”

“I know, baby, and I want to respect that. It’s just… I get carried away when we’re kissing and when you let me touch you like that. God. Watching you writhing on my bed, knowing my fingers were responsible for making you feel that way. I’ve been dreaming of this moment for months. Guess it just got to me. You know?” His forehead rests against mine, and I watch, mesmerized, as his tongue passes over his lush, bottom lip. “I can’t stop thinking how good it’s going to feel to lose myself inside you.” Soft lips cover mine in a kiss filled with unmistakable need. “I’ve been so patient.”

“Scott.” My resolve softens, and I can feel myself caving to the sensual pull his voice has on my heart. I open my hand and flex my fingers. Inching them closer to his softening erection. His penis has touched me many times before. But never like this. Never down there.

“You know, Sky, this hasn’t exactly been easy on me. Guys at school look up to me. You know? As an example.” He looks away, removing the condom before he continues. “We’ve been dating a long time. Hell, they expected me to score long before now, and they’ve been giving me shit about it. I’ve got girls throwing themselves at me every day. Girls I turn down because I’m with you. Then we end up here and I have to ask myself ‘Am I really with you?’ I mean… Fuck. I don’t even know what I mean anymore.” His eyes squeeze tightly shut, and with every beat of silence that passes between us, I feel my heart splitting in two. How could I have been so blind? And when he says ‘girls,’ I immediately want to demand he tell me all their names so I can go and scratch their eyes out.

My mind races, and I hear the faintest whisper of my mother’s voice reminding me this is all he ever wanted from me. I look up and find sincerity in his eyes. I want so badly not to believe her. I swallow the lump in my throat and do my best to tune her out. Despite my best attempts, a shiver runs through me, and I wrap my arms around my middle as a way to warm me. Then again, maybe it’s my way of protecting myself.

I’d be lying if I said I’m not curious about sex. Hell, most of the girls at my school have done the deed. Do you have any idea how hard it is to know you’re one of the few virgins left amongst your peers? It’s not as if I announce it, but rumors spread like wildfire. And teenage girls can be heartless bitches when a delicious piece of gossip is dangled before them. It’s that very reason why I’ve spent the last two years hiding in the library. Behind a book. Behind the lens of my camera. Behind the words I often write. Little did I know that’s where Scott would find me one October afternoon, changing up the life I’d grown accustomed to.

I may be a virgin, but I’ve touched Scott’s penis many times, and I have to admit, it’s a very nice appendage with smooth, velvety skin, and when he’s aroused, the tip becomes tinged with red. I like the tip the most. It’s fun to play with…

An idea comes to mind, and a devilish smile spreads across my face as I reach a hand between us and lower my head. “Would you settle for a BJ?” He pulls me back up to face him, a fistful of hair locked in his tight grip, and he’s not smiling.

“Christ, Skylar. What the hell are you doing?” he huffs and shoves himself angrily away from the bed. Further away from me.

“What do you mean? I thought maybe—”

“What? You thought what? You’d rather do that than have actual sex with me? What kind of fucking logic is that? Huh? You’ll let me finger you. You’ve jacked me off a few times, and now you’re offering to suck me off. You’re willing to do all that, but you won’t give yourself to me. If you weren’t ready, then why’d you lead me on? You knew this was what I wanted. I thought we both wanted it.”

I blink up at him, and my voice drops to a whisper. “I wasn’t trying to lead you on. That’s not what I was doing at all.” He yanks on his t-shirt and jeans then reaches for his shoes. “What are you doing?” I ask incredulously.

“I’m taking you home!” he snaps then turns toward me, using his hands as he talks. “I can’t do this anymore. I’m tired of waiting around for you to make up your mind only to have you change it back. Just like that.” He snaps his fingers.

No. No. No. No. No! This isn’t happening. She can’t be right. Not about him. Not my Scott. Please.

My eyes scan the floor for my shirt and bra. I suddenly feel foolish and incredibly vulnerable. “Wait. You’re seriously mad at me right now? Scott, I told you this is what I want. Just not tonight, okay? And those acts between us were my way of showing you how much I love you. I know it’s not enough, but it’s all I can give you right now.”

Don’t let him see you cry.

The tension in his room is palpable, and I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around how everything turned to shit so quickly. Scott tugs at his hair while angrily pacing the floor. When his hands fall away, it’s left sticking up in all directions. My breath catches in my throat. Even angry he somehow manages to steal my breath. “When, Sky? When will you be ready? Will you ever be ready? Or has this all been some kind of sick game? You know I want you.”

I furrow my brow and snatch my bra off the floor. Curling my fist around the strap, I brandish it like a weapon in front of me as I speak. “Game? You knew how I felt about this, yet you still think I’ve been playing games with you? You know, this hasn’t been easy on me, either. You know how I feel about you. And if you honestly believe I’ve been using my vagina as some sort of secret weapon, then you’re out of your goddamn mind.” I reach for my shirt and yank it over my head, opting to forgo my bra. “I trusted you. You’re the only boy I’ve allowed to touch me in the ways you’ve touched me. I’ve been honest with you all along. You said you understood. You told me you would wait, no matter how long I needed.”

His expression softens before a frustrated groan sounds in the back of his throat. Stepping forward, he runs a hand over his face before he speaks again.

“Christ, you think I don’t remember saying those things? I do understand, but I’m tired of waiting. I like you, Skylar, but I want all of you. I don’t know what else I need to do to make you believe that.”

“Like?” Confusion and fear flood my body. “You like me?” I scoff. God. What is happening right now?

“I know you’re all caught up in your emotions and that’s what sex is to you. Feelings. The bottom line is that I’m a selfish prick and I have needs. Needs you’re obviously not ready to meet.” He pauses to look down at me before continuing. Voice strained. Foreign. “I think it might be best if we…Umm…If we took some time apart. See how we feel.”

A choked sob bubbles past my lips, and I cover my mouth, hoping to contain it, but it’s no use. Fat tears form at the corners of my eyes and there’s no stopping their betrayal as they trickle down my face.

“Time apart? See how we feel?” My voice breaks with each word. “What the hell does that even mean? You want to see other girls? Is that what this is about? Because I saw you with Rachel in the library.” He just looks at me, slightly confused but not denying it either before giving his shoulder a non-committal shrug. Irony bubbles in my chest, mixing with my despair, both threatening to choke the life out of me at a moment’s notice. “You told me you would wait. You told me it didn’t matter if we didn’t have sex, because either way, you loved me. You said nothing would ever change that. Now you’re telling me that you like me?” My voice fades to a breathless whisper, and I shake my head in disbelief. “You said all the right things, and against my better judgment, I believed you.” Watery eyes lift to meet the steel blue of his, and my next words fall quietly from my lips. “You lied.”

“I know. It’s just…” He lifts his shoulder once more before taking a step toward me. “I never meant to hurt you, Skylar. I hope you know that. Come on. Let me take you home.” Out of habit, he offers his hand, but instead of accepting it, my other hand curls into a fist that swings around to strike him smack in the middle of his beautiful, lying mouth. He looks to me in surprise, wiping away the trickle of blood running down his lip.

I glance down at my throbbing hand. The hand still clenching my cheap cotton bra. Right now, I want nothing more than to choke him with it. “Fuck you, Scott. You’re a selfish asshole and I’m sorry I ever gave you my heart, because you certainly don’t deserve it.”

“Sky, it’s really late. At least let me drive you home,” he offers quietly.

I throw my shoulders back and stride toward the door. “You don’t need to worry about me anymore. I’m a big girl. I’ll manage just fine on my own.” My grip tightens around the door handle. This moment. It feels so… Final.

I swallow the lump in my throat and look him square in the eyes. “Good-bye, Scott.”

***

My heart hurts and I just feel empty. Most days, it’s all I can do to make myself wake up and go through the motions at school. Every day, I’m hopeful he’ll come to his senses and realize he made a mistake. Maybe he misses me as much as I’ve been missing him. Which, by the way, is more than I thought humanly possible. Maybe it was all a bad dream and I’ll wake up and he’ll be waiting by my locker just as he always has. But when I get to school, my locker is just a lonely sheet of cool metal. No Scott. Only Memories.

It’s as if the whole school knows Scott Rivers is back on the market. Everyone seems to be watching me. Pointing as I pass them in the hallway. Sitting through third period is the worst kind of torture. We used to sit at the same table, but now, he’s switched with Parker Bradshaw and I’m stuck sitting with the biggest douchebag in school, while Scott allows Rachel Westin and her ginormous boobs to cozy up next to him.

Seeing the two of them together again is like rubbing salt in an open wound, but the worst part is, he hasn’t once come to me to talk about what happened. Oh, I’ve caught him staring a few times, probably hoping to catch me crying, but I refuse to let him see just how badly he hurt me. He’s texted a few times, telling me how sorry he is, but I’ve deleted every single one. If he wants to tell me he’s sorry, he’ll need to man up and say it to my face. I need to hear the words. Maybe then it won’t feel as if there’s this blanket of heartbreak smothering me. You know? Like one minute he was giving me pleasure, and the next he totally annihilated me.

As if I’d never existed in his world.

Every day, I wait to see if he’ll try to talk to me, but it never happens. His group of friends is constantly around, as if they’re trying to make it impossible for us to speak to each other. By the end of week two, I begin accepting that it’s really over between us. If he had any interest in getting back together, he would have found a way to speak to me. After all, he has my number. He knows where I live. I walk into school and head straight for the bathroom. My reflection in the mirror is proof I haven’t been eating or sleeping properly. My clothes are loose and all the makeup in the world can’t begin to cover the bags under my eyes. I hear voices outside the door and dash inside one of the empty stalls, hoping to avoid the stares and questions that everyone keeps asking. Everyone wants to know what happened. Why did we break up? There’s a lot of speculation, but it seems Scott hasn’t been wiling to support or deny the claims that have been made. As for me, I’ve retreated so far into my shell people have given up trying to approach me, regardless of their blatant curiosity. While hiding, I overhear Stacy Stevens and her groupies enter the bathroom, and right away they start gossiping.

“Have you heard the latest about Scott Rivers and Rachel Westin?” Stacy asks them. They take turns murmuring no, and I can just picture them gathering at her feet, like the good little minions they are. So disgusting. Stacy lets out a dramatic sigh before sharing the latest gossip. “Well, apparently they celebrated his big win against Dawson by driving out to Parker’s Landing and doing it in his car.” Someone snickers, and they take turns making snide comments about me. “I knew it was only a matter of time before he woke up and dumped that mousy blonde. I mean, come on, Skylar Dennison is no Rachel Westin. Not even close.”

My stomach lurches, and the minute they leave, I double over and empty myself of the only thing I’ve ingested in days: water.

I remain hidden long after they leave, stunned and completely numb. Stacy probably had no idea I was even in the room. Then again, maybe she did and this was her way of rubbing it in my face. I mean, there’s no denying I’ve been an emotional basket case since our breakup. Either way, it works. I swallow my tears and ditch classes, opting to go home and break down in the privacy of my own bedroom. When I get there, I find that Mom hasn’t left for work yet. She takes one look at my face and deduces what happened. Or what she assumes has happened. This time, I don’t bother correcting her. Hell, for all I know, she may be right.

“What happened? Why are you crying? That boy finally came to his senses, didn’t he? Can’t say I didn’t warn you. Smart boys like him are going places, Skylar. They have their fun with girls like us then after a while see you for what you truly are. Just another whore on their path to success.” She crushes her cigarette out in an ashtray on her way to the door. “I’m off to work. If you’re gonna hang ’round here, then clean up after yourself. I ain’t got time to pick up after your ass.” When she reaches for her purse, I seize the opportunity and advance on her. The sound of my palm striking her face is one I’ll remember for years to come.

Thwack!

I’ve lived eighteen years, and in that time, I’ve never raised a hand to anyone, but I guess the last two weeks have pushed me over the edge. The sound that comes next is one that will haunt me the rest of my life, because her hand connecting with my cheek holds the distinct sound of something I’ve become all too familiar with.

Finality.

It’s then I realize I need to get away from Chicago and the hell surrounding me. “How dare you! How can you stand there spouting such hurtful things? I hate you. I hate you!”

Acting as if nothing happened, Mom turns and leaves for work without a good-bye or a backward glance. From this side of the window, I watch as the car pulls away then call my grandparents in Atlanta to ask if they’d be open to me moving in with them. They don’t question my request. Grandpa just tells me to go straight to the train station where there’ll be a ticket waiting for me. Roundtrip. Just in case.

I pack my suitcase and take one last look around my room, knowing in my heart I won’t be using that return ticket. I find a seat on the train, and my fingers immediately go to my lips, recalling the taste of his mouth the last time our lips touched. I don’t regret a single moment of our time together. We laughed. We cried. We shared. He made me feel beautiful. And for a short time, he made me feel loved. Regardless of how it all ended, in a library bursting with stories, Scott Rivers was my fairy tale.

I smile at the memories and brush a wayward tear from my cheek while whispering a quiet good-bye to the boy who’ll always own a piece of my heart.