My eyes opened the minute I heard the key at the door.

I held my breath, knowing it was Damon.

A quick glance at the bedside alarm clock said it was nearly three in the morning.

Where’d he go?

Something that felt oddly territorial pinched but I shoved it away. It was none of my business where Damon went or who he went with.

He could’ve fucked an entire block of hookers and I wouldn’t care.

None of my business.

But I was still scowling as I buried myself deeper into the covers, trying to pretend I was fast asleep.

The faint whisper of whiskey clung to Damon as he stripped and climbed into the bed beside me.

I held my breath, hoping to God he’d kept his underwear on. The bed gave and the sorry springs did little to hold up his weight as I rolled toward him.

Our bare skin made contact and I tried not to yelp as electricity arced through me.

The chemistry between us was dangerous.

I tried to scootch away but it was like trying to stop a rock from rolling downhill. The man was a mountain and I was a pebble.

“Piece of crap,” I mumbled under my breath, destroying the illusion that I was oblivious. I clarified with, “the bed, not you” but Damon just grunted and turned on his side as if I didn’t exist.

One minute he couldn’t keep his hands off me and the next, he was practically snoring within seconds of lying beside me.

Talk about confusing.

What are you complaining about? Geez, girl, make up your mind.

You know it’s bad when your internal voice was bitching at you for being contradictory.

“Are you awake?” I ventured, unable to go back to sleep now that he was here. “Tell me what happened. Where did you go?”

“Go to sleep,” he said, his voice muffled by the bunched pillow he had tucked under his head.

He cracked a yawn then farted as if I wasn’t lying right there.

OH MY GOD. How gross.

I fanned the blankets, grumbling the whole time. “Good God, what did you eat? Did something die inside of you?”

Damon’s sleepy chuckle pretty much put a stop to any more attempts of conversation on my part.

If I hadn’t been more afraid of what I might pick up on the floor, I would’ve grabbed a blanket and let him have the bed all to his stinky self.

I didn’t relish the idea of catching some strange disease out of bruised pride so I moved as far as I could away from him, practically hugging the edge, and tried to find sleep once again.

But it was easier for Damon to catch some shut-eye than me.

Within moments, Damon’s breath slowed as he sank into deep sleep.

When I was sure he was out, I slowly rolled to face him.

He was a belly sleeper, curled up with the pillow, that giant body relaxed and still.

He smelled of cigarettes, booze and male skin.

I should’ve been repulsed.

I wasn’t.

The warmth of his skin called to me, enticed my fingers to trace those back muscles, to inhale deeply the unique maleness that was entirely Damon.

In spite of everything, in spite of wanting desperately to despise him, I wanted to draw closer, mold my body to his and soak up the strength that emanated from Damon like an energy field out of a sci-fi movie.

God, I hate myself for wanting you in any way.

Holding onto my virginity all this time might’ve been a mistake.

Maybe if I’d given it up years ago, I could fuck Damon, get him out of my system and just move on, like a normal person.

But if I craved Damon now before he’d been inside me…what would happen after?

Just the thought of Damon being the one…it left me hot and achy like I’d suddenly caught a flu bug.

Go to sleep. Things will be clearer in the morning.

It was excellent advice.

My grandfather used to tell me, “Charlie, don’t make a permanent decision based on a temporary emotion. Always let something sit awhile before you go all half-cocked.”

So that’s what I needed to do…I needed to just chill, squash all these inappropriate sexual feelings for Damon into a mental trash can and wait for my sanity to return.

Then, once that happened, I’ll be so happy that I didn’t act on something fleeting.

Because, yeah, this was fleeting, whatever I was feeling about Damon.

It was probably a kooky mix of adrenalin and fear due to the situation that made me feel a certain way when I was around him.

I mean, look at him, he was built like a gladiator. Who wouldn’t feel safe around a man like that?

And…well, there was something about all that male muscle that made the womanly parts in me go haywire.

I never thought I’d be that girl.

If I could sink to a lower level of pathetic, I’d be underground.

But it would pass if I just kept my hands to myself and didn’t encourage any funny business.

All temporary.

No more fantasizing about Damon being the one to break my cherry.

No more heart racing when he entered the room.

No more hungering for things that will end up destroying me.

Yep. Can’t wait.

If I lived through this, years from now, I’d be able to look back on all this chaos and insanity and laugh, so grateful that I’d escaped with all my parts.

Virginity included.

The man I give myself to was going to love and cherish me.

He was going to be gentle and kind, compassionate and refined.

Nothing like Damon.

That thought was comforting —if not a little bit uninspiring — at least in the short term.

I closed my eyes and eventually, my breathing slowed as I drifted to sleep, proud of myself for averting, what would surely have been, a colossal mistake.

Tomorrow, everything would be clearer.

Yes, tomorrow would be so much better than today.