Chapter 25

Brendon

Watching Aurora leave my apartment without running after her was one of the hardest things I'd ever had to do. There was a sense of finality to it, even though our bitter words hadn't resolved anything. Finality with no closure.

My shredded heart begged me to run after her, to apologize for the things I'd said and try to make things right, but I knew it wasn't a good idea. She lied to me. She deliberately held a piece of information from me that had major implications for my future. Worst of all, she didn't trust me.

From the moment I realized I loved Aurora, hell, maybe even before that, I put all my trust into her. What was there to fear from a woman so good and pure? How could she hurt me?

Little did I know at the time, she would turn out to be the only one who could hurt me. And deep.

I rolled over in bed, glaring at the illuminated numbers on the alarm clock. It was five am. I barely slept at all last night, and I doubted I'd be getting any more rest this morning. With a sigh, I rose from bed and padded out into the kitchen to make myself a strong mug of black coffee.

I'd been rolling over the situation with Aurora in my mind all night. I was still angry and hurt, but part of me ached for what I'd said to her to. Nevertheless, I wasn't ready to see her again so soon after our fight. So soon after what seemed to be our break up.

I emailed my secretary and told her I'd be working from home today, and since I had a fully equipped home office, there wasn't anything I could accomplish there that I couldn't accomplish at home anyway.

It was probably a cowardly move. No, it definitely was. Avery would have given me shit for it, but then again there wasn't much he didn't give me shit for these days. Mom probably would have understood, but she was always a bit soft. It didn't matter what either of them thought. All that mattered was the twist in my gut when I thought about seeing Aurora, especially since seeing her at work meant I couldn't actually talk to her. I would never get anything done in that kind of environment.

I powered through a day's worth of work before noon, finding solace in the impartiality of the numbers and legal jargon. It was quiet up in my penthouse, and I wondered if I should work from home more often. Once the baby came, it would be beneficial for me to be able to stay home and look after the little guy or girl a few days a week. That single bright thought pulled me far enough out of my funk to grab a sweater and hit the streets.

I walked the fourteen blocks to my bank, rather than taking a cab. It was nice to decompress after spending the morning hunched over my laptop, and even though it gave me time to think, I gave myself a new topic to think of instead of the soul-wrenching one that had occupied me all night. I'd thought about that one enough for one day.

I always received speedy service at my bank, and less than a half hour after arriving I'd set up a college trust. The only thing missing was the name of the beneficiary, though it would be easy to slot in the name when the baby was born.

Even if the child wasn't mine, I wanted the best for him or her. Whatever had gone on between Aurora and I, I still loved her and would never let her child want for anything, especially a good education. It seemed like the least I could do. Others might not understand it. Aurora might not understand it, but this small action had at least set me on the road to feeling a little better.

Avery called while I was on the walk back to my apartment. I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone, especially the one person I knew would be least sympathetic to my plight, but I picked up anyway. After his accident in France, I always wanted him to be able to get in touch with me if he needed.

"Hey," I answered.

"Hey bro," he said. "I need a tiny favor from you."

"Shoot."

I passed a hot dog cart and stopped, drawn in by the savory smell. I realized I hadn't eaten all morning and hastily dropped a couple notes into the vendor's hand while Avery explained his problem.

"It might turn out that I'm not in good enough shape anyhow, but the doctors say I should be good to start moving around out in the real world now. Morgana and I wanted to celebrate by going out on a date tonight."

"Of course I'll look after Julian." I took a bite of the hotdog. "You don't even have to ask."

"To be fair, I didn't ask."

"Like I said, you don't have to. Besides, I figured it was unlikely that you'd call just to tell me all about your big date."

He chuckled. "You're right. That means a lot and I'm sure Julian will be excited. We'll drop him off around seven."

"No problem."

I hung up the phone and continued on my way home. The hot dog was gone before I'd even made it halfway. Back in my office, I scrolled through my inbox and tried to decide what to do next. Now that I'd cleared most of the important stuff up, my mind was a little more free to wander.

Wander it did.

I started thinking about Aurora, wondering what she wore to work today. Was it the tight pencil skirt that framed her ass like a priceless piece of art? Was it the high-waisted slacks that I'd been skeptical of at first but had soon grown to love? That girl looked good in everything she wore.

Before I could go any further, I disconnected my mind and flung myself back into work mode. I stayed home today so I wouldn't have to see her, wouldn't have to think about her.

If only it were that simple.

The microwave droned on and on, each second ticking down with incredible slowness. I stared at the glowing rectangle, bored, while Jude channel surfed in the living room.

"You've got to pick something at some point, bud," I called over to him without turning around. "The popcorn's going to be finished soon."

"I don't know what to pick," he whined. "There are so many good shows on."

The microwave beeped and I took out the scalding hot bag of popcorn, shaking it with gusto as I rooted for a bowl in the cupboard. It smelled a little burnt. Whoops.

"Don't forget the extra butter!" Julian piped.

I sighed, even as my amusement grew. "Of course, sir."

Julian didn't get the joke. He was just a little too young to realize how much of a pain in the ass he could be. I couldn't tell whether the demanding side of him came more from his mother or his father. Though they were polar opposites in many ways, that was one personality trait Avery and Morgana had in common.

When I moved back over to the sofa, arms laden with a big bowl of buttery popcorn and two glasses of water, Julian was settled into the furthest corner of the couch with his knees up to his chin. His eyes were the size of saucers and I followed his gaze to the TV, where sharks and tropical fish slowly waved their way through an endless sea of turquoise.

"What'd you pick?" I smacked his legs until he lowered them and then handed him his cup of water.

He scooted closer to me and the popcorn, grabbing his first handful. "Something on sharks."

I could tell I'd lost his attention now. He didn't look at me when he spoke and he shoved the popcorn into his mouth without so much as glancing down at his hand. Little kernels toppled into his lap.

I was glad he'd picked a nature program instead of some kid's show, but I found the topic to be a bit hard to get into. There was something about the underwater environment that didn't jive with me, and the naturally slow pace of the show had my eyes feeling heavier by the second.

My thoughts drifted to Aurora. What was she doing now? It was Friday night, but that didn’t mean anything. She was pregnant, so it wasn't like she'd be going out and getting wasted at the bar. Also, she was Aurora, and that was an unlikely scenario in the first place.

I couldn't stop thinking about her and it was driving me mad. I knew that if Julian wasn't there the temptation to call her might override my better judgement. I was still too emotional about what had happened between us, and I didn't trust myself to behave properly. When I am like this, it is easy for me to make mistakes. I'd already made so many in life.

"Uncle Brendon?" Jude's small voice piped up during one of the commercial breaks.

"Mmm?" I had to force both my eyes open and look down at him. Sometime during the show he'd wedged himself up against my side, with the bowl resting on my knees.

"Where's Auntie Aurora? Isn’t she coming tonight?"

I should have expected him to ask but it still sent a crash of pain through my heart. I was suddenly alert, and I sat up a little in my seat to address him.

"Auntie Aurora and I are just taking some time apart right now," I said softly.

"How much time? A week?"

I laughed and ruffled his head. "That's just an expression adults use, kid. There's no definite amount of time until we see each other again."

He screwed up his mouth, but whatever thought had caused him to do so apparently wasn't worth voicing. Jude turned his face back toward the TV and let out the tiniest of sighs.

"I hope you don't take too much time," he said. "I miss her."

"I miss her too, bud." I wrapped an arm around his shoulders and squeezed.

My heart clenched—for everything we had, everything we could have had, and everything we might never have. I had no idea how to move forward. How much time was I going to need? Would it ever be enough to fix the ache in my chest? She lied to me. I wanted to trust her more than I ever wanted to trust anyone, but now thoughts of her were tainted with mistrust.

Worst of all? Here, with Jude, watching nature documentaries and eating slightly burnt popcorn, I realized that if this was going to be my life, I could think of no better person to spend it with than Aurora. I could think of no better mother for my child.