CHAPTER TWENTY

Carly

“Hey, I have the enchiladas done!” James calls out from the kitchen, not realizing I am already in it. “Want to grab the drinks?”

He came over to celebrate New Year’s Eve with me. Jack has gone over to the Ryan’s house. Even though it’s only been a week, it still feels like we’re moving at lightning speed. Yet it doesn’t feel too fast. Because, according to all our friends and family, we had basically been dating for weeks leading up to the night at El Charro. Since our technical first date at The Shore and gun range, we haven’t been apart, but tonight is the first time since that we’ve been alone. And we weren’t really alone at any point during our date. To me, him being in my home and not having the distraction of other people around, feels like so much more.

“Sure!” I call out, and he turns around quickly, laughing. The fast movement causes him to bump into me since I am already standing so close to him, nearly causing him to drop the bowl of salsa he is holding.

“I’m sorry! So sorry, James. I didn’t mean to, I’m so sorry,” I repeat over and over again.

He sets the salsa on the counter next to him and gives me an odd, yet knowing, look.

“What?”

“Sorry,” I mumble.

“Why? Because I turned around and bumped into you?”

I shrug my shoulders, and he immediately walks over and stands in front of me. “Carly. Babe. That wasn’t your fault. And if it was? I wouldn’t have been upset. Know this, okay? Accidents happen.”

When I don’t respond, he gives me an expectant look. I finally nod my head and give him a small smile, feeling relieved. One day I will move completely past it. One day.

He offers me a blinding smile in return. “Hungry?”

“Yeah, starved,” I say, thankful that he has moved on and doesn’t ask more questions.

He makes his way to the oven, removes the enchiladas, and then places the pan on a trivet he’d set on his kitchen table. I watch as his black V-neck t-shirt shifts with him. I can see the tattoos that wrap around his right bicep, flowing down his arm, ending just above his elbow.

I’m so mesmerized by the sight of his arms that I forget what I was tasked with. Who knows how long I’ve been standing there, staring at him like a creepy creeper when I finally manage to drag my eyes from the offending (but not offensive in the least) appendage and up to his face. His eyes are trained on me, a heat in his that spreads over my entire body, making it feel like it is lit up in flames.

A slow smile spreads across his face, and he winks so slowly it makes me wonder if life is moving in slow motion. It isn’t cocky; it isn’t sleazy. It’s James, and it’s perfect. That simple wink makes my stomach flutter, and I have to reach out my hand to grip the back of the kitchen chair to steady myself.

He slowly makes his way over to where I’m standing and reaches out a hand. I take a deep breath as the back of his hand grazes my temple. His fingers make a trail down my cheek, my neck, my shoulder, down my arm until his pinky is laced with mine. His other hand reaches up and, with what feels like a move straight out of a book, tucks a piece of hair behind my ear then circles his hand around my neck. He leans in, and my eyes flutter closed. Two minutes ago, I was about to come out of my skin from nerves because of my past. Now I am about to come out of my skin for a whole different reason. James Cole makes me feel like a Yo-Yo being pulled on a string and spinning in circles.

His nose skims mine, moving slowly over my cheek until his face is buried in my neck. He inhales, causing goose bumps to come to life over my entire body. I take a shuddering breath before he moves, and soon his lips are on mine. Hot, demanding.

His movements just moments ago were slow, calculated.

Now he’s all passion.

The hand on my neck squeezes once, twice, then puts just enough pressure so that he can tilt my mouth to meet his the way he apparently wants. The way we both need.

The hand that was once only holding my pinky now has my hand pinned behind my back with his still laced through. A brief moment of panic hits before I remember who is holding me.

The kiss deepens, our tongues dancing and demanding of each other. I moan so quietly I am positive he didn’t hear. I pray he didn’t hear. But James, being James, so in tune with me, so perceptive, hears it and jumps on it. The second the moan escapes my lips I know I am in this more than I have been letting on, and somehow James knows it too. It’s as if that tiny little noise emitting from the back of my throat is the go-ahead we both need. The noise that I can no longer control, can no longer hold back, triggers a lust so deep inside both of us that we don’t have any semblance of control anymore.

He moves his hands and lifts me so my legs wrap around his waist. Suddenly, we’re on the move, my entire body feeling like it will take flight if he doesn’t have a good hold of me. My back hits the refrigerator, his strong body presses against mine, rough and demanding. No longer am I ready to take flight. The shift is like a bucket of ice water being dumped right on me.

I tear my mouth from his, hitting my head on the fridge door, but the pain in my head is nothing compared to the panic that hit the moment he pressed me against that surface. Memories come screeching to a halt in the front of my mind, not being able to control the waves of nervousness rolling off me.

“Carly?” James asks, concern evident as he gently lets my body slide down and takes a tentative step backward.

I look down at my hands that are now twisting together in front of my stomach. I know he has to be confused. And turned on. I felt how turned on he is. It only fueled my own desire. Until it didn’t.

He reaches up and carefully takes my chin between his fingers and thumb and lifts so that we’re looking into each other’s eyes. The unshed tears are now on full display.

I feel so stupid.

So ridiculous.

So furious.

When will I ever overcome my past?

“Hey,” he says, his voice so full of kindness as he pulls me into him and wraps his strong arms around me, the most patient man on the planet. Letting me get through my freak-out, he holds me as I quietly cry on his shoulder, my arms encircling his waist. He kisses the top of my head as the tears start to slow and my breaths even out.

“Wanna talk about what just happened?”

“Not really,” I joke.

His bright blue eyes look between my own chocolate ones, softening when he sees the tears continue to develop. “That’s fine. I’m not going to push.”

“I know. That’s part of what makes you so frickin’ amazing. It’s irritating.” I laugh lightly.

“Ha! Well, my apologies.” He smiles at me, and I feel like such an ass. He really is amazing.

“It’s the past,” I say as I gesture a hand around. To what, I’m not sure. I can tell he had an idea what happened before I moved to Liberty, but I haven’t given him any details. I’m not sure if I ever will, but part of me feels like I should. The other part of me says to hold onto it and not let anyone in. Entrance is power. And I won’t allow myself to lose that power again.

“Got that, baby. You need to know this. I may be a patient man, and that’s not gonna change. You give it to me when you give it to me. I’m not going to push. But you are gonna give it to me. Because this…” He gestures between the two of us, very surely. “…is gonna happen. You know it. I know it. I’m not going anywhere, so you take your time with that, but you gotta give me something. This is moving forward, and I’m pretty damn happy about that, but you need to give me a little blip of whatever is going on in your head so I don’t overstep.”

I look away just briefly then back at him, into his striking blue eyes. My eyes move over his features. His short hair, the small scar on his cheek that only adds to his hotness, down his tattooed arm to where his hands are gripping mine with understanding. He squeezes lightly, and my eyes make their way back up to his. I look deeply for anything that may tell me my instincts are wrong. But all I find is sincerity and something that looks a little like love.

He gives me a small smile, and my heart flips.

“James, I need to tell you something.”

“I’m all ears, beautiful.”

I swallow several times, trying to piece together in my mind what I’m going to say to him.

He moves us to the living room so we’re sitting on the couch. He pulls me down so I’m close to him then lifts my legs so they’re draped over his. He rests his large hands on my thighs and squeezes lightly. “Carly, baby. I’m here alright? I’m not going anywhere. No matter what you tell me. You have to know I have a little bit of a clue about Vince, right?”

His eyes go soft, and I almost weep at the sight.

“Bear with me, okay? Just listen?”

“Of course.” He lifts his hand and cups my cheek then brings my face down to his for a kiss.

“You want Jack home for this?”

Damn him. He’s too perfect.

“No. I’ll be fine.”

“You sure? I can text him, tell him to come home.”

“My husband,” I start, letting him know that I don’t want to wait for Jack to come home to tell him.

His jaw goes hard, and he nods once.

His shoulders deflate, his eyes close tightly, and he blows out a breath. He squeezes the back of my neck lightly. “Before you continue, I need to tell you something. Something I know I needed to tell you when it happened yesterday, but dammit, I didn’t want to ruin another one of our nights. It seems like he keeps getting into every damn date we have, and I just wanted us to have something without him. The guy I fought at Tate’s? I can’t be sure, but I have a feeling it was him. I saw a car parked outside your house on Christmas Day, but I hadn’t heard any of this from Will yet, so I didn’t think much of it and I didn’t get a good look at the guy inside. When I fought at the gym, I truly had no idea who he was, though I had my suspicions. I could tell he was pissed about something, but didn’t connect that it could possibly be him, you know? But, when I was leaving the gym, I saw the same car driving away… and the guy I fought was driving it.”

“Wait. He was here? At my house?” I shriek.

“I think so.”

“And at the gym? James! That means he’s following me. He’s following us! What about Jack?! Why would you hide this from me? I can’t handle lies, James! Don’t lie to me. I need to know the truth. What’s happening?”

“Beautiful, relax. We got this.”

“What does that mean, ‘We got this?’” I mimic his voice, stand up, not allowing him to keep me by him any longer. My voice is raising, and my heart feels like it could explode. The need to escape, to flee from our home again is clawing its way back in.

James stands up and halts my pacing, wrapping me up in his strong arms. After a moment of fighting against him, I take a deep breath, inhaling his comforting scent.

“Beautiful. You think I would ever let anything happen to you? To Jack? You’re mine. You both are. You get that? I protect what’s mine. You two are safe. I promise you. All I know going forward is that Will, Tate, and I… we have a plan. A just-in-case plan that you know about, yeah? They’re keeping an eye on Jack. But we…” He gestures between the two of us with his other hand. “…need to talk to Jack and get a plan together with him. Make sure he knows everything. I want a safe word you guys can text me if you see anything funky, anything at all. I want to know if you fart crossways, and it makes you panic,” he jokes, obviously trying to lighten my mood.

It doesn’t work. I don’t relax in his arms, my body remaining stiff and rigid.

“But… is he…”

“He’s not getting Jack, baby. He’s not getting to you. I’m not going to lie. I have no idea where he is. But, I promise you, with all that I have in me, he’ll never get you or Jack. You’re mine, remember? I’m a selfish son of a bitch. I keep what’s mine safe. Forever. I’ll sleep in my car outside your house every night if that’s what it takes to make you feel safe.”

I believe him. With all my heart. His words allow me to relax in his hold. I also know now, more than ever before, that he needs to know the truth.

I roll my lips together and look into his eyes. I sit down and he follows, my left leg bent, knee touching the back of the couch and tucked under my right leg. “Vince? He…” I shake my head, trying to not let the memory of what a son of a bitch he was take over. “…he isn’t a good man. When we first started dating, even before we got married, he was incredible. Kind, giving, loving. But before I knew what happened, it was like something in him shifted. Everything about him flip-flopped. He was the complete opposite. A Jekyll and Hyde. Then I got pregnant with Jack, and it suddenly shifted back. He was so excited to be having a son. A boy to carry on his name. He dove head-first into all things fatherhood. I was so happy to be pregnant that I turned a blind eye to everything that happened before. Vince was a master manipulator. He changed back to who I had fallen in love with so rapidly that he made me believe it was all in my head.

“Then we had our son, and he became our everything. But shortly after Jack’s first birthday, the nightmare that I thought I had completely made up in my mind, returned. And it returned in full force. Once again, my life turned upside down. I’ve told you about my parents. My mom is an alcoholic and hasn’t been around since the day I went to college. And my dad died – or at least that’s what I’ve always been told. I’ve always wondered if Mom just never knew who my father was. So, as stupid an excuse as it is, I didn’t have anyone teaching me what a real marriage was like. I had no idea what to expect and was too embarrassed to ask any of my married friends.

“So I became a recluse, basically. Aside from when I was teaching, I was home with Jack. Or at the park, or getting groceries… you know what I mean. My life was work, caring for Jack, and doing my best to avoid Vince’s violent mood swings at all costs. Trying to keep Jack away from it. I didn’t want him to see it, you know?” I wipe the tears that are leaking from my eyes, angry that he’s gotten to me once again.

James nods his head as he rubs up and down my back, his other hand resting on my thigh. He squeezes once, and I lean down for a kiss. When I lift my face from his, I watch as his tongue sneaks out, licking his bottom lip, tasting me, and it takes everything in me not to push for more, but I know I’m not done.

“And… there were others. Women, I mean. I have no idea how many. And honestly, I’m not sure if they were relationships or paid for.” I wince, but James doesn’t even flinch. “He wasn’t really even trying to hide it. I took care of paying our bills so I would see what he charged on the credit card. It was almost as if he wanted to be caught. Wanted me to say something. And maybe I should have. I just didn’t want to poke the bear, ya know? He and I were far from intimate with each other at that point, and if he was having sex with some other woman, it would keep him away from me. I found myself almost grateful. How sick is that?”

“Not sick, baby. And I gotta say kind of makes me grateful that you weren’t with him very recently. So, what changed? What brought you to me?”

What brought me to him?

Am I ready to tell this part of the story?

I told him the easier part, the part I think he already knew, and he didn’t react.

“Well, until about three years ago, Vince kept his anger to words.”

“What happened three years ago?” His voice takes on a hard edge.

I shake my head and shrug my shoulders, sadness washing over me like a wave. “I honestly don’t know. He was mad at me for something, I don’t know what. It never mattered. He would pick a fight over anything and nothing. It didn’t make a difference what I did or didn’t do. He would always find a way to sling his anger toward me. But never Jack. I don’t know if he did it on purpose. My guess is he did. But Jack never saw it. I think he probably wondered, but he never said anything.”

“Carly, baby,” he says in a voice so soft it’s almost a whisper. “I think he knew. He’s mentioned a few things, but I’ve never pushed. I know this is yours to tell.”

I nod my head. “I was afraid of that.”

“He knew you would shield him from it, though.”

“Yeah,” I say and pause, trying to gather my thoughts. “The last day Jack and I were in our home in Arizona, Vince came home from work angry at the world. No explanation why. Though, that’s not really that odd. He never needed an explanation. And I still don’t know why I chose that day to stand up for myself. But he threatened me with Jack, and I was done.”

“Mama bear,” he murmurs and my stomach does that familiar flip.

I reach over and pull his hand into mine, needing to feel his strength for what I’m about to tell him. Hoping that it will calm him the same way his touch calms me. “Yeah. All that time I was afraid of poking the bear, but turns out, I was the bear he needed not poke.” I laugh quietly to myself, though none of this is funny. I take a deep breath and lick my lips. “Anyway, he turned violent. Hurting me with his words wasn’t enough for him anymore. He slapped me then tried choking me, and finally ended up throwing me across the room. I barely missed hitting my head on the brick surround the fireplace. And… Jack saw it all.”

“Son of a bitch!” he cries and stands up, gently — but abruptly — placing me on my feet.

He turns and faces me when I whisper his name.

“I’m sorry.” He rests his hands on his hips and takes a deep breath in through his nose and out again. “I knew it. I hoped I didn’t know, but I did. Dammit!” He shouts and stomps around the room angrily again. I allow him the time he needs.

When he’s regained his composure, calming himself back down again, he walks us back over to the couch, sitting us so I’m on his lap. He kisses me softly on my lips and cups my face with one of his hands, rubbing a thumb along my jaw. “What happened next?”

“We left. I told Vince never to come looking for me again. That he was no longer a part of our lives. We kept driving, and something drew me to Michigan. I wanted new, and everything about this town made me feel safe, comfortable. We stayed in a hotel for a couple nights, and one day we were out for a walk, just wanted the fresh air and to see what the town had to offer. It was summer, the weather was beautiful, and we found an amazing park with basketball hoops where Jack met a few boys and struck up an instant friendship. One of the moms was really nice, and she told me about this house that was for sale by owner. I had no idea what we would be able to afford, but she told me the owner, who happened to be her mom, would do rent-to-own. She gave me the address and her mom’s phone number, and we went over right away. Turns out, Donna’s husband treated her the same as Vince did me, so she and her daughter had a pretty good idea of what happened without me telling them.”

He stands again, placing me on the couch.

I watch as his feet move back and forth across the carpet in front of me.

“You okay?” I ask him.

“Not really,” he tells me honestly. “But I need to hear this. It’s just… it’s really fucking hard to hear, Carly.” He shakes his head before looking up to the ceiling and closing his eyes. When they’re back on me he nods, so I take that as my cue to continue.

“Not even a month after getting settled, Donna got me hooked up with a lawyer, introduced me to the principal of the school to see about filling in for a first-grade teaching position of a lady who was on maternity leave, and gave us the first family we’d ever had.

“One weekend Donna watched Jack overnight so I could deliver divorce papers to Vince personally. I wanted to see him one last time, face to face. I wanted to make sure he saw the pictures that Jack took of me that we would bring to the police if he ever came after us. I also showed him the copies of the receipts that proved of his cheating. He signed, reluctantly, but he did. I came home, and Jack introduced me to Tate. I started working at the school, and it turned into full-time when the teacher decided to stay home with her baby. And that’s about it.”

“About it, huh?” he raises an eyebrow.

“Well, three years after moving here, our world shifted once again, but I think you already know that.”

He saunters over to me, lifts me off the couch and wraps his arms around my waist, resting his forehead against mine. “You’re the strongest, bravest most beautiful woman inside and out that I’ve ever met in my life. I love you. You gotta know that.”

My breath hitches, and I lean back. Without hesitation I reply, “I love you, too.”

In an instant, his mouth is on mine, and everything Vince is long forgotten.