CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

James

After dinner, toasts, cutting the cake and the first dances, they open the reception up to everyone else.

I stand up and reach down to Carly, not saying a word. She places her small hand in mine. I walk her into the middle of the dance floor and pull her body in close as we begin to sway slowly.

“Having fun?”

“I am. Your family, they’re amazing, James. They’ve been really kind.”

“I’m glad. They seem just as smitten with you as I am.”

“You’re smitten?” she teases.

“Oh yeah, baby. That’s one way to put it.”

“Hmm,” she hums and brings my face down to hers for a kiss. Her fingernails drag along the short hairs on the back of my head, and it feels so good, having her hands on me anywhere.

We dance several songs before my dad steps in, asking if he can dance with her. She smiles brightly and steps into his arms immediately. If it were anyone else, I’d protest like I said I would, but seeing my dad and Carly dance together only tugs at my heart.

I take the moment to grab another drink from the bar. After getting a glass of beer, I start to make my way over to our table but am interrupted by a voice I haven’t heard in almost twenty years, a voice I didn’t miss for almost every single day of those years.

I spin around, hoping not to, but knowing who I’m going to see.

“Sugarplum.”

And there it is, the most sickening nickname in all of history, said from the voice of someone who I never want to see again.

“Nicole.”

“Good to see you,” she says, smiling as she extends her arms to me as if she’s going to hug me.

I don’t return the statement. Rather I take a step backward and curl my lip. So many thoughts go through my head, but the first one is I don’t have any desire to be within a football field’s length of her, let alone allow her to touch me.

“Don’t,” I tell her and start to walk away.

She reaches out and grabs my arm.

I turn my head and look at her, yanking my arm back before I storm away from her and into an empty hallway just outside the reception hall, knowing she’ll follow me.

As soon as we’re away from the crowd, I stand facing her, my arms crossed over my chest.

“I can’t believe you. We are not doing this here. Not tonight. Not on what’s supposed to be Emily’s happiest day. Get out.”

“Get out? Why? Don’t I have the right to be here?”

“Are you kidding me right now? Why would you have any right? Why are you even here?”

She trails her disgusting fingernails across my arm, pushing her fake boobs out as she presses in close to me.

“She’s my niece, James,” she says quietly in a voice I’m sure she thinks is sexy. It’s not. It actually makes my dick shrink up and my balls damn near disappear.

“Don’t,” I warn her, taking another step back and grabbing hold of her hand to push her away from me. I don’t even care if it’s with too much force. I want her away from me. Her touch literally churns my stomach.

She takes another step forward, ignoring my demand, and looks quickly beyond my shoulder. I scrunch my eyebrows, about ready to ask her what the hell she’s doing, when she attaches herself to me like a damn octopus. She presses her lips against mine and wraps one leg around me. I push her away at the contact but not quite soon enough.

“Is there a problem here?” I hear Carly’s soft, sweet voice say from behind me. The look on her face so heartbroken; obviously, she’s only seen, not heard.

“Who are you? Interrupt much? I’m trying to have a moment with my husband.” Nicole has a snappy sneer in her voice, her nose scrunched up as she looks in Carly’s direction.

“U-um,” Carly starts to stammer.

“My girlfriend. She’s my girlfriend. I suggest you leave. You’re pretty damn good at it, if I remember right.”

The difference between Nicole and Carly couldn’t be more night and day. I once saw Nicole as pretty, but the years don’t seem to have been good for her. Her hair is long and stringy, her bright yellow dress is not only one of the most obnoxious colors I’ve ever seen, but is tight in all the wrong places. “James, that’s no way to speak to your wife.”

“Ex. Ex-wife, thank God.”

She waves her hand in a circle, dismissing my remark like I’m talking gibberish. “We have a daughter together.”

“We what?” I scoff. “We don’t have a daughter together. I have a daughter. You have nothing,” I remind her.

“James!” she shouts and stomps her foot. Clearly, she’s not grown up in the nineteen years we’ve been apart.

“Classy,” Carly says, giggling.

“Excuse me?” Nicole demands, her voice rising dangerously close to causing a scene.

“I said,” Carly says, turning fully to Nicole, “classy.”

“Who do you think you are?”

“I’m sorry, did you misunderstand when James introduced me as his girlfriend?”

“Girlfriend? Girlfriend,” she mocks.

“That’s right. Girlfriend. And from what I understand, you haven’t been around in almost two decades.”

If I hadn’t already fallen in love with her, I would have in that moment. She brushed off Nicole’s venom so quickly and easily, dismissing her and believing every truth I’ve told her. I don’t think I’ve ever been more turned on. In. My. Life.

“I don’t see how any of that is your business. Besides, you think you can step in when James has been pining away after me for all this time? You think I don’t know what he’s been up to? I’ve always known. And now he’s fulfilling the dream we created together. His restaurant? That was us. We were going to do that together. Why do you think he never remarried? It certainly isn’t because he was waiting around for you. He was waiting for me to come back.”

“This is where you’re wrong. See this man right here? He’s mine.”

Now I’m the most turned on I’ve ever been in my life.

“I love him. He loves me. He loves my son, and I love his daughter. The girl you abandoned? She’s his, and she’s amazing. And you? You’re nothing to them. But me? Well I’m…”

“Everything. She’s everything to us,” I speak for her and repeat what I’ve spoken so many times.

Carly looks at me and smiles sweetly before turning back to Nicole.

“Leave. You’re not wanted here. Not by James. And I’m sure not by Emily and the rest of the family either.”

“Is this…”

I pull her flush to me and trail my fingers down her cheek, my eyes never leaving Carly’s. “What I want? Yeah. She’s everything I want.” My eyes never leave Carly’s, heat unfurling in my core.

“This isn’t over, James.”

“Oh yeah, it really is.”

Nicole turns on her heel and stomps away, and we both burst out laughing.

I sober quickly, praying that none of Nicole’s words got stuck. “You know she’s full of bullshit, right?”

“I know,” she says unconvincingly.

“Beautiful, every single thing I’ve told you is truth. The restaurant? It was always my dream. Not hers. She wanted no part of it. Have I been pining away after her all these years? Hell. No. I mean that. I never found anyone I wanted more with. Until you. You changed it all. The reason I never moved on was because you were my only chance at moving on, and I simply hadn’t met you yet.”

She looks between my eyes as a wide smile spreads across her face. “I really love you. You know that, right?”

“And I love you. Forever. Now, dance with me?” I ask her.

“Always,” she tells me.

And for the rest of the evening, we laugh and we dance. Maggie manages to help Jack remove the two left feet he claimed to have, and the rest of my nieces and nephews went back and forth between dancing, eating cake, and playing cards at the tables. Everyone is having a great time, drama now gone and over with, and thankfully not made much of.

I even show Carly how it’s done according to Lily and me, entertaining her with our insane dance moves. Really, it’s just a dance Lily choreographed for us when she was ten years old that’s a combination of moves worthy of an 80s’ pop star, but hey, we had to entertain ourselves somehow in Michigan winters when she was growing up. Snow day dance parties seemed like the perfect way. It’s not my fault I grew up in the decade of the best dancing and taught them to my daughter. I reach down and pick Lily up under her legs and flip her over my arm, and she spins away, taking over the show for a bit. When it’s my turn, I slide across the dance floor on my knees, something that made Lily crack up when she was little, and Carly’s cheers explode through the crowd. By the time we’re finished, the crowd had made a circle around us, but it isn’t about us. We pull in the bride and groom, and thus begins the rest of the guests joining us. At one point, I saw Barrett doing the Carlton, and Tess leading everyone in the best rendition of Thriller.

I don’t remember the last time I’ve ever been this happy. And by the smile that’s reaching Carly’s beautiful brown eyes that are sparkling underneath the twinkle lights of the reception hall, or the flushed look on her face when she squeals in laughter as my dad spins her around the dance floor, I don’t think she’s ever been this happy either.

 

 

It’s been a week since the wedding, and I’m about ready to shut the lights off at Balance, head upstairs, and get cleaned up. I’ve seen Carly every day since the ceremony, and tonight I have no plans on switching that up.

Just as I get to the front door, it opens and, low and behold, who walks in… Nicole.

“Can we talk?” she asks as soon as she steps inside.

“How did you find me?”

She shrugs her shoulders. “Asked around.”

“You’re a real piece of work.”

“We need to talk.”

“No, we really don’t.”

“You think I’m leaving? After the way your girl treated me at Em’s wedding?”

“Don’t. Don’t talk about Carly, and don’t call Emily Em, like you have any right to use her nickname after all these years.”

“What happened to you? Carly sure made you cranky.”

“No, you do not get to say shit about Carly, or how my behavior is. You don’t have any idea who I am anymore.”

“And I’m trying to fix that, James. Don’t you see?”

I walk through the restaurant, turning off lights, putting away tools, trying to ignore the wart that seems to have just grown on my backside.

I walk into the office, flip on the light, and whirl around to face her.

“I’m here. You want to talk. So talk.”

“James. You’re not exactly acting very nice.”

“Nice? Nice would have not been ambushing me at Emily’s wedding. Nice would have been you keeping your talons inside when you saw I was with another woman. A woman who I love. Nice would have been you staying away, for good, just like you did for the past nineteen years.”

She flinches, but I continue. “You know, a part of me has always been curious about what happened to you,” I tell her. Not hiding a smidgen of my hatred for the woman who tore our lives apart.

“I know,” she says, lowering her eyes. A move that used to turn me on. How she remembers that is beyond me, but apparently, she’s pulling out all the stops tonight.

“You know?” I laugh humorlessly. “You know… what exactly? What the hell is it that you think you know, Nicole?”

“I know that I left, and it was an awful thing to do. But I also know that I made a huge mistake, and I want to make it up to you.”

“You want to make it up to me,” I say in a monotone voice that I can only pray she picks up on.

She nods her head and looks up at me through her what have to be fake eyelashes and overly done makeup. The barely-there makeup that Carly wears, allowing her natural beauty to shine through, can make me hard in the snap of a finger. But this? What Nicole is presenting to me? Nothing but ugliness. I’ve never been so grateful that Lily takes after me and Tess in the looks department (and our hearts) than in this moment, right here, staring at what could have been her future. Our future.

“How is it you plan to… make it up to me… as you put it?” I ask.

“James, I love you.”

I can’t help it. I laugh. I laugh hard, actually. Is it rude? Probably. Do I give a shit? Nope. Not one single flying crazy monkey. As far as I’m concerned, she’s the wicked witch, just ready to take flight.

“Why are you laughing at me, James? I’m serious.” She pouts as if that’s going to work on me.

“Oh, Nicole, no way in hell are you serious right now.” I wait for her to clue in as to why I’m laughing. But, shockingly, she looks completely serious. “No way could you possibly, even remotely, think that you feel anything sort of like love for me. Or for your daughter, for that matter. When you love someone, you put your needs aside. You don’t set out to destroy their world. You move past the shit that’s clouding your brain and pull up your big-girl pants and man up. You move mountains to get past your insecurities, your selfish desires. When you love someone, you would do anything in your power to see them succeed, to be happy. Your version of love is an F5 tornado, taking out everything in its path.”

I stand up from the chair, walk around the desk Barrett built me in the newly renovated office of my restaurant, and stand in front of her. Her purse sat on the chair in front of my desk, and she seemed to be settling in to stay a while, but I had other plans.

“You see, when I came home that day, I thought my world had been destroyed. I thought nothing could ever hurt as badly as seeing your stuff out of our closet. Out of our bathroom. Out of the home that we’d shared. But nothing — and I mean absolutely nothing — hurts worse than seeing the woman you love, with every fiber of your being, second guess that love you have for her, even if for a split second.

“You did that. You not only destroyed me once. You tried to destroy me again, because you came at my girlfriend, the woman I love and plan to marry, plan to spend the rest of my life loving, and you made her question my love for her because of your petty bullshit, because of your jealousy that I finally had something good and you couldn’t bear to not be a part of it. But guess what? It backfired because she’s the strongest person I know and saw through all your crap. So, Nicole, thanks for loving me in that way. I can’t tell you how it makes me feel. If I had the same heart as you, I would wish you the grief you’ve given me, but you can thank your lucky stars that I don’t.”

“James… if I put that doubt in her mind…”

“Don’t. Don’t you even dare finish that sentence,” I tell her, my voice low and angry, even to my own ears. I won’t allow her to stand here and spout off shit she knows nothing about, or belittle the woman I love. “You have no idea the things Carly has overcome. She’s the strongest woman I know, and when life about killed her, when her world imploded around her, she didn’t run for the hills. She didn’t tuck her tail between her legs and only think of herself. She remained tall and changed her world. She was strong because she stood at her weakest, and she survived. No, scratch that. She conquered.”

“So this girl…”

“Woman,” I correct her.

She rolls her eyes dramatically.

“Woman — excuse me—” Her snarky tone has me clenching my fists. “—is perfect. Just because she didn’t have a momentary glimpse of panic? I’m supposed to be punished forever because of that?”

“You didn’t have a momentary glimpse, Nic. You had almost two full decades of panic. You abandoned your daughter! You left your husband, and without an explanation. Without any knowledge of where you were until I received the divorce papers in the mail!”

“I’m sorry, okay! I’m sorry! I didn’t know what else to do!” She cries and wipes a tear, as if I believe for a second that it’s real. “Our lives… they were just so… ordinary,” she says, shaking her head and looking away for a moment. “I felt like I was living every day the exact same way. I felt like I was suffocating.”

“That’s no excuse,” I say quietly. “Nic. Everyone’s lives are ordinary. Don’t you get that? The ordinary is what makes our lives extraordinary. The everyday crap that you felt sucked the life out of you? That’s the amazing that you missed. You missed watching Lily learn everything. Everything! Riding a bike, going to kindergarten, writing her name, her first at bat in t-ball, learning to swim, trying her hand at ballet and realizing she was far too energetic for it. Her first starring role in the school play when she was just a freshman. The gleam in her eyes when she came home after volunteering for the first time, realizing that she had found something she wanted to do forever. Every volleyball game she played, every hurdle she jumped in track meets. Failing and succeeding in different things she was courageous enough to try along the way. You missed her friendships and seeing her navigate through life. You missed her first date, her first dance, the prom? Yeah — I wasn’t exactly much help when it came time to choose a dress, seeing as I wanted her in a burlap sack. You missed her getting her period. Did you know that I had to have Tess come and talk her through everything? Because, in case you didn’t know it, I’m a man. A man who has never experienced the joy of having a period.”

I stop talking long enough to let it all sink in before I continue. “Nineteen years,” I murmur. “Nineteen years she went without a mother. Nineteen damn years she had to celebrate Mother’s Day without one. Do you have any idea what feeling as if you’ve been abandoned does to a young girl? Do you have any idea what it’s like for her friends to be making crafts for their moms at school, only to not have a mother to make anything for? Because if you had any idea, any clue as to what your departure did to her, to me, you wouldn’t be standing here right now, justifying your actions because you were bored.”

“I’m not justifying my actions, James! I’m apologizing. There’s a difference.”

“Apology accepted. I forgave you years ago because living with that kind of hate for you only festered and didn’t make me a man I could be proud of. So, I moved on. Do you hear me? I moved on. From you. From the life I had envisioned and thought we could have together. Honestly, maybe I should thank you. Because if it weren’t for you destroying our lives, we wouldn’t be in a better place now. We would be stuck living with a bitter and selfish, ugly soul.

“Move on, Nic. Once again. You managed to do it before without so much as a backward glance, aside from sending the divorce papers, and I suggest you do it again.”

“How can you be so cruel?” she has the guts to ask.

“How can…” I scoff and shake my head, hardly believing the craziness coming out of her mouth right now. “The truth hurts, Nic. I’m sorry that the truth is something that hurts you. I’m sorry that your truth is hard to hear. But I’m not going to apologize for you hearing it. If you seriously thought you could come back here, say you’re sorry, and we would all go skip away into a happily-ever-after, then you must have been on some serious drugs while you were away.”

“We have a daughter together,” she says, ridiculously.

“Still on that? No, as far as I’m concerned, you donated an egg. Don’t come back here and screw up the wonderful young woman Lily has become. She’s so beyond everything I had ever wished for. She’s kind, loving, caring, would rather poke herself in the eye than hurt someone. She’s intelligent, hardworking, grounded, and most of all… she’s mine. You’re not a parent to her. And don’t, for a second, think you’re going to go to her and change that.”

“He’s right.” I hear my daughter’s quiet voice speak up.

I didn’t realize she was here, obviously. She walks into the office, wide eyes brimming with tears as she looks at the woman she no doubt only remembers from pictures. Her hands, that I know are shaky, are clasped tightly in front of her to obviously not let her weakness show. Somehow, they didn’t see each other at Emily’s wedding. I had hoped I had dodged the bullet.

“Lily…” My ex-wife’s voice is one of awe.

I get that. Lily grew up to be a beautiful young lady, and that’s not just because I’m biased. She’s been approached to model simply from her pictures on her social media accounts, but she’d never do it. She’s a humanitarian at heart and would never want to be seen in that light. Not that there’s anything wrong with celebrating outer beauty, but her greatest fear is allowing her outside affect who she is on the inside. Her beauty shines from within, and she’s mature enough to recognize that.

“Nicole,” my daughter says.

I doubt she thought twice about what name to call her. Mom would never have crossed her mind.

Nicole, however, flinches a bit but recovers quickly. “You’re… oh my gosh, Lily. You’re beautiful.”

“Thanks. I take after Aunt Tess and Dad.”

Nicole has the good grace to nod her head, hardly being able to deny what Lily just said.

“You do. But it’s more than that,” she says, still in awe. “You should model.” And there it is, the exact reason why she wouldn’t want to get into modeling.

Lily doesn’t waver, just continues on as if Nic hadn’t even spoken words that she’s heard too many times to count. “Like I said, I take after Tess and Dad. What are you doing here?”

Nicole blows out a breath as if she’s getting ready to start the same speech she just gave me, but I interrupt her, not being willing to let her spew her bullshit onto my daughter. “Just leaving. She was just leaving.”

“No, I…”

“Was. Just. Leaving. We’re done here, Nicole. Leave. Just like I told you at the wedding. You aren’t welcome here, you understand me? Stay away from Lily. Stay away from Carly. Stay away from me.”

“Like I said, he’s right. You aren’t my parent. You’re nothing to me,” Lily says in a tone I’ve never heard before. It’s completely void of any emotion, as is her face.

“Lily,” I say and reach out to her, but she hastily pulls away from me.

“No, she’s not getting it,” Lily tells me then turns to Nicole. “We. Don’t. Want. You. Here. The best day of our lives was when you let your selfishness shine through and left us. So go back to whatever hole you crawled out of to come back here. And do us a favor. Crawl back into that hole and never come back.”

“Lily!” Nicole shouts in an admonished tone before she turns to me and points an accusatory finger in my direction. “Is this…”

“What? Is this how I raised her?”

“I didn’t mean…”

“Sure you did. See, I may not have been around you for most of my life, but I still remember you. I still know how you think. You were about to accuse my daughter of not being respectful. The thing is, the thing that you missed because you left is that I have never heard her speak to another human being like this. And no, the only thing I ever told her was that you left. The rest? She figured that out all on her own. Was that wrong?”

Lily moves over now, stands next to me and reaches for my hand with hers and gives it a light squeeze. I know my daughter. This act is done with deliberation. She wants me to see that she’s here with me. She wants Nicole to see that she and I are a team. She also isn’t done.

“And if I hear that you have contact with one of the best women I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting, and quite frankly more of a mom to me in just a few short weeks than I felt from you in the entire twenty-two years of my life, you’ll see just how disrespectful I can be. At one time, I thought you had broken me. You made me think there was something wrong with me. I mean, what kind of mom leaves? It has to be because the kid is bad, right?” Lily demands, her voice rising, and the tears now streaming down her face. She angrily wipes at them, no doubt upset that she’s showing her emotions in front of Nicole.

“It wasn’t you, baby girl,” Nicole pleads.

“And how was I to know that? I was three years old! THREE!” Lily shouts as she points to herself. She throws an arm in my direction and glances my way. She straightens and takes a deep breath, swallowing the last of her tears. “Dad’s right. He taught me everything. He was there for everything. And when he couldn’t be there because it was too weird or whatever, Aunt Tess was there. You don’t get it. You left. You chose that.” She points at Nicole then spreads her arms out low beside her. “We didn’t. But maybe we should be thanking you. You leaving was the best thing ever. I may not have grown up with two parents, but I grew up with the best parent I could have ever asked for. Thanks, Mom,” she says the name like acid is on her tongue, “for teaching me what not to be as a mother. Thank you for teaching me what not to be like as a wife to someone. Thank you for that. Oh… and if it wasn’t me, it was Dad? This man? This incredible man who gave up all his dreams for me? Who put his life on hold for me?” she asks, pointing to me as if Nicole didn’t know who she was talking about.

“No,” Nicole says, shaking her head adamantly.

“Oh, it was just your boring life, then?”

“You don’t understand,” Nicole pleads.

“Well, that’s the only thing you’ve said tonight that I can agree with. I don’t understand. And no amount of explaining can make me understand. I think we’re done here,” Lily says, her voice a little wobbly but still sure.

“Lily,” Nicole says, reaching a hand out to her.

“No,” she says simply, pulling back so her mom can’t get close to her.

“You’re saying that’s it? You won’t even listen?”

“We listened. We also don’t care. We have a great life, and you aren’t a part of it.” My voice isn’t wobbly in the least.

Nicole’s face is one of pure shock, and I’m pretty sure the tears that have formed in her eyes are very real, but I still don’t waver, and neither does Lily.

“I just… I’m sorry. I want you to know that. Leaving is my greatest regret in life.”

I nod my head, completely done with this. “Bye, Nicole,” I tell her, finally able to get the words out that she selfishly didn’t allow me to give her so many years ago.

She picks up her purse from the chair and sighs heavily, which just raises my irritation level.

Lily looks at me and raises her eyebrows which causes me to have to pinch my lips together to keep myself from laughing.

With a weird parting look from Nicole, where I’m pretty sure she was hoping for us to yell out for her to stop, she walks through the door and out of our lives once again. Only difference this time is that we got to see her leave, got to tell her goodbye, and we’re both pretty damn happy about it.

Lily doesn’t miss a beat before she turns to me and grabs my hands in hers. “Well now, that was fun.”

I almost choke on a laugh. She’s such a good kid. I can’t imagine my life without her. For a second, I feel sorry for Nicole. For leaving, for not experiencing a world where Lily was a part of it. It’s a very, very brief second.

“Wasn’t it?”

“What was she thinking?”

“Not a clue. You doing okay? With all that?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I don’t know. Because despite everything I just said, she is your mom. Maybe not in the way either of us think of as a mom, but still.”

“Yeah, I’m more than okay with that, Dad. You gotta know I moved on from her long ago. I was lucky. I had you. I had Aunt Tess and Aunt Meredith. I had Nana Deb. And now? Now I have Carly.”

At her mention of Carly, my entire being relaxes.

“Carly?” I ask her, needing to be sure that it’s not just me. That we both feel it.

“Yeah. She’s great. I would love her even if you two weren’t together. You don’t even realize, but she and I text or talk on the phone every day.”

Just then my phone starts ringing, and she smiles, as if she knows exactly who would be calling me.

I don’t hesitate.

I answer.

To my future.

To the love of my life.

To my forever.