I threw my hands into the air, frustrated.  “Then why did you even bring me home with you if you were just going to ignore me the whole time?” I demanded.

Ethan frowned at me.  “I don’t have time for this. I need to finish getting ready,” he snapped.  He turned away from me, yanking his suit jacket up off the bedroom chair so forcefully that the chair rocked back on its back legs and nearly fell over.

“Oh, that’s right—it’s about time to leave, isn’t it? Do thank your mother for not inviting me,” I shot right back.  The wiser course of action would have been to just walk away, but I couldn’t help myself. That morning, Victoria had brightly mentioned that she had four ballet tickets for the family that evening, and I hadn’t thought it was just a coincidence that she’d announced it when I was in full hearing range.  My suspicions were confirmed a moment later when, before I could even ask about it, she turned to me with a, “You won’t want to go running around outside in your delicate condition, of course; it’s supposed to be quite cold this evening.”  I’d heard the pointed lack of invitation for what it was, and all I’d been able to do was force a smile and murmur my agreement.

I shouldn’t have been surprised that Ethan blithely informed his mother that I would be fine occupying myself for an evening, yet he let me down over again each time.  Days were ticking by, bringing the birth of our child closer and closer.  Was this what it was going to be like after our daughter was born, too?  Ethan, finding excuse after excuse to avoid having to be around me.  His parents, tolerating me at best and intentionally trying to drive me away the rest of the time. 

I’d been under the impression that we were staying in Boston indefinitely, at least through the birth, yet there wasn’t a single baby item in this house.  That was what I’d started this conversation with Ethan about in the first place; if we were here so I could meet his parents and have their help for a while once the child was born, then why the fuck was everyone acting like the baby was still months and months away?

We didn’t have months; we had weeks, and only a few of them.  If we were going to stay here, then we needed to get everything in place now—and I couldn’t afford to buy an entire second set of baby stuff all on my own. 

At this rate, I was going to have to approach Ethan’s parents about this myself, and I could only imagine how that would go down.  They probably already thought that I’d gotten knocked up by Ethan on purpose; if I had to outright ask them for money, that would only cement their view.

“Ethan, our baby is coming soon.  We have to talk about this,” I snapped when he didn’t say anything.

“I’m late,” Ethan said stiffly, and swept past me out of the room.

Blinking back frustrated tears, I sank down onto the edge of his bed and buried my face in my hands.  I felt like I was drowning by inches; I couldn’t do this alone, yet nothing I said or did seemed to get through to Ethan.  He’d promised to “do the right thing” back when I’d first told him I was pregnant, but it was obvious he regretted that promise now, and had for months. 

Trying to mend things between us had seemed like the obvious solution before, but now?  I didn’t know what to do anymore, and I was out of time.

“Hey,” a voice said softly.  Then, concerned: “Chris, are you all right?”

I didn’t have to look up to know who it was; Riley had been the only bright spot in this otherwise miserable trip.  

Why couldn’t it have been him I’d met first?

“Fine,” I lied through my hands, certain that if I looked at him, nothing would stop the flood of tears I was holding back by a thread.

Riley heard the lie for what it was.  I heard him approaching, then the mattress shifting as he joined me at the edge of the bed.  “You’re not,” he said softly.  He slid a careful arm around my shoulders, waiting to see if I would twist away from his touch.

Riley was a whole other level of complication when it came to all this, yet I couldn’t stop myself from leaning into his touch.  He was warm and steady, the rock I needed at that moment.  We sat there for a minute in silence while I struggled to compose myself—no small feat when suddenly, all I could think about was the alpha sitting beside me.  His musky scent rolled over me, far more familiar than it should have been; the heat from his touch seemed to settle in my belly, which was suddenly filled with butterflies.

“I suppose you heard all that,” I said bitterly, dropping my hands.  When the tears immediately didn’t come, I risked a glance at him.

Riley’s face was sympathetic.  “I didn’t mean to,” he admitted.  “But… yeah.  Do you… want to talk about it?”

Swallowing hard, I shook my head.  I did want to talk about it—but not with him, not when he made my heart pound and made me even more confused about everything than I already was.  I didn’t dare tell him about the dream I’d had during a nap earlier that day: Riley with me in the hospital, holding my newborn baby for the first time, not Ethan.  Riley kissing me and telling me he loved me.  Riley gazing down at our daughter, his face so gentle and full of love that I’d awoken with actual tears on my cheeks.

I’d spent months telling myself that my heart didn’t matter and I should stay with Ethan.  I was having his baby… but an ever-growing part of me ached for Riley, instead.  And how messed up was that?  It wasn’t like he had feelings for me; he was just being nice.  Anything I was feeling for him was just because I was scared and lonely; I’d probably want anyone in his place.

And as soon as I had that thought, I knew it was a lie.

“Okay,” he said softly.

“Being here is making me hate Christmas,” I muttered.  I hadn’t meant to say that out loud, but it was true.  I looked forward to Christmas every year: the lights, the music, the food, the holiday movies I’d seen a hundred times yet still loved to rewatch over and over…  The mansion was decorated absolutely perfectly, from the massive tree in the foyer to the garlands on every mantle to the classical versions of holiday songs that played throughout the house from hidden speakers; It even smelled like Christmas, if Christmas had a smell.  Being surrounded by holiday decorations should have made me happy, but all it did was remind me of how miserable I was at what should have been the happiest time of the year.

I waited a moment, but Riley neither pulled away nor said anything else.  He leaned against me slightly, too, kind and gentle and perfect. 

Before I could do something stupid like turn and bury my face in his broad chest, I pushed myself to my feet and backed off a couple of steps.  “You’re going to be late for the ballet,” I reminded him roughly, realizing he was just as dressed up as Ethan had been.

Riley hesitated, searching my eyes.  Then he stood suddenly, and for just an instant I was certain that he was going to take me into his arms again.  Instead, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and quickly typed something.  “Man, I seem to have gotten sick at the last second,” he said casually, looking back up at me.  

“What?” I asked, confused.

He rolled one shoulder in a shrug.  “I just texted my mother.  She’ll be upset I’m not going with them, of course, but what can you do?  No one could have expected this sudden cold to come on.  Achoo.”  Riley winked at me as he unabashedly gave the fakest sneeze I’d heard in my life.  “See?” he prompted.

“Sounds serious,” I whispered, though I couldn’t quite manage a smile.

Riley nodded.  “I really don’t think I should be alone when I’m this sick, do you?  I might keel over at any moment.”

Fuck me, why did he have to be so perfect? 

I wasn’t stupid; he was offering to stay because I was obviously upset, yet he was doing it in a way that made it seem like his own idea so I wouldn’t feel bad.  I stared at him, speechless.  The right thing to do would have been to tell him to go have a fun night with his family… but I couldn’t make myself tell him to leave, because alone was the last thing I wanted to be.

“I’m fine with another night of terrible Christmas movies,” Riley added, watching me carefully for my reaction.  “But…”  When I raised my eyebrows at him, silently encouraging him to go on, Riley smiled at me.  “I don’t know about you, but I’m starving. Want to get out of the house and go to dinner?”

It’s not a date, it’s not a date, it’s not a date—

“Starve a fever, feed a cold, right?” I said out loud, managing an uncertain smile.  “But are you sure you don’t want to go—”

“It’s The Nutcracker,” Riley said gently.  “Seen it once, you’ve seen it a thousand times; ballet puts me to sleep anyway.  And if you’re up for it, maybe we could wander around the shopping center after we eat?  They put up a giant tree outdoors and it’s always fun to look at…”

Don’t be stupid.  Say no. All this is going to do is make it harder to keep your distance from him. Say no.

“Okay,” I said instead.

Riley grinned at me.  “Great!  Give me a few minutes to change into something else and let the rest of them leave, and then we’ll go.”

When I smiled back at him and nodded, I felt better than I had all day.

“You’re right, that really was a boring story,” I said to Riley with a grin.

“I told you it was,” Riley answered amicably, holding open the restaurant door for me.

I didn’t even know what sort of food the restaurant served, nor did I particularly care; anything was better than sitting alone in that house worrying about the future for one more minute.

And being with Riley was the best.

The scent of seafood made my mouth water as soon as we stepped inside and I looked around curiously as we headed for the host station.  I highly doubted the restaurant was cheap—nothing in this area was—but it was styled kind of like an old ship inside, which made it feel homier and more relaxed than I’d expected from the outside.

“Reservation?” the host asked, smiling politely at us.

Riley made a face.  “I didn’t make one,” he admitted sheepishly to me.  “Didn’t think it would be this busy—I forgot it’s almost Christmas.”

“The wait is about twenty minutes, if you’d like me to put you down,” the host said politely.

“Fine by me.  It’s nice and warm in here,” I answered with a shrug when Riley glanced at me.

“Excellent, gentlemen.  If you’d care to take a seat, we’ll inform you when your table is ready.”

“Sorry about the wait.  I should have thought to call ahead,” Riley said as we headed for the waiting area, which was full of people.

I smiled at him.  “It’s really not a big deal—”

“Oh!” a female omega near my own age said brightly as we stepped up beside the bench she was sitting on.  “Look at you!  Take my seat, please!”  She grabbed her purse and hopped to her feet, nudging her husband to do the same, and of course everyone in the area glanced over.

“Thanks,” I murmured, sinking gratefully down into the spot she’d vacated.  Earlier in my pregnancy, this sort of display would have embarrassed me and I would have turned her down with a stammered insistence that I was fine to stand.  But the closer I got to giving birth, the more I appreciated people offering bits of assistance to make my life a little easier.

She beamed at me.  “How far along are you?” she asked, eyes fixed on my belly, which was sticking out from between my coat flaps.  I didn’t have a winter coat big enough to wear while I was this far along, so I’d opted for a couple layers of sweaters beneath it to keep me warm instead.  

“Eight months,” I replied, a little embarrassed by her enthusiasm.

“Oh, that’s so exciting!  My husband and I can’t wait to start a family of our own—we’re newlyweds, you know,” she said proudly.

“Congratulations,” Riley said warmly, inching a little closer to me.  

“Thank you,” the omega’s husband said, looking affectionately at his wife.  

“The two of you make a lovely couple, too,” she enthused.  “Your baby is going to be so cute.  How long have you been together?”

My face erupted in red before the woman even finished speaking.  “Oh—he’s not—I mean—we’re not—” I stammered.

The omega blinked, looking curiously back and forth at the two of us.  “Oh?  Well, still… yay?”

I nodded, wishing the floor would open up and swallow me. 

Thinking that Riley and I were together didn’t embarrass me—it made me happy, so happy that I felt my toes tingle with warmth. 

I had no idea how that assumption would make him feel, though.  Despite myself, I couldn’t help but glance up at Riley… and my heart skipped a beat when I saw that he was blushing, too.  Our eyes met for just an instant before he cleared his throat and looked away, but I was positive that he wasn’t upset by the mistake.

It’s just because he’s too nice to get mad about something like that, I told myself, and wondered if I believed it.

“I think our table’s ready,” the omega said awkwardly, too polite to ask what was going on between us even though I could tell she was curious.  “Good luck!”

“Y-you too,” I stammered, watching as the omega and her alpha scooted through the crowd to stand on the other side of the waiting room. They leaned close together, whispering to each other.

Riley and turned to each other at the same moment, both about to say something.  “Go ahead,” I told him.

“Nah, you were first,” Riley replied.

“Um… I was just going to ask if you wanted to sit down…”

If the friendly omega’s mistake made him feel awkward, Riley didn’t let it show.  “Sure,” he replied easily, settling into the space on the bench beside me, close enough that our thighs brushed together.

“You were going to say something?” I prompted him after a moment.

“Nah, it’s not important,” he said.

“Oh.  Okay.”

We both fell silent, and I made a point of looking anywhere but at him.  Riley’s expression when the omega had assumed we were a pair was burned into my mind, and I couldn’t seem to stop myself from analyzing every little detail in an attempt to figure out exactly what he’d been thinking in that moment.  It was hopeless, though; without asking him, there was no way to know for sure.

In the end, it was my baby that broke the silence between us.  I winced and rubbed my belly after a particularly fierce kick, and the motion attracted Riley’s attention.

“Are you okay?” he asked immediately.

“Yep.  Just a kick,” I answered.

“Does that happen a lot?” Riley asked, visibly curious.

“Yeah—I had no idea how often until it actually started happening.  Sometimes it feels like she’s running a marathon in there… or punting a football.”  I pointedly poked my belly, making a face.

“Can I feel?” Riley blurted.

I blinked at him, cursing myself as my cheeks heated up again.  “Um…”

“You can say no,” he said quickly.

“No, it’s fine,” I replied.  I reached down and pulled up the hems of the two sweaters I was wearing so Riley would have a better chance of feeling my baby move with only my shirt in the way.  

Hesitantly, Riley reached out and laid his palm on my stomach, slightly above my belly button.

“Might take a second until you feel her,” I told him.  “And thanks for asking first—you wouldn’t believe how many people think it’s okay to start grabbing at me the second they see my belly.”

Riley tore his eyes away from my belly and frowned at me, keeping his hand in place.  “Seriously?  They don’t even ask first?”

“Nope.  Well, some do, but a lot don’t.”

“That’s messed—oh!  I felt it move!  Her, I felt her move.”  Riley stared at me, hazel eyes wide as saucers.

I couldn’t help but laugh at his expression, though my heart didn’t seem to be beating quite properly in my chest.  Riley’s face looked like mine must have, the first time I’d felt her move.  I’d tried to wake Ethan up that night, but he’d mumbled something about a meeting in the morning without even opening his eyes and rolled over to go back to sleep.  I’d stayed up for hours that night, just waiting for that tiny little brush of life to happen again.

Despite all the worry and uncertainty, some moments made all this absolutely worth it.

Looking into Riley’s wide eyes, I was suddenly certain that this was another of them.

“Gentlemen, your table is ready. If you’ll please follow me,” the host said, interrupting us just in time—just before I did something stupid, like lean forward to kiss the brother of my child’s father right here in the middle of the restaurant’s waiting area.

Riley jumped and blinked at the host, pulling his hand away. “Uh… thanks,” he said, and immediately hopped to his feet.

Sure that my face was as red as the bench cushion I was sitting on, I tugged the hems of my sweaters down and let Riley help me to my feet. His hand lingered on mine just an instant longer than it should have, which did absolutely nothing to calm the frantic pounding of my heart.

At that moment, I didn’t think anything could.