Haylie’s strength was beyond my imagination. If she could wield that amount of power only after a few weeks of training, what would she be able to do after her Awakening? I was one of the strongest, but I knew there would come a point where I wouldn’t be a match for her anymore. Hell, no Fighter on earth would be able to stand against her.
When she’d tackled me to the ground, I’d been completely helpless. Even lifting my arms more than an inch had been impossible. Not that I’d wanted to move away at that moment because having her on top of me had been pure bliss.
Fuck, that gorgeous body cradling my hips had nearly made me come undone. My craving for her and the high amount of testosterone from the Fighter in me had cost me everything not to crush my lips against hers and rip the clothes from her skin. Her delicious scent mixed with a hint of sweat had clouded my senses, and each movement from her hips had tortured my dick to the point of pain.
And those perfect breasts so close to my face… If my hands hadn’t been cemented to her back from her power, I doubted I would have been able to keep them from wandering to that forbidden place on her body. Flashing images of grabbing one of those plump breasts, pushing it up within reach of my mouth to kiss the upper swell, were all I could think of.
Of course, she hadn’t been oblivious to the way I’d reacted to her, and it had affected her just the same. My breath had sent shivers down her back, and I’d wanted to exhale over her skin again and again, just for a second chance of feeling her trembling under my hands. The shimmer of hazel in her eyes had become shinier than usual.
I’d once heard a Natural’s eyes became vivid and alive when glazed over with sexual desire. I’d love nothing more than to witness it myself—with her—while I was the one causing her eyes to reflect her desire back to me.
It had been like dry sex—a foreplay hotter than I’d ever had the chance to experience. That moment when she’d arched her body to regain control, she’d done it so gracefully, the top of her butt stuck up high over her shoulder, teasing my arousal. She hadn’t done it on purpose, but again I’d been grateful for her power not allowing my hands to move, or I would have grabbed those cheeks, pushing her down again, and this time, I wouldn’t have gone gently like the night before when I carried her home.
Snipping the cigarette stump away, I watched it flying in a high arc over the headstones. My mind was so occupied with thoughts of Haylie with her mesmerizing eyes, I hadn’t even noticed it had started to rain. Our little incident happened days ago, and I still couldn’t rid my mind of it. It was even plaguing my dreams, waking me with a jolt and a boner that nearly tore my boxers in pieces…
Standing in front of Ricky’s grave, I realized this was the first time I stood here feeling at peace. My anger toward Haylie had long ago evaporated, knowing she was not to blame. If anything, she was the reason I felt different, more balanced since she’d come into my life—as much as I wanted to deny it in the beginning.
Haylie Bryceland was like a good, hard, and bloody fight satisfying the needs nature had gifted me. She was a match for me in every way that counted—a challenge pushing me to my limits, physically and mentally. She invigorated me. That was what had been missing all my life. I had a goal to achieve again. I just didn’t know in which direction I was aiming at right now.
I hung my head, deeply lost in thought. To be honest, I was afraid. Afraid I’d fail to protect her. Afraid Haylie awaited the same horrible fate as Jenna and Shawna. Afraid Ricky had given his life for nothing. The Hunters wouldn’t stop until they got what they wanted. They would come for her, and when they did…
My blood started to boil even thinking about it. I wouldn’t allow it. I wouldn’t survive losing her. It would crush me to pieces. Ricky had died to ensure her survival, and I would do the same if necessary. Chris was right, I understood it now. There was no way I could fool myself any longer. It wouldn’t get me anywhere.
I was falling for her.
I probably had fallen for her a long time ago. Still, it didn’t change the fact that I couldn’t act on my feelings. On the one hand, because they were foreign to me. They played with my head, changing my priorities, taking the one thing I was so desperately clinging to—control. On the other hand, because I feared she wouldn’t feel the same way. Haylie being attracted to me didn’t mean her feelings went any deeper.
Hell, why would she feel that way at all? After everything I’d done in the beginning, showing her nothing but resentment? We were just starting to get along. If I ruined this, all progress we’d made would have been for nothing, and it had been a damn hard and stony path to get to where we were now.
Fuck, I’d been so close to kissing her... So close to crushing my lips on hers and feeling the Connection with her again, if it hadn’t been for Josh bursting the moment in a heartbeat. Yet, I was glad it had turned out the way it did. Kissing her could have backfired. Whatever decisions I made regarding Haylie, I could not act on impulsiveness.
Dragging a hand through my hair, I shook my head in disbelief. Never in my life had it cost me so much to stay in control. Never in my life had I needed to control this need. My women were always available and willing. I’d never cared about hurting their feelings, never thought about the many hearts I’d crushed.
With Haylie, it was different. I couldn’t bear to hurt her. She deserved better. She deserved a man who stood by her side, a man who could give her a future, who gave her utter commitment. I doubted I could embrace that role. I would be in uncharted waters.
With another sigh, I put the empty cigarette package into my pocket. Time to face another issue of the female kind—Cassie.
I refused to believe she was the traitor in our circle. Even if she was known to be a nasty bitch, and to resent Haylie as much as I had in the beginning, I wasn’t ready to accuse her yet. Despite her hateful nature, she’d always been loyal to us.
The question was, if it was not Cassie, then who was the one betraying us?
I would vouch for every one of my friends without hesitation. It would have to be one of Jimmy’s closest because who else in the compound knew about Haylie’s friendship with Lauren and that using her was the only thing to make Haylie compliant?
The first time we’d met Lauren was the night in Hell’s Trial. There had been Chris, Josh, Phil, Sarah, and Cassie, next to myself, Haylie and Lauren. As we could exclude the last three, or Jimmy for that matter, that only left five.
No wonder everybody blamed Cassie. Who would suspect the others? Chris and Sarah? No way. They were my best friends, and they both had proven their ambition to protect Haylie over and over. Josh and Phil? An even more absurd thought. They’d rather hurt themselves than the enemy in a fight. To work as a double agent inside this highly secured compound, you needed big balls and one hell of a plan.
That only left Cassie—the one who’d mysteriously gone missing in the exact time frame when Lauren had been taken hostage.
I rubbed my temples in frustration. Could we have been fooled by her all this time?
But if she was the one we were looking for, why come back to the compound? Why not go into hiding? She would step right into the grave she’d been digging. Cassie was too smart to make such a stupid move, knowing she was the only one with a motive. In all her years here at the compound, she’d stood by Jimmy’s side. She’d fought so many of the Hunters, killed so many in seeking revenge. What would she gain?
I needed to find the answers to those questions myself, so I made my way back to the compound with a silent goodbye to Ricky, heading for the control room in hopes of finding Cassie there. I’d barely seen her the last few days, and she hadn’t spoken to me, which was very unlike her. Was she keeping distance on purpose? Not that it bothered me, but I figured we needed to talk this through.
Just as I crossed the tunnels and entered the main halls, Sarah called out to me from the other side. She jogged toward me, two bloody towels in her hand.
“One of my students cut himself with a throwing knife,” Sarah explained in annoyance before I could ask.
“Maybe you should skip the weapons. You could save yourself the energy to heal them all the time.”
“Believe me, I’m usually busier with healing when there are no weapons involved.” Sarah huffed, brushing some sweaty strands of hair behind her ear. “Anyway, Lisa wants to talk to you. She asked me to tell you if I saw you.”
“Lisa?” I used to visit her on a regular basis, but to be honest, I hadn’t found the time to see her the last few weeks. “Alright, thanks.”
I felt guilty. I’d been so wrapped up in my own life, I hadn’t even thought about how Lisa was doing. She rarely left her private wing, her ability to see and feel vibes simultaneously overwhelming her when surrounded by too many people.
And that was the thing with Roes. They were highly resistant to natural diseases, but not against what fate had in store for them. After all, we were only human.
Lisa had been studying chemistry when she was younger, but an explosion in the lab had cost her her eyesight. Her mother, who’d luckily been a very skilled Regenerator, had healed the burns and cuts, preventing scars to develop, but she hadn’t been able to give her daughter her sight back. No one had expected her ability would adapt, making her a powerful Watcher, nonetheless.
Lisa was one of the few to get me back to a normal life after I’d come out of prison, being only a shell of myself at the time. She’d helped me keep my rage and need for revenge at bay. I owed her big.
Just as I rounded the corner to Lisa’s wing, I saw Jimmy disappear at the end of the corridor. A grin formed on my face. Jimmy was paying Lisa more visits than any of us. I had long ago suspected there was something going on between the two of them, but Jimmy always skillfully sidestepped the topic.
Knocking twice before opening the door, the scent of incense and some other spicy odors hit my nose. I spotted Lisa sitting on the ground, deeply focused in meditation.
She heaved a sigh when I entered, her face lighting up in happiness. “I’ve missed your glowing vibes. They are so full of power, I already feel more alive when you’re in the same room,” Lisa said in a soft voice.
“Hi, Lisa. Sorry, I didn’t come earlier. I’ve had a lot on my mind.”
Lisa stood up and approached to hug me, no troubles finding where I stood. I hugged her back, my mood already lifting in her presence, as it always did.
“Oh, I would know, darling. Your vibes are zigzagging through the room like strikes of lightning.” She laughed. “Come, sit with me.” I positioned myself on the fluffy cushions on the floor. “Tea? I just made some for me,” Lisa offered, but I declined.
“I’m not a tea drinker, Lisa.”
“You never tasted one of mine with the right amount of rum,” Lisa explained, already hurrying toward the kitchen and leaving me smiling. A few minutes later, she returned with a steaming cup in her hand, handing it to me before sitting down on the opposite side. I sniffed over the cup, and unfamiliar aromas hit my nose.
“What kind of tea is this?”
“It’s yellow tea—a rare sort directly imported from China. It will settle your mind, I promise,” Lisa explained with a wink, waiting until I took my first sip. “I wanted to talk to you about Haylie,” she informed me after a pause, and I stalled for time, tasting the flavors of the steamy brew. The tea was amazing, and I immediately felt better when the liquid trickled down into my stomach.
“What about her?” I asked, trying to sound nonchalant. Why did I even bother to play this game with Lisa? She was so fucking good at reading vibes, she would know of my affection for our newest found Natural either way.
“Well, Haylie is doing exceptionally well in my lessons. Her skill to reach her ability immensely increased the last few days. She told me you were responsible for that,” Lisa added with a smile.
“I started to train with her on her ability. We couldn’t wait any longer. I’m sorry if this went against your training schedule.”
Lisa shook her head slightly. “No, no. I’m glad you did. She needs to get used to it.”
I nodded. “So?”
“Her vibes have changed, too. They are getting restless. I fear she’ll reach the Awakening sooner than the average.”
I froze in my tracks, the teacup hovering only inches from my mouth. No, we need more time. We are not prepared for this… “How much sooner?” I asked cautiously.
“Maybe weeks, maybe months—I can’t tell you, but I figured you should know.”
“Why are you telling me and not Jimmy?”
“Because she’s close to you,” was her matter-of-fact answer.
A mixture between a chuckle and a huff left my mouth. If she only knew… “That is not the word I’d use to describe our relationship.”
‘Close’ would mean at least as close as friends like Lauren and Haylie were. I didn’t know anything about her except that she had a horrible past and lost her family. I didn’t know about her favorite food, her hobbies, her habits, her personal talents, her likes, and dislikes… I only knew what I needed to know as her trainer—how fast she was, how strong she was, how much I could push her until she reached her limits.
“No? How would you describe it, then?”
I narrowed my eyes at hearing that nonchalant tone of hers I was familiar with. She usually used it when she knew she was going to win an argument, and I couldn’t shake off the notion that she was cornering me.
“Complicated. On a scale from one to ten, I’d say we’re on one hundred.”
Lisa laughed, her musical voice filling the room while I took another sip of my tea. The additional alcohol burned down my esophagus, and I welcomed the warmth.
“It’s always complicated when people are close, Dylan. You share a terrible past, although you’ve never met before. That alone is a deeper connection than you can imagine. And,” she paused, taking a sip of her tea, “you helped each other to get out of the Bluster—something that is nearly impossible, as you well know.”
“Jimmy got me out of the Bluster once.”
“And how long did that take?”
I opened my mouth to answer but shut it again. Lisa knew how close I’d come to killing Jimmy that fateful night Jenna died in front of my eyes. Jimmy had fought me off as long as his strength allowed, and I’d beaten him bloody from head to toe. If Jimmy hadn’t been a skilled Racer, he wouldn’t have survived.
And Haylie had needed how long? A minute? Two? I knew it was a bad comparison considering Haylie had used a kiss as distraction, but still…
“She told me you were the only one to bring her back to her senses when she loses control. You also helped her a few days ago when she found out about her mother’s possible connection to Hurricane Marlene.”
I remembered. One touch from me and some soothing words had been enough to get her back. It made me proud to know I held this power over her.
“She told you all that?” I asked skeptically, surprised she’d confessed all this.
Lisa nodded, her eyes, although unseeing, riveted on me. “She did.”
“And what do you expect me to do?” I lifted the teacup to my lips again, but I couldn’t have chosen worse timing.
“Stay with her during the Awakening.”
The liquid immediately ran down the wrong pipe, and I nearly snorted it back into the cup through my nose. A heavy cough overcame me, and it took a few seconds until I was able to breathe again.
“What did you say?” I croaked.
“You heard me,” Lisa answered calmly, a coy smile playing on her lips.
“Haylie and I are not in a relationship, Lisa,” I reminded her with a dry undertone.
“You’re her anchor, Dylan. You’re the only person she can come to because there is no one left.” She gave me some time to ponder, but I was still struck speechless. “You know,” she started again, placing her teacup on the table next to her, “people are not meant to go through life alone, least of all Roes. That’s why they’re blessed with the Connection. The abilities they have can get out of control, but nature didn’t leave them helpless.” She lifted her eyes, eyeing me intensely. “You already proved more than once that you are Haylie’s counterweight. Be there for her when the Awakening sets in, and she’ll have it a lot easier, I promise you.”
“You’re serious,” I muttered, dumbstruck.
To Roes, nothing was more intimate than the Awakening. We usually went through it alone because of safety issues. Of course, there were some who stayed together—married couples, for example—but it was rather uncommon around this young age and also not advisable. Not that I was afraid of Haylie’s power, but that was beside the point.
Fighter blood ran through my veins. My high level of testosterone and adrenaline deepened my need for sexual intercourse. If I were close to Haylie during the Revival—the last phase of the Awakening—with her power boosting my own, it would be impossible to hold back when the Connection set in. I would see her writhing in ecstasy, feel her coming to that point of no return. It would take every ounce of my will not to do what I shouldn’t do, by all means.
“Even if I considered it, I can’t force her, Lisa.” I shook my head, imagining how Haylie would react to such a suggestion. She would never agree to it, and I couldn’t blame her.
“Of course not. I can’t speak for her. I can only tell you she’s really afraid of it. No one knows how the Awakening works on a Natural. She has no one to talk to.”
I continued to shake my head. “I don’t think I’m the right choice.”
“Who’s the right choice, then? Sarah? I heard they were good friends.”
“No. She’s not strong enough to help Haylie when her ability comes forward.”
“What about her best friend, Lauren?”
“Lauren has no training and no ability. She knows even less about this world than Haylie does. Besides, Haylie would never allow Lauren to come close to her during the Awakening. She wouldn’t want her to be in danger.”
Lisa nodded slowly, deep in thought. “Makes sense. Well then, what about Chris?”
Bam.
Even his name in combination with Haylie’s sent currents of untamable rage through my body. Thankfully, I’d already put my teacup down on the ground where it was sitting securely. I would have crushed the expensive porcelain to pieces in a mere second. If there were one thing I would never allow, it was Chris sharing this experience with her, even if it meant jeopardizing our friendship.
“If vibes could kill,” Lisa drawled, winking at me in knowledge. Damn her. She’d done that on purpose, knowing full well it left no one else except me. “It was just a suggestion, Dylan. You decide yourself how you want to handle this.” She stood up, and I followed suit, wiping my now sweaty hands on my jeans.
“You’re asking the impossible, you know that, right?” I mumbled in frustration.
“My lovely Dylan,” Lisa marveled, brushing her fingers through my hair in a sweet gesture, “it’s easier than you think.” I sighed and kissed her on the cheek before leaving Lisa’s wing.
I’d already thought about Haylie’s Awakening. In fact, I’d had a couple of restless nights racking my brain about how we should handle this. We didn’t know of any Natural who had gone through the process, and even if we did, it wouldn’t help much because their abilities were too unique. We only knew it was ten times more intense, more painful, and more torturous. There was no reference on how long each phase lasted, and what exactly would happen.
I recalled how the experience had been for me two years ago—this endless amount of strength rushing through my body, making me feel invincible. In my uncontrollable state, I’d punched my fist straight through the hood of a car like a knife gliding through butter. I couldn’t tell that Haylie, though. The last thing I wanted was to scare her away, but I’d do exactly that if I ever offered to stay with her during her Awakening.
“Hey, bro!” someone shouted, snapping me out of my mind-twisting musings. I lifted my head to see Scott rushing toward me.
“Hi, what’s up?”
“Whoa, what’s going on with you?” Scott asked, seemingly surprised and sniffing when he got in line next to me.
“What?”
“You smell totally confused,” Scott muttered, wrinkling his nose. I rolled my eyes. Really, it was hard to live amongst these bloody Roes all the time.
“I’d rather you keep your annoying ability to yourself around me.”
“Right… Um, I wanted to ask you something. In private,” Scott muttered, dragging me into one of the soundproof meeting rooms that would ensure Catchers not to overhear anything. His actions slightly unnerved me. I’d never seen Scott so skittish.
“Have you had a chance to talk to Cassie yet?” Scott wanted to know.
“No, but I’m looking for her to do exactly that. Why?”
“Well, because Cassie doesn’t seem to be herself.”
“I figured the same when she came back a few days ago.”
“Yes, but it’s not just that. She smells different, Dylan.”
“Huh?”
“What I mean is, her bottom note has changed.”
I eyed him in confusion. “You lost me.”
Scott sighed as if annoyed I didn’t get what he was saying. “The bottom note is like the basic odor, unique for every being. It’s the hardest note for a Tracer to catch. It’s how I’m able to smell each one of you from a few feet away. I can only make out the bottom notes of people I’ve known long enough to be familiar with their individual nuances. And I know Cassie, and I can tell you, her bottom note is not the same anymore.”
“What are you implying?”
Scott huffed out some air. “The only time I made out a different bottom note from one and the same person was my uncle when he became ill.”
I gaped at Scott for a moment, trying to comprehend his words. I remembered Scott telling me he’d been able to tell his uncle had cancer because his scent had changed drastically. “Are you saying Cassie’s ill? She’s a Roe,” I pointed out.
The scientific documentation available was too vague to say with a hundred percent certainty that Roes were immune to all illnesses and viruses, but we knew of no case where a Roe’s immune system had failed.
“I know. It’s just an assumption, Dylan, but something’s wrong. I thought maybe you could find something out when you talk to her. You are closer to her than anyone of us.”
I bit the inside of my lip as I considered this. Granted, I hadn’t been oblivious to Cassie’s strange acting when she arrived back here. Haylie had noticed, too. But an illness? God, I hoped not. “I’ll see what I can do.”
I made my way to Cassie’s room. It suddenly occurred to me it had been a long time since I’d set a foot in there. The last time had been a few months ago when I’d ended things with her.
Taking a deep breath, I prayed for courage and knocked on Cassie’s door. “Cass, it’s Dylan. Can we talk?”
A long pause. “I’ve got my next class in a few, sorry.”
She was trying to avoid me again. I’d checked her schedule earlier and knew she was free for the next hour.
“Cass, please don’t make this difficult. You owe me some answers.” Another pause. “I won’t leave until you open that door. Come on, let me in.”
Finally, I heard some shuffling, and the door cracked open. Cassie stood in front of me, head bent low, and sidestepped to let me pass, not sparing me one glance. I eyed her bed for a second, remembering how often we’d had sex on it.
“What do you want?” Cassie snapped before closing the door behind me.
I turned to face her with a frown, her eyes still directed at the floor. “Why are you so pissed at me? Is it really because I was dancing with Haylie that night at Hell’s trial?”
Cassie sighed as if annoyed. “No… Yes… I mean…” She wiped a hand over her mouth. “It doesn’t matter,” she finally mumbled.
My eyes narrowed as I tried to read her. She seemed so different than the Cassie I used to know. Her self-confidence was nowhere to be seen. Even her voice had lost some of the high pitch. Something had happened to her, and I needed to find out what. The question was, would she confide in me?
“It does matter. You disappeared without saying one wo—”
“I texted you.”
“Yes, and that was a little inappropriate, don’t you think? You’ve been gone for over two weeks, and no one knew—”
“Jimmy knew.” Cassie kept interrupting me, her answers cut short.
I sighed in frustration. We weren’t getting anywhere with this. What made Cassie so withdrawn? It felt like I didn’t know her anymore.
“Why did you leave, Cassie? If you felt hurt because of me, then I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
“I’m over it.”
Her voice felt like ice freezing the length of my spine. She was over me. That was good, right? That was what I’d wanted, so why did it feel so wrong?
“Will you at least tell me where you’ve been?” I asked, crossing my arms.
“With my sister. Didn’t Jimmy tell you?”
“He did, but I wanted to hear it from you.”
A tiny vein on her head started to twitch. “I needed the space.”
“You seem different.”
“And?”
“And if there’s anything I can do to help—”
“I’m fine.”
“Are you ill?”
Shock crossed her face and something else. Uncertainty? Fear? “What?”
“Scott told me you smelled different, and he suspected an illness. So, I’ll ask again, are you ill?”
I eyed her closely. For a second, something like anger crossed her features, a reaction I didn’t understand. Why would she get angry because of such a question?
“Did you forget what I am? I’m totally healthy,” she snapped as if offended.
I let out the air I’d been holding in my lungs. Relief flooded me, but it still left the question what was wrong with her unanswered.
“There’s something you’re hiding. I can tell. I won’t leave until you talk to me about it.”
Her nostrils started to flare as she glared at me, and if I didn’t know any better, I’d say she was close to attacking me. I’d never seen Cassie like this. At least, her animosity had never been directed at me.
“I don’t need to justify myself,” she barked.
“The hell you don’t,” I exclaimed, my patience running low. I took a few steps in her direction, but she jerked her arm away before I could touch her as if my skin would burn her.
“I’m pregnant,” she blurted, and I stopped short in my tracks. I must have misunderstood. That was so not possible.
“What?”
“I’m pregnant,” she repeated, now with a little more confidence as if she’d just convinced herself about the fact.
“By whom?” I wanted to know, my voice harsh. There was no chance she’d become pregnant by me. The last time we’d had sex was too long ago.
“A guy.”
“A guy…” I muttered, stunned. I hadn’t thought about Cassie having sex with anyone other than me, which was stupid. Our thing ended months ago, and I truly suspected her not to have fun with someone else? “If this is a stupid joke…”
“It’s the truth.”
Slowly turning back toward the bed, I let my body slump down. I would have lost my footing otherwise.
“Is this why you left in the first place?”
“No. I found out later. That’s why I needed more time than just a few days.”
Too much. It was too much. I wouldn’t survive this motherfucking day. First Lisa shocked me to death and now Cassie. “What now?”
“Now nothing. I’m going back to my old life as a trainer and as part of the team. I’d appreciate it if you could keep my secret to yourself for now, though.”
I nodded slowly but more to myself, still deeply lost in thought. ‘Cassie’ and ‘pregnant’ were two words I’d never have expected to use in the same sentence. It was just too weird.
“I’ve still got some things to do,” she mumbled, opening the door, and I took the hint. I stepped out, but before Cassie could shut the door again in my face, I faced her a second time.
“I know we didn’t get along so well the last few months, but I just want you to know, I’m here if you need anyone,” I offered.
Cassie nodded slightly, but her eyes were averted when she closed the door shut. I didn’t know how long I stood there, dumbfounded, before being able to move my feet again in the direction of the main quarters.
From all the things I’d considered to be wrong with Cassie, it had least of all been this.