I've been making myself sick trying to think of how to bring this up but I know I have to. My folks are making me crazy, everyone's making me fucking crazy.

I sat at the bar last week and listened to Brent and Jake bitch and moan about women and marriage for 5 hours. Five hours!

By the time the bar kicked us out at closing time, Jake was so wound up about his ex that he was picking a fight with a girl at the bar.

Not that my brother would ever hit a woman, but she'd overheard some of what he'd said about women and called his stupid ass out on it. Next thing I know, I'm moving us to a table on the other side of the room just to try to keep them from yelling at each other and making a scene.

Shit. I know why Jake's bitter. His ex has been a bitch to him since just after their youngest was born. Even before that it turns out, according to the earful I got from him last week at the bar when he was doing his damnedest to scare me out of marrying Kimberly.

But Brent too?

Damn, man! That was just more than I could take.

Ever since Brent met Kay, he's been head over fucking heels. He's been so into this whole married thing. Like-- I mean yeah, that's why he signed up for a match maker to find him a wife. Brent's always wanted to find a good woman, settle down, start popping out kids. He was that guy who thought every girl he dated was the one.

When he told me he was hiring someone to find him a wife, I wasn't surprised. I wasn't able to help him out with the whole arranged marriage team thing-- but I wasn't surprised he hired a match maker.

Lately though, Brent's been spacing. He's forgetting-- or blowing off-- wedding stuff. Like that tux fitting he missed awhile back. Last week it was a meeting with the DJ that Kay couldn't make it to. He just blew it off to go play golf.

He said he didn't know about it but it was on the wedding calendar-- we all have access to that calendar on our phones so the wedding party won't miss something important that we need to be involved in.

Last week at the bar with Jake, Brent was trying to talk me out of marrying Kim, out of getting married at all.

I've never heard him talk like that. Brent's always the one trying to convince me to commit and settle down. He's always trying to make me see how great life could be if I found the right girl, bought a house, made some babies.

Hearing him talk like he regrets where he is now?

Makes a chill run down my spine every time I think about it.

I can't give the guys all the credit-- or maybe blame is a better word-- for making me think I need to have this talk with Kim. A lot of things factored into it, Brent's change of attitude just sealed the deal.

Of course, as soon as Kim walks into the coffee shop, every thing I've been planning on saying flies right out the fucking window.

Who am I kidding?

She's perfect.

I watch her scan the room looking for me. She looks unusually nervous today and I wonder if she had a bad day at work or if Kay had another break down over the wedding.

She sees me at the table by the window and smiles when I point out that I already have her drink waiting for her.

It's not her usual smile. Her lips curl upward but her eyes don't crinkle behind her glasses.

When she gets closer I notice her jaw tensing and untensing and the way her gray eyes don't hold mine when I greet her.

Suddenly I'm not thinking about all the practical reasons I came up with and I can't remember why I ever thought it was a good idea to take advice from my dumb brother anyway, I just want to fold Kimberly in my arms and hold her till she's smiling again.

"Thanks," she tells me as I slide her coffee across the table. Her voice is soft and low and uncharacteristically timid.

I watch her turn the cup on the tabletop between her fingers as she stares at it thoughtfully.

I went ahead and got it for her when I ordered mine because I know she likes to let it cool down a lot before she'll drink it. It's probably almost the right temperature for her now.

Kim keeps her eyes down as she raises the cup to her lips and takes a test sip. Then she looks around the cafe as she sets the cup back on the table. Her eyes seems to land on everything but me.

I shift uncomfortably in my chair. We haven't known each other for long, but it's funny how I've gotten used to her already. How I already know her facial expressions and, especially, how I'm so used to the way she looks at me.

Her eyes are usually focused on mine. Sometimes I see them wander to watch my hands while I'm talking, or sometimes she lets them travel down the length of my body in a hungry way that never fails to make me forget whatever I was talking about.

She always looks at me like she likes looking at me.

Making it all the more obvious when she refuses to look at me now.

Kim's hands release the cup and I watch her begin to twist her engagement ring on her finger. It's something she's been doing a lot of lately, I've noticed. Right now, she pulls it almost off, so it's loose above her knuckle so she can turn it without it touching her skin.

There's a red ring around her finger where the ring usually sits and I wonder how much twisting it took to cause it.

"Kim," I put my hand out over hers. She slides the ring back into place and turns her hand up so that mine slips easily into place in her palm.

"I think we should take a break," Kim blurts out all at once, finally meeting my eyes.

Her throat works in a hard swallow and her eyes are filled with sadness.

"I just don't think I'm ready for all this," her voice fills with the same sadness that's in her eyes.

What can I say? There's a reason we got matched with each other, I guess.

"Yeah," I answer, taking my hand from hers and fidgeting with my own coffee cup. I'm surprised at the rough sound of my voice, it sounds the way I feel-- like it's being torn apart. "That's kinda why I thought we should talk."

Kim's shoulders drop, tension falling away from her frame and she leans back in her chair.

Finally, the smile on her full, red lips, is one I'm familiar with.

"I was really worried about telling you," she says in that same soft voice, only now it's lost the fear and is full of compassion and a hint of relief. "I've been thinking about it for awhile now and I think maybe I got carried away, you know?"

I nod, smiling tightly, "Yeah I know what you mean."

"It's just that, I've wanted to get married since I was a kid," her smile turns shy, "and I got caught up in all the excitement when Kay got engaged...and maybe I got a little jealous too."

Kim looks up at me sheepishly and gives me an apologetic smirk. "It's just too overwhelming," she tells me as she pulls the ring off her finger, "I guess I'm not ready after all."

"It's too much too fast," I agree as I watch my hand accept the ring she hands me across the table.

"Way too much, way too fast," she echoes.

"Still friends though, right?" Damn I sound like a chump. My heart is thumping like it's trying to escape. Under the table, my foot is bouncing wildly to burn off excess energy that I'd rather use to lunge across the table, throw Kimberly over my shoulder, and carry her off to someplace where I could keep her safe until she understands that she belongs with me.

My damn mouth, on the other hand, insists on continuing this stupid conversation.