Chapter Five
Hollis
I watch him across the pool, sitting with his friend, stealing glances of me as I am of him, and it seems I’ve replaced one drug for another. Both being able to cause my soul just as much damage as the other.
I know I’m not the girl Roman’s father raised him to marry, but it seems I’m the woman that Roman wants, and that’s all I need to know. Regardless of what he finds for me, I know I’m with him, for him, and will stand by him. He needn’t worry about me falling back into my old life, it isn’t something that I want anymore. What I do want is to be a good wife to him, give him children and make him happy.
Emily takes the space on the bench beside me and pulls from the beer she has in her hand before looking over at me. “So, wanna tell me what the hell all that shit was about?”
I pull my bottom lip through my teeth, contemplating whether I should tell her or not, afraid I might get the same reaction from her as I had Roman, and not the more cordial one I’d gotten from Piper. I glance over at her to find her looking at me, waiting patiently. “Well, I asked him,” I start, but stop to take a deep breath, readying myself for whatever her reaction is, then continue.
She keeps her face stoic as I recount the morning’s conversation. She stays silent for a few minutes after I finish and it’s driving me absolutely crazy. “So, what do you think?”
“Well,” she says blowing out a breath, “you can’t blame him for being a little upset, Hollis, but,” she glances back at him, then to me with a grin on her face, “he could’ve handled it differently.”
“That’s what I told him,” Piper interjects into our conversation, making me look around the table to see that I’d garnered the attention of all the women at the table.
I take the time to study the other’s faces. Avery looks worried, Josie’s has that deer in the damned headlights look, and Tessa looks like she has gas, which she probably does since she’s as big as a house with her and Matty’s twins.
“I would actually kill someone for a glass of whiskey right now.” We all jerk our heads around to Tessa. “What?” She shoos the air in front of her with her hands. “Everybody thinks clearer in situations like this with a glass of bourbon or a bottle of booze in them. Hell, at this point I’d drink a bottle of near beer, hoping to get a contact buzz.” She puckers her lips as she rests her chin on her hand. Her cheeks have plumped with the slight weight gain of her pregnancy, and I think she looks completely adorable. She smacks Piper’s arm. “Breathe on me,” she says as she sticks her nose into Piper’s open mouth.
“So, Piper, what did you say to him this afternoon?” I prompt Piper to back away from Tessa and tell me what they shared after I’d locked him out of our bedroom.
She smiles at me. “Oh, just, you know? He was being an ass, he wanted to know what was bothering you, you told him and he overreacted.” She shrugs at me right before she turns to Tessa and takes the shot she’d just poured herself.
“Bitch.” Tessa bites out at her, making me fight a smile. These women who surround me are amazing. They cut each other to the bone, tell each other the heartbreaking truth, but you will never find another group who’ll have your back more solid than them.
“So you lied to me this morning when you told me nothing was wrong?” Emily redirects the conversation back to me.
“I didn’t actually lie.” I turn to take another beer out of the cooler, giving myself a reprieve from Josie and Avery’s silent stares. The two could be sisters. Needless to say, the Tucker boys have similar tastes, and to figure out how to explain to Emily I didn’t want to tell her is tough.
“Well, to me, the fact that you didn’t want to tell us makes me think you know it’s a bad idea.” Josie’s soft voice breaks the stalemate going on at the table.
Avery clears her throat. “I don’t necessarily think it’s a bad idea." She reaches across the table, covering one of my hands with hers, and I see the same look of concern in her eyes as I do the rest. “Hollis, we can’t lose you.”
Emily wraps her arm around my shoulders. “You’re one of us.” She lays her head against mine, and her gesture is so overwhelming, I fight the tears that are burning the backs of my eyes. “You’re family.”
“Thank you, but you’re not going to lose me. I no longer want that life.” She lifts her hand from mine and smooths a stray lock of my curly hair behind my ear. “For some crazy reason, I just have to know why.”
I hear Piper scoff. “Why what? Why he didn’t want your mother? If that’s the case, I could give you a few reasons.” With her words, it hits me why Roman had been so angry this morning. The history of our parents never crossed my mind, and now I know how selfish my request sounds to them.
“I’m sorry, Piper, I’m not doing this to drum up hurt feelings or to rub yours or Roman’s face in that painful past.” Apologizing is the only thing I can do. There’s no rational explanation for the things I want.
Her shoulders slump. “I know you’re not, and none of what happened was your fault.” Her blue eyes soften. “You more than deserve to know, which is what I told Roman.” She gives me a wink and a smile. They had forgiven me for my sins, but they will never forgive my mother from taking what she had from them and I don’t blame them. I’ll never forgive her either for what she’d done to us.
The person I became after her death, I hold some of the blame for, but I know she played her part in how my world turned out. This is the reason why I need to find my father and get the answers for the one question I’ve carried with me my entire adult life. I need to know if the first man she’d loved broke her, because she took her own life for the second one.
~~~~~~
Roman
I slump down on the lounger beside Dalton and take the beer he offers me. “So,” he tips his bottle in the direction of Hollis. “What are you going to do about that?”
I sigh, feeling the weight of the morning’s argument bear down on my shoulders. “What she’s asked me to do.” I take a pull from my beer and shrug.
~~~~~~
Leo serves up the food and I feel her body slide up against mine as we stand in line to fill our plates. She nudges me with her elbow, making me turn to see her smiling up at me. “Hey, handsome.”
I lean in, laying my lips on hers. “Hey, beautiful.” I hold her eyes with mine. “Am I forgiven?” I ask, hoping against all hope. Even though she’d given her body to me, she will also absolve me for the things I’d said to her this morning.
She purses her lips and rolls her eyes. “I guess.” She takes a step back from me, propping a hand on her hip. “Since you gave me an orgasm and all.”
I take her by the waist and pull her flush against my body. “No, in all seriousness, the great sex aside. Do you forgive me for the way I talked to you this morning?” A feeling of desperation comes over me. I’ve never been desperate for anything in my life except this woman.
I watch her playfulness fall away, being replaced by the sad look she’d had this morning before she slammed our bedroom door in my face. She lays her small hand on my chest. “Of course I do, Roman.”
I drop another kiss on her lips. “I love you.”
~~~~~~
Hollis and I spent all day Sunday in bed, only getting up for a short meal, then I was back to showing her how sorry I was for the day before and the things I’d said. Not another word was mentioned about the request she’d made, but it was never far from my thoughts.
We go through our Monday morning as usual, and when I’d pulled onto the lot, all the boys were standing outside the clubhouse waiting for me.
I step out of my truck eyeing them all. “Yes?”
“Table,” Leo barks, turning to head through the large metal door. We all follow him in and down the hall, taking our respective seats around the large oak conference table. The room is eerily silent.
“Okay, so what is it exactly that she wants?’ Leo asks, his cold black eyes not giving one hint of what he’s thinking away.
“She wants me to find her father,” I reply flatly.
“Oh, wow, is that all? She couldn’t have just asked for the Arc of the Covenant? That would’ve been easier to find than the man that knocked her whore of a mother up,” Cowboy says out loud what we’re all thinking, as he leans his big body back in the chair, taking off his ball cap to rub his hand over his bald head.
“Yeah, no shit, man. That’s a tall order,” Eno scoffs.
“Where the hell would we even start to look?” Matty asks the same question I’ve been asking myself all day. Leo slaps the table as he stands and leaves the room.
Dalton shrugs, turning back to me. “Ima,” he says as he sits up in his chair. “Do any of you dipshits ever listen to the woman? No?” He looks around the table at all of our confused faces. “She’s been here from the beginning. Hell, she was the nurse who assisted when half of us were born. She was best friends with your mother, Roman. She knows everybody, and I’m pretty sure she knows everything about everybody that went on in this town.” He stops and shrugs. “And if she doesn’t know the details, she might give us a place to start.”
We all look at him, stunned. Dalton is a lot of things, but a forward thinker is something we’ve never given him credit for. He makes a circle motion with his finger around his face. “Not just looks, I’ve got brains and an impressive anatomy.” He leans back, propping his leg at the ankle on his knee, crossing his arms over his chest and looking very pleased with himself. “I’m the full package, boys.”
Cowboy tips his head at him. “He’s got a point about Ima.” He rolls his eyes, not accepting the rest of Dalton’s statement. “If anybody would know anything about this town, it would be her.” Cowboy snaps his fingers. “Or Lloyd.”
Leo walks back through the door, holding a manila folder in his hand. As he sits, he slides it down the table to me. Catching it, I eye him curiously. “Information about Hollis. I put it together when we first got back and you two got involved again.”
I’m not sure if I should be pissed at him or myself for not thinking of doing this. She had, after all, been our go-between with Markus. Maybe it was the fact that I didn’t want to face the cold hard truths that she was fucking us both, or that she was just a junkie shell of the girl I’d once known and fallen in love with when I’d been seventeen.
His expression isn’t apologetic, and I don’t blame him for what he’d done to protect us and the assignment we’d been working on, but I do wish he’d given me this a little sooner.
I pick up the folder and tap it on the table. “Is it all we need?”
“No.” His answer is short as he leans back in his chair. Reaching in his pocket, he produces a pack of smokes and lights one up. “The birth certificate only has her mother’s name on it. There’s no father named, which isn’t surprising.” Leo sits up, resting his forearms on the table, leveling his coal black eyes at me again. “We’re going to find him, Roman, for her. It’s the least we can do for what she’s done for us.”
“Agreed,” Cowboy adds. “I think we should start with Ima, like Dalton suggested, and go from there.” I tap the table with my forefinger. There are more papers in the folder that I don’t care for at the moment.
“I appreciate it.” I can’t find the words to relay the overwhelming appreciation I’m feeling right now. My brothers have stepped up for my woman, who they hated a year ago, and who has now become a priority to them. Her happiness, their only concern. So anything I say will only fall short of the efforts being put forth by them.
Eno sits up to look at me with an earnest look on his face. “She’s one of us. If this is what she wants, we’ll give it to her.”
“And protect her from it, if it comes down to that,” Matt adds. They all mumble and nod their agreement.
“You do realize what we might find?” Leo asks.
“Yes, I do.” I’m more than aware. I’d brought this very thing to her attention when she’d made the request. “I’ve made her more than aware of what kind of hell we could find.” I stand and go to the small bar we installed after the party days were over, and take the bottle of Jack, not giving a shit of the early hour and pour myself a shot and throw it back. “She’s under no fucking delusions. I made that very clear Saturday morning.” I slump back into my chair, reliving the argument.
“Well, if we have all that shit taken care of, I have a garage to run and favors to call in.” Leo knocks on the table with his knuckles as he stands.
I finish off my drink, watching the rest of them stand and leave the room. Eno stops at the door and turns to me. “Are you going to work today, or are you going to sit there and get shit-faced?”
I pour myself another, saluting him. “I do own the company.”
He smiles at me. “Half the company, jackass.” He closes the door behind him, leaving me to the folder and my drink. I sit in the silence, just looking at the folder that’s screaming at me. I reluctantly open it and read its contents.