Chapter 10
Matt swung open his front door and found Lindsay standing on the stoop, a let’s-have-a-serious-talk expression on her face. He’d been half expecting her since arriving home from work several hours ago. It was one of the reasons he’d stayed awake instead of crashing right away, like usual.
“Morning.” He stood back and indicated for her to enter. “Cup of coffee? It’s not Starbucks.”
“No, thanks. I’m coffeed-out.”
“How’s Booter? Did you stop and see him?”
“He’s good, but sore. Hopefully, his glove eating days are over.
Matt observed her demeanor as she strode past him into the middle of the living room. Purposeful, yet cautious. Well, they were in his house, after all. His territory. She may have initiated the game, but he had home court advantage.
There were, however, other factors in her favor. Like clothes. She wore shorts and a tee-shirt. Sure, he saw her in shorts and a tee-shirt on a regular basis at work. But those shorts weren’t nearly so...short. And hip-hugging. The department issued tee-shirts didn’t display a three-inch strip of bare belly beneath the hem. Or mold to her breasts and rib cage like plastic wrap on a glass bowl.
His hormones kicked in with a vengeance. He was going to have a hell of a time concentrating on whatever speech she’d prepared. But then, he thought with wry amusement, she probably planned it that way.
“If not coffee, can I get you a cold drink? Soda? Iced tea? Water?”
Matt closed the door and came up behind Lindsay. Dipping his head, he inhaled her scent. She’d showered recently and used that citrus body wash he liked. If he closed his eyes, he could almost see the white, foamy suds spilling down her naked breasts. Feel the luxuriant lather between his fingers as he smoothed his hand over the small of her back and the rounded curve of her buttocks.
She turned and started, evidently not expecting to find him so close. “We need to talk.”
Blinking away the vision, he cleared his suddenly dry throat. “I figured as much. We can sit in here or at the kitchen table.” He gestured broadly. “Your choice.”
“Here’s fine.” She took a seat on the far end of the couch, not quite hugging the edge, but almost.
Wise of her to keep him at arm’s length, he thought wryly. Wise, but in vain.
He plunked down right next to her, shoulder to shoulder, thigh to thigh. In part because he found perverse pleasure in unnerving her and also because he might not have a chance to be close to her again for some time. She squirmed uncomfortably, inflating his ego. He recalled the many incidents in the past when his proximity had made her nervous. Some things never change.
“So, what do you want to talk about?” He knew, of course, but played dumb.
“I’m surprised you have to ask.”
“If this is about yesterday, Emilio gave us strict orders not to discuss it.”
“I don’t care what Emilio said.”
Matt cracked a smile. “Out and out defiance. That’s not like you, Lindsay.”
“As if we haven’t broken a dozen rules and regulations already.”
“Yeah”. His abdomen tightened at the memories. “That we have.”
“I refuse to let you take the fall for what happened yesterday. It’s not your fault.”
“It’s all my fault.”
“I hugged you.”
“And I’m the one who wasn’t satisfied with a hug. I’m also the one who attacked Dennis when I could have walked away.”
“He provoked you.”
“Damn straight he did.” The anger Matt had managed to contain all day exploded. “I should have nailed his ass to the wall for what he said about you.”
“You were right not to.”
The acute sadness in her voice had the same effect on his anger as water on flames. “Maybe.” He sighed tiredly. “I don’t want to lose my job and neither does Dennis.”
“You know you’re going to receive a formal reprimand.”
“No less than I deserve. After a year, I’ll petition to have it removed from my record.”
“And you’ll be transferred whether or not your promotion comes through. At the very least, you’ll be reassigned to a different shift.”
He laid his head back on the couch. “That’s a given.”
“I’m going to Emilio,” she said determinedly. “Tell him I encouraged you.”
“I’ll deny it.”
“He’ll believe me.”
“No, he won’t.”
“How can you be so sure?”
Matt’s head came off the couch. “Easy. Because when I tell him we’re sleeping together, he’ll understand why I did what I did to Dennis. He won’t condone it, but he’ll understand it.”
Shock registered on her face. “You’d tell him we’re sleeping together!”
“I will if I have to. He can’t fire us for sleeping together on our own time. Only for touching inappropriately while on the job.”
Now it was her turn to be angry. “It’s not your duty to protect me.”
He reached for her, gently fitting his palm to her cheek. “Let me. Please. I’m not the one fighting for acceptance by my peers.” When she attempted to avert her head, he held her chin and forced her to look at him. “So I got carried away and nearly decked a coworker. I’m hardly the first person guilty of that. And Dennis has as many enemies in the department as he has friends. No one will fault me. But if word leaks that you were in any way, shape, or form responsible, the men will shut you out like that.” He gentled both his hold and voice. “Dennis will have won. Is that what you want?”
He could tell by the tension in her jaw, it required all her willpower to resist arguing with him. She didn’t speak. Not for several moments. Then she said what she’d come there to say from the beginning.
“I’ve been giving this a lot of thought. I think we should stop seeing each other for a while.”
Matt released her and sagged into the couch. Anticipating the words didn’t make hearing them any less difficult. “Are you sure?”
She sagged beside him. “Yeah. I am.”
He hated admitting it, but she was right. As right as he’d been about taking responsibility for the incident with Dennis. “We’re talking temporary arrangement here.”
“Absolutely,” she said with conviction.
“We’re back together as soon as this all blows over.”
“The very instant it does.” She stood and picked up the small purse she’d laid on the coffee table when she first arrived. “I should get going. I’m beat and so are you.”
There was a time, only yesterday in fact, when they’d have gone to bed together, for sleep and other activities. “I’ll call you later,” he promised, walking her outside to where her car was parked in the driveway. Their parting kiss was brief and reserved.
Matt waved goodbye as she drove off, smiling broadly. It took a lot of effort on his part. He didn’t feel much like smiling. In fact, what he really felt like doing was punching a hole in the nearest wall.
~~*~~
MATT HESITATED ONLY briefly before putting pen to paper and signing the official reprimand that would become a permanent part of his personnel file. He didn’t regret assuming responsibility for the incident with Dennis and would do so again if need be. What he did regret was no longer working with Lindsay.
His transfer had come through in record time. Not, however, his promotion. No surprise there. Technically, the reprimand couldn’t be held against him. If an opening came up, he’d be promoted to fill it regardless. But for some inexplicable reason, there’d been a delay in the process. Matt supposed if he toed the line for the next several months, the mysterious snafu would disappear.
He’d wait. Besides, what choice did he have?
“I’m sorry,” Emilio said, taking the paper from Matt and placing it in a file. They sat across from each other, Emilio behind his desk, Matt in front of it.
“What for?” Matt shrugged philosophically. “You’re just doing your job.”
“I can’t help thinking there’s more going on here than any of you are telling me. Care to enlighten me?”
“Not really.”
The older man squinted one eye at Matt. “Is that, not-really-I-don’t-care-to-enlighten-you, or is that, not-really-there’s-nothing-going-on?”
“Take your pick.”
Emilio chuckled, which wasn’t the reaction Matt expected. He hadn’t told the captain about his involvement with Lindsay. There’d been no need because she hadn’t gone to the captain as she’d threatened.
Yet.
Matt knew the burden of guilt weighed heavily on her, and her sense of justice might eventually prevail.
She may be relieved of that burden soon. From the glimmer of suspicion in Emilio’s eyes, the captain had put two and two together and come up with, if not four, something close to it. If he confronted Lindsay, she would, no doubt, confess everything.
Another good reason for Matt to transfer to a different station. If Emilio had guessed he and Lindsay were dating, others would, too. And until the incident with Dennis became a distant memory in people’s minds, they were better off assigned to different stations.
Emilio’s chuckle faded, and he sat back in his chair, scrutinizing Matt closely. “All right. I can’t force you to tell me. But if you ever want to talk, I’m here. I may not be your captain after tomorrow, but I’m still your friend.”
Touched, Matt accepted the offer in the same spirit it had been given. “Thanks. I’m going to miss this place. There isn’t a better crew in the whole department.”
“Even with Dennis?”
“Personality problems aside, he’s a heck of an engineer.”
“Yes, he is,” Emilio concurred, propping his elbows on his desk. “You’ll like Station 147. Kent Leonard is a fine captain with twenty-plus years under his belt. He’s demanding, but fair. He can teach you a lot.”
“So I’ve heard. I’m looking forward to working with him.”
Emilio stood, and Matt did likewise. They shook hands. “Good luck, son. And don’t be a stranger. Stop in and visit when you can.”
“I will.”
Outside Emilio’s office, Matt hesitated. He wasn’t in the mood to socialize. Neither did he relish secluding himself in his bedroom. Heading left instead of right, he ambled into the apparatus room, no particular destination in mind. Booter met him on the other side of the engine, tail wagging.
“Hey, boy. Happy to be home from the hospital?”
The dog whined and stiffly lowered himself to the concrete floor, then rested his head on his front paws. He stared up at Matt with large, doleful eyes.
Squatting beside the dog, Matt scratched him between the ears. “Still hurting, huh? I know how you feel. Me, too. Only my pain won’t go away in a few days.”
The dog nosed Matt’s hand, then licked it.
“You be good, you hear? Take care of Lindsay for me.” Matt rose. Booter didn’t. He smacked his lips and settled in for a snooze. Hearing the clang of metal, Matt turned toward the noise coming from down the hall. He’d assumed Lindsay and Dennis were in the living quarters on the other side of the station, watching TV or busy with lunch preparations. Apparently not.
Someone was in the weight room.
Matt looked back at Booter, sound asleep in the middle of the floor. The dog would never hang out with Dennis. And Lindsay frequently worked out, especially when she was under a lot of stress.
Leave, he told himself. Right now. Before it’s too late.
Being alone with Lindsay was asking for trouble. Especially in his current frame of mind. Saying he missed her hardly described the way he felt. The three days since he’d last seen her seemed more like three years. Her absence created a void in his life greater than the one left by his father, who’d all but ignored him practically since birth. And Matt hadn’t thought that possible.
Disregarding his own sound advice—a stupid move, considering only twenty hours remained until he and Lindsay were no longer coworkers—he traversed the short hall to the weight room and peered inside. She lay on her back on a bench, lifting a barbell high over her head and counting out loud in a strained voice.
“Fourteen...fifteen...sixteen...”
Clad only in gym shorts and a sports bra, perspiration glistened on her upper arms and the narrow band of exposed flesh underneath the bra. He went motionless, careful not to reveal himself. She’d tell him to leave, and he very much wanted to stay. On the count of twenty-five, she replaced the barbell in the frame and sat up, facing away from him. After wiping her brow with the back of her hand, she got up and walked to the stationary bike on the other side of the room. Still oblivious to his presence, she mounted the bike and set the controls. Then she began to pedal, watching her reflection in the floor to ceiling mirror which ran the length of the wall.
From the doorway, he watched her. And as he did, his body responded.
The muscles in her long legs bunched with each forward thrust of the pedals. He knew every inch of those legs from hip to toe. Once, while they were showering together at her house, he’d shaved her legs. Lindsay had laughed, indulging his whim. Neither of them had any idea how far it would go. Her laughter was soon replaced with soft, needy sighs when he parted her freshly shaved legs and showed her just how much he’d enjoyed himself.
The pedals of the stationary bike whirred as Lindsay increased speed. Lifting her arms over her head, she stretched and arched her back into a supple, sensual curve. She’d arched like that for him, too, when, desperate to have her one night, he’d taken her from behind as she knelt on the bed.
Dangerous memories. This wasn’t the time or place to relive the past. Again, he ordered himself to leave before he did something he’d regret.
It didn’t happen. His feet disobeyed and took him straight into the weight room.
She caught sight of him in the mirror. Her arms floated downward, and her legs lost their momentum. He moved forward, weaving his way through the various exercise equipment. Their eyes connected, and he saw in hers the same rising sexual awareness he felt. Embarrassment flashed across her face, and she glanced away.
She’d been remembering, too, he was sure of it. And that certainty made him willing to take risks.
He halted at the treadmill beside the stationary bicycle. Flicking the start switch, he stepped up onto the moving ramp.
“My transfer came through.”
“When?” she asked, resuming her pedaling.
They kept their eyes trained forward, looking in the mirror and not at each other. At that angle, Matt had a perfect view of Lindsay’s cleavage, made plumper by the snug sports bra she wore.
“Effective immediately.” He increased the treadmill’s speed, needing to work off the tension building inside him. It had no effect whatsoever. He could set the speed at sixty miles per hour and it wouldn’t be fast enough.
She gave a small nod, her breathing slightly labored. Whether voluntary or involuntary, she pedaled faster, keeping pace with him. “Where are you going?”
“Station 147.”
“It could be worse. At least you pulled a decent assignment.” Her lips, moist from a recent licking, parted.
“All things considered, I’m very lucky.” Mesmerized by the sight of her, Matt went out on a limb. Way out. “Come home with me tomorrow morning when our shift is over.”
“We agreed to cool it for a while.”
He detected a slight lack of conviction in her voice and pressed her harder. “My transfer’s official. Nothing stands in the way of our dating.”
“It’s too soon after what happened with Dennis. People will think you picked a fight with him because of me.”
“I did.”
She groaned with frustration. “You and I know that, but the rest of the department doesn’t have to.”
“Emilio does.” They were both breathing rapidly, their torsos rocking rhythmically as their legs worked.
“You told him! You said you wouldn’t.”
“I didn’t have to. He figured it out. Sooner or later, so will everyone else.”
“Please.” She looked stricken and vulnerable. “I’m not ready for that.”
“I want you, Lindsay. I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you, too,” she admitted softly.
“These last three days have been hell for me. I can’t sleep because you’re not in bed with me.” His voice deepened to a husky whisper. “Curled up beside me, hogging all the blankets, snoring loud enough to shake the shingles from my new roof.”
“I do not snore!”
He smiled at her indignation. “No, but you hog the blankets.”
Her chin lifted. “You never complained before.”
This time when he spoke, the huskiness in his voice was real. “Hog the blankets all you want, I don’t care. Just come home with me tomorrow.”
“Matt.”
“I promise to make it worth your while.”
She visibly steeled herself. “This is about more than sex.”
“Yes, but you have to admit, the sex is pretty damn good.” He went on, not giving her a chance to reply. “I love making you come, Lindsay. Anyway and every way. You can’t imagine what a turn-on it is for me.”
She lowered her gaze to her chest. His eyes followed, and they both stared at her puckered nipples showing through the sports bra.
“That turns me on, too.” Matt’s groin tightened. “If we were anyplace else but here, do you know what I’d do?”
“What?” Her mouth formed the word, but if any sound came out, he didn’t hear it over the noisy exercise equipment.
“I’d strip off your bra. Then I’d pour strawberry syrup all over your breasts and lick off every drop.”
He sensed a shudder of excitement coursing through her. And though he knew what he was doing went beyond daring and into the realm of total and complete insanity, he didn’t stop talking. “Afterwards, I’d strip off the rest of your clothes and pour syrup on your belly. The insides of your thighs. And onto your throbbing clit.”
“No more.” Panting hard, she dropped her head and closed her eyes. “I mean it.”
He ignored her. Turning off the treadmill, he stepped down and moved to stand behind her. She lifted her head and again their eyes connected in the mirror. Hers were dark and bright, the pupils huge. His were blazing.
He eased marginally closer.
She tensed. “Don’t touch me.” Her request was more of a plea than a demand. “It’s...too much.”
Without realizing it, Matt’s agenda had changed. Initially, he’d wanted only to convince her to accompany him home in the morning. Now, he wanted to—no, needed—to make her comprehend the full extent of their feelings for one another.
“I’m not going to touch you.” To prove it, he gripped the sides of the stationary bike seat with both hands. Then he lowered his head so that his breath fanned the back of her neck. “I’m just going to talk to you. Simple oral communication.” He tilted his head to one side, finding a new spot on her neck to torment. “And we both know how good I am at oral communication.”
She made a small sound of protest. “Go away, Matt.” Her voice shook.
“I will, if that’s what you really want. Is it?” He blew on her hairline, ruffling several loose tendrils.
She bit her lower lip, not answering.
He waited; every muscle stretched and ready to snap.
At last, her shoulders slumped, and she threw back her head.
That was all the invitation he needed.
“Put your head down. No, look at the mirror, not at me. And whatever I say, don’t stop pedaling. Do you understand?”
In response, she pedaled faster.
“Sit down on the seat, hard as you can. Does it feel good? Is it anything like having me between your legs?”
She nodded.
“Move your hips. Back and forth. Hug the seat with your thighs. That’s right, baby. Perfect. I want to you think about the first time we made love. Do you remember?”
“Yes,” she answered in a hoarse whisper.
“So do I. I think about it constantly. What it was like to be inside you. How tight you were. And hot. Like you are now.” As if pulled by an invisible magnet, she leaned back into him. There were as close as two people could be without actually touching.
“You rode me that night,” he went on, using words to caress her instead of his hands, “just like you’re riding this bike. You wrapped your legs around me and squeezed. Do it again. Squeeze the bike seat like you did me.”
She climaxed immediately. Watching her in the mirror, Matt almost lost control himself. Her jaw clenched, holding back her cries. A rosy flush colored her cheeks, her neck, and the top portion of her breasts not covered by the bra. Goose bumps covered her bare arms.
He put his mouth to her ear. “Sweet. So sweet.” Her climax subsided and to Matt’s surprise, Lindsay was crying. “What’s wrong, baby?”
She reached behind her and pushed at him, dismounting the stationary bike. “Oh, God.” Her hands flew to her face. “I can’t believe what we, what I just did.”
“Lindsay, please. Don’t feel bad.” He touched her then, turning her to face him. “It was fantastic. For me, too.”
His reassurances didn’t calm her. “What’s wrong with me? How could I let you−” She jerked away from him. “How could I let myself do something so incredibly stupid?”
“It’s all right. No one saw us.”
“But they might have. We’re already in enough trouble as it is. You especially.” She put a fist in her hair and tugged. “I need to go.” No sooner had she started to leave, then she stopped dead in her tracks. Her rosy cheeks paled.
“You two in here?” Emilio hollered, entering the weight room. “Lunch is ready. Didn’t you hear me?
Dennis brought up the rear. He didn’t bother hiding his suspicions or his contempt when Lindsay barreled past them, muttering an excuse about changing clothes.
“What’s with her?”
“Everything okay?” Emilio asked his tone concerned.
Matt met them halfway across the room, scratching his head as if perplexed. “We were talking. I told her about my transfer. I didn’t think she’d get so upset about it.”
Dennis rolled his eyes. “Women.”
Emilio, his expression curious, glanced at the door, then at them. “Well, lunch is ready if you’re hungry.”
“I am a little hungry.” The ball of tension inside Matt relaxed. Emilio and Dennis appeared to buy his story.
They all three headed down the hall and into the apparatus room. Booter was gone, presumably with Lindsay. On the other side, Matt took the left doorway toward the bedrooms. “I’m going to wash up before lunch.”
He found Lindsay in the laundry room and cornered her as she was loading the washing machine. “I know you’re upset.”
“You have no idea.” She slammed the lid down and punched the knob. The machine sprang to life, the loud rush of streaming water echoing off the walls.
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m not mad at you.” She tried skirting past him, but he blocked her.
“The hell you aren’t.”
“No, I’m not,” she said decisively, putting a safe distance between them. “I’m angry with myself. And shocked. And ashamed.” Fighting tears, she covered her eyes with her hands.
This wasn’t going according to plan. Matt searched for the right words to say. “Lindsay—”
“It’s over between us.” Her hands fell away, revealing a face set in stone.
“You can’t be serious. Because of what happened in the weight room? So we got carried away.”
“Not we. Me. I got carried away.” Hugging herself, she paced the room. When she spoke, her voice cracked. “My life has gone berserk ever since we started seeing each other, and it scares me. I don’t understand the things I’m doing, the chances I’m taking. And I especially don’t like the person I’ve become.” She came to a halt, her back to him. “I’ve worked so hard to get where I am, and I won’t throw it all away. Neither should you.”
He knew then he was losing her and like a drowning man, grabbed at anything that might keep him afloat.
“We’ll get through this. Once I’m transferred—”
“That won’t make any difference. We could work in different fields, on different planets for that matter, and I’d still lose my head around you.” She sniffed and ruthlessly shoved the hair back from her face. Turning around, she said, “We’d better make an appearance before Emilio and Dennis come looking for us again.
“I love you, Lindsay.” He reached for her.
She retreated beyond his grasp. “I love you, too. I think I always have on some level, and I probably always will. But that doesn’t automatically make us good together.”
“You’re wrong about that.”
She didn’t answer. The pain in her eyes spoke for her.
With a small shake of her head, she fled the room and left Matt alone to wallow in the ruins of his own making.