Chapter11
Hazel
“Hey, Mom.” It was a Sunday afternoon and Hazel was at her parents’ house for a big family lunch. She hadn’t been to the last two and she knew that it was because she was afraid to tell them about Damien.
“Hazel! I’m so glad you’re here. We’ve missed you, my darling. You’ve been working too hard. Nobody should work on a Sunday you know. Come in; come in. Everyone is dying to see you.” Hazel’s mother acted as if they hadn’t seen her years, rather than simply a few weeks.
“Hey, guys,” Hazel said to everyone when she got inside. They were all sitting in the lounge eating snacks and pouring drinks. “No kids today?” she said to Mark and Theresa who each held a huge glass of wine in their hands.
“Nope. Where’s Ben?”
“He’s with Rachel. Willow asked if he could come over.”
“Ah, then you have to join us. It’s not often that we get these drinking opportunities.” Mark poured her a big glass of wine and she took a grateful sip.
“I see you kids don’t care about getting drunk in front of your parents anymore,” her dad noted.
“No, now we just don’t want our kids seeing us drunk. Is this what you and mom used to do whenever we were at a sleepover?” Mark asked their father.
“You’ll never know, son. You’ll never know. Now pour me a glass of wine, too.”
“So, Hazel, you’ve been quiet. I hear you’ve been working hard. I didn’t think teachers worked on weekends,” Mark asked her and Hazel could swear that he was onto her.
“Well, you know me, I’m dedicated.”
“Well, I’m glad you’re here. We’ve missed you,” Theresa said and they all raised their glass in cheers.
Hazel tried to forget about everything that had been happening recently and concentrated on just spending some quality time with her family.
They were three glasses of wine in when her mother asked, “So Hazel, I heard through the grapevine that you went on a date recently?”
Hazel nearly choked on her wine. “What?”
“Yeah, some parent of one of the kids you teach?”
For a second Hazel had thought she meant Damien. “Oh… uh… Travis. Yeah, but it didn’t work out. He’s nice and all but just not my type. But we had a good evening and it was good to get out.” She shifted uncomfortably in her seat and wondered if they could see how nervous she was.
“Well, that’s okay, as you say, it’s good you got out,” her mother said.
Hazel could feel her brother’s eyes digging in her. He knew something was up.
Finally she sighed. “Well, there’s something else that you should know.”
“I knew there was something else,” her brother said.
“Uh… Damien is out.”
“What? Out? Of jail you mean?” her father said and he looked as if he were going to bolt out of his seat.
“Calm down, Robert. Let’s hear her out.”
Hazel felt all their eyes on her and she wished that she hadn’t said anything. “He got out on good behavior. And… uh… he knew about Ben. He said it was what got him through those two years. Knowing that he had a child.”
“You’ve spoken to him?” This time it was her mother’s turn to act surprised.
“I have. I’ve seen him a few times and he’s met Ben. And no, nothing has happened between us. And yes, I’ve been very careful and very wary of him. But I also heard him out. I listened to him and I’ve given him the chance to get to know Ben. Ben loves him. And he really is doing his best to change. What happened was all in the past. He was involved in some bad business before but when we were going out, that was all over. Someone came and asked him a favor – some guy who had saved his life once – and he had gone because he thought that he owed the guy. Long story. As it turned out, he ended up in jail and the other guy got away. He’s not that same guy anymore. He’s different. And I’ve enjoyed spending time with him.”
“Hazel,” this time it was Theresa who spoke, “are you in love with him?”
“What? That’s absurd!” This time her dad really did get out of his chair.
“Robert! Sit down.”
Hazel looked at Theresa. “I don’t know,” she finally admitted.
And then, for the first time in a long time, she felt the tears streaming down her face uncontrollably. Theresa got up and took her hand.
“Come on, Haze, let’s go outside.”
Hazel followed Theresa outside and she was glad to see that nobody had followed them. Theresa took her hands.
“Haze. I’m so glad that you told us. This is a lot for you to be going through on your own. Have you told anyone else?”
Hazel nodded. “I told Rachel.”
“Good. That’s good. You must talk about this. And we’re your family, okay? I took you outside because it’s easier for me to understand than for them to understand. They’ll come around. They will always be your number one supporter. They’re just worried about you, that’s all. Don’t let that stop you from telling them things. Now, let’s talk about Damien and what this all means.”
They spoke for a while and it felt good to let it all out – the way he made her feel but the way she wasn’t sure if she was doing the right thing. How desperately scared she was at getting hurt all over again.
Finally, once she’d said all that she had to say, Theresa looked at her. “Have you told him all of this?”
“No.”
“I think you should. Also, I think you should consider going to see someone. Together. I know you’re probably the type of person that thinks that kind of thing is a waste of money and that you can sort it all out on your own – but it helps, you know, to talk to an outsider. And this thing is bigger than the both of you. It will help to give you some of the direction you need. Can I tell you something, Haze?”
Hazel nodded.
“Your brother and I went for a few sessions. We might be in a good place now, but we weren’t always. In fact, we almost didn’t make it. Speaking to someone gave us so much clarity. Here, take down this number and give her a call. Just try it once.”
“Thanks, Theresa. I will. And thanks for telling me all of that. I love you.”
After that, Hazel went back inside and was surprised when her father announced, “We’ve all spoken about it and we’ve decided that we will support you. We think you need to be careful. And we also think that if you do decide to give that man another chance that he will have to come and see us. I have a lot of things that I want to say to him. But Hazel, we love you. And you can always talk to us. Now, how about we stop talking about serious things and start eating. Oh and I need a top up.”
And that was that.
When she got home, she sent Damien a message.
Saw family. Told them about you. They want to see you. Theresa suggested that we go for counseling. She gave me a number. Would you go with me?
She got an immediate reply.
Does that mean that you are thinking about giving us another chance?
She smiled. Yes.
A few seconds passed and another message arrived.
Then of course I’ll go with you.
***
Dr Marianne Wright had a kind face. Hazel supposed this was normal in her line of work. She couldn’t imagine going to see a counselor that was always scowling. She wondered if she had always had a kind face or if that had come after years of dealing with other people’s problems. She looked to be in her mid-forties and was wearing jeans and a nice vest – ‘smart casual’ Hazel supposed – again, Hazel wondered if her attire had anything to do with years of working for problematic people. It was always good to look approachable when trying to solve a problem. But despite wondering whether or not Dr Marianne Wright was being real – Hazel liked her.
She took them to her office and offered them coffee or tea. They declined. This was unlike both of them so she assumed that Damien was just as nervous as she was at that moment.
“Thank you so much for coming in today. The first session is always the hardest simply because you don’t know what to expect. Also, it’s usually just one that wanted to do this while the other one was swayed. Or the decision to come and see someone was suggested by a friend or family. Am I right?”
Hazel nodded. “My sister in law suggested it. Actually, she highly recommended you. Theresa Rose. Although she might’ve been Theresa Porter when she came. I’m not sure.”
Dr Wright smiled. “Theresa. Of course I remember her. How is she doing these days?”
Hazel doubted very much that Dr Wright would remember her. It was years ago and surely she would’ve seen many clients in that time. Hazel started doubting now whether Dr Wright was as real as she seemed to be. “She’s doing very well.”
“And how are her kids? Golly, what where their names? Shaun and Ella?”
Whoa! She was for real. “Emma. They are still as cute as ever but growing up too quickly.”
“Ah, well, now let’s not focus on them. We’re here to talk about you. Now, can you tell me exactly why you are here? Hazel, would you like to begin?”
Hazel took a deep breath and launched into meeting Damien for the first time and then stopped on the day that he deserted her. She felt the tears spring to her eyes and Damien took her hand and squeezed it.
“It’s okay, Haze, I’ll tell her the rest,” Damien said and Hazel listened as Damien told her how he had gone to jail and how the two of them had reconnected when he got out. He told her all about meeting Ben for the first time and what it had meant to him. And then he looked at Hazel and then back at Dr Wright and said, “And now we are here.”
Dr Wright sat back in her chair, assessing them. “Wow, that’s quite some story. Look, Hazel, Damien, it’s obvious to me that you are both in love with one another.” Just hearing her say that out loud made Hazel smile. “You were in love before all of this happened and now you’re not sure how you feel. But the love is still there. I can see it and you can feel it. But this is not an easy one to deal with. There is a lot of hurt to deal with and Hazel, even if you think that you’re okay with it, you’re going to have trouble trusting Damien. This is inevitable. And it’s not a bad thing. This is just life. And Damien you’re going to be tip toeing around Hazel trying to make sure that you don’t upset her again. But of course you’re going to upset her. Again, this is life and we’re only human. Do you agree with me so far? Remember, you can disagree at any time. This is an open discussion.”
Hazel and Damien both nodded and said that they agreed with her. “Now, there are ways of moving forward and looking beyond all of this. The most important thing is that you are going to have to take things slow. Very slow. You need to remember that there is a child involved now – it’s not just your feelings that are going to get hurt if things go wrong. And Damien, allow yourself to be real in front of Hazel. Show her your emotions and by all means show her your faults. Hazel, you’re going to have to try and trust Damien, even if it scares you. I’d love to see you both again – but separately. That is totally up to you. If you want to, then just make an arrangement with my secretary. But if I don’t see you again I’ll just remind you now – take it slow. You guys can have something special here.”
Theresa had been right. Hazel did feel better after speaking to Dr Wright and from the look on Damien’s face and the way he held her hand afterwards she had a feeling it had been good for him, too. For a while they just walked home together in a happy bubble, nobody daring to say a word. She was just about to ask him to come to her place for dinner when her phone rang.
“Hello?”
“Hazel. It’s Angela. I know that you’ve finished work but I desperately need your help. I really hate to ask you this.” Angela worked at the after care at the school and the two of them were good friends.
“Of course. What’s up?”
“I’m feeling so sick. Sick like I’m actually going to puke on one of these kids sometime very soon if I don’t get out of here. I’ve been holding it in for far too long and I’m not sure I can anymore. I know you’ve finished work but I called two of the other teachers and they said they can’t make it. I know you live close. It will only be for a few hours until all the parents come. That’s all.”
“Of course I can help. I’m glad you called me. I’m not far from the school at all so I’ll be right there.”
“You’re a lifesaver Hazel.” Poor Angela sounded so relieved.
“What’s wrong?” Damien asked when she put down the phone.
“I have to go help out at the aftercare for a few hours. Angela, one of the girls who works there is so sick and needs to go home, so I said I’d help her out. Oh no, Ben. I totally forgot that Rachel is bringing him home soon. Okay, I’ll go fetch him and take him with me. I’ll have to phone Angela and tell her to wait a little longer.”
“Hazel, I can look after Ben,” Damien suggested.
“No, no. Don’t be silly. Ben can come with me.”
“I have a feeling it’s not going to be easy looking after all those kids while still looking after your own. And by the sounds of it, this Angela girl can’t wait much longer. Come on. You can trust me. Remember what Dr Wright said. Plus, it will be fun.”
Hazel considered this. It didn’t actually seem like a bad idea and she knew that Ben would be happy. “Are you sure?”
“Of course!”
“Ah, thank you Damien. I really appreciate it. Okay, here are my keys. I’ll meet you at home later. Hopefully the parents don’t take too long. And I’ll let Rachel know so that she doesn’t get the shock of her life when you open the door.”
Hazel rushed off and quickly phoned Rachel to let her know.
“Ooh, so I finally get to meet the delectable Damien?”
“I knew you’d say that. I had a feeling your curiosity would get in the way of you telling me that it was a bad idea.”
“You know me too well. I have been dying to get a good look at this man for quite some time now. But listen, are you sure you don’t want me to keep Ben a little longer. I don’t mind you know.”
“It’s okay. I think it will be good for Ben. And Damien. Also, I went to see a counselor. We both did. We have literally just come from there now.”
“What? Oh wow, that’s big news. And? How was it?”
“It was good. But I’ll tell you everything over coffee tomorrow rather. I have to run. I’m almost at the school. Poor Angela might be throwing up on those kids already.”
“Oh dear. Okay. Chat tomorrow. And Hazel… I’m glad you’re talking to people.”
“Thanks, Rach.”
Half an hour later and Hazel got a message from her.
Goodness, he’s gorgeous. No wonder you like him. Also, he’s obviously smitten for you. I hate to admit it but… he actually seems nice.
Hazel smiled. He was nice. But it was always good to hear it from someone else too. She spent the next two hours looking after the kids and waiting for all the parents to arrive. She tried not to get annoyed at those that were late because she knew that some of them just couldn’t help it. The whole time she just couldn’t stop thinking about Damien. And Ben. Damien. And Ben. Damien sent her at least four messages in those two hours letting her know that everything was fine. She was grateful for that.
When she got home she knocked on the door. It was strange knocking on her own door and even stranger when Damien answered. He smiled at her.
“Everything okay?” she asked and looked around for Ben.
“Everything is good. We played. Then I made him something to eat. And then I put him to sleep.”
“What? He’s sleeping? Seriously? He’s not normally good when it’s not me putting him to sleep. I’m impressed Damien.”
Damien laughed. “Me, too, actually. I surprised myself. I think it was our mutual love of dinosaurs that put him at ease. That boy has quite the imagination it seems.”
“That he most certainly does. So, I hear you met Rachel.”
“I did. She had a lot of questions.”
Hazel giggled at the thought of Rachel interrogating him. “I’m sure she did. I’ll have you know that she approved of you.”
“Oh really? Well, that’s good.”
“Hey, what smells so good?”
“Oh, I figured you might be hungry when you got back.”
“You made me dinner?”
“Correction – I made us dinner.”
Hazel couldn’t believe it. “Thank you, Damien. I’m starving.”
“Well then, come right this way.” He took her hand and led her to the dining room where he had laid out a table for them already. In the middle was a candle. “Now, we’ll have to be a bit quiet – so as not to wake up the boy. But from the sounds of things, he’s quite a heavy sleeper.” They laughed as they could hear him snoring.
“Oh yeah, we could have the TV on full blast and he wouldn’t wake up. Wow, so what did you make?”
“Only the best for you. And a firm favorite of ours. A delicacy if you must. Spaghetti and meatballs of course.”
Hazel laughed. “Ah, the famous spaghetti and meatballs. The aim is to not get any in my hair this time though.”
He brought out the food and the two of them ate and drank a glass of wine. It was by far one of the most romantic things that anyone had ever done for her. Also, the food was delicious and she told him so.
“Yes, yes. It’s one of my many talents.”
“Oh really? So what else can you cook?”
“Hmm… let’s see. There’s spaghetti and meatballs.”
“Right, you’ve said that one already. What else?”
“Oh yes. Spaghetti and meatballs.”
She giggled. “Rather be a master of one than a master of none.”
“Rather have an ass, than spend all your time in a fitness class.”
She giggled again. “Your words of wisdom are so much more profound than mine.”
“I’m glad you liked it.”
“Actually, I like you.” She was surprised to hear the words come out of her mouth. Damien had stopped eating and was looking at her so she guessed he was surprised, too.
“Well, I like you, too, Hazel Rose. Very much.” Then he took a piece of spaghetti and let it hang from his mouth. “Do you still think I’m handsome like this?”
Hazel laughed so hard she almost dropped her wine glass on the floor. “Not so handsome like that. But still very much cute. Oh yes, very cute indeed.”
After that she changed the topic because she was desperately aware of how much they were flirting. They finished the food and then sat together on the couch with another glass of wine. It seemed they just never ran out of things to say. The light was dim and in the distance she could still hear Ben breathing deeply. Everything in that moment suddenly made her happy and she reached over and took Damien’s hand.
“Thanks for everything.”
“What do you mean? The dinner was no big deal.”
“Well the dinner, yes. But also the way you presented it to me. And the way you looked after Ben today. And the fact that you came with me to see Dr Wright. And the way you are trying so damn hard to show me that you are different. And the fact that you have the coolest job in the world. Just thank you. This is one of the hardest things that I’ve ever had to deal with, but you’re certainly making it easier.”
“I love you, Hazel. I fell in love with you a long time ago. And seeing you again just makes me realize it a hundred times over. I love everything about you. I love that you gave me a chance. That you listened to me. I loved that before any of this happened you saw something inside of me that I haven’t even yet seen in myself. I love what a wonderful mother you are. I love how funny you are. I love it when you get spaghetti sauce in your hair.” He reached over and pulled some sauce out of her hair and she laughed.
“I did it again.”
But then, before she could say anything else, he reached over and started kissing her. And Hazel knew that she should pull away but she also knew that she wouldn’t. She couldn’t. She wanted him more than anything else in the world. It had been two long years without him and her body ached for him now. She put down her glass of wine and then took off her top.
“Are you sure?” he whispered and she loved him even more for asking.
“I’m sure,” she whispered back and she took off his shirt, too.
It didn’t take long for them to both be completely naked on the couch together. She lay on top of him and felt her body flat against his. His arms were around her and he was moving them up and down against her body. She could feel him harden against her and she moved down so that her mouth was around his penis. She felt his hands on her head as she sucked him over and over again. Then he reached down and pulled her back up on top of him so that his mouth was over hers once more. Then he retrieved a condom from his wallet and handed it to her. This made her laugh. She put it on and then moved back on top of him, easing him into her. His hands were all over her as she rocked back and forth. As his hands cupped around her breasts she felt a shudder as she came over and over again. He put a hand over her mouth so that she wouldn’t scream and then she watched as he came, too.
“Well,” Hazel giggled, still lying naked on top of him, “so much for listening to Dr. Wright and taking it slow.”
“I have an idea,” Damien said.
“Yeah?”
“How about we do take her advice?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean… let’s do that all again. But let’s take it real slow…”
Hazel smiled. “Well, it’s only right that we listen to doctor’s orders.”