Divulging the whole truth about Roger was difficult. Allie had never told anyone the truth about the day he died, apart from her parents. It was like admitting to being a failure and she didn’t want to see the pity and possibly the understanding in people’s eyes.

She wriggled on her chair and pressed her nails into her palms but Chris took her hands again and held them tight. His touch was reassuring, anchoring her to the moment.

“Right. Here goes.” She swallowed hard. “Roger and I… well, things weren’t as perfect as they might have seemed to an outsider. I told you before that we’d drifted apart and that things weren’t that good between us, but I suppose I didn’t admit exactly how far.”

She scanned his face.

“Anyway, he uh—” Her voice wobbled.

“You can tell me.” He squeezed her hands.

“The night he died…” The room swayed and Allie was hit by a wave of nausea. “Look, Chris, I don’t want the children to ever find out about this. They lost their dad once and I don’t want them to lose him again. Perhaps with them being the age they were, they wouldn’t have been that bothered about us splitting up, but I didn’t want to risk hurting them.”

He shook his head. “This is between you and me. I promise I won’t tell a soul.”

Allie nodded. “Roger was leaving. I sometimes wonder if he waited until Mandy and Jordan were a bit older, or if he just got to the point where he couldn’t take any more. Jordan was at a friend’s house and Mandy was already away at university. After he got home from work, he got his bags out of his wardrobe – he’d already packed them you see, something I hadn’t known at the time. We’d had a bit of a row that morning but I thought we’d sort it out or ignore it as we usually did. You know, we never cleared the air properly after an argument; it was always left to simmer and nothing was ever really resolved. But when he got his bags out, I was distraught. I begged him to stay. Which was stupid and ridiculous, in light of how things were between us, but I was so afraid.” Her cheeks burned with humiliation.

“I’m sorry.”

“Not so much about being alone as wondering how I would provide for Mandy and Jordan. How would Mandy manage with university fees and how would I keep a roof over Jordan’s head? How could I give them a good life when I didn’t have a job? Hadn’t had one for years because I’d given up work to keep house. And according to Roger I didn’t do that very well. My confidence was shattered.”

“Didn’t he reassure you at all?”

“He said he’d sort out some money soon, that there was enough in the bank account to cover the month’s bills then he’d make sure he put more in. He said he’d see Mandy right, but I didn’t know whether to believe him. About any of it. ” Her stomach churned. “I said I’d do anything if he stayed but he just looked disgusted. I grabbed hold of his arm and he shook me off. Then he delivered the ultimate blow.”

Chris shook his head. “He didn’t hit you, did he?” A muscle in his jaw twitched as if he was holding back his anger.

“No. He wasn’t physically violent. But he told me he couldn’t bear to spend another night under the same roof as me, that I repulsed him with my… my saggy body and hideous clothes. That I never made an effort anymore, and he hadn’t even wanted me that much in the first place. I was horrified, Chris. I didn’t realise the full extent of his animosity towards me. Then he told me about her, the woman he was leaving me for. Younger. Slimmer. More suitable for his lifestyle than I’d become. He said she was perfect.”

“What an utter bastard. That’s totally unforgiveable and if he was around I’d happily give him a piece of my mind.”

Allie sighed then rolled her shoulders; keen to dislodge the tension that was building there. She’d managed to keep all this inside for so long by pushing it away and pretending it was all a bad dream.

“So I let go and went back into the house. I heard his tyres screeching as he drove away and that was the last time I saw him. Until… after…”

Chris nodded. “I read the newspaper reports and saw the pictures on the news.”

“It was terrible. A horrific motorway pile up. He didn’t stand a chance.”

“Bloody hell!”

“I assume he was on his way to meet her.” She waved a hand dismissively. “Probably off to a hotel or a night out. Whatever. It doesn’t matter really.”

“So you never told Mandy and Jordan that Roger was having an affair.”

“Nothing at all about it. I just said he was meeting some colleagues that night and that’s why he was on the motorway at that time. I guess I hoped they wouldn’t find out by any other means. Seeing as how he was dead, there was no point making it even harder for them.”

Allie lowered her eyes and gazed at her hands, enveloped within Chris’s.

“I think it’s amazing that you didn’t tell them, that you protected them like that.”

Allie shrugged.

“I’m their mum. I’m all they had left. Why would I hurt them?”

“You wouldn’t. You have a heart of gold, woman.”

“I don’t know about that. I’ve cursed him so many times and burnt a few cakes as I’ve lost myself in daydreams where I walked out the door before he could. My favourite was one where I didn’t cling to his arm and beg him to stay. If I’d only been stronger and not so afraid of failing. My parents have such a happy marriage and I wanted that too. After I got pregnant and I thought I couldn’t pursue the career I’d always wanted to, the only thing I could do was try to make a go of it. And I hate that memory of me clinging to him; it’s like, why didn’t I have any pride?”

“I don’t think you did anything that most people wouldn’t do. Your world was falling apart and you tried to hold it together. Out of fear for what it meant for your children more than anything. There’s no shame in being afraid of change and of losing the life you’ve had for so long. It’s a pretty scary prospect.”

“Thank you. I saw her afterwards… the other woman. At the funeral.”

“That must have been awkward.”

“To say the least. I knew it was her because she was broken. She sobbed all the way through the service then couldn’t meet my eye at the graveside. She was beautiful, exactly the type of woman he would have wanted. She’s probably gone on to live a very nice life, maybe even has a family now. Hopefully, it’s a better life than she’d have had with Roger.” She shook her head. “I guess we all have regrets, right?”

“I know I do. But why did you think this would change how I saw you?”

“Well your former best friend was leaving me because I no longer pleased him. It’s hardly an advert for how attractive I am, is it? Then there was the total loss of dignity with the clinging to him and the begging.”

Chris smiled then and some of the tension in Allie’s shoulders loosened. His smile was like the sun when it appeared from behind a cloud: warming, reassuring and extremely welcome.

“You have to give yourself a break. This is all in the past and you are an amazing woman. Look at this business you built all on your own. Look at what a great job you did bringing up your two children. And look at me. I’m back here, still as crazy about you as I was all those years ago.”

His expression became serious then and Allie’s heart skipped a beat.

“What is it?”

“There’s something you should know too. I don’t think I ever would have told you but hearing what a bastard Roger was, I think I can share.”

“I’m listening.”

“You know when we… when we had that time together. That weekend when Roger was away.”

“Yes.”

“When we—”

“Kissed.”

“Yes.”

He stroked her hands with his thumbs; it was gentle and soothing.

“Well when Roger came back, I had a word with him.”

“You told him?”

“I told him I was concerned about how he was treating you. That I was disgusted with how he had left you worried that he was cheating, that I thought it seemed like he was trying to control you by keeping you feeling insecure. I said that he should let you go if he didn’t really want to be with you, and allow you to be happy with a man who could love you as you deserved to be loved.”

“Wow…” Allie shifted on her chair. No wonder Roger had turned against Chris if he’d given him a piece of his mind. Roger never liked being told the truth if it went against his own version of himself.

“He accused me of being in love with you and wanting you for myself. At first, I denied it, but he’d been my friend for a long time. He could read me well. So finally, I admitted it.”

“You were in love with me?”

He nodded.

“Truly. Madly. Deeply.”

“How did he take it?”

“He laughed.”

“He laughed?”

“Then he asked me if I thought I was good enough for you. If I thought I stood a chance. I didn’t tell him I’d kissed you, I knew that would tip him over the edge.”

“He did have a terrible temper.”

“When I didn’t answer, he leaned in close and told me I would never have you. He said that you were his and he’d make sure you had to marry him.”

“Oh god!” Allie gasped as realisation washed over her. “He got me pregnant.”

“I don’t think it was an accident.”

“Nor do I. He told me that night when we… you know… that he’d be careful and I believed him. Stupidly and naively. I should have known better.”

“Roger could be very convincing when he wanted to be. And the thing is… growing up, Roger was my friend. But he was always extremely competitive. If I had something, he had to have better. He did want you, I’m not denying that, but knowing that I cared about you made him want you even more.”

“And over the years, because you weren’t around, that competition wasn’t there anymore, which meant that his desire to keep me faded.”

“I’m sorry, Allie.”

“What do you have to be sorry for?”

“I should have told you sooner or put up a fight for you.”

“Things worked out as they did. We can’t go back and change anything and regret is a waste of energy.”

“Well I’m here now.”

“Me too.”

“And I don’t want to go away again. I want to be with you as I believe I always should have done.”

He got up and came around to her then pulled her to her feet.

“I’m afraid, Chris.”

He cupped her chin. “Of what?”

“That I’m not very good at this relationship business.”

He gazed into her eyes and warmth flooded through her as he gently rubbed his thumb over her lips before kissing her.

“Don’t be afraid. We can do this together.”

“Really?”

He nodded. “You should have been with me from the start. Now… do you want to try this together? See if we can get it right second-time around?”

She pulled him close and kissed him, letting her answer come from deep within.