- NOW -
I was used to spending days, sometimes weeks, without Dad being there, used to seeing him for a few short minutes in the morning before we both had to rush off to work.
I was used to him not being around – physically. But this... this was different.
I missed him desperately. The house felt like a massive oppressive hole without Dad there. Knowing that he was missing, that he could be in trouble... it exacerbated his absence in a way that it didn’t when he was away working. I’d known then – despite my worries – that he’d be coming home soon. I didn’t have that reassurance now.
There were no text messages from him letting me know that he was okay and vaguely filling me in on what he was up to. No little treats hidden away for me to find while he was gone. Nothing.
Losing Dad… it was like losing Mom all over again, except a million times worse. This time I didn’t have another parent to lean on.
It had been two weeks since I’d last seen him. Two whole weeks.
Ignorance was supposed to be bliss. I found it torturous. My imagination conjured up the worst. But while the not knowing filled me with torment, I still had hope that everything would be okay, and that Dad would be found safe and sound.
Kellan was around. A lot. I didn’t really know what to think about that. On one hand, it was a relief to not be alone. On the other, he drove me crazy. Some days it took everything within me to stop myself from strangling him. I was sure he felt the same way – which was why I was always surprised when he came back here at the end of every day. If I were him, I would have long stopped turning up and kept my distance.
We’d never really gotten along, but it seemed like we’d made progress the first few days Dad was missing. We’d reached an unspoken understanding of sorts. But the more time we spent together, the more we inevitably ended up butting heads. At least it gave us something to do and provided an outlet for our frustration.
Axel was around too. In some ways, Kellan’s presence was easier to endure. He wasn’t sympathetic. No. He was determined to find Dad, to find answers. And he didn’t put up with any moping from me. Axel watched me with pity. Treated me as though I might break.
What was even worse was when both Axel and Kellan were around. Axel thought Kellan was too insensitive around me, and Kellan just didn’t care what Axel thought at all. It made for a tense atmosphere around the house – though Kellan seemed to relish in it.
After the trace on Dad’s phone had turned out to be a complete bust, he’d been pensive and withdrawn for an evening. By the next morning, he’d been a whole other person. Focused and formidable, he’d been ready to take on the world.
Kellan had practically moved into the guest room. He was still searching for Archie Chambers, but he also spent far too much time playing babysitter to me – which was infuriating. Neither Kellan, Uncle Luke, or Axel had left me alone for more than ten minutes since Dad had gone missing. And helping to search? Yeah, that wasn’t happening under their watch. What was most aggravating was that Kellan was right. I wasn’t much help. I didn’t have Kellan and Uncle Luke’s connections or leads. The only way for me to help would be if they allowed me to.
The waiting was killing me.
I tried to keep myself busy, which was how I found myself cleaning floors and doing the laundry on Sunday night. A little part of me was hiding out. Axel had been here all weekend, and I needed some space. He was in the living room, working on an assignment on his laptop. He'd reluctantly left me alone when I'd told him that laundry really was a one person job.
I'd ransacked my bedroom and gathered up all my dirty clothes before hesitantly stepping into the guest room to collect Kellan's laundry. It was the least I could do seeing as he was working so hard. There was a lot of laundry to be done. I had neglected the house chores a lot over the past two weeks, and the pile of clothes that needed to be washed had grown exponentially. I was slowly getting back into the swing of things.
I'd gone back to work last week, and I'd gone for the whole week. After taking a week off after Dad first went missing, I’d gone back to work with a vengeance. I'd gone in to see my manager first thing on Monday morning to take on as many hours as I could get. I’d be needing the extra cash.
This month’s bills and mortgage would be due soon, and my meager salary wouldn’t cover everything. Hence, the overtime. I thought I had enough to cover the mortgage and one or two bills for this month. How I was going to pay for food and gas however, I had no idea.
I hummed to myself as I worked, trying to drown out all the stress and uncertainty in my mind. It didn’t work. Folding clothes did nothing but leave my mind free to dwell on things that I'd rather not think about. I could keep myself busy, but often, it was just my hands that were occupied and not my mind.
After folding up a pair of my jeans, I reached for the next item of clothing in the pile, and promptly dropped Kellan's boxers like they were iron hot when I realized what I was holding. I glanced around after that idiotic move, though I knew there was no one around, and quickly placed them in his basket
I rolled my eyes. I was an idiot. There was nothing wrong with folding up his clothes... or touching his underwear. Underwear that had touched his...
Okaaay. I needed a break. And perhaps a lobotomy.
I jumped when my phone rang. Jesus Christ. I was jumpy. Pulling my phone out of my back pocket, my eyes widened in alarm as I took in the caller ID. Speak of the devil–
"What?" I said into the phone, feeling oddly embarrassed.
"Hello, to you, too, princess," Kellan said dryly on the other side of the phone. "What are you doing?"
"Laundry,” I said stiffly, my eyes moving towards his boxers before flitting away again.
"Have you eaten anything?" he asked. A question he'd been asking a lot recently. He’d called me more in these past few weeks than he had in all the years I’d known him.
He called twice throughout the day for seemingly no reason other than to ask me what I was up to and whether I’d eaten. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think that Kellan Reed actually gave a fuck about me. Okay, that was unfair. Kellan wouldn’t have been around so much, he wouldn’t be sticking his nose where it didn’t belong, if he didn’t care, even just a little. But I think that had more to do with Dad than me.
"Yes," I lied.
"What did you eat?" he asked, not missing a beat.
"Axel and I ordered a pizza," I said defensively, though I was lying through my teeth.
“What toppings did you have?"
“I don't know... pepperoni. What does it matter?" I said, irritated.
“You didn't eat," he said flatly. "I'll pick something up on the way back to yours."
“Don't," I said, but he'd already hung up. I scowled at the phone as though my grievance was against it. Taking the fresh load of clothes out of the dryer, I folded them too.
Once I was done, I piled the two baskets filled with freshly laundered clothes on top of each other and stepped out of the laundry room.
Axel jumped up from the kitchen table, where he’d been working, when he saw me struggling with my load.
“Thanks,” I said sheepishly, when he relieved me of a basket and picked up a sock that had fallen onto the floor. “I didn’t want to make two trips upstairs.”
“No problem,” he said, his hands preventing him from signing. “I should get going after this, though. I have an early class in the morning.”
We were coming back downstairs when the front door opened and Kellan stepped in with a pizza box in hand. He must have already bought it when he called. How presumptuous.
He glanced up, hearing our footsteps on the stairs. His eyes touched mine for only a second before they slid past me and tightened infinitesimally as he caught sight of Axel coming down the stairs behind me.
Axel hesitated when he saw Kellan before reluctantly signing, 'I should head back. It's late, and I have an hour’s drive back.’
I grabbed his laptop and backpack for him, and gave him a long hug. I wasn't ungrateful. I really appreciated him coming out here when I knew he had so much to do. Plus, I missed him like crazy during the week when we he was away at college.
'Drive safely,' I signed. 'I'll miss you.'
'I know you will.' He smirked, though it looked a little half-hearted. He didn’t like leaving me alone.
I sighed and hugged him one last time before he left.
When I walked into the kitchen, I saw that Kellan had put the pizza down on the kitchen table and was gathering some plates.
“Alex couldn’t stay?” Kellan said, not looking at me as he took a bottle of water out of the refrigerator for me and some beer for himself.
“It’s Axel, and he had to get back to college,” I told him.
“What a pity,” he said, handing me the bottle.
I glowered at him before I looked down at the bottle in my hand. “Wait a second,” I said, a thought occurring to me. “Where did these come from?” I gestured at our drinks.
Last time I’d checked – which had been last night – the refrigerator had been practically empty. And he certainly hadn’t had anything in his hands apart from the pizza when he’d just walked in.
I walked towards the refrigerator. Opening it, I found it filled to the brim – eggs, meat, and greens. It was packed full of food.
“I went grocery shopping. Have you eaten at all today? I brought all those groceries last night, and you’re only now noticing?” His face was set in a disapproving frown as he pushed the pizza box towards me. “Here. Eat.”
Knowing better than to argue – not with the look on Kellan’s face – one that said, ‘I dare you to fuck with me’ – I began chewing my way through the first pizza slice, swallowing every bite down with water. Kellan leaned back in the chair across from me, sipping at his beer.
“So, did you learn anything new today?” I asked him, after finishing off the first slice with a great deal of effort. I didn’t have much of an appetite. Hadn’t had one in weeks. Everything I ate tasted completely bland and unappetizing. Chewing the pizza was like chewing on tar. My jaw hurt from the effort.
He glanced away, a shadow falling across his face. “No.”
“What were you doing today?” I asked.
“Just eat, will you?” he snapped.
“Okay. Yeesh. There’s no need to bite my head off,” I told him, going back to the pizza. I’d only been curious. I hadn’t been criticizing him.
I sat back once I’d finished the second slice, my stomach feeling uncomfortably full. I really hadn’t been eating a lot lately, and the food had settled uncomfortably in my stomach. I felt like I could be sick at any minute.
He shoved another piece my way, and I stared at him. “No fucking way, Kellan.”
“You’ve lost weight,” he said, brows furrowed. I shrank back self-consciously. I had lost some weight, but I hadn’t thought that anyone had noticed. “You need to start eating better.”
“I will, but I’m not going to be racking on the pounds in one single meal. If I eat any more, I’ll puke,” I said, crossing my arms. Kellan sighed. Looking frustrated, he stood up. “What about Archie, have you managed to track him down?” I asked quickly, aware that I was likely to get more out of him now, when he was tired, than in the morning, when he’d have had some sleep.
“No. Not yet. But it’s only a matter of time. In the meanwhile, stay careful, and stay vigilant,” he said, something he’d already told me a hundred times before. When I opened my mouth to say so, he continued, “It’s better to be safe than sorry. I’d rather not underestimate him. He may or may not be involved with Mario’s disappearance–“
I opened my mouth. “Why would–“
Kellan spoke over me. “–and until we know for sure, we can’t determine whether or not he’s stopped his quest for revenge by using you.”
I thought it very likely that Archie had something to do with Dad’s disappearance. It would be too much of a coincidence otherwise, but Kellan and Uncle Luke were determined to consider all avenues.
This time, when Kellan made to leave, I didn’t stop him.
* * *
One of these days I was going to explode.
I was seething a week later as I paced the length of the living room, my anger growing exponentially every second.
The front door opened, and I spun around, my glare stopping Kellan in his tracks. He hung back, looking wary.
"What have I done now?" he asked carefully.
"You've stuck your nose right where it doesn't belong, that’s what you’ve done!" I waved the letter in my hand. "You paid my bills!" I said, indignantly.
After I’d gotten back from work today, I’d decided to tackle them, thinking that I couldn’t put them off any longer. I’d called the electricity company first – only to be told that last month’s bill had already been paid. The same with the gas, and the phone bill, too.
I’d had a look through some of the unopened post, and the statements had only verified what I’d been told over the phone. It didn’t take a genius to realize who’d paid them.
"Yeah, I did," Kellan said so casually that you’d think we were talking about the weather. He took his jacket off, but kept his gun holster on. In the weeks since Dad’s disappearance, I hadn’t seen him take it off once. He remained constantly vigilant – as though Archie Chambers was likely to walk through the doors any second.
"I had it covered," I told him. "I'm getting my wages in a few days. I would have had enough to pay the bills!”
"And none for food or fuel for your car," Kellan said reasonably. But I wasn't ready to think reasonably. I was too mad.
"I don't want your charity," I hissed.
Kellan straightened, crossing his arms over his chest. "It's not charity," he said harshly, his stormy eyes glinting. "Mario did so much for me... so much more than I ever deserved. I wouldn't be where I was today without him. I owe him. I owe you."
His words, and the emotion behind them, sucked out all the anger in me. I deflated like a popped balloon.
"This is the last time, Kellan. I’ll pay them myself from now on. I’m taking on more hours at work. And I’m going to pay you book for this as soon as I can,” I said, stubbornly. "You have your own bills to pay. You can't pay mine too – especially while you're hardly working."
“I am working.” His face hardened. “And I don’t want you paying me back.”
"Really? How many arrests have you made since Dad went missing?" I asked. "You've spent most of your time looking for him. Don’t do this again."
He stayed silent, not making any promises. I debated pushing him further, but in the end, I decided that the probable headache wouldn’t be worth it.
Axel texted me later on, saying that he wouldn’t be able to make the trip down this weekend as he was having trouble with his car. I tried to dispel the disappointment I felt at that. I’d been looking forward to seeing him all week.
Kellan had planned to follow a lead outside of town, but when he heard the Axel wouldn’t be around, he hesitated to leave me alone.
“It’s okay. I’ll be fine,” I told him. He crossed his arms, looking as though he was debating just staying here with me. With a surge of inspiration, I said, “I’ll go to stay with him. I haven’t gone to visit him in forever. He’s always the one making the trip.”
“You sure?” Kellan asked, not looking as relieved as I would have thought at this idea.
“Yeah. I need to pack, and then I’ll hit the road, too,” I said, warming to the idea more and more.
He slipped on his jacket, his jaw working. “I’ll wait for you to leave.”
I rolled my eyes. “Isn’t Uncle Luke waiting for you? I’ll be fine. I’m leaving in ten minutes. Twenty tops.”
Kellan glanced at the clock, face grim and reluctant. He left not long after, not looking at all happy and as tense as a baseball bat.
I went upstairs to grab some clothes. But as I pulled my old backpack out from under my bed and looked at my closet, I felt overwhelmed just thinking about leaving. I’d gotten back from work half an hour ago, I was tired, and for some reason, the thought of spending the night away sent panic flooding through me.
What if Dad came back while I was gone?
Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew that the likelihood of that happening was slim, but once the thought flashed through my head, it wouldn’t be ignored.
After mulling it over for a while, I put my backpack away and changed into some pajamas for the night. Kellan and Uncle Luke were going out of town – they’d never know that I’d decided to stay home. They were being far too overprotective anyway. It had been weeks, and nothing had happened.
So I stayed. I cleaned the house from top to bottom, shed a few tears as I tidied up Dad’s bedroom, and then settled downstairs onto the couch.
It was hours later, when the sun had long set and the sky was pitch black, that I realized that maybe their fears hadn’t been completely unfounded.
I’d been sitting on the couch, playing my guitar, when I heard the sound of shattering glass echoing through the kitchen.
I wasn’t alone.