Crap, Ash had slept in.
He whirled out of bed and showered, stumbled into his clothes, and jogged to his cleaning gig at Chance’s.
Wind-whipped, he took a moment to message Chance’s personal assistant to call him.
He grabbed his basket of antibacterial sprays and got to work.
Cleaning should not be so fun, but he scrubbed with an untameable grin.
His phone rang. Chance’s PA. He perched on the hard edge of the ceramic bath in the third bathroom, hauled in a breath, and answered.
He quit as Chance’s cleaner.
Later, he’d call the suits. He was taking this dream by the horns and making it his.
* * *
You’re everything.
Stupid how those sex-spurred words Ash had uttered while fucking him had affected River. Nothing in the heights of arousal should count as real.
Yet it put him in a good mood in their afterglow. Too good a mood. He’d tossed and turned the rest of the night, unable to shake it off his mind.
He untangled himself from the sheets and headed to the bathroom. After a shave, he dunked himself under jets of cold water. It smacked a yelp out of him but did nothing to smother this fire burning inside him.
Maybe Lester wouldn’t consider it off-limits if he knew how Ash made River feel. If he knew he wanted more than a fling. He wanted a relationship with him.
He cranked up the heat and washed his well-pounded ass. Ash simply exploded with passion between the sheets. River loved how Ash had lost himself in desire. Loved how furious he’d fucked him. Loved how he’d praised River, murmuring how beautiful he was, inside and out.
Damn. River couldn’t wait to kiss those plump lips and make Ash squirm under him. See how he responded to River’s cock pushing into his tight ass. Slamming over his prostate with every thrust as he held his gaze.
If Ash was ready to admit he wanted to be with a man, then River would stop this pathetic half-fight to keep himself emotionally distanced.
A laugh, that.
He should admit it. He’d damn well fallen for Ash.
It had been something as unbelievable as love at first sight. Or perhaps, intense attraction that had quickly grown out of his control.
He towel-dried his hair, walking into Ash’s empty room. The scent of Ash clung to the air and River could have breathed it in all day.
He caught sight of Ash’s wallet and keys. He’d need them for his next cleaning gig after Chance’s. He could drive Ash if he hurried. River scooped them up, dressed in his room, and drove the two-minute walk to Chance’s.
Sun beaming warmly, he waited outside the millionaire’s mansion, lounging against the side of his silver car.
A familiar Mercedes cruised down the street and turned into the driveway. River straightened at the jerking break.
Chance was back. From a casual fuck, no doubt.
The car door shot open and Chance erupted out of the driver’s seat, not even bothering to shut the door. His eyes landed on River at the curb and he charged haughtily toward him.
He couldn’t fault Landon’s taste in men—at least, physically. Chance dripped with sex-appeal. Not overly muscular, but he exuded fierce confidence and rocked a cocky, dimpled grin.
The grin wasn’t showing up now, though. Chance looked pissed.
River folded his arms. He didn’t interact much with the playboy, and he didn’t care to start now. There were no rules saying he wasn’t allowed to park here.
Chance glared at him. “How many times do I have to fucking say it?”
River froze at the tight anger.
“Stop pestering me.”
“Pestering you?” River parroted.
“I’m not gay. We fooled around, it was an experiment. It didn’t mean anything. I wish we’d never done it!”
Hells. Chance mistook River for Landon.
River shifted his weight as dread sank his stomach. He might think Landon stupid for his unrequited love of the playboy, but he was his brother. His jaw clenched in defense of him.
He wanted to tell Chance to back off and that he’d gotten the wrong twin.
That little detail ached the most.
Landon had poured years of his heart into loving Chance. Had shown up to his basketball games and played the friend role that had turned sour only in the last six months. Landon had been his number one fan.
Chance couldn’t even tell him and Landon apart.
Landon, who wore his hair an inch shorter. Landon, who only ever wore geeky T-shirts over his ripped body. Landon, who drove a forest-green car.
Twins they might be, but they had easy tells.
An unbidden thought had his gut twisting. If he and his twin were side by side, would Ash tell them apart?
If they dressed identically, would Ash know him enough to spot the differences? The way River kicked out his feet when he sat on a sofa, ankles crossed. The deeper creases at River’s mouth. The hundred different ways they spoke with their body?
Chance sighed, snapping his sunglasses off his head. “Stop crushing on me, okay man?”
Over Chance’s shoulder, he spotted Ash emerging from the house. Sunlight played over his tangled hair, and he sported the look of a man in control. A spring in his step. Expression bright and luring.
Amazing Ash with echoes of his beloved best friend.
River was a moth to his flame.
But would he, like Landon, burn?
Was Chance a glimpse into his own future, where Ash yelled at him like this? Worse, yelled at his brother because he couldn’t see their differences?
His fingers absently rubbed his chest. Maybe he should take heed of Chance’s words. Maybe he should follow through on his promise to Lester. Maybe he should stop crushing.
“River!” Ash called, his whole body lighting up when he saw River. Or was that the Riverton imagination? Did he and Landon wish so hard, they saw things that weren’t there?
Chance rocked back as he realized his mistake. But he was arrogant enough to shrug it off. “Pass it on to your brother.”
He twisted on his heel and strode up his driveway.
Ash barely glanced at his employer, gait slowing as he reached the car.
River’s body sparked at the shy smile. Unnecessarily shy, after the intimacy they’d shared last night.
It tugged at the protective side of him that yearned to pull him in against his chest and reassure him last night had been everything.
Chance’s car door slamming shut jarred him back to a sobering reality.
Ash had promised him nothing and made it clear he just wanted to know what being with a man was like.
Hell, Ash hadn’t even kissed him.
“Surprising me with a ride again?” Ash asked.
River worked hard not to croak. “Yeah.” He opened the passenger door for him, then scooted to the driver’s side.
Ash’s phone rang, and he took the call from his sister. River was glad of the excuse not to talk. When the call finished, River responded with nods and hums. Shitty of him, but he couldn’t muster more.
When they reached his next cleaning gig, River double-parked.
Ash glanced at him with a tiny frown, then shrugged. “Thanks for the ride. Chat later?”
“Sure.”
Ash was halfway up the next driveway when River noticed Ash’s keys and wallet sitting in the console. Half a minute, and Ash would realize he didn’t have the keys to enter. In his hurry to gain some distance, River roughly plucked them out.
The wallet opened, cards shooting out of their worn pockets. He cursed and stuffed them back inside. His hand gripped a thick cardboard card. Sofía Pérez. He read her message scrawled over it. “Nice meeting you. Call me.”
His grip doubled on the card, pinching the edges.
A tender ache pulsed in his chest as he slipped it back into Ash’s wallet.
Barely looking at him, he handed over Ash’s belongings.
He clipped his belt tight, and burned rubber getting home.
* * *
River shut the front door with a satisfying slam, then moped into the living room. Landon was in his usual spot, editing at his laptop, and River slumped onto the firm cushions next to him.
What the hell was he doing?
He needed to cut his losses short.
He grabbed a cushion and let its stuffing soak up his exasperated yell.
Landon stopped typing. “Should I ask?”
A short, hard laugh. He’d been so hard on Landon for being a sucker to heartbreak. Had worked so hard to avoid it ever happening to himself.
Then Lester had died.
Now his grandson was having a go at what remained of his heart.
He may as well take up permanent residence on this couch. Wallow alongside his brother.
Cry a River.
* * *
Worn out from work, Ash collapsed on his ratty couch-bed with Chucky and his phone. He thumbed the corner, debating whether to call River. He couldn’t put his finger on why, but something had been off with River this morning.
Ash had thought River would show more . . . enthusiasm at the news he’d quit as Chance’s cleaner and systematically quitting all his jobs.
He’d tossed half a smile and a hum. Almost like River hadn’t been paying attention. Lost in some other thoughts.
Which was fine. He didn’t need River’s reassurance. Sure, he was nervous. Sure, it felt like his world was tilting on its axis.
But he wasn’t doing this for anyone but himself. River had encouraged him, but Ash had to take the gamble.
Chucky purred on his lap, like a confirmation he was doing the right thing. He glanced at the coffee table, where his phone taunted him to call the suits and cancel tomorrow’s meeting.
A shaky laugh pebbled over his lips. He’d cancel for sure.
Love didn’t mean denying himself everything for someone else’s advantage. He was a Heartford and a Mallory. Where one clung and gave too much, and the other left, Ash was determined to find a middle path.
He wouldn’t take the chunk of cash to pay for Danielle’s tuition, but he would move her to a crypt, which was a million and twenty-seven times better than this grot.
He would carry on his granddad’s legacy.
Forge relationships instead of break them.
Keys jangled, and Danielle moseyed in with a small shriek at finding him there. “I was getting used to coming back to an empty apartment.”
“Sorry to disappoint.”
“What you doing home?” She glanced around the room. “Where’s River?”
“Busy, probably.” Uneasiness wormed its way back to the surface of his mind. “I wanted to call him after talking to you.”
“Talk away.”
“I’m not taking the money.”
Danielle sat on their coffee table and palmed his knee. “I guess I thought as much.”
“You did?”
“When you called me while I was at space camp. You were working at Silver Pines, but when we spoke . . .”
“I sounded nervous?”
“Yes. Nervous and happy.”
Ash swallowed a tender lump in his throat, reached out and yanked Danielle into his arms. She collapsed against his chest with a sweet laugh.
“I am nervous and happy,” he said.
“Then screw the money, keep Silver Pines.”
“I can’t pay for all your college expenses. I’ll do everything I can.”
“I know, so will I. You’ve taught me that despite any obstacle the world can throw at us, we can survive. We can become something.”
He hugged her tight.
With precious few good memories, Ash knew this would be something they both remembered.
“Promise me you won’t get pregnant until you’re at least thirty and have a stable job.”
She whacked him over the head. “Promise me you will stop running away from relationships because you’re scared.”
Ash pushed her off him with a grin. “On that note, I have a couple of calls to make.”
He rang the Birch Lagoon suits first. “I’m not selling Silver Pines, after all.”
“We’re willing to up our offer to two hundred and fifty thousand dollars.”
Ash sucked in his breath. “I still—”
“How about you sleep on it and we’ll meet tomorrow afternoon at Zeros as planned. You’re still not interested, fine. This way, my bosses know I did what I could.”
Ash agreed.
Overwhelmed by the sudden possibility of increased cash, Ash called River. It rang through to voicemail, and Ash hesitantly left a message asking if River wanted to meet at Silver Pines after his meeting with the suits.
When he was done, he stared disappointedly at his phone. He’d hoped River would answer, pissed that the suits had dared tempt him once more.
Probably busy.
Later, he sent off a text message asking him how his day was.
River answered. But the response felt . . . clipped.
Ash couldn’t shake the feeling that he was missing something.
River had seemed fine after they’d fucked. Even seemed keen to do it again, and comforted Ash about his desires being natural.
He’d convinced Ash that giving in to his passions wouldn’t drive River away.
So why did he have the curdling feeling that River was distancing himself?
* * *
Morning. Still no call or new message from River.
Ash would not chase. That wasn’t the guy he wanted to be.
With effort, he flung his phone to the other end of the couch. If River showed up at Silver Pines, wonderful. If not, he’d take it for what it was and leave River be.
He dragged himself into the shower and stooped under the low showerhead, wishing the lukewarm water would wash away the crushing disappointment.
After scrubbing his knuckles raw at work, he’d met Danielle at the bus stop and they’d bussed to his meeting at Zeros.
“I’m sorry,” he said over a filter coffee. “I can’t do it.”
Both suits had shown up, and they nodded patiently across the round table. “Three hundred thousand.”
Ash mimicked Danielle, clutching the edge of the table. So much money.
Danielle leaned into him and murmured jokingly. “How much does continuing Lester’s legacy really mean to you?”
He thought of all the letters he’d read between Lester and River. It wasn’t just Lester’s legacy, though, was it? River had grown up in Silver Pines and helped run the place on weekends and vacations. River had hundreds of memories within the chapel’s walls. Even working as a vet, he made time to run the store.
Silver Pines was River’s legacy too.
If he had any emotional connection to continuing to run Silver Pines, it was because he cared for River.
But River was only one part. Ash wanted Silver Pines for himself. He wanted to have a place that wouldn’t get taken from him because he was late on rent. A place that he could call home.
Ash found his sister’s hand and squeezed it. “My final answer is no. I’m keeping Silver Pines.”
* * *
With a ridiculous amount of elation, he brought Danielle to Silver Pines, a duffel bag of their belongings clutched in his hand.
The bell dinged as they entered the chapel.
Ben raised his head and lit up with a surprised smile. “Hey!”
“Hi, Ben. This is my sister, Danielle.”
A glance around the interior revealed no sign of River. He eyed the alabaster window that leaked warm light over the mailbox. He wished River would show up.
His gaze slipped to the ladder on a shelf at the children’s section. He was tempted to climb it. Maybe River would appear like a genie.
He refocused on Ben. “We’re going to put some things in the crypt.”
Ben splayed his hands. “You’re the boss.”
Ash took his time with the tour, only half-enjoying Danielle’s hmms and ahhs of appreciation. He left her to make herself at home and chose a room. Back in the main store, River still hadn’t turned up.
Ash slunk to Ben.
It was already starting. The cracking of relationships.
He should never have added sex to their friendship.
Ben stared at him as if puzzling something together. His gaze traveled from Ash’s pinched expression to his defeated slouch, and the hands stuffed in his pockets.
Ben groaned. “You were hoping to see River.”
“I’m here to move Danielle in.”
Ben narrowed his eyes and shook his head. “Yet she’s in the crypt, and you are in here, perking up at every chime of the doorbell.”
Ash deflated. “That obvious, am I?”
“The particular brand of misery you’re sporting is sadly familiar.”
Ash rang out a hollow laugh. “You said he never had boyfriends. I should’ve guessed it wouldn’t last. Shit, why am I telling you this?”
Ben stared him squarely in the eye, no bullshit. “He’s afraid he’ll end up like Landon, ruined by unrequitedness.”
Ash choked. “Ruined by unrequitedness?”
“Landon fell for a straight guy. Had the whole bi-curious fun and fireworks. Then it fizzled. River has suffered watching his twin suffer. He vowed he’d never to pine for anyone.” Ben winced. “Looks like he pined.”
“He thinks I only wanted fun and fireworks?”
“Worse, he’s thinks you are someone he’ll love with all his heart, only to wake up one day and find you gone.”
Ash filtered through the information again, until he distilled it to the sorest point. River thought Ash would break his heart.
Having “fun” had only ever been an excuse. Ash had been compelled by River. He’d very quickly admired and yearned for something he hadn’t had a name for.
It had never been mere fun he was asking for; it’d been intimacy.
Someone he could share his physical needs with—share his whole world with. No matter how little he had to offer. And River. Roy Riverton could have smiled at anyone, and he had smiled at him.
How ridiculously ludicrous and charming. Both of them were scared of chasing.
River, because falling for a Mallory would hurt him again.
Ash, because ending up like his mom would ruin everything good.
Here was the thing that was dawning on him, though: River needed to be chased. Needed proof what they had wasn’t unrequited. It wasn’t just “fun.” River needed Ash to risk everything.
He rubbed his neck, then turned to Ben. “Do you mind dropping me off at River’s and then escorting Danielle to pick up Chucky from Poplar Low?”
“Anything to help my boy. Um, if we can get it done before I have tightrope training?”