Chapter 30

Janus

Back at the apartment, things are a little tense.

Dani is still upset that I wouldn’t let her blunder foolishly into certain death.

I want to make things right, but I’m sick of the way she tries to rush things.

It puts me on edge. It’s like this is all just a game to her—like I’m just a game to her.

Still, I saw those women and girls. I was moved and upset too, more than she could possibly know.

It’s stuff like this that is part of the reason why I left MI6.

She’s been jittering and jumping around since we got back. Her calm facade broken.

She was swearing at her laptop like a sailor when I suggested that she might like to take a bath or a hot shower to unwind before actually trying to do anything.

For once, she took my advice.

I’m standing in the balcony doorway with a glass of raki in hand, waiting as patiently as I can.

I’m waiting for Mahdi to call me back about additional reinforcements, for Leviathan to call me back with some Intel, and for Eagle to let me know he’s on the move.

A ping tells me that Dani’s received an email.

I don’t know why I open it. I can’t help myself.

I feel myself go cold. It starts in my stomach and moves up to my chest as I read.

Gorgeous Dani,

Long time, no see. It’s good to hear from you.

I’ve been thinking about you recently and that lovely night we shared in Central Park.

You were utterly divine in that little black dress, and such a dream to talk to. There is something irresistible about a clever woman.

Anyway, I digress.

To business.

Yes, I do have some contacts who’ve written on trafficking, although I have to say, it is pretty uncommon to try and actually save the captives. That sounds like something pretty unique to the tenacity I like so much about you.

I’ve sent emails to all of my contacts who’ve written on the industry, telling them you are very important to me and asking them to help you in any way they can.

Good luck and godspeed.

And please keep yourself safe, I’d like to see you back in New York in one piece,

Affectionately, Dave.

Who the fuck is Dave?

Fuck Dave.

Fuck Dani too.

I throw the glass of raki across the room, and the chalky white drink shatters against the wall—just as Dani steps out of the bathroom.

She looks at the shattered mess on the wall and floor and then looks to me, perplexed and concerned.

“Okay, what happened?”

“Who the fuck is Dave?” I blurt out.

A look of knowing flits across her face. She knows I’ve found her out.

“Dave is just a colleague, Janus. How do you know about Dave, anyway?”

“How do I know about Dave? Am I not supposed to? Am I not supposed to know about your real boyfriend, so you can keep milking me for all I’m worth?”

She walks over to me and reaches out for my arm.

I step back with a shake of my head.

She bites her lip and looks worried.

I don’t care.

She gathers herself and speaks to me in the sort of condescending, calm voice you use to speak to an angry child.

“Janus, Dave is not my boyfriend. Dave is not anything. He’s a contact with a crush on me.”

I don’t believe her. I don’t believe this.

“Really, Dani? Would someone who’s just a colleague talk about the ‘night you shared’…about how ‘utterly divine’ you are?”

I mean, she is utterly divine, but that’s beside the point.

She’s fucking playing me.

She takes in a slow, deep breath and goes on full business-mode.

“Okay Janus, I don’t have enough information to assess the situation. Let my read the email.”

She sits down at the computer to read, the frown slowly deepening on her face.

She sighs.

“Okay,” she says, turning around to face me. “I’m sorry you saw this. I’m sorry this happened at all, actually. I’m really…I’m growing really fond of you…and I don’t want things to get complicated or nasty.”

I’m not placated.

I’m wishing I had another glass to throw across the room.

“Dave is a colleague from a rival paper. He’s had a crush on me that I’ve been using to my advantage. He’s a great journalist and well-connected. He’s also far too old for me, and not my type at all.”

She stands up and walks over to me.

She smells like mint and pomegranate.

She puts a hand suggestively on my chest, and I don’t flinch, but I don’t reciprocate her touch either.

“He’s not my type at all, Janus. You’re my type.”

She leans in to kiss me—I’m tempted, so fucking tempted—but I push her away and start pacing again.

Outside, a storm is brewing, blowing away the calm clear day.

How fitting.

“Do you tell that to all the men you use for your work? Are we all the only one, who’s just your type?”

That one hurt her. I can see it in her eyes.

I don’t care.

“No, no. Janus, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about this.”

“About what? About how you’re going to slip off into the night again, the second you can wring me and the Brotherhood dry? About your network of crushes around the world, all wrapped around your little finger? How many of them have you slept with to get what you wanted?”

Okay. I’m getting personal now. I never get personal.

But this is personal.

There’s that pain again, but it lasts for only a fleeting moment, as it gives way to genuine anger now.

Good, let’s both feel terrible.

“Maybe you’re right. Maybe it’s unfair to use guys like Dave. But you have no idea how hard it is to be a woman in the investigative journalism world. I have to use what I’ve got.”

“Like you’re doing with me?”

“No, not like I’m doing with you at all. You are incredibly competent and professional. That’s why I hired you in the first place. I have no doubt that you would be doing your job just as well, even if we weren’t sleeping together. In fact, you’d probably be doing it better, because you wouldn’t be so goddamn worried about me dying all the time. I slept with you because I wanted…you.”

“Oh, so it’s become a liability for you that I’ve begun to care for you? I’m sorry for getting in the way of your efficiency. And how does Dave feel? He’s a person too, you know. Not just a useful contact.”

“Dave can take care of himself.”

“Right, and I can too? I’m so competent and professional. You can just slip out as many times as you like, and I’ll always just bounce back.”

The storm is really starting in earnest now.

We had the windows open to let in the spicy, warm air, and now the hard wind is blowing a different kind of scent.

She sits down on the bed and pats it. Motioning for me to sit next to her—which I don’t.

Her face is soft, which is far, far worse than she was angry.

“That’s not what I meant at all, Janus. You know that. And you know how I feel. How I want more than just a business arrangement.”

I am torn. I don’t know if she’s telling the truth or not.

I have no reason to trust this girl, and every reason to.

Her face is pinched.

I want to kiss that worry away, push her onto the bed and get lost in that body. It would be easy to use sex to just make this all stop and to make me forget this mess, but it would only be temporary.

And I will not be used for a second longer.

“Do you respect me, Dani?”

“More than anyone.” Her voice is quiet, and for once, I truly believe she is being sincere.

“Alright, if you respect me, then I need you to come clean. What am I to you?”

She looks at me with blazing eyes, and inhales slowly.

My heart is pounding.

I realize I am holding my breath.

I feel as if the whole world is holding its breath.