Chapter 32

Janus

It starts pouring the moment I hit the streets.

Thunder claps through the city, drowning out the early evening call-to-prayer.

Lightning flashes from dome to dome.

The streets are rivers of torrential rain.

The whole scene is as dramatic as I’m feeling.

My casual wear is instantly soaked.

Unlike my heart, that’s an easy fix.

I duck under an awning and phone one of Mahdi’s guys who I know is on the ground nearby.

In a few minutes, he’ll have a good suit waiting for me at a trusted bar.

And a good, stiff drink too if I have anything to say about it.

I take the long way to the bar, ducking down side alleys and through bazaars so I can stay untraceable.

It’s a place I like, good local raki, tea strong enough to put hairs on your chest, and sweet shisha smoke obscuring your identity, your emotions—everything.

I could do with some cloudiness right now.

I seem collected—for now.

Angry at Dani—angry at myself, I thought I was smarter than this.

And, let’s face it, I’m heartbroken.

I keep getting images of her lying in bed, her hair all messy and her eyes all big. Or the way her mouth twists and sighs during sex. The hot little way her toes curl.

I jump over a puddle and run through an alley, pulling myself back to the present.

But she’s still there in my mind.

Her eyes glistening angry tears.

Yelling at me to turn the car around.

To risk both our lives in an act of reckless heroism.

Blazing, idealistic and beautiful.

She gets so invested into her stories and those it revolves around.

But she’s incapable of romantic love.

God, I feel like an idiot. I feel used, and stupid.

I slip into the bar looking like a wet dog.

I need that drink.

It’s a den seedy enough for Dorian Grey himself.

I spot Mahdi’s man in the corner instantly.

He has everything I’ve asked for: Armani suit and a proper Mackintosh raincoat. The perfect uniform for an international rogue to travel in.

I’ll stick out like a sore thumb here, but who cares? I’m on my way out.

Five minutes in the dinghy washroom later, and I’m putting my cuff-links in and beginning to feel like my old self again.

My old self, but a little harder. A little more cynical—if that was even possible.

The next step is to get the fuck out of here.

But first, some drinks.

The shot burns, but goes down smoothly enough. The second one goes down even more smoothly. Warming me from the inside.

Well, at least partially warming me.

If I’m gonna make my escape, I better slow down though, I think.

I order my third drink—a glass of the sweet, local wine, and start to make my getaway plans.

First, I have to get Griff on the phone.

“Jackal! My boy! How’s the beautiful, cold journalist with a heart of gold?”

“More like a heart of ice,” I answer dryly. “I’m leaving her here to try to get herself killed again. I need to split the scene. Do you have a job for me?”

“Oh mate, really? Not again?”

I’ve heard that voice before—it’s the same one he uses on Leviathan whenever he gets stood up.

“Oh yes again,” I reply, turning the wine glass around in my fingers. “Same tricks. Different continent.”

“I’m sorry mate. I know how hard it—”

“Save the teenage girl best friend stuff for when I see you, Griff. I’m fine. We’ve seen worse. I just need a job out of this country?”

“For you, my friend, always. An easy one too. No international human trafficking, no wars, no mysterious beautiful women or anything. Just your communal garden businessmen-swindling-businessman. Few documents to forge. Few hands to shake. Few buildings to break into. It’ll be a doozy. In Tokyo too. You in?”

Tokyo is worlds away from Istanbul—perfect!

I get a flash of Dani, standing in the loft without me, wondering who she has to trick or swindle to get those women out of there. I feel a flash of sympathy. I feel a deeper flash of worry.

I shut it down as soon as it rises up.

She made her bed and she can bloody well lie in it.

“I’m in.”

“Great, it’ll be you, Kali and myself. Starts in four days. I’ll have Leviathan send you an encrypted rendezvous point. Now, I gotta go see a man about a dog.”

I hear the line cut.

And then it’s just me, my sadness, my nice new outfit, and my go bag full of secrets. I gulp down my wine and order another.

I hope she doesn’t do anything mad.

Even if she is a heartless monster, I’ll be devastated if she gets hurt.

Maybe I should go back and just check that—

No. No. Absolutely not.

I busy myself looking through my documents.

Fake passport? Check.

Platinum card? Ready.

Okay, time to get Eagle to get me out of here.

A short phone call later and I’m scheduled to fly out first thing in the morning.

Fifteen minutes to construct an exit strategy, I’m pretty good if I say so myself.

The wine agrees.

The storm is still lashing and howling outside.

It’s as agitated as I feel.

I keep seeing her face, illuminated by the Parthenon, smiling and open and warm as we talked about our pasts.

I keep thinking of relaxed she was when she woke up.

The business of the day cast off for a second.

Slow and sleepy and luxurious.

Kissing me deeply and heavily.

That couldn’t have all been fake. Nobody is that good of an actor.

There must at least have been a grain of truth in there. But a grain is just a grain. Not enough to build anything around.

You’re too smart for this shit.

I grip the stem of my wine glass and down it. Is that the fourth for the night?

I’ve lost count.

I need to order another.

Her face keeps flashing before my mind.

Fighting in the loft.

Self-righteous, as usual.

Defensive, as usual.

But something else?

Hurt? Sad? Longing?

She kept reaching for me. She kept motioning for me to sit down next to her.

Why didn’t I sit down?

Because I wasn’t going to be played any longer, that’s why.

I sigh.

The bar seems to sigh with me.

The whole world seems to be wobbly and shaky.

I put this down to the alcohol, and then congratulate myself on my problem-solving skills.

God, I can’t believe I fell for her tricks again.

As if being left to die in South Sudan wasn’t enough.

Am I losing my edge?

No, no, I got smitten and tripped out, that’s all.

But I know better now, I won’t do it again.

I’m getting out of here.

And if Dani wants to get herself killed, that’s no longer my business.