“Are you going in?” Jodi asked when we pulled into the drive at Mom and Ted’s.
She turned my car off and got her things out of the back as I got into the driver’s side to take myself home.
“No. Too tired. I’m heading out. Tell them I said hi and kiss Max for me.”
She was preoccupied, putting her backpack on and lugging out her suitcase. “Okay. I’ll call you later. I had fun.” Then she closed the door to the backseat.
“I’ll call you.” I waved, watching her wheel luggage up the sidewalk.
Before I even got home, I’d received two messages from Mom and one from Becca.
When I finally got everything inside, and basically dumped the contents of my suitcase in the washer, I grabbed a water and plopped down on the couch.
Mom wanted to make sure I was feeling all right since I didn’t pop in, and I replied that I was fine.
Except, I wasn’t fine.
I was drained, but that was normal after a long weekend. Right? Everyone gets the coming-home-vacation-is-over blues.
Becca wanted to show me the dress that she and Jyl found for her to wear to the reception. It looked great, but I wasn’t in the mood, and they were probably on the road home anyway. I responded with a smiley face and tossed my phone on the coffee table.
I didn’t hear from Cord that night, and since there wasn’t anything too pressing that I had to get back to at work, I took the next day off too. I slept in, took a shower, and tried to get back to normal.
I’d successfully only thought about him five or six hundred times when I noticed his text.
CORD: Come over.
God, did I want to, and the odds were good that I’d foolishly end up there sometime that week, but in the spirit of self-preservation, I decided it couldn’t be that night. It was in my best interest to begin putting space between us.
The damage was already there, but if I was smart, I could still put the pieces back together and move on.
I hoped.
Also, I’d obviously worked myself into a corner—booty call corner. Old Dana’s favorite hangout. But even Old Dana wouldn’t have hung out during that week. Period.
Know what I’m saying? That week.
ME: Not tonight.
CORD: Want me to come over there?
CORD: I’ll bring food.
He didn’t make it easy, so I crossed my fingers and did what I had to.
ME: I have a lot of work to catch up on. I’ll talk to you later this week. I’m busy.
Busy riding the cotton pony, holding the couch down, finishing the page in my coloring book, fixing my toenail polish, and going to bed as early as possible.
He sent the fucking thumb.
I turned my phone off.
Those first few days after the lake trip seemed to drag, but as double digits turned single on the countdown to the wedding, things literally got busy. Soon, I didn’t have to make excuses not to see him.
Becca needed help with decorations and guest bags. That’s how I found myself at their place Friday night, putting Jordan almonds in tiny boxes and tying ribbons into bows on them.
“Tomorrow I have my last fitting. Have you picked up your dress? Did you find shoes? You’re leaving your hair down, right?” She fired the question cannon right at my face.
“Hair, down. Got the shoes, broke them in at work already. But I haven’t picked up my dress yet.” My tongue snuck out while attempting bowtie perfection. She’d already scolded me once for being sloppy, but admittedly I’d been half-assing the job.
“Okay, do you want to go with me? Then I want to stop by that place and get a spray tan. Just in case it looks like shit. You know?”
She already had a great glow, but she was a bride and for some reason, brides always wanted to look like they just got back from three weeks in Tahiti. Then again, all the color I’d gotten from the lake was already fading off my pasty, ginger skin. I could use a spray tan myself.
“Sounds good,” I easily agreed. I didn’t have anything else to do.
Just as we were wrapping up, Nolan and Trevor came down stairs, carrying pizzas and beer.
Absentmindedly, I thought about how fun it would have been if Cord was there, but I dismissed it as soon as my idiocy registered.
Trevor’s girlfriend, Mia, showed up about that time, and it was hard not to watch how sweet the teenaged pair were together. She sat on his lap at the table for four and ate as everyone talked.
With everything happening around me, it was easy to zone out. So I mostly drank.
I wondered what Cord was doing.
Was he out on the town? Was he with another woman?
But what claim did I have to him? None.
I’d royally fucked myself.
Like Trevor had heard my thoughts, he looked at his dad and asked, “Why isn’t Cord here?”
Nolan chewed and wiped his mouth. “He had some big thing happen at one of his jobsites today. Something about an accident with a guy on one of his contractor’s crews. He wasn’t home yet when I called him earlier.”
I peeled the pepperoni off the end of the slice of pizza on my paper plate, hoping to appear ambivalent with the mention of his name. However, when our fling was all the way over, and the wedding was behind us, I’d be glad nobody knew we’d been seeing each other.
Reuben laughed and said, “Plus, Lance went to Key West this week. He’s probably worn out. That office looked like a war zone when I was there yesterday.”
Nolan added, “Key West? That guy is a trip.”
“I love him,” Mia defended. She faced Trevor, warmly smiling. “He showed me this makeup tutorial channel on YouTube. It changed my life.”
I felt like I was missing out, not knowing who Lance was, but it was a good reason to keep my stupid mouth shut. Before long, all talk was focused on the wedding again, and the couple’s honeymoon in Greece.
I had to admit, even though I was totally and completely happy for Becca, I was also jealous as fuck. I had to believe I’d turned over a new leaf though. Now that I knew what I wanted, hopefully I’d be able to find someone long-term, for myself.
“I need to go home.” I’d drunk too much, and if I was going to be worth anything the next day, it was time for me to go to bed. Plus, if I had another drink I’d be even more tempted to text Cord, and that was a silly, back-tracking, dumbass idea. Even if I just wanted to make sure he was okay.
While I was digging through my purse in search of Jared the cab driver’s card, Trevor said, “We’ll drive you. We’re heading out too.”
I’d been shocked that the two teenagers had hung out that long, but they were both sober.
It wasn’t a bad offer.
“Will you follow me to her house, baby?” He called Mia baby, and it was the sweetest thing I’d ever heard and seen. Drunk New Dana was a Sappy McSchmoozerson.
“If we can get ice cream,” she waged, but grinned at me swinging her keys in her hand.
He kissed her on the cheek, and she blushed.
“We’re out.” He called out to the others who were sitting around the table.
Nolan pointed at his son and instructed, “Home by one. Good night, Mia. See you, Dana.”
Becca popped up for a goodbye hug, and I swayed as I waved to the rest of them, putting my bag over my shoulder. “Night, guys.”
The young couple followed me outside, and he kissed her again at her car. Meanwhile, I got into my passenger seat and watched them in the side mirror. Not a care in the world.
They had good love.
When Trevor finally got in, I handed him the keys.
“Do you want to go to Cord’s?”
It shocked the shit out of me. Not in a million years had I expected it.
“No. I’m going home.” Leaning forward, I programmed the GPS to my house. “There.” My finger tapped on the dash. “That’s the way.”
“You know, he talked to me about you.” The young man put my car in drive, watching his girlfriend pull up behind us in the rearview.
As he got our convoy on the road, I took a minute to think. Curiosity might have killed me, but I wasn’t about to ask what he’d said. It wouldn’t make any difference at that point anyway.
“Does he talk to you about all of his conquests?”
All right. I knew better, but didn’t have the ability to keep my stupid mouth shut. I blamed Captain Morgan.
“No,” he countered. “I think he’s into you.”
Thank God, the drive wasn’t long and we were almost there. I fiddled with my seat belt and did the best I could to bite my tongue for one more block, but his naïve words hung in the air. I pointed to the spot I normally parked in, happy that it was available.
“Thanks for bringing me, and my car, home.”
I waited as he put it in park, turned it off, and handed me the key fob. Mia pulled up beside us on the quiet street.
When I stepped out, I gave him a minute before locking the doors. The car was parked crooked as all hell, but it would have to do until morning.
“I’m serious,” he reiterated over the roof of my Elantra. “I’ve never seen him like this.”
After a calming breath, and expelling any hope that he knew more about things than I did, I informed him what was up.
“He’s not into me, Trevor. Not like you’re into Mia. He’s into having a girl he can call when he wants to have a little fun, and I just made that easy for him. Trust me.” I leaned to the side, looking around him, and waved at his sweet girlfriend who was watching us.
“Good night,” I said.
When I stepped onto my tiny porch, I noticed a bag on the chair beside my door.
A bag of cheese popcorn. The Royals shirt I’d wore the day we got barbeque. And a note.
Dana,
I know we’ve been busy, but I wanted to make sure you’re eating… even if it is just popcorn, which still isn’t a meal—just so we’re clear. Also, the team is sucking ass this week. So if you could manage to wear this tomorrow, that would be a big help.
I hope you miss me.
Cord
And I did.
It was late, so I took the popcorn to bed with me and only ate half the bag, which felt like a lesson in self-control all by itself. I wanted to watch the next episode of Shameless, but couldn’t do it. Instead, I watched the first one, again, for the third time.
I slept in the fucking shirt. That had to count for something.
The next week was full of last-minute workouts on my lunch break, a trip to the salon for a trim, a manicure, a pedicure, and a wax—while I was at it.
Avoiding Cord, although it sucked, wasn’t too hard to accomplish. Maybe it was because he was busy too, but I hadn’t heard from him much.
The major countdown in my life had changed from days until the wedding to how many days it had been since I’d seen him last.
I hated myself.
He was out of sight, but nowhere near out of mind. I wasn’t going to be as strong when I had to see him Friday night at the rehearsal.
The truth was, I’d been avoiding him because I just didn’t want to face that we were at the end of whatever we had going on, and that just sucked. But after everything, I had to admit, at least I knew what I wanted, which was the whole point of the plan in the first damn place.
One last hoorah. Figure my shit out. Then make it happen.
What I’d learned was: I wanted the hanging out and the inside jokes. I wanted the great sex as much as the commitment. No matter how pretend it was with Cord, my need for those things was very real. That’s why it was so hard letting go of the fun fantasy I’d created.
The rehearsal and the wedding were taking place at The Grand Royale, and I’d decided to get a room for both nights since we had to be back early for hair and makeup anyway. Plus, Becca and Jyl were staying so I figured why not?
When I was dressed for the first evening of wedding festivities, I hung my bridesmaid dress on the hook in the back seat of my car, loaded my suitcase in the back, and headed into the city for the weekend.
Determined to not have a chip on my shoulder, I summoned all the gusto I had. Headstrong to have a good time, be there for my friend, and end things with Cord on a good note.
After all, we probably would be seeing each other in the future, and I hoped we’d be able to stay friends without it being too weird. Or too hard.
Time would tell.
True, I wasn’t going to be jumping into a relationship with anyone anytime soon—it didn’t even sound appealing. So that part of the plan had changed some, but I had to chalk that up to experience.
After finally getting all my things into my room, my cell phone rang.
“Oh, my God,” Becca exclaimed. “I’m freaking out. I forgot so much shit at home.”
“Calm down. What do you need me to do?” I wasn’t the maid of honor, but I’d do anything for her.
“I have four boxes in the garage at home, can you pick them up on your way?”
“I’m at the hotel already. Um,” I said as I thought.
She countered, “All right, how about between the rehearsal and dinner? Can you run back and get them? I know it sucks, but all the wedding party gifts are in there—I need those for tonight—and the programs are still there too. Shit. Shit. Shit.”
Duty called. She’d do it for me—no questions asked.
“Sure. After we go through the ceremony, I’ll run back to Lenox and grab them. No biggie.”
A relieved sigh came over the line. “I fucking owe you my life. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Reuben has to do something really quick, but I’m heading downstairs now.”
“Sounds good. I think Jyl is just down the hall. I’ll grab her, and we’ll meet you down there. Do not freak out. It’ll be fine.”
“I’m really sorry. I thought I had everything taken care of.”
I picked at my hair in the mirror. “Shut up. Whatever it is, we’ll get it done. Don’t worry. You’re getting married tomorrow. Just relax.”
I stuck my room key in my dress—yes, it had pockets—and I clicked off the television. “See you in a minute.”
“Okay, bye.” She hung up, and as I walked down the hall to Jyl’s room, I was both relieved and excited I’d have something to do between the rehearsal and dinner.
I needed to see Cord, but I dreaded it just the same.