Fuck, no, it wasn’t enough. I’d never get enough.
“I always want more.” More time. More everything.
The height difference was severe, but I wasn’t embarrassed. I loved the way we fit. Loved how strong I was with her in my arms. I tried to pull her closer, but she resisted, twisting in my hands.
“Can we just get this over with?” she said quietly to my chest.
“We don’t have to dance. My mom wants to meet you anyway.”
With my track record of terribly undisguisable erections and Dana, maybe dancing wasn’t a good idea. Especially, if it were anything like how we danced after the boat ride at the lake.
Holy. Fuck. That was hot.
My mind when back there, but I was snapped out of the memory when she replied.
“What? Your mom? No.”
I looked around the room for them. “Why? You’ll like her.” But pretending like nothing was wrong wasn’t working.
She let go of me and took a step back, out of my reach. “What is the point?”
Nolan was dancing with Mia a few feet away and looked at us. We were the only ones not moving in the middle of the dance floor.
I didn’t want to cause a scene.
“Come with me.” I needed somewhere better, somewhere I could explain myself without ears and eyes around us.
“Just say it. Then we can both get drunk and have a laugh about it. Really. It’s not that big of a deal.” She was breathing hard, and her chest shook a little as she spoke around the air going in and out of her lungs.
Shit. Who told her?
We spoke at the same time.
“I love you.”
“Cord, I know it’s over.”
Every time I’d pictured her reaction to those words, it had been different, but I’d never imagined the fury I found on her face. Her skin flushed, and she looked violent like she might swing at me.
Had she heard me right?
The music was loud, and I tried again, but slower and I moved my hands to punctuate every word.
“I have fallen in love with you.”
Remarkably, all the times I’d practiced in my head, I hadn’t prepared for an instance where I was damn near shouting it at her. I supposed that was what I deserved for being such a fucking idiot.
Blue flames flared in her eyes—glassy and wide. I’d never seen them like that. Her fists were balled at her sides.
“No.” She covered her mouth and marched out of the room, but I wasn’t letting her go without explaining how dumb I’d been.
Before I apologized.
She stormed out a side door that led to a patio where a group of smokers were laughing and lighting up.
“Dana,” I said calmly—I felt anything but.
She spun, finger pointed. “You can’t do that.”
It got quiet, so I stepped past her and waved to a seating area that was empty, and only a little more private.
“Can’t what? Can’t tell you I have feelings for you?”
“No. It’s not fair. You can’t play me like this; I won’t fall for it.” She was still pointing at me, and her hand was shaking. Her tone was scary, yet low.
Maybe I was guilty of withholding information, but I wasn’t playing her. I hadn’t played anyone. Ever. It wasn’t my style.
Could she really think I was giving her a load of bullshit?
“Are you serious?”
“Yes, you can save your all-of-the-sudden feelings.”
I had to admit, I was getting fired up too. “All of the sudden? Try since the day I met your crazy ass, Dana.” I ran my hands over my head, but the instinct to fight for her was making me wild.
Even if I had to fight with her, I was fighting.
“Oh, when you asked me if I wanted just the tip?” she fired back.
I’d forgotten that. What the fuck?
Heart racing, I attempted to keep my cool. My hand slowly cut the air in front of me as I defended, “You know that came out wrong.”
Her eyes fell shut. “Whatever. I can’t be with someone like you.”
Her dad was right. She was mighty, and her words swung into my gut. They nearly chopped me down.
“Someone like me? What kind of an asshole do you think I am? Someone like me.” I paced, having so much extra energy. Adrenaline rushed me, and my tie felt suffocating until I pulled it looser. “What? I’m the asshole?”
“Don’t put words in my mouth.”
“That’s what you think. Well, you eat popcorn in bed, and it’s fucking everywhere.” I could have kept that to myself, but I was reaching for an argument.
“Oh, fuck popcorn. You pat me on the head like a dog.”
“You’re literally the devil when you wake up.” Beautiful, yes. But she could be mean as hell until she had coffee.
Maybe she wasn’t that bad. I felt like taking it all back until she returned fire.
“You just like having a piece of ass who’s just a phone call away. We don’t want the same thing.”
“You’ve got to be joking. You have no fucking clue what I want. I’d be surprised if you even know what you want.”
“Face it. This was never going to work.” She sniffled, and I almost forgave her for saying the things she had, but some of them were true, and it was damn frustrating.
I walked to the edge of the area and held on to the rail.
“I’ve never felt like this with any other woman in my life, Dana. I know couples fight, but I hate this.”
“We’re not a couple.”
My head fell to the side to look at her while I spoke. “Bullshit. I’m not sure what you think has been going on, but we’ve been together. Well, I was with you anyway. I suppose you were with some womanizing dickhead. Which you’re totally fucking wrong about, but too stubborn to see.” There was one thing I had to get out before it was too late. I swallowed my pride and admitted my biggest mistake. “I should have told you a long time ago how much you mean to me.”
Her voice was softer, gentler. Weaker, maybe. “Yeah, I’m sure. I meant so much that you didn’t want anyone to know.”
“Neither did you,” I countered.
We were both to blame for that.
With her head tipped back, she blew a breath into the night sky. “I wish we could go back and act like this never happened.”
“Baby, I been doing that the whole time. Pretending like it wasn’t happening. I couldn’t even fool myself.”
“Oh well.” She cleared her throat and the emotion I’d heard only seconds before was all but gone. “You’ll find someone else. Some Bridget. Some hotel girl.”
She had everything all wrong, but I’d lost. Ironically, so.
“All of this because Reuben didn’t want us fighting at his wedding, and look at us. It happened anyway.”
“Well, you said it yourself, Cord. He’s always right.”
The sound of her shoes walking away got quieter, got further. So did the chances of me fixing what I’d done. It was too late. She thought I was a prick, and I felt like one, wanted to react like one, but I didn’t.
Instead, after a while, I went back to the party, but aside from the guests who were dancing and living it up, most of the people I cared about had checked out early. The happy couple parted after a few more slow songs, and Mom and Craig had a little drive to get across town.
Beyond that, I didn’t give a shit.
I didn’t even drink, though I sat at the end of the bar. And, after I watched her get refill after refill, barefoot and obviously hell-bent on getting drunk, I had to get out of there before I hauled her ass to bed myself.
But it wasn’t my place, and that made me furious.
It didn’t dull the feeling of wanting to make sure she was safe, wanting to know she got to her room all right. It didn’t stop me from wanting to go tell her I was sorry and that I’d do whatever I could to fix things. It didn’t erase the fact that she thought I was just like any other guy she’d let walk in and out of her life.
The only thing that would give me any peace was space.
Different rooms and floors in the hotel wasn’t enough.
Blocks wouldn’t do it.
So I drove one hundred and sixty miles to the lake that night, but I’ll be damned if I still felt the fucking need for her.