CHAPTER 8
As usual, Alex was nearly incapable of keeping his eyes off Valerie. Even as she pulled her reading glasses on and was all business, he couldn’t stop the thoughts that invaded his mind. She helped herself to a plate of food from the buffet and tortured him with every bite she took. He’d always loved watching her eat. To Valerie eating was like an aphrodisiac. She loved eating and practically made love to every bite.
He hardly heard a word she said. They were sitting at one of the booths in the back dining room that wasn’t opened up anymore, now that brunch was nearly over. It was just her, Sal and himself. No part of her was exposed except her face and her hands and he had a throbbing hard on the entire time. It was madness. Even her perfectly manicured fingers drove him crazy. All he could think of as she flayed them around haphazardly pointing from her laptop to the paperwork was the many times those very fingers had dug into his back.
Then like a brick shattering a window, an image of her with Luke broke through into his thoughts and he almost growled. Both Valerie and Sal stopped and looked at him.
“What the hell’s your problem?” Sal asked.
“We can change the numbers.” Valerie started typing on her laptop. “I told your dad that. I’m just saying with property like this in this area-”
“It’s fine.” Alex strained to speak. “The offer’s fine, Val.” Maybe if she didn’t drive him so completely insane he’d actually know what the offer was.
“I think so too.” Sal added standing up. “Sounds good to me, Valerie. If Alex is good with it also, go ahead and send it over.”
Sal patted Alex on the shoulder in an entirely obvious gesture that this was his chance to talk to her. He thanked Valerie for going over the offer and excused himself, explaining it was Angel’s day off and he had to relieve him now.
Valerie stood up and started packing up her things in what seemed too much of a rush.
“You got somewhere to be?” Someone to see? Alex’s hand fisted involuntarily.
Concentrating on her briefcase, she didn’t look up. “As a matter of fact, I do.”
His nostrils flared and he stood with her, not missing her flinch as he moved closer. “I was hoping we could talk.”
“No.” She worked even faster to finish stuffing her briefcase.
“Why not?”
“I’ve gotta go.”
Unable to stay away from her anymore he moved in from behind her close enough to smell her, but what he really wanted to do was taste her. She stiffened when she felt his breath against her temple. He could barely restrain himself from rubbing her back. “You can’t give me a few minutes?”
“No,” Her tone lost a bit of its conviction.
“I miss you so much, Valerie.” He whispered in her ear. Unable to hold back any longer, he ran a finger up her hand.
“Stop it, Alex.” Her voice was a near whisper, but she didn’t pull her hand away.
“Stop what?” He grazed at her temple with his lips, his insides on fire.
As much as he could tell she struggled to hide it, Valerie trembled. She wanted it as much as he did. Why the hell was she fighting it? He stepped closer, her letting her feel just how badly he wanted her. Needed her. She stiffened immediately and he heard her breathing hitch. For a moment, she dropped her head allowing access to her neck. Without hesitation, Alex kissed it, feeling her tremble even more.
“I can’t…” She jerked her head up and stood tall again pulling her hand and entire body away from him. “I won’t do this anymore, Alex.”
In an instant, her briefcase was in her hand. Alex reached for her arm. “Valerie please, I just need you to know-”
“I know, Alex.” She pulled her keys out of the side pocket.
“That’s just it, Z. You don’t know. Hell, I didn’t even know.”
She shook her head and began to walk away, but Alex held her arm.
“Alex.” Her protest was forced. She turned back to him. To his surprise her eyes glistened, reminding him of that night a year ago when she fell apart before his eyes because of his stupid ass. “I asked you to stay away from me for a reason. I just can’t do this anymore. While I appreciate the business, if this is how things are going to be, I can find someone else to write up this offer.”
“No. Valerie I just-”
“I’m seeing someone else now, Alex. Please respect that.”
With that, he backed up. She’d rubbed the rawest of nerves. The thought of her with Luke was the cause of his sleepless nights, and now she threw it in his face again. With his breathing now labored and feeling as if he was about to explode he nodded but asked, “Are you in love with him?”
Valerie’s eyes widened. Sarah walked into the dining room and told her, “Just so you know, they’re putting all the food away from brunch, but I can grab you some more if you want me to.”
Valerie shook her head and headed toward Sarah. “No thank, you. But you can walk me to my car.” She turned back to Alex, composed and all business. “I’ll have that offer in tonight. I’ll keep you guys updated. Say bye to Sal for me.”
Just like that, he’d blown his only opportunity to tell her how he felt. He watched as she walked away, looking as elegant as only Valerie could. Damn but she drove him nuts.
Sal walked into the dining room with a smile that dissolved as soon as he saw Alex’s expression. If his expression matched his black mood, Sal knew already things hadn’t gone well.
“What happened?”
“Her fucking boyfriend happened.” Alex stalked toward the back office. “She threw that shit in my face, and I clammed up. I never even got a chance to tell her anything.”
Sal followed him. “Well, maybe you can-”
“No, I’m done.” She hadn’t answered him about whether or not she was in love with Luke, and it nearly squeezed the life out of him. He didn’t want to know, didn’t even want to think about her anymore.
He charged in the back room and grabbed his keys from the desk. “I’m outta here.”
Sal moved out of his way. “Where you going?”
Alex didn’t answer. He felt ready to kill. He needed to get out of there. Get the scent and image of Valerie out of his mind. He stormed past Angel on his way down the hall to the back exit of the restaurant.
“Don’t do anything stupid,” Sal warned.
“What’s his problem?” He heard Angel ask.
“Valerie,” Sal said.
Julie was on her way in when he bolted past her. “You okay?”
A grunt was his only response. He walked out into the bright sunlight. When the door slammed behind him, he let out a carnal roar so loud the birds flew off the roof scattering in different directions.
He drove in no direction for hours. The more he thought about it, the more he realized he couldn’t just give up. It finally dawned on him. No girl had ever come close to making him feel what he was feeling. His entire life was on hold now because of Valerie. There was no moving on. He needed to do something about it.
When he finally made it home that night, he reread the message that still sat on his coffee table. What the hell was his problem anyway? Why couldn’t he just leave a damn message like a normal person? He ripped the page out of the notebook and did some more tweaking.
He picked up his phone and dialed before he could change his mind. His heart raced at the chance that she might actually answer. She didn’t. He cleared his throat during her voicemail greeting and took a deep breath. It beeped and he stared at the paper in his hand. “Valerie… I’m sorry. I’ve been an ass all this time… ” He sounded like a robot to his own ears so he crumpled the paper and sat down running his hand through his hair. “Look Valerie, I didn’t even realize how much I missed you, until I saw you again... I am so sorry about everything. I know I screwed up bad. And I know you have lots of questions, but I have answers. I promise. If you’d just give me the chance, I can explain it all. All I do… ” He paused and took a deep breath. “All I do is think about you, baby… today was torture. You have no idea what you do to me. Val,” His voice dropped almost to a whisper. “Please tell me you haven’t given up on us. I’m going crazy here. Call me.”
He clicked the phone and hung up surprised at himself. He hadn’t even realized he felt all that until the words just came out. He threw the phone down on the sofa and sat back. Frustration now clouded all the other emotions he’d felt for weeks.
*
Despite the fact that days passed since Valerie saw Alex again, she still felt the effects of being so close to him again. Luke was her only hope now. But every time she saw Alex again that hope slowly lost ground.
In some ways, she was very surprised that the whole relationship thing with Luke was still working out. Luke promised he’d be discreet at the office, and so far he’d kept his promise. That really helped, because she had to admit she had been worried about things changing. They would go out on the weekend but she always claimed to be too tired during the week, her way of keeping things from getting too heavy. The night at the sports bar had been the first weeknight she spent with him. Even that had been on the insistence of Isabel.
She tried not to spend too much time at the office with him and that was easy. Her clients kept her busy outside showing properties and doing open houses. Like today, she showed so many properties she didn’t even bother going back at the end of the day. She called Luke and told him she was done. All she could think of was getting home to take a shower and relax. Luke made a comment about her showering at his place, but she politely passed on the offer.
Valerie reiterated to Luke that she wanted to take things really slowly. After a few more heated evenings with him, she could tell Luke was getting anxious to do more. She just wasn’t ready for it. She wondered if she ever would be. How was it so damn easy for Alex to be with someone else? It hurt that he actually enjoyed being with other women while she was still waiting to feel that special something when Luke kissed her.
Alex hadn’t stopped calling, and seeing his name on her caller ID still made her heart speed up. She didn’t dare answer. She knew it would take so little to fall for his lies again, and she’d be right back where she’d been for years, waiting for the next heartache. Just hearing his voice had such an effect on her.
He stopped leaving her messages until Sunday night. She couldn’t bring herself to listen though she hadn’t erased it. It was still sitting in her voicemail box, unheard, and she thought about it all week.
She threw her briefcase down and kicked off her three inch heels as soon as she walked in the door.
Isabel was in the kitchen making something. Valerie was famished. “Smells yummy.”
Isabel glanced up from her cutting. “The shoes, Missy.”
Valerie walked toward the kitchen. “I’ll get them after I eat. I’m starving.”
Isabel shot her a stern look. Valerie slumped her shoulders and went back for the shoes.
While she was in her room putting her shoes away, she decided to change into shorts and an old t-shirt. Her phone rang. It was Luke.
“Hey.” She held the phone against her shoulder while she pulled on her shorts.
“Valerie, I know you’re tired I won’t keep you. I was just wondering if instead of going out to dinner tomorrow night, you wouldn’t rather come over to my place. I’ll make you dinner.”
Valerie didn’t answer immediately and he added, “I make a kick ass lasagna. I’m at the supermarket now, so, I thought I’d call before I pick up all the stuff.”
Valerie winced. Talk about no pressure. “Yeah, that sounds good.”
“You sure? We don’t have to. I just thought since I’ve bragged so much about my cooking, I should make something for you already.
Valerie smiled. “No, it really sounds good. Do you need me to bring anything?”
“No, just your appetite.”
After hanging up with him, she walked back into the kitchen where Isabel was still cutting up stuff at the counter. Isabel looked up at her.
“I hope you’re hungry. It’s clean-out-the-fridge day.”
“Again?” Valerie walked over to the stove. “What smells so good?”
“Those party weenies we had left over from the bridal shower.”
Valerie took one out of the bar-b-q sauce they were simmering in with a fork and bit it. “Mmm, I thought we’d left all the leftovers at my dad’s house.”
Valerie had thrown Sarah an all-girl bridal shower at her dad’s house a few weeks ago. She’d hoped it would it would be enough and maybe they wouldn’t throw any other showers where she’d inevitably have to see Alex. But Angel’s family was party crazy, and went ahead with their enormous co-ed shower anyway.
“Your step-mom dropped this off today, said your dad is not supposed to be eating this stuff anymore.”
Valerie grabbed a water out of the fridge and sat down on one of the bar stools in front of the counter, facing Isabel.
Isabel had all kinds of goodies out. Once a week, she cleaned out the fridge, throwing out all the bad stuff. She then cooked and cut up anything about to go bad. Between her and Valerie, they got rid of it all.
“I’m surprised you’re not with Romero tonight.”
“He wanted me to come over but… I dunno. I just don’t want to overdo it with him.”
“Isabel, I thought you liked him?”
“I do. That’s what scares me.”
“Why?” Valerie frowned. “It’s a good thing he wants to be around you so much. He’s a good guy.”
“I know. I know.” Isabel continued cutting cucumbers. “I’ve just never been with anyone like him. He’s so different from all the overly polished guys I usually go out with. He’s raw, and he doesn’t care about being politically correct. He says things like he sees them, all bullshit aside. For someone who’s so up front and open, he hasn’t mentioned anything about a relationship yet. What if this is just a fun thing for him? I’m having fun, but I’m afraid to put my heart out there like that until I know for sure he’s serious.”
“Oh, he seems serious to me.” Valerie popped a couple of cheese cubes in her mouth.
“I’m just slowing it down a little, before I get too far gone.” Isabel shrugged and gave Valerie a weak smile.
Valerie didn’t push it. She knew Isabel was being her usual self, over-thinking everything. Instead, she changed the subject. “Luke’s making me dinner tomorrow.”
Isabel glanced up from her cutting. “Really? So, things are getting serious? I’m glad, Valerie.”
Valerie filled her in about the nightmare at the restaurant. She’d been so close to giving in to him again. She knew Isabel was rooting for things to take off with her and Luke.
“It’s just dinner, Isabel. What’s so serious about that?”
“A man doesn’t cook dinner for just anyone.” Isabel said and continued her cutting. “Heck, most men don’t cook period. Plus it’s what happens after dinner that makes it so serious.”
Isabel put the plate of cucumbers she just finished cutting in front of Valerie. Valerie grabbed one and shook her head. “Nothing’s happening.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Yes, I do,” Valerie insisted.
“Why? It’s been a few weeks now. And you know him well enough to know it’s not going to be a one-nighter. I thought you liked this guy?”
“I do but… ” Valerie jumped off the bar stool and put the water back in the fridge. She’d had a long day and deserved a glass of wine. Plus Isabel made her nervous. Maybe Luke did expect something to happen tomorrow.
Isabel stopped cutting and turned around to watch Valerie pour herself a glass of wine. “But Alex, right?”
Valerie didn’t look at her. “No.”
“Pour me a glass too. And you’re lying.”
“I’m not lying.” Valerie pulled out another glass from the cabinet.
“You always avoid eye contact when you lie, Val. You’re doing it now.”
Valerie turned to look at her and handed her the glass with a smirk. “I hate you.”
Isabel took the glass but frowned. “Valerie, you were doing so well. You can’t let a couple of run-ins with him pull you all the way back. These are all tests. You have to get through them.”
Valerie sipped her wine and frowned. “I had no idea being near him would be so hard. I really thought I was over him, but… ”
Isabel shook her head. “Honey, I won’t speak badly of Alex. I know how much he means to you, but he’s done you wrong so many times. I really think you should give Luke a shot. You finally kissed another man. Maybe finally sleeping with someone else will help you move on. What’s the worse that can happen?”
“I’ve slept with other guys since I met Alex.”
“Doesn’t count. That was back in your early party college days. And you were still in denial about actually being in love with Alex.”
Valerie sat back down and thought about it. It was true. It’d been so long since she even considered sleeping with someone else. What was the worst thing that could happen? She really had to move on. She couldn’t go on putting it off forever. Because she knew that’s how long it would be before she got over Alex.
“You really think it would help?” She sipped her wine again.
“I really do. I hate to say this, Val, but I’m sure Alex has been moving on, again and again, since you two have been apart.”
That hurt, but Valerie knew it was true. “What if Luke isn’t even thinking like that?”
Isabel sipped her wine and gave her a look. “Are you kidding?”
Valerie giggled. “You think I should wear anything special?”
Isabel smiled big, thrilled that Valerie was actually considering it. “I’m sure you have plenty to choose from. You can’t go wrong with black satin, though.”
Valerie felt her insides churning.
“To moving on.” Isabel held out her wine glass.
Valerie clinked it with her glass. “To moving on.”
She was really moving on. Somehow, she thought she’d feel more excited or at the very least relieved. Something heavy settled in her stomach as she took a sip of her wine. But it wasn’t relief and most certainly not excitement.