Cash: We’re going to be in the Raleigh area in a few days.
Cash: I need to see you.
Those were the first texts.
Fuck. It hadn’t paid off to keep up with some members of my band. They were my friends for over ten years, so I’d kept in touch with most of them. Not Cash, though. Looked like they’d ratted me out anyway. I never expected Cash would try to contact me ever again. We’d never been romantic. We’d simply fucked from time to time when it had suited us. And he’d been as clear as day how he felt about me having a baby. I ignored his messages.
A day later more texts.
Cash: We need to talk.
I ignored the texts as long as I could. He was coming to town and I was terrified he was going to somehow find out where I lived and show up at the apartment and set Anthony off. My Doc, he was the sweetest, but I also knew he’d go absolutely savage on that man if he ever met him. Things were just getting normal again and not so damn crazy. We were settling into life. It wasn’t an easy life. Some days were really hard having a sick baby, but I wouldn’t have changed a hair on Hope’s head. She was perfectly imperfect. I was finally settling into motherhood, even finding that I really liked it. I couldn’t have him rocking our fragile boat.
Cash was no good for anybody if he was still in the state I left him months ago, drinking, drugging, fucking. He definitely wasn’t father material. Some might have told you a year ago that I wasn’t mother material, but I’d changed. For her. Cash would never change. I knew it in my heart. He loved the lifestyle too much. Partying, working odd jobs, performing when he could and just scrounging by; he lived for it.
So, I gave him the address to our Friday Café. It was the closest place I could think of and the quietest. I told him I’d meet him there at noon and I made arrangements for Mom to come over and watch Hope. I’d meet him there while Anthony was at work. I’d find out what the hell he wanted and I’d get rid of him. That would be the end of this.
My momma arrived right before noon and could immediately tell I was on edge.
“What’s going on, baby girl? Where you going today?”
“Just having lunch with an old friend.”
Her eyes narrowed a little, but she only said, “Okay, well, have fun,” as she picked up Hope and gave her a kiss on the forehead.
I, too, kissed my angel’s forehead and headed out the door. I hadn’t dressed up for him. I personally didn’t give a shit how he thought I looked. I’d thrown on some jeans and a T-shirt that I was ninety-nine percent sure Hope had spat up on it before I’d even made it out of the house.
Spring was fully in swing, the weather beautiful. Blooming trees and bushes lined the sidewalk along the street, but for the first time since I’d moved here I didn’t notice. I was too focused on making this go away. Making Cash go away. He had the potential to ruin everything. I couldn’t let him destroy all I’d managed to build in the past couple of months.
The café was slow today and Cash was easy to find amongst the empty tables in the back. I walked toward him feeling sick. I started to question everything as I saw him sitting there. He was slouched down in the booth like he hadn’t a care in the world, his long dark hair in his face, his five o‘clock shadow out of control. His black T-shirt was wrinkled over his lanky frame. I rolled my eyes at the leather jacket he was sporting. It was seventy degrees out.
I used to think this man was mysterious and sexy. Now, I knew different. He was an asshole, a douchebag, and a total disappointment, and I immediately wanted to yell and scream and lay into him. I wanted to take out all of my frustrations from the last few months on him. All of the pain. All of the stress. I should have brought Anthony. He was the voice of reason in our relationship and I had a feeling I was going to be anything but that.
I slid into the booth, trying to keep my cool. I could smell the stale cigarettes coming off him in waves even from across the table.
He didn’t say anything, only observed me from behind his sunglasses.
The bastard couldn’t even show me the courtesy of removing his shades. I was fuming.
“Well, I’m here, Cash.”
Before he could respond, Isabelle appeared to take our orders. “Kelly! What are you doing here?” She leaned in for a hug. Fuck. I’d been hoping she wasn’t working today. Now, I was hoping she didn’t tell Doc about this. He’d lose his shit.
I couldn’t muster a smile. I was upset, and pissed, and scared, and mostly I just wanted to get back to my sweet, sick baby.
“Just meeting a friend for coffee.”
She studied me hard, like she knew something was off before smiling at Cash. I didn’t introduce them. It was rude, but she didn’t need to know Cash.
“How’s Hope doing?”
Now I smiled. I couldn’t help it. When I thought of her adorable little face, I always smiled. “She’s good. Thanks for asking.”
She put a hand on my shoulder. This woman knew what I was going through. She’d lived it and her son was healthy. “Good, when she’s feeling up to it, bring her in to us. Okay?”
I laid my hand on hers and squeezed. “Of course.”
“Good.” She looked between the two of us. “Are you guys ready to order?”
Cash looked at the menu through his stupid sunglasses like he was ordering lunch. I wasn’t going to be here that long.
“We’re just gonna have some coffee,” I made sure to say before Cash could order.
Isabelle placed her notepad back in her apron. “I’ll be back with your coffees.”
As soon as she was out of earshot I asked, “What do you want, Cash?”
He smiled at me. “You look good, Kelly.”
I didn’t smile back. “Great. Now what do you want?”
He finally had the decency to remove his absurd sunglasses. His eyes were bloodshot and I wondered if he’d been up all night or was simply stoned out of his mind. All those eyes did were reaffirm something I already knew. This man couldn’t be associated with Hope until he got his shit together.
“Fuck, chill out. I was in the area and I wanted to see you. I’ve missed you.”
“You missed me?”
He reached across the table and tried to take my hand that was lying on my side of the table. I snatched it back and slid it into my lap underneath the table.
I couldn’t believe this shit. “You missed me?”
“Of course I missed you, Kells. I went from seeing you every day for over ten years to never seeing you.”
I was completely dumbfounded. Was he serious? Every moment in his presence that he acted like he hadn’t impregnated me. That he acted like we didn’t have a daughter together made me want to lean over the table and throat punch him. Every moment across from him, I felt my temper climbing. “Are you fucking serious right now?”
He let out a shocked laugh. “What do you mean?”
I leaned forward over the table about to let him fucking have it when Isabelle brought our coffees. She gave me a concerned look as she asked if we needed anything else. I waved her off and she left the table with another concerned glance over her shoulder.
Cash took a sip of his hot coffee like he didn’t have a care in the fucking world and I guess he didn’t and it made me even more mad. I cared. I cared too much. I stayed up all night worried my baby might stop breathing. Worrying I wasn’t feeding her enough. Worried her heart might not make it another day. He hadn’t even asked about her.
The sound of his coffee cup settling back against the table snapped me out of my thoughts.
“You seem pissed. I just wanted to stop and see you since we were in town.”
He didn’t have a damn clue how pissed I was. “Aren’t you even going to ask about her?”
He ran a hand through his hair and looked down at the table.
What the fuck? “You weren’t, were you?” I slammed my hand down on the table. How could she be my everything and his nothing? I just couldn’t understand it. “You weren’t even going to ask about her! What the fuck is wrong with you?” My lips curled, disgust for him settling over me, making me feel dirty.
How could he not want to know her and love her? I couldn’t even imagine not wanting to see her face every day. “Do you even want to know her name?”
The bastard wouldn’t even look at me.
“Why the fuck did you come here, Cash?”
If he hadn’t come about her then I didn’t understand why he was even here.
“Yeah, Cash, why the fuck are you here?” I heard Anthony’s voice from beside the table. I looked up and there he was in all of his knight in shining armor glory. Except he wasn’t shining. He was mad as hell. He gave me a look that said we’d talk about this later and I knew we would.
He muscled his way into my side of the booth and slid his arm around my shoulder possessively before looking across the table at Cash.
“Introduce us, Kelly.” It wasn’t a request. It was an order. Oh, Doc was pissed.
I fidgeted with my coffee cup on the table and swallowed hard before saying, “Doc, this is Cash, this is—”
“Doctor Anthony Jackson,” Doc interrupted me. “Kelly’s boyfriend,” he finished.
I swallowed again. Oh, yeah. He was mad.
Cash’s lips curled and he threw his shades back on over his eyes, studying Anthony behind them. I knew what he saw. A well dressed, beautiful man who had his shit together.
“So back to Kelly’s question. What are you doing here, Cash?”
Cash’s jaw ticked and his head turned to me. I could tell he was checking me out behind his glasses. He shrugged. “Just wanted to see an old friend.”
Anthony’s nostrils flared and his hand gripped my thigh. “That’s where we have a problem, buddy. It doesn’t look like Kelly is feeling too friendly toward you.”
He wasn’t wrong.
He was also incredibly jealous.
“I don’t think you need to contact Kelly unless it’s about the child you fathered. A child who requires around the hour care. A child who’s very sick. A child who’ll be very sick for some time to come. So unless you’re here to help care for Hope, to be an active member in her life, then what are you here for?”
He paused and studied Cash’s face, his own face hard and unreadable.
“Ah, I see now. You’re here for my girl.” Anthony chuckled darkly and I bit my lip. I’d never seen him so pissed. My Doc was as cool and as calm as a cucumber and if you didn’t know how chill he was on an everyday basis you’d probably never guess he was so pissed now. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind I was in deep shit.
He removed his arm from around me and leaned across the table, his height and his girth to his advantage. He was intimidating as hell.
Cash seemed to shrink back in the booth, away from Anthony.
“You’re not a smart man, Cash, so I’m going to lay it all out for you, make this real fucking plain. You didn’t take care of what was yours. And now it’s mine. Hope and Kelly belong to me now and unless you plan to step up and be more than a sperm donor then I’m going to need you to stay the fuck away from me and mine.”
He moved out of the booth and held out a hand for me. “It’s time to go.”
And when pissed off Anthony said it was time to go, it damn sure was. I gave Anthony my hand and scooted out of the seat and didn’t spare Cash even a glance.
We walked out hand in hand, although Anthony was more dragging me behind him. His steps were entirely too big for me to match and he seemed to be walking at warp speed.
“Geez, slow down, Doc.”
He stopped on the sidewalk, the sun bright in his light hair, but his face; man, only one word could describe it. Irate. Irate as hell. His jaw ticked as he glared down at me.
His hand flew to the door of the restaurant. “What the hell was that, Kelly?”
He hardly ever used my given name. I was always some adorably cutesy short girl name. The Kelly of it all hurt, but I knew I undoubtedly deserved it. I’d kept the texts and the meeting from him. I would’ve been hurt, too.
“I’m sorry.” It was all I could think to say. What else was there? I reached my hand up to rub his face, but he shrugged me off.
“What if Isabelle hadn’t called me? Would you have told me? Would you have kept lying to me? How long has he been contacting you?” He ran his hands furiously through his hair. “What else are you keeping from me?” he shouted.
I flinched at his last question like he’d slapped me. Doc never yelled or lost his temper at me, but we’d never ever really had a real fight. Was that what this was? We were fighting because I’d made a terrible mistake.
I grabbed the sleeve of his pale green shirt. It matched his eyes so perfectly. Only this morning, I’d leaned up and kissed his lips and whispered how it was my favorite shirt and that I couldn’t wait to take it off him when he got home. I’d royally fucked up. Judging by his pissed off expression a lot had changed since that kiss this morning.
“I’m sorry. I was just trying to make him go away. I didn’t want to upset you. Everything’s been so good lately.”
The torment on his face said it all. I’d hurt him.
“I didn’t think we were the kind of people who kept things from each other. I thought we were a team.”
He knocked me over with those words. They struck me right in the stomach.
This time when I touched his jaw, he leaned into it. “We are,” I said softly.
He pulled away from my hand and took a step back before looking back at the restaurant and then at me. “It sure doesn’t feel that way.”
Tears sprung to my eyes. I’d upset him and never, not in a million years, did I ever think I’d hurt this man who’d done everything for me. Who’d helped me when no one else could. Who’d loved me at a time when I thought I wasn’t deserving of love.
“I love you, Doc. You know that, right?”
His eyes seared me through. “I do.”
“I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I just wanted him to go away. I just want to be with you and Hope.”
His eyes left mine and strayed off into the distance and I knew he wasn’t seeing anything but my betrayal, me sitting across from Cash in our restaurant.
“I should get back to work. I’m really stretched today and I shouldn’t have left to begin with.” His voice was sharp, all of the emotion seemingly sucked out of his words.
And if I felt bad before, I felt even worse taking him away from his kids. I knew what they meant to him.
“Okay.” I swallowed the lump in my throat down and blinked back tears. I’d fucked up.
Before I knew what was happening his big arm wrapped around me and I was jerked into his chest, our fronts pressed together and his lips on mine roughly. His mouth claiming mine harshly. His tongue slipping along mine possessively before biting my bottom lip with a pinch that made my eyes snap open.
“You’re mine.” He growled against my lips and my lids slipped closed again as I leaned up on my toes to press my lips against his again.
I was his. In a lot of ways, I’d been his since I was twenty-two years old.
He didn’t give me his mouth again even though I was practically begging for it.
“You understand me? You’re mine.” His hand grasped my waist firmly. “Only mine.”
My hands went up and around his jaw, just like he so often cradled mine and calmed me. I wanted to soothe his fears. I wanted to still his anger.
With his face held in my palms my eyes landed on his and I hoped they said everything I wanted him to hear. That I’d always be his, even when he made me mad or when I made him angry or when things weren’t perfect and when they were. “I’ll always be yours, Doc.”
His jaw ticked once, twice, three times, his breath heavy, his nostrils flaring, his hands heavy at my waist, before he smashed his lips to mine harshly once more, then letting me go and turning on his heel. The harsh sounds of his dress shoes echoing on the concrete as he walked away.
I decided right then and there I never wanted to see him walk away from me again even if he did look damn good doing it.