Chapter 25

Quinn

 

He was tearing me apart with each word that left his mouth. How many times had I dreamed of something like this? How many damn times had I ached for words just like the ones leaving him right then?

Too many.

I had been a blind fool who couldn’t see the reality of how hopeless it was to love a man who didn’t love me back. Now that my eyes were wide open where Raider was concerned, he was telling me everything I had always wanted to hear. It wasn’t fair. Why did he have to torture me like this? This game was too much to handle.

“Quinn, please.” His voice was rough, and it took me a moment to realize why. He was close to tears. That realization stopped my heart. “Have mercy on me, sweetheart. I feel like I’m drowning without you.”

A lump filled my throat when he opened his eyes and I saw that I hadn’t been mistaken. There were tears in his eyes.

“I need you more than I ever thought was possible to need anyone. Without you …” He sucked in a harsh inhale and shook his head. “I don’t even feel like my heart is beating.”

“Raider,” I breathed his name, my heart clenching when the first tear spilled over his lashes.

“You own me, baby. You own me.” He lowered his head, and his shoulders began to shake. “I don’t know when it happened, probably when I was trying so hard to pretend like I didn’t care about you. It snuck up on me and scared the fuck out of me.” He looked up at me then, not caring to show me that he was so openly crying now. “My heart is yours. I belong to you.”

I lurched back, trying desperately to deny his words. “I … I don’t belong to you. Maybe I did once, but not anymore.”

Raider’s body jerked as if I had physically hit him. “I don’t believe that, and deep down, neither do you. The love you feel for me can’t just be turned off, baby. Trust me; I know, because I tried to turn it off while I was gone. I tried so fucking hard, but I quickly realized that I didn’t want to. Not anymore. I’m tired of fighting what I feel for you. It takes too much energy to fight fate, when what I really want to be doing is loving you.”

I crossed my arms over my chest, still refusing to let his words penetrate the walls I had set up around my heart. But they were finding all the cracks that I had missed and slowly crumbling it a little at a time.

“How do you know if you really love me or not? For so long, you made sure I knew you didn’t care at all about me, and suddenly you realize you love me? Can’t you see how crazy that sounds?”

“Fuck, I know how crazy it sounds. I know how crazy it feels, too.” He scrubbed his hands over his face, wiping away his tears, only for more to fall. “But it’s the truth, Quinn. I love you.”

My breath caught in my chest, making it impossible to inhale. It was pure madness to believe him, but my heart was aching so badly, wanting to do just that.

“I … I don’t—”

A knock on the door had him moving quickly. He picked up the shirt he had pulled from his top dresser drawer and put it on me, as if I was some helpless child who couldn’t dress herself. But it was nice, I admitted, as he smoothed his hands down my arms, so achingly tender without him seeming to realize he was even doing it. The way he had undressed me earlier, how tender he had been … how loving he had been.

Raider lowered his head and pressed his lips to the center of my forehead, then stepped back when a tap on the bedroom door came again. “I have to go to church. Don’t go anywhere while I’m gone.”

I slowly nodded. “Okay.”

“Promise me,” he commanded in a rough voice.

“I said okay,” I muttered grumpily, trying to hide all the chaos my mind and emotions were in right then.

He sighed, but stepped back. “Sleep, baby. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

Raider turned and left me, locking the door behind him, but I couldn’t seem to move.

This day had been beyond chaotic. It felt like it had lasted a week rather than less than twenty-four hours. Every muscle in my body ached, my head was clouded with everything Raider had just said to me, on top of a million other things.

Sleep, he had said. Sleep was what I so desperately needed. Maybe if I closed my eyes, I would wake up in the morning and find this had all just been a really bad dream.

Moving slowly, I closed the overnight case Kelli had packed for me then set it on the floor at the end of the bed before pulling down the blankets on the mattress. The sudden urge to pee had me changing directions, and I went into the bathroom to take care of business.

After washing my hands, I took my bra off, pulling it through one of the sleeves before hanging it over the top of the shower. Then I turned off the lights on the way back into the bedroom. Finally, I crawled into Raider’s bed, and as my head hit the pillow, I was already falling asleep.