Chapter 8

Quinn

 

I stood in the middle of the bathroom for several long minutes after Raider had left me. The events of the last hour replayed over and over in my head like a slideshow on repeat.

Making out with Boomer in the hall. Stumbling into Raider’s room. Raider sending away the prospect. Us lying on his bed, talking. Then …

Well, the then was what had me gasping for breath each and every time, but I still couldn’t understand how things had gotten so out of control so quickly. One second I was on the brink of a major orgasm, and the next I … wasn’t.

I couldn’t blame Raider, not really. He was just doing what he did best—getting off with whatever pussy was handy.

But afterward, he had been so gentle.

When had I ever seen Raider Hannigan gentle with anyone, other than his niece and nephew? When had he ever wiped away my tears and apologized?

That was really what made the entire experience so surreal. His tenderness. The way he had picked me up like I was the most precious thing in the world and carried me into the bathroom. The way he had pressed his lips to my forehead like he was savoring it had nearly brought me to my knees.

I seriously doubted he was like that with any other woman he’d had sex with. Then again, I could be wrong.

Tonight showed me exactly how wrong I could be.

As each second ticked by, I was able to finally unlock my muscles and step into the steaming shower. I washed my aching body, being careful of the tender flesh between my legs that was surprisingly still bleeding a little. None of the sex talks I’d had with my mother growing up or with my girlfriends over the years had prepared me for how painful losing my virginity would be. If anything, I was a little upset for how they had downplayed the experience.

Raven had told me it had felt like a big pinch, and then pure paradise when she had lost hers to Bash. My mother had said it was a sting, and then I would like it, but probably be sore for a few days afterward. Well, it sure as hell hadn’t been any of those things. I figured I would be walking oddly for at least a few days.

Stepping out of the shower, I carefully towel dried, and then moved over to the door. Peeking into the bedroom, I saw that Raider was gone. I didn’t know if I was relieved or disappointed, but before I could make up my mind, I moved across the room and started putting on clothes as I reached them.

My shirt was the last thing I found, and as I pulled it over my head, I found myself facing the bed and the large red stain on the comforter. My stomach bottomed out at the sight of the blood. It was a lot, and considering how much I had cleaned off myself, and that I was still bleeding a little, I wondered if I should be concerned.

Was that normal?

Had Raider ripped something inside of me, along with my hymen?

As big as his cock was, it wouldn’t have surprised me if he had.

Hating the sight of the blood, I pulled the comforter from the bed and tossed it into the corner of the closet. Thankfully it hadn’t bled through to the sheets underneath.

With the proof of what had taken place in there now out of sight, I hastily left the bedroom.

All I wanted was to get as far away from the clubhouse as possible. Even if that meant I had to walk all the way home, I would, despite the ache that still lingered between my legs.

I had barely taken two steps out of the bedroom when a hand grabbed my arm hard and jerked me around. I knew who it was as soon as I felt the fingers digging into my flesh. Or rather, I could narrow it down to three people.

One of my sisters.

Lifting my gaze, I found myself staring into eyes the same shade of blue as my own. Finding myself face-to-face with Heather, I nearly groaned out loud. Heather was the oldest, and my least favorite sister. Which wasn’t really saying much since I detested them all.

“What the hell were you doing in Raider’s room?” she snipped at me, taking a step closer until she was in my face.

That she knew whose room I had just come out of didn’t surprise me. Heather, Whitney, and even Amanda had rubbed it in my face that he fucked them on a regular basis, practically from the millisecond they knew I had a thing for Raider.

Hell, I should have been able to move on from my feelings for him then and there, but stupidly, I had continued to care for him.

I still did.

Refusing to answer my sister, I just stood there, not daring to break eye contact with her. I had learned at a young age not to back down from my sisters. They were all bigger than me, in height as well as other assets. Even Amanda, my younger sister, was considerably taller and had the body of a goddess. Whereas I was the runt of the family in all physical aspects.

Just because they were all bigger than me, didn’t mean I let them walk all over me. As a kid, I had been their punching bag, physically and verbally. But that had all changed when I had gotten older and Colt had taught me how to fight back.

That I could defend myself hadn’t stopped them from fucking with me, though. They just tended to keep the blows to emotional ones these days.

“How many times do I have to tell you to leave Raider alone?” Heather snarled at me, making her pretty face less so with the way her thick makeup cracked around her mouth from the way she was twisting it. “He will never want you, little sister. Trust me; we’ve laughed about it at least a hundred times.”

Unsure if she was lying or not, the thought of Raider laughing at me cut deep and my shame only mounted. Tonight had been a mistake. The biggest of my life.

Refusing to let the tears that burned my throat and sinuses show, I clenched my jaw and squared my shoulders. “Are you finished?”

Heather rolled her eyes and took a step back from me. “Yeah, little girl, I’m all finished. Just remember what I said.”

“Fuck you, Heather,” I snapped as I turned to walk away.

“Nah, that’s okay. Raider will do that later.”

Hating that her parting shot felt like barbed wire wrapping around my heart, I kept walking. I didn’t look around for anyone once I reached the front room. Everyone was still having a blast, clueless to my stupidity.

As I moved through the room, I saw Raven and Flick laughing with Gracie and a few other women. I caught sight of Jet and Hawk with a few of their MC brothers, and even Bash and Spider were laughing with a few other guys. Boomer appeared to be long gone, which was a godsend.

I didn’t see Colt or Kelli, and for that, I was thankful. Kelli wouldn’t have been so bad, but Colt would have taken one look at me right then and known exactly what was wrong with me. Whoever had said that men and women couldn’t be anything but friends had never meet me and Colt. I had never been in love with him, nor had I ever wanted to be. He was my lifeline, and I was his.

A few people said hello to me, but all I could muster was a brittle smile as I worked my way through the masses.

Reaching the door, I breathed a sigh of relief as fresh air filled my lungs. It was dark out, with only the street lamps and a few headlights from the cars to light my way, but I welcomed the anonymity from the darkness.

Wrapping my arms around myself, I headed for the road and started the long walk home. It was a three-mile walk, and even though I was uncomfortable between my legs, I needed the time to clear my head.

Tonight had shown me something I should have seen years ago. That even though I cared about Raider, he would never really return my feelings. He had gotten what he wanted, something he could easily find with a hundred different women. Crazily enough, I still loved him, which should have qualified me as certifiably insane.

It was what it was, though, and I had to face reality. Other than Colt and a few other close friends, there was nothing for me in Creswell Springs. It was time to pack up and move on, literally and figuratively. I needed to put distance between me and this place, find somewhere I could put down roots, make a life for myself, and maybe, if I was lucky, I could find a man who would love me.

A man who maybe, just maybe, I could love more than I loved Raider.

That was a big dream, but a girl could hope.

With those plans firmly in mind, I started making mental lists of what I needed to do to be able to accomplish this new life I wanted.

By the time I got home, my heart still felt weighed down, but my head was clearer and I was ready to set everything into motion.

I was leaving Creswell Springs.

I was going to forget about Raider Hannigan.

As I climbed into bed, still in the clothes I had worn to the party, I rolled my eyes at my own hopeful musings. I would definitely be leaving, but it wasn’t likely that I would ever forget about Raider Fucking Hannigan.