Chapter 16 – Hanging by a Thread

 

It’s late. 

It was already mid-evening when the kids called me and we had our scary rigmarole, then we talked to the police and EMS.  I told them I was fine and didn’t want anyone fussing over me, but they insisted.   I guess they arrested Bekki while the kids and I were inside waiting on Cam.  Cam did what he could to buy time so the kids didn’t have to see their mom being carted away in the paddy wagon.  Well, maybe they didn’t cart her off in the paddy wagon, but I’m going to pretend they did.  She’s just that mean and awful of a mom that if anyone deserves the paddy wagon, it’s Bekki with an i. 

While Cam was buying time, he insisted the kids get any and all things they might want from their mom’s apartment.  I’m not sure if the kids caught on to this, but I sure did and hope it meant they won’t have to come back here for a long, long time, if ever.  What was sadder was they didn’t have much they wanted, nor did they question Cam as to why.  They just grabbed their favorite things, and after the paddy wagon rolled out, so did we. 

Cam made me come with them even though I insisted I could drive.  He said he’d arrange for someone to bring my car to his house.  He didn’t seem like he was in the mood to be argued with.  If truth be told, he was so angry, I found him a little scary.  So off we all went, and on the way to his house, he pulled out his phone to make a call.  En route, we stopped by The Shed where Zeke was waiting in the parking lot. 

Cam held his hand out to me and demanded, “Keys.”

I dug for them in my purse and gave Zeke a hesitant smile.  I decided now wasn’t the time to inform him I wouldn’t be at boot camp tomorrow after being shoved against a brick wall by an AC/DC fan.  He’ll just have to figure it out on his own when I’m a no-show.  This is the perfect opportunity to bow out of boot camp and I’m taking it.

Cam drove us to his house in continued silence. 

Then he got his kids ready for bed like normal, but tonight he asked if they wanted to have a campout.  This bought the first smiles I’ve seen from both Jordy and Cara all night. 

I thought it was a weird time to have a campout as it was already late, until I saw what happened next.  Both kids zoomed to the basement, a place in Cam’s house I’ve yet to explore.  I followed slowly and heard what sounded like an air compressor.  I walk into a large rec room with ping pong and air hockey tables, plus more toys and kid stuff scattered all over.  I’m not surprised to find it a bit of a mess, but at least there’s not trash lying about.  The basement is huge and there’s a hallway off to one side, hinting there might be more rooms.  I look the opposite direction and Cam is through a set of double doors. 

As soon as I enter, I’m taken aback.  Cam has a media room.  There’s a large—and I mean large—screen on the wall with a projector suspended from the ceiling.  The room is filled with oversized cushy furniture.  It’s not super pretty but it does look like you could sink into it for hours and it might not be a big deal if you spilled your popcorn.  He’s moved the coffee table to the side and is bent on one knee, filling a second mattress with the air compressor I knew I heard.  Cara and Jordy come running out of the hallway with blankets and pillows. 

“I wanna pick the movie!” Cara screams.

“No, I’m picking the movie,” Jordy argues.

“I’ll pick the movie,” Cam decides.

“Cool,” Jordy mutters.

“Nooo!” Cara whines.

“Go make the popcorn, it’s too late for Cokes.  Only water,” Cam instructs.

Jordy jumps up and Cara trudges off, grumpy from not being able to pick the movie. 

“Should I help them with the popcorn?” I ask.

“They can handle the microwave, but you can if you want,” he says looking at his task, plugging up the mattress. 

“Cam?” I call, wondering if he’s ever going to talk to me after all that’s happened tonight.

He looks to me and he’s pissed when he growls, “I can’t get into it now.  Not with the kids up.  I’m hanging on by a thread here, about to fucking snap.”

Well, then.  There’s my answer. 

You know what?  I’m sorry he’s hanging by a thread and I know he’s out of his mind pissed about Bekki.  I can’t imagine how it feels to have your kids put in danger, but I’ve had a rough night, too.  He wasn’t the one on the phone with his kids when they were scared.  He didn’t have to confront three scary guys, even though the police were slowly on their way.  And my guess is, he doesn’t have a headache right now or a throbbing shoulder and elbow. 

I narrow my eyes, glaring at the raging brick wall staring back from across the room before turning on my bare foot to march up the stairs and help with popcorn.  Of course he would only have microwave popcorn.  I make a mental note to buy them the real thing.  And I’ll get M&M’s to sprinkle on top.  It’s better with Candy Corn, but you can only get those in the fall with pumpkin beer.

I hear the doorbell as I’m stomping into the kitchen and change direction.  I see Zeke through the panes and open the door to greet him with a tired, “Hey.”

He tosses me my keys, “Sweet ride.”

“Oh, thanks,” I answer, rolling my eyes. 

“What’s wrong?” he grins.

“Nothing.  I have a headache.”

“You have a headache?” I hear coming from behind me and Cam walks up, with his frown still plastered on his face.

“I’m fine, but now I can go home.  I’ll take something and go to bed,” I say and turn to Zeke.  “Thanks for bringing my car.  Oh, and I won’t be there tomorrow.  Don’t wait on me to start the torture.”

“Why won’t you be there?” Zeke asks.

“You’re not going home,” Cam says, snatching the keys out of my hand. 

“I am,” I snap, snatching them back before turning to Zeke.  “I had somewhat of an incident tonight.  I’m not going to feel like throwing the garden hose around tomorrow.  Or, maybe ever.”

“What incident?” Zeke noses.

Faster than me, Cam snatches my keys, again, and holds them up high out of my reach, “Darlin’, you’re not going home.”

“You’re going home?” I hear and we all turn toward the opening of the family room where Cara’s standing.  She’s juggling a bowl of popcorn, a tiny bottle of water with a blanket that looks so loved, it might fall apart.

“You can’t go home!” Jordy yells, his voice laced with something that cuts through me.  It’s not as bad as earlier, but a bit of the panic returns.  “You live in an apartment, too.  You got hurt.  What if those people come back?”

I don’t know what to say, so I’m glad Cam steps in and softens his voice, “Buddy, you’re home now and nothing’s going to happen.  You’re safe here and Paige isn’t going anywhere tonight.”

Jordy looks to me frowning, “You’re not leaving?”

I sigh and look into his big brown eyes that are crinkled with nerves, “No, sweetheart.  If you want me to stay, I’ll stay.”

I see his little boy shoulders fall, the tension releasing from his taut body.  He doesn’t smile, but he does give me a relieved look.  He and Cara turn to the basement stairs to settle in for their campout.

“Man, what happened tonight?” Zeke asks.

“I’ll tell you later.  I won’t be in tomorrow.  I’ve got things I need to take care of.  Can you look after shit for me?” Cam asks.

“No problem.  I’ll check in later—see if you need anything,” Zeke says.

“Thanks,” Cam answers and starts to shut the door.

“Bye,” I call and barely see Zeke’s white grin before Cam swings the door shut, locking us in.

“You have a headache?” he crosses his arms while frowning.

I do have a headache, but I’ve decided I’ve had enough of Grumpy Bear Cam for the night.  I give him The Ice and turn to follow the kids toward the basement.  I have no idea where this is going between us, but I’ve decided that from now on, Grumpy Bear will always get The Ice.  Especially when I don’t deserve his Grumpy Bear.

The kids are settled on their air mattresses chomping away on popcorn with Ariel snuggled up against Cara.  But I stop when I see the movie that’s cued up and ready to go on the Blu-Ray. 

“What’s this?” I ask.

“McLintock!,” Jordy mutters with a mouthful of popcorn.

“This is what we’re watching?” I ask.

“Yes,” Cara groans.  “I told you Daddy likes Junwane.”

“It’s good.  The old Indian guy is the best part,” Jordy says.

“No, it’s not,” Cara whines.

Okay, I need to rest my head and close my eyes.  I’ll do my best to block out the John Wayne movie, but seriously, Cam’s preferences in music and movies need an overhaul.  I can’t think about this right now, I move around to the love seat and settle in the corner. 

I hear Cam come in and he brushes the side of my face, tilting it back for me to look at him.  He holds his hand out to me saying, “Take these.”

He drops two pills in my palm and shoves a glass of water my way.  That was weirdly sweet and not grumpy at all.  I swallow the pills away and see him move to the sofa, hearing ice clinking in his glass.  I see he’s poured himself a bourbon and decide not to say anything about him not offering me something stronger.  My head hurts too bad, I wouldn’t have wanted it anyway. 

The minute Cam settles, Cara puts her popcorn down and climbs up on her dad’s lap.  I look over as he pulls his tiny daughter tight to his big strong body.  Before I have a chance to realize what’s happening, Jordy’s climbing into my love seat.  He doesn’t look at me, just crawls up and grabs hold of me like he did earlier in Bekki’s apartment. 

I understood it earlier.  What we all went through was frightening, especially for the kids, I was the only adult they knew.  But for him to be worried about me leaving earlier and want to be close to me is sweet.  So sweet, I’ve got a lump in my throat.  I have to blink back tears as I pull him to me and we settle deeper into Cam’s cushy furniture.  I see the movie click on and “McLintock!” flashes over the screen as I settle in for my first ever John Wayne movie. 

I hear another clink of ice and look over at Cam who’s staring at Jordy and me.  His eyes are sharp and intense before they slowly close.  He drops his head back to the sofa, squeezing them tight as I hear old western music play around me on the surround sound. 

I nestle in deeper with Jordy and can’t help but fall further.  I think I’ve been falling bit by bit ever since Cam aimed his goateed grin at me last week.  Has it only been a week?  It feels like forever, but then again, maybe it’s just because I’ve been waiting for it forever.  I never knew “it” would be packaged in muscle, would often be sweet but sometimes a little grumpy and come with two kids.   I lean down and kiss Jordy on top of his head, just because he deserves it, and look to the big screen. 

I never get to see the old Indian guy.  I fall asleep thinking Maureen O’Hara had beautiful skin. 

*****

“Baby, let go.  I need to put him to bed,” Cam whispers.  I open my eyes and feel Jordy’s dead weight being pulled off me.  He’s really a big kid. 

Cam lays him down on his air mattress next to Cara who’s already tucked in.  The movie is off and the room is dark.  I stand and head upstairs, grabbing popcorn bowls and glasses on my way.  Cam would probably leave these here for weeks.

Going straight to the dishwasher, I start to load his dishes and hear from behind me, “I can’t believe you did what you did.”

I turn and see him standing there, hips to the island with both his ankles and arms crossed.  Once again he’s frowning and I’m getting tired of him frowning at me.  I know what he’s talking about so I cross my arms right back and ask, “What’s so unbelievable about it?”

He leans forward stressing his words, “You were hurt.”

“I’m fine,” I insist.  “It wasn’t bad and whatever you gave me kicked in.  My headache is gone.”

“Darlin’, you’re about a buck-o-five and you approached three men who could hurt you with their little fingers.  They tossed you against a wall,” he raises his voice.  “What were you thinking?”

Okay, now he’s pissing me off, “Just for your information, I’m more than ‘a buck-o-five.’  I weigh at least one-ten, maybe more when I’m on my period, not that that’s any of your business.  And I wasn’t tossed, I was shoved.  Why are we arguing about this anyway?  It’s over.  Everyone’s fine.”

“Baby,” he says with zero affection as he drops his arms and stands up straight. “If you tell me everyone is ‘fine’ one more time, I’m gonna fuckin’ snap.”

“Really?” I tip my head.  “If this isn’t you ‘snapping’, I’d like to know what is.  What would you have recommended I do earlier this evening, hmm?”

He narrows his eyes before bringing his hands up to roughly rub his face.  Dropping his head, his hands slide roughly through his hair and he stares at the floor with one hand resting on the back of his neck.

“The police were on their way, I had someone on the phone who I hoped could hear what was going on,” I argue.

He doesn’t look up but he shakes his head as he stares at the floor.

“They were banging on the door.  The kids were scared,” I try and defend myself further.

He still says nothing, but his eyes squeeze tight.

Tired of him ignoring me, I raise my voice, “What was I supposed to do?  They were trying to break in and they could’ve gotten to the kids.”

All of a sudden, his head pops up and I learn what it’s like for Cam to snap.  He was right when he said he was holding on by a thread, but it just frayed.  He turns to the island and everything in front of him goes flying.  Mail, one of the kid’s bags and an extra plastic popcorn bowl go airborne, some flitting to the floor and others hitting the long farmhouse distressed pine table as he screams, “I know!”

I step back out of instinct, hitting the sink and watch him turn around to continue yelling, “You think I don’t fucking know that?”

“Cam,” I utter in a low voice.

He keeps yelling, “You don’t think I know what could’ve happened to my kids tonight had you not waded into that shit?  And all because of the fucking woman I chose to marry and have kids with went and left them by themselves.  The same fucking woman I have to leave them with four days a month.  And now I have to wonder what’s been goin’ on during those four days for who knows how long.  You’ve known them for what, a little over a week?  And you walked right into that shit for my kids when their own mom left them to it.”

“Please, you’re going to wake them,” I say quietly.

“And you’re you and you got hurt doin’ it,” he keeps bellowing, as if I never said a word.  He throws out an arm toward me, continuing, “I don’t know what to do with you, Paige.  I find myself wanting to turn you over my knee and tan your ass for putting yourself in danger, not to mention getting hurt, while at the same time I want to fuck you so hard you can’t see straight to show my appreciation.  Fuck!”

My eyes get big at his words and I see he’s breathing hard.  As he stands across from me, he’s trying to calm himself.  I guess it’s good to know what to expect when he says he’s holding on by a thread. 

He’s silent now and the air is stagnant in his big beautiful kitchen.  I push off the sink where I’m standing and move to him, never taking my eyes off his.  I lift my hands to his abs, loving the feel of him, and when I get close enough, I lift up on my toes to reach his mouth with mine.  He grabs my face, pulling me the rest of the way to take over my kiss. 

Breaking our connection, he says nothing so I ask, “Are you okay?”

“My ex-wife left my kids alone.  Then you stepped in and got hurt.  It could have been so much worse.  So no, I’m not okay,” he exhales.

“I’m sorry,” I say and wind my arms around his waist. 

He puts a gentle hand to my head where I got bumped and asks, “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, my elbow hurts worse than my head.”

“It makes me fucking crazy you got hurt,” he stares down at me intently.

I tip my head and change the subject, “I don’t think I want you to tan my ass.”

He closes his eyes and shakes his head once.

“And I don’t think I want you to fuck me so hard I can’t see straight,” I add.

He opens his bright blue eyes and raises his eyebrows.

“At least not tonight, anyway,” I whisper.

One brow drops but the other stays up in question.

“Cam,” I drawl his name out in two syllables and sink further into him.

His head leans closer to mine and he wraps me up in his arms, “Baby, what do you want?”

I close my eyes and plant my face in his chest, mumbling there, “Don’t make me say it.”

Putting his hands to my face again, forcing me to look up where his eyes are soft and searching, “You want me to take you?”

I look up a beat and try to find my voice, “I want it more than anything.”

I feel his fingers tense on me, “You sure this is what you want?  Now?”

I pull in a breath as I nod. 

His look turns intense and before I know it, I’m up in his arms being whisked away down the hall to his room.

Well, I said it and I meant it. 

But holy hell.

This.

Is.

It.