Chapter 27 – War

 

I’m doing my best, but it’s hard.  I know I’m in charge of this brou-ha-ha and featuring it on my blog, but it’s the first time I’ve been back to Athica Lane in six weeks and I’m wound tight.   

Cayden and Noah’s birthdays are only a week apart and Sophia is throwing them a big combined party.  It’s Saturday around dinnertime, just a week after I saw Cam in Texas.  And here I am, at a Star Wars birthday party that I can’t enjoy because he’s here, standing across the yard glaring at me.  My anger toward him has grown over the past week since I got home from Texas.  He has no right to be angry, not when he ended things sending me away.  The hope has died, the sadness has evaporated and I’m down right pissed.

And this pisses me off more because I love Star Wars.  I put together a kick-ass party that I can’t enjoy because I feel his eyes on me wherever I go.  I dip myself another Yoda Soda out of the punch bowl, which is nothing more than ginger ale over lime sherbet, but it’s the perfect color of green and even a little bubbly.  The kids love it and so do I, but if he doesn’t stop glaring at me soon, I’m either going to throw it in his face or get a bottle of vodka to spike my Yoda Soda so I can better endure a Star Wars party with Campbell Montgomery. 

I turn, almost spilling my soda all over my Yoda t-shirt that reads, “Judge Me By My Size, Do You”, when a group of little boys dressed in Jedi robes almost mow me down.  They’re running with homemade lightsabers made of pool noodles, cut in half and trimmed with duct tape for the handles so they can beat the shit out of each other without getting hurt.  I barely refrain from yelling, not having any patience for kids today, and that isn’t like me. 

Sophia walks up to my side eating a Wookiee Cookie and says with her mouth full, “The air is so thick out here, you’d think Darth Vader walked in with an army of Stormtroopers.”

I look over and scowl, “I need vodka.”

She raises her eyebrows and tips her head, “Maybe you need the Force.”

“Shut up,” I say and look across the yard, trying to focus on anything but him.

“Why did you bring Brian?” she asks.

“I didn’t really bring him.  He’s been stopping by and calling me constantly, trying to make up for what he did.  My schedule is so busy that I keep putting him off, but ever since he found out Cam and I split, he’s been relentless.  When he found out about tonight, he insisted on coming.  I should’ve said no, but he was so adamant, I gave in,” I say, exasperated.

“I don’t know who Cam’s glaring at more, you or Brian,” she says.

“I’ve noticed,” I mutter.

“This is the cutest kid party I’ve ever been to,” Gabby walks up to us, her growing baby bump prominent, eating a red tinted chocolate covered pretzel rod made to look like a lightsaber.  She puts her hand to her tummy, “Jude and I have decided not to find out the sex, but you have to promise to help me with birthday parties.”

“Thanks.  I will,” I say.  “Where are Tony and Leigh?  They’re late.”

“They should be here anytime, I think they were stopping to get Rosa,” Gabby says before she moves to the buffet she’s eyeing, “I think I need some Jedi-Juice and a Han-Burger.”

“She can’t stop eating,” Sophia says, smiling.

“At least she’s not sick anymore,” I say. 

“Great party,” I hear at the same time I feel a hand at the small of my back.  I cringe, look over and see Brian standing next to me, holding a bag of Padawan Popcorn. 

I step away and roll my eyes, “Thanks.”

“And with that,” I hear and look over at Sophia who has big eyes.  “There’s unrest amongst the Rebellion.”

I frown and look toward Cam.  He’s fuming.  His blue eyes are sharp and on me.  If it was possible, he’d have smoke blowing out his ears and I bet he’s breathing like Darth Vader.

I feel my blood boil.  He has no right to stare me down, giving me his angry face and ruin my nephews’ party for me at my sister’s house.  I glare right back and he immediately narrows his eyes.

Well, shit.

*****

“Hey, man.  You don’t look like you’re having fun,” I look over to see Lanny standing at my side.

I don’t say a word, my eyes darting back to Paige who’s scowling at me standing next to that guy who just touched her.  He fucking put his hands on her.  I didn’t like him before but I really don’t like him now.  Why did she bring him and why in the hell did she let him touch her?  I can’t believe it.  There’s no fucking way she can be with that guy.

And as much as I’ve let my mind wander over the past few weeks to places and scenarios of what could be, I’ve never let it go there.  I can’t keep my fucking mind from seeing what she could see for us, for a future.  But it was always us, even though I told her she needed someone who could give her what she wanted.  But because I’m a selfish jackwad, I never let my mind wander to her with someone else.

Until now.

“Dude,” he calls.  “You okay?”

“No,” I say without looking away from her.

“Look,” Lanny starts.  “I don’t know what’s going on with you two and I know this isn’t any of my business.  But when you were with her, I’ve never seen you better.  The last few weeks, I’ve never seen you more miserable, and that includes when you’ve had to deal with that shit of an ex-wife.  Are you a glutton for punishment, or what?”

I cross my arms, not looking away from Paige and don’t answer. 

“Soph told me why you ended things.  I guess I can see where you’re coming from given your ex.  But if you give her what she wants, you really think Paige Carpino’s ever gonna walk on you?” I hear him ask from my side.

Without looking away from her, I growl, “You know I respect you Lanny, but you need to shut the fuck up.”

“What?” I hear him smile.  “You gonna kick my ass at a Star Wars party?”

“Not yours,” I mumble and see that guy take a step closer.

“Should I get you a robe and pool noodle?” he keeps fucking talking.

And that’s when it happened.  That guy reaches up and fucking touches her neck before he brushes a piece hair out of her face.  That’s it.  I drop my arms and move.

“You need back up?” I hear Lanny call from behind me, but I don’t stop or take my eyes off her as I stride to the patio.

When I get to her, she’s frowning and turns her body to face me.  Grasping her upper arm, I pull her to my side and say to the asshole, “Don’t touch her.” 

“Cam!” she yells.

“Let her go,” the asshole raises his voice to me.

I put my other hand to his chest to push him aside before looking down to Paige, “We need to talk.”

“I’m not talking to you and you need to quit glaring at me,” she tries to wiggle out of my hold. 

“Damn it, let her go,” the guy repeats agitated.

“Leave them alone, Brian,” I hear Sophia say but I’m already moving us away from the group, ignoring the scuffle I hear behind us.

I grasp her arm tighter and walk toward Sophia and Lanny’s house.  I lean down and try to control my voice when I say, “Stop it.  You’re making a scene.”

“I’m making a scene?” she shrieks.

“Quiet,” I fume, pulling the door open and drag her into the empty house. 

“Damn it, let me go!” she yells, trying to pull away from me. 

Ignoring her, I feel myself about to snap and look around.  With no other option, I move toward the hall and turn in the first doorway I find, pushing her in and slam the door behind us.  I don’t look at her, but turn and lean both hands against the door. 

Shutting my eyes tight, trying to control myself, I breathe, “He touched you.”

“What?” she asks in a high voice.

I hang on to what little cool I have left and demand as I feel my body tense, “Has he touched you?”

“You’re really something, Campbell Montgomery,” she spouts from behind me.  “I might be inexperienced, but I know enough that when someone ends things, it’s done.  It’s none of your business who touches me.”

I turn to look at her.  She’s got her arms crossed with a foot hitched, looking at me with disdain. 

“I’m gonna ask one more time and I want an answer,” I say right before I lose it and roar, “Has he fucking touched you?”

She frowns deeper and leans forward yelling back, “What if he has?”

Between seeing him touch her, her throwing her sass, the war raging between my head and my fucking heart, I can’t take it.  I feel myself snap and turn, putting my fist through the first thing it touches. 

*****

I step back, not believing what I just saw.  Not only has he dragged me away from the party, he pushed me into Isabella’s nursery and after demanding to know shit he has no right to demand, he put a hole in the pink, painted wall. 

I know he’s lost it, but so have I and yell, “Are you crazy?  You punched a hole in Isabella’s wall!”

He turns back around with his face full of rage, but this time his voice is laced with sarcasm when he belts, “You let him fuck you?” 

“I cannot believe you,” I whisper, because I’m too shocked to scream.

He starts to move toward me and I move back, bumping into the crib.  When he reaches me he puts his hands to my hips and holds me tight, pinning his body against mine, “Hmm?  Tell me, baby,” he keeps on with the angry sarcasm.  “I want to know if you’re with him.  I want to know if you let him touch you. I want to know if you want him to touch you the way you used to want me to touch you.”

I push on his chest and try my best to keep my voice from shaking, “You’re an ass.”

“A week ago you told me you loved me and today you show up with that guy?” he asks, lowering his voice.  It doesn’t matter how hard I push, I can’t get away from him because he’s got me pinned, wrapped up in his arms.  One’s at the middle of my back and the other on my ass. 

“Fuck you,” I whisper.  “You don’t get to do this—you ended it with me,” I say, letting my body go slack and I feel my ire start to disintegrate as my tears form.  I try and swallow it down at the same time I try to ignore how it feels to be wrapped up in him after so long. 

“That was a mistake,” he says and when he does, my heart skips a beat.  His hand at my back sneaks up into my hair at my scalp and he pulls, making my head tip.  As soon as I look up, my tears spill.   He leans down, his lips only a breath away from mine where he asks, “You miss my touch?”

“Stop,” I plead.

He squeezes my ass and pulls me to him at the same time he kisses the side of my mouth.  To feel his goatee on my face after so long is a painful reminder of what I’ve been missing and why.  But it kills me when he whispers, “You love me?”

“Please, Cam,” I say as I feel his breath on my face.

“Please what?” he keeps on and his hands start moving on my body at the same time he presses his hips into my tummy.  I feel his cock, long and hard through his shorts and I have to pull in a deep breath.  His hand comes up to my breast where he cups me, his thumb and forefinger working together to tease, working my body into knots.  He whispers demands against my lips, “Tell me, baby.  Did he touch you?”

His touch, his lips, his body.  He’s wiped the bitch clean out of me.  I hate it, but I’m completely overwhelmed so I give in, “No.  No one but you.”

He pulls his head back a bit so he can look at me.  His blue eyes search my face before settling on my eyes and he says, “You’re right.  No one but me.”

Then his lips are on mine, his tongue roaming my mouth.  Tasting him again is a sweet agony.  I can’t help my hands as they push his shirt up his back, touching his skin and feeling his muscles tense under my fingers is something I thought I’d never get again.  I push further to get more of him, but he steps back and rips my shirt up, my arms going with it.  He drops it to the floor, yanking his own off quickly before his fingers make work of the buttons on my shorts, yanking them down with my panties in one swoop. 

I barely free one foot, my flip-flop getting caught on the other before I’m up and have to grasp onto his shoulders.  I wrap my legs around his waist and he turns, putting a knee to the floor where we both come down.  His mouth hits mine for a searing kiss and I feel my bra being yanked down on one side.  He wraps his lips around my nipple, pulling me roughly into his mouth. 

He leans up, breaking our kiss and I feel his hand come between my legs.  I can’t help but pull them far apart for him and I hear him say, “You’re always ready for me.”

“Yes,” I breathe as he frees himself. 

And before I know it, he’s covered my body and slides into me with one hard push.  I let out a moan, I can’t help it.  He’s never felt so good.  He feels more perfect than ever and I pull my knees up high to get every bit of him.

“Baby,” he says, his voice ragged in my ear as he moves fast and unrestrained inside me.  “Fuck, I’ve missed you.”

“Cam,” I call for him.  “Harder.”

But he doesn’t give me what I want.  I feel his hand come between us and reach for my clit.  He leans up and looks down our bodies, connected, him circling me with his thumb.  And oh, I’ve missed this.  Missed him, missed what he can do to me.

“Yes,” I breathe and can’t help but lift my hips to get more of him, wanton and needy.  “Please Cam, I need more,” I beg.

He moves faster and with his thumb working me, it doesn’t take long.  I come hard.  I exhale and let it wrack my body.  It’s been so long.  I haven’t touched myself since we’ve been apart.

His mouth lands on mine, drinking my moans and he really starts to move.  I wrap my legs around him to hang on and he slams into me faster, harder than ever.   I get to hear Cam breathe, groan and even pant.  I never knew how much I missed those sounds.  I arch my back pushing up as he grinds down, and I feel it, loving being connected to him after so long.  He finally presses me hard into the floor where he finds his release.

The next thing I know, Cam gives me his weight, his forehead resting on the carpet beside my head.  I feel the dampness on his back and as I breathe deep, I smell something I never thought to miss.  Perspiration and sex.  The smell us mixed together is so heady, it overwhelms me.  All my senses engulf me as I lay here, staring up at the ceiling of my niece’s pink nursery.  Him, me, us. 

Us?

That’s when it starts to crawl over me.  And as the moments tick by and I’m surrounded by him, inside and out, the haze starts to evaporate.

“Cam?” I quietly call for him.

He pulls out a bit and presses back in before tightening his arms.  He hums, “Hmm?”

“What just happened?” I ask, my body coming down and my head clearing as to what took place, but not knowing what it means.

He’s still breathing hard and when he turns my head to him, he doesn’t answer, he kisses me.  This isn’t a soft, after-sex-kiss.  This is an I’ve-just-returned-from-war-and-I-want-to-ravish-you kiss.  I’ve only been with Cam, but I do know this is not normal.

But like every rollercoaster, the ride finally comes to a halt and my brain instantly becomes alert.  I pull back violently, “Oh shit!  You didn’t use a condom.”

He looks down and frowns, “I guess not.”

“I never started birth control,” I panic and try to push him off me. 

I realize I just had sex, unprotected sex, with the man I fell hard for.  Okay, I’ll even admit it, I love him.  Not only that, but I let it happen in my niece’s nursery during a Star Wars party with a million little kids, their parents and all my family outside.  I even let it happen after he punched a hole in a pink wall because he was in a jealous rage thinking I was with someone I’m not, even though he broke up with me.  Now I’m lying here with my shirt off, my bra pulled down exposing one breast with my shorts and panties tangled around my flip-flop.  And he’s on top of me, inside me with no condom, skin to skin, as bare as my ass is on this nursery floor. 

Oh shit, no wonder it felt so good.

“Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.  Why did I let this happen?  I need to leave,” I keep pushing on him to move.

“Settle down,” he says, pressing his cock into me again.

“Stop doing that!” I yell.

He brings his hand up to the side of my panicked face and says calmly, “Baby, settle.  I didn’t know you didn’t start your pill.  Honestly, I didn’t think twice.  We were both caught up in the moment.”

“Why would I start birth control—you broke up with me!” I keep yelling.

He narrows his eyes and I feel him give me more of his weight when he says seriously, “We’re gonna talk about that, but I’ve got to get you home first.  Now, are you gonna calm down?”

“I’m not going anywhere with you,” I start.  “And would you get off of me?  And out of me?  I’m going back to the party.  The Vader Veggies have got to be running low by now.  And it’s about time for the Millennium Falcon cake.”

“I’m taking you home,” he frowns.  “Now.”

“Just get off,” I start hitting his shoulders.  “Get off, get off!”

“Baby, I’m not moving until you promise to come home with me.  I don’t give a shit about veggies or a cake.”

I realize he’s serious.  He could lay here on me all night and we’d traumatize little Isabella when they come to put her to bed, so I lie, “Fine, whatever.  Just get off me.”

He tips his head, like he knows I’m lying and leans in to kiss me.  This kiss is his soft, after-sex-kiss that I’ve missed.  I’ve missed it so much I almost forget he’s buried inside me without a condom, not that the damage hasn’t already been done, but still. 

He finishes his kiss and swipes my bottom lip with his tongue.  When he pulls his head back enough to see me, he murmurs, “We’ll talk at home.”

Finally, he pulls out of me and before he stands up, he rights my bra.  Yanking me to my feet with my hands in his, I silently start to figure out the pretzel that is my panties and shorts.  By the time I stand, he’s pulling his shirt over his head and hands me mine. 

I barely get my shirt over my head when he grabs my hand tightly and moves to the door.  He pauses a nanosecond, looking at the hole in the wall he created with his fist, he shakes his head quickly before pulling me out of the room.  We move through the house, but don’t go to the back-yard.  He leads me to the front door where I try to turn my hand out of his.

He looks back frowning, grasping me tighter and says, “If I have to, I’ll pick you up and carry you kicking and screaming.  Or you can cooperate and walk quietly.  I know you don’t want to attract the attention of your family.  Either way, you’re coming home.  Now, what’ll it be?”

I give him a dirty look and move to the front door.  I know he’d pick me up in a heartbeat, so I’ll listen to what he has to say.  Then I’ll leave.

He doesn’t let go of my hand and as we make our way down the front walk toward his house.  Lanny walks around the corner with a bag of trash in his hands and stops when he sees us.  He frowns and then tips his head before raising his eyebrows, “You, uh, might want to straighten your hair.”

Shit.  I didn’t even think about my hair and lift my hand to the back of my head.  My pony-tail is lopper-jawed, completely falling out on one side.  I yank the tie from my hair and decide to leave it at that.

“Send the kids home after the party,” Cam says to Lanny, then adds, “and we could use some time alone.  If anyone’s looking for us, it’d be good if you could keep quiet.”

My brother-in-law grins, holding up his hand he says, “I didn’t see you sneaking off from a Star Wars party.”

“I appreciate it,” Cam says and starts pulling me down the walk again.  He stops and quickly adds, “I’ll be over tomorrow to patch the hole.”

“Hole?” Lanny asks, confused.

“Yeah,” Cam confirms.  “You’ll see.  Don’t worry, though.  I’ll fix it tomorrow.”

Lanny looks at me and I give him a little shake of my head while shrugging my shoulders.  I’m not worried about Lanny—he’s easy going—but Sophia’s going to have a fit when she sees Isabella’s room.

Cam turns us for the last time from a perplexed Lanny and we move through the expanse to his house, while I pray no one sees us.  The party is going strong, kids screaming and laughing.  I hope they like the Millennium Falcon cake since I won’t be there to see them eat it. 

We finally get to Cam’s garage.  Or, I should say, Cam pulled me all the way to his garage.  Moving through the mudroom and into the kitchen, I realize I should have taken a moment to prepare myself for returning here during the walk over.  I’ve missed being with him in his house.  But nonetheless, laundry is piled a mile high and the kitchen’s a mess like it used to be.  I don’t understand what’s so hard about putting dishes in the dishwasher.

I hear a hiss and look down to see John Wayne.  I guess nothing’s changed, he still doesn’t like me.  But given my day, I really don’t care so I say, “I hate you, too.”

Cam finally lets me go and I immediately move through his house.  Half-way across the yard I felt it and I’ve never felt it because Cam’s always used a condom, but he’s leaking out of me.  I need a bathroom and fast.

“Where are you going?” he calls for me.

“Bathroom,” I yell back and barely hear him mutter an, “Oh,” before I slam the powder room door. 

After I’ve cleaned myself up, I take a breath.  I need a breath, or something.  Something to get me through whatever Cam has to say so I can leave. 

I move slower back to the kitchen to find him.  He’s standing in the middle of the room, his stance wide and his arms crossed, like he’s guarding the door in case I make a break for it. 

I stop about five feet from him.  He says nothing and doesn’t move a muscle, just stands there staring at me.  I’ve decided every time I try and break a moment of silence, it doesn’t end well.  If I have to stand here all day and endure the quiet, I will.

Finally, he uncrosses his arms and roughly rubs his face.  Seriously.  I have to roll my eyes.  Men can be so melodramatic in their own way.

He weirdly starts with, “I can’t eat out.”

I frown, not understanding, “Excuse me?”

“You’ve ruined eating at a restaurant for me.”

“Uh, sorry?” I offer.

“I look at a menu and all I can think about is how long it would take you to order.  Then I find myself picking something wondering if you’d like it or not.  Then I wonder what you would order, because if you were with me, I’d have to eat half of it whether I wanted it or not.  This pisses me off, so we’ve quit eating out,” he says.

I don’t know what to say to that.  That’s weird but a little sweet.

“Cara wants to cook.  I don’t cook.  Cara wants her toes painted and I really don’t fucking paint toes.  I got so tired of her asking, I took her somewhere to have that shit done,” he says, glaring at me. 

I feel my eyes widen as I think about Cam sitting in a nail salon waiting for Cara to have her toes done and ask, “You took Cara to get a pedicure?”

“I don’t know what it’s called, but they did her toes and she was thrilled,” he says leaning toward me, pissed-off and complaining about the experience.

“Wow,” I mutter.

“And Jordy?” he starts and I take a step back.  I miss them all, but the way Jordy looked at me in Texas last week cut deep.  He completely disregarded me at the party today.  “I can barely look at my son at times knowing I took you from him.  It kills me, Paige.  He’s pissed at you because he’s not old enough to get it, but I know it’s me who caused him that pain.”

I have nothing to say because I agree.

“But me?” he goes on, his voice dipping.  “I reach out for you.”

“Reach out for me?” I ask.

“Every night.  If I can get to sleep at all, I wake up and I’m reaching for you.  Looking for you in my sleep.  It doesn’t matter how hard I try not to, every fucking night I reach out for you,” he says angrily.

“Cam,” I whisper.  “I miss you, too.  But you can’t go into a jealous rage like you did today.  Nothing’s changed.”

“I changed my mind,” he blurts. 

I frown, “What?”

“How many?” he asks, crossing his arms.

“What are you…wait,” I say.  My voice rises when I realize what he’s talking about, “Are you negotiating with me?”

“Doesn’t matter,” he shakes his head.  “You can have whatever you want.”

“Are you serious?” I yell, exasperated with him. 

“Absolutely,” he says.

He’s out of his mind. 

“So you’re telling me that we’ve been apart for six weeks.  Six long, miserable weeks where I’ve shed too many tears, sucked my family dry of emotional support, not to mention slept on my sofa the entire time.  And today during a Star Wars party when you thought I was with another man, you decided you’d like to create some humans with me?  And not only that, but you don’t care how many?  Do I have this right?” I put my hands to my hips, asking for clarification.

He has the nerve to hold his arms out and be perplexed, “Why are you angry?  This is what you want.”

“I want you to want it, too!” I scream at the same time the doorbell rings.

“Damn it,” Cam rumbles, frustrated as he moves to the front door.  “I told him not to tell anyone where we were.”

I stay where I am because I’m too shocked by his “offer” to have as many kids as I want.  I mean really, we’re not talking about guinea pigs.  Does he think I’m going to want to have kids with someone who doesn’t want any more kids?

“Paige?” I hear her call my name and turn to see Tony and Leigh walk in.  Tony’s frowning and Leigh is red-faced.  Cam walks in behind them.  He doesn’t look angry anymore, he looks intense and without taking his eyes off me he comes straight to my side, pulling me to him.

I ignore Cam and ask Leigh, “Are you okay?  What’s wrong?”

Leigh starts to say something, but quickly shuts her mouth.  She looks at Tony and starts tearing up.  My brother pulls his wife to his side where she clings to him and he looks at Cam.  I feel his arm tighten around me before Tony settles his eyes on me softly, “It’s Rosa.  I’m sorry, Paige.”