The air was crisp. The snow was pure. A dog’s fun was genuinely innocent.
Being out here was like a fresh start. A fresh start I wanted so desperately my chest ached with it. Supposedly, I’d gotten a “fresh” start a year ago, but it never felt that way.
I ended up feeling like a dirty secret. Like an entirely new person that only shared the same silhouette of who I used to be.
With the blue hat Liam insisted on pulled low on my head and the long strands of my hair sneakily tucked into my coat, I felt pretty disguised. Everyone out here was dressed alike, and without my blond hair to give me away, it was as if I were just another person on vacay at BearPaw.
I couldn’t help but think of my father and the time we spent here together. It had been the only real time I’d gotten to spend with him.
It seemed silly I missed him. I mean, yes, he was my father, but I could count on one hand the amount of times I’d seen him in my life.
Was it him I missed or just the idea of a father?
I had no illusions about what a great man he was or even a great father. In fact, I knew he wasn’t great at either. If his absence in my life wasn’t proof, the way his life came to a violent end was.
My eyes strayed to Liam. How confident he looked in front of the line of people he was instructing.
I could count on one hand the number of times I’d seen him in my life as well.
Oddly, it was less than my father. I missed Liam, too. Something deep inside me might even argue I missed him more than my dad. Eight years of missing someone I barely knew.
The heart doesn’t measure time, though, does it?
The heart has its own way of equating value. And it seemed my heart had a soft spot for men who didn’t stick around.
I glanced around, off to the right where the ski lift was running. People on skis and snowboards all stood in line. Laughter floated down from the cars overhead as they soared up the mountain.
As I stared, I was transported back in time. To eight years ago…
It was early. So freaking early. I didn’t even drag myself out of bed for school at this hour. Yet here I was, pulling on all the brand-new snow gear my father had bought me downstairs. I glanced at the door that adjoined our rooms, thankful we didn’t have to share just one. That would be totally embarrassing.
And it wouldn’t have made what I was doing possible. Once I had all the layers piled on—seriously, I could not imagine doing this every day; back in Cali, it sometimes felt like a chore to put on sandals instead of just flip-flops—I headed out.
The slopes opened early for all those people who liked to get in some runs (as they called them in the brochure) before they had to work or fill their day with one of the other million activities here at the resort.
I’d thought my father was insane when he showed up and announced we were going to some tiny town in Colorado for a vacation. Who vacations in the snow?
It really felt like the twilight zone when my mother agreed to let me go.
I’d been skeptical, nervous even, but now that I was here, I loved it. This place was gorgeous. I’d never seen so much snow and so many trees in all my life.
There was just one problem. This California girl did not know how to ski. At all.
That was why I found myself standing there with a pair of skis that felt like clown shoes attached to my boots as I stared up at the ski lift, a machine I was supposed to sit in while it dragged me over the terrain on a wire.
Yikes.
Clearly, I didn’t think this through. I might have to admit defeat.
As I stood there, at war with myself, someone skidded past, throwing up a wave of snow against my legs. I craned my neck, following the person on the snowboard as he curved around and stopped behind me.
When he lifted the goggles off his face, I was momentarily dumbstruck. He was freaking gorgeous. Clear, smooth skin that seemed sun-kissed even in this snow. Strong brow, defined jaw, and a straight nose.
His eyes were gray.
Not that in-between color either. You know the one where the color isn’t quite blue and not quite green.
True gray.
Like a cloudy sky. Or a floor of pebbles in a river.
“You’re supposed to get on it. Not stare at it,” gray eyes told me, a cocky smirk curving his mouth.
“I think I like my feet down here. On the ground.”
He smiled. “First time?”
I swallowed, glancing down at his lips. They were kissable. Sooo kissable.
I couldn’t speak, so instead, I nodded.
“You’re out here pretty early for a first timer. Most of us on the slopes at this hour are regulars.”
“You’re a regular?”
“Of course. I have mad skills.”
My stomach fluttered a little when he smiled like that. “I came out because I wanted to practice a little. I’m here with my father, and…” My voice faded. Why was I telling him this? He was a stranger.
“And?” He leaned in as if he were really interested.
“And I wanted to impress him. I didn’t want to look like a newb.” I glanced down at the snow. “It’s stupid.”
“Not stupid.”
Surprised, I glanced up. He grinned at me, and I found myself grinning back. “Stupid if you’re too terrified to even get on the lift.”
“Maybe you won’t be as scared if I ride with you.”
“What?”
He nodded and motioned for me to follow him. “C’mon. If you ride with me, I’ll be your first.” Even with the goggles and hat on his head, I could see him wagging his eyebrows.
“I think I’ll pass,” I said, glancing up at the car floating overhead.
“I’ll hold your hand.” He offered.
Glancing between him and the lift, I decided to go for it. Using the poles, I pushed off, sliding instantly down the small slope toward the lift entrance. Once I got going, I couldn’t stop.
“Watch out!” I yelled, but he didn’t move. Instead, he planted himself right in front of me and caught me around the waist.
“And you’re worried about the lift? I think you should be more worried about the skis strapped to your feet.”
Embarrassed, I pulled back, but my skis had slid up over his board, and I couldn’t just take a step back. I would have fallen if he hadn’t tightened his hold.
“I’m Liam,” he said, our noses mere inches apart.
“Bellamy.”
“You’re up!” the lift attendant called.
Liam managed to untangle us and direct me in front of the coming seat. Standing beside me, he took hold of my elbow. “Now,” he said right when the bench arrived.
We both sat, and the cart kept moving, sweeping us off the ground. Liam pulled a bar down in front of us as I clutched at the poles and stared over the side.
“Here,” he said, taking my poles. Once they were gone, he reached for my hand.
I knew gloves were a necessity out here in the frigid temps… but I wished there wasn’t a glove between us.
“Don’t look down. Look out.”
“What?” I glanced at him. For a long moment, I swear I got lost in his eyes.
“Look out,” he replied, taking my chin with his free hand and turning my face so I would see the sweeping view.
I gasped. Up here, everything looked so pristine. So fantasy-like. The snow was like a white blanket enveloping everything, even the deep-green trees. Fat snowflakes floated from the sky, brushing against my cheeks and creating a while haze over everything.
“It’s so beautiful,” I whispered.
“See what you would have missed if you’d stayed down there on the ground?”
“Thank you.”
“Next stop is ours.” He gestured to the approaching platform.
“Already?”
His chuckle was enough to melt the snowflakes still falling out of the sky. “Unless you want to ride all the way up to the black diamond course. And judging from what I saw on the ground, you should probably stick to the bunny hill.”
I smiled, sheepish. “You’re probably right.”
“When it comes up, you have to get up quick.”
My teeth sank into my lower lip, and I concentrated as we met the platform. Liam and I stood quickly, but I still wasn’t quick enough. How could anyone be with these death traps on their feet?
I didn’t get flattened by the still-moving car, though. Instead, Liam hoisted me off to the side.
“Thanks,” I said when we were out of harm’s way.
“How about a free lesson?” He gestured to my skis and handed me the poles I’d actually forgotten about.
I glanced at the snowboard he was so confidently perched on. “You can ski, too?”
“Since I could walk.”
“Don’t you have something else you’d rather be doing?”
His teeth flashed. They were as white as the snow. “Keeping you from killing yourself or someone else on those things? I think that’s pretty important.”
I laughed.
“C’mon. Give me thirty minutes and you’ll be outskiing your dad.”
He spent thirty minutes teaching me how to ski.
He spent thirty minutes carving out a place in my heart that I had no idea would still be there eight years later.
The sound of flirtatious laughter brought me out of the blast from the past. Charlie nudged my hand and whined. I scratched him behind the ear as I glanced around toward the sound.
It didn’t take long to find it.
It was right in front of Liam.
The lesson must have just ended because people were going off to do their own thing. A few people hung back, adjusting their equipment. Liam had a clipboard in his hand and a black knit hat pulled down over his head. Snowflakes were sticking to it and lying on his broad shoulders.
The girl laughed again, and my back teeth came together.
She had blond hair. It fell it wet waves from under her hat. Her eyes were covered with a pair of mirrored sunglasses, and her ski outfit was hot pink and navy. I knew by the way she was leaning toward Liam she was flirting with him.
I heard the low timbre of his voice, but couldn’t make out the words. He didn’t lean toward her as she did him, but he wasn’t running away either.
It shouldn’t bother me.
It did.
I was here to hide. I hadn’t even wanted to see him. I had so much going on. The last thing I needed was to get involved with a guy who literally broke my heart at the age of sixteen.
Walk away, Bellamy. Just walk away.
My feet obeyed. I started walking.
But not away.
Toward the girl who was standing there looking like a life-size Barbie, trying to flirt with a man who most definitely was not hers.