The words were out.
There was no going back.
Liam pushed up off the floor, leaving me unanchored and in danger of floating away. Before pacing away, he draped a blanket around my shoulders and tucked it closely beneath my chin.
I decided the best thing to do was to push on and not drag this out.
Liam had a choice to make. I had to let him make it.
“Turns out the reason my mother didn’t want me around my father was because he was in bed with some pretty nasty New York mobsters.” The sound I made was too harsh to be a laugh, but not quite sad enough to be a cry. “Who even knew mobsters existed outside of comic books and movies?”
Liam continued to pace behind me. I felt his movements, heard them, but I didn’t look. I didn’t really want to see the expression on his face when he fully understood that he was involved with someone who could literally bring the mob down on him.
“Before I was even born, she packed up and moved to California, all the way across the country. She told him to stay away, but he didn’t listen. And I was just a girl. I didn’t know what a relationship with him could cost. I just wanted my father. I wanted him to love me.”
“Bells.” Liam sounded broken.
When his hand slid across my back, I flinched.
I couldn’t accept his comfort right now. If I did, I wouldn’t be able to finish.
“I guess he’d done something to betray Crone and his organization. In court, they said my father had been trying to get out, to cut ties with it all.”
“You don’t get out of the mob,” Liam murmured. “Even I know that.”
“You’re right. You don’t. But he was trying anyway.”
“He wanted to be a man worthy of a daughter like you.”
A broken sound ripped out of me. My heart felt pummeled. “Please don’t say that,” I murmured. “I don’t want to live with thinking he got killed because he was trying to get out for me.”
Liam swept in close, picked me up, and carried me to the couch. He sat down with me in his lap and adjusted the blankets around us. “I didn’t mean to put that on you, sweetheart.” His voice was soft and cajoling. “There is nothing about this situation that is your fault.” He pulled my face up to meet his. “Nothing.”
“I know that, but sometimes it’s hard to feel it. You know?”
His lips grazed my temple. “I know.”
I laid my cheek against his chest. “Maybe he was tired of looking over his shoulder. Maybe he did want to be a better man. I don’t know. I won’t ever know the reason my father wanted out, just that he did.
“That day he was killed, the men who did it… They said Crone’s name. Twice. They even called someone while I watched to make sure Crone knew they’d done what he ordered. It was the proof the DA needed to put him away. One of the men who was there that day, he got arrested and gave up some information, thinking he would be protected… but Crone’s people got to him anyway. He died before the trial.” That made me think of something Spidey said earlier. “He got shanked in his sleep,” I murmured.
Maybe that’s why Spidey wanted me dead so badly. Not because I got his friend sent to prison and killed, but because he knew Crone would do the same to him. Maybe he thought by taking me out, it would make him less of a target.
Liam made a sound and tugged me closer.
“I barely saw daylight in the six months leading up to the trial. They put me and Mom into protective custody. Mom wasn’t a witness, but she was the only thing Crone could use against me. They made an attempt on me once, almost managed to kill me. After that, the Feds moved us around constantly. I looked over my shoulder every time I moved. When I slept, it was restless, and if I managed to sleep deeply, I always dreamed of that day…”
“I wish I’d been there,” Liam murmured, stroking my damp, messed-up braid. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”
“I’ll never forget the look on Crone’s face the day I saw him in court. The cold emptiness in his stare. After I testified, after I pretty much put the nail in his coffin, he smiled. He looked right at me and smiled. I’d never felt more threatened in my entire life.”
“What happened?”
“They put me into witness protection. Mom, too. But we were separated. It was safer for us to be apart. I haven’t seen her since the trial ended. The last time we met, she gave me a number. I have no idea where it came from. She told me I could call her on it if I ever had to. Our code was to ask about roses; that way we knew it was actually us.”
“You were afraid to call her, though.”
I nodded. “I was worried they were watching her, waiting to find out where I’d run off to.” I lifted my cheek and glanced at him. “I’m still terrified I gave her away. But I had to know. I had to see if she was okay.”
“I know.” He soothed, tucking my face back into his chest.
“They promised I would be safe in witness protection. I got a new life, a new name. A new address. I left behind everything about who I was before. I gave up my job, my mother… everything.”
“You went to Chicago, right?”
I nodded. “Seems kinda stupid if you ask me. The woman who put a mobster away was sent to live in Chicago where Crone has connections. But they assured me it was safe. And for a while, it was.”
“How’d you end up here with me?”
“One night, a delivery man came to my door. I hadn’t ordered anything, and I just had this feeling, you know? Like I was being watched… like something was wrong.”
I felt Liam nod, so I continued, a little lost. Reliving the night just a week ago. God, it felt like a lifetime.
“I told him to leave the package and go.” I swallowed thickly. My mouth was dry and so was my throat. “He said he would… but he didn’t. He picked the lock and came inside.”
Liam’s body was taut beneath mine, nearly vibrating with stress. Wanting to comfort him, I slid my arm up and hugged around his neck.
“He had a gun with a silencer on it. We, ah, got into a struggle. I’d been cooking on the stove, and when he shoved me into the kitchen, I grabbed the pan and threw the hot food in his face. I ran then. I had that duffle packed in the closet by the door. Maybe I always knew I was going to have to run. I grabbed it and hid downstairs. When I saw him run the other way, I got a cab and got the hell out of there.”
“You came here,” Liam said. I could practically hear him digesting everything I’d told him.
I nodded. “After I went into a local gym and stole some shoes and a hat and after a couple stops on a train, yeah. I got on a bus and came here. It was the only place I could think of.”
“You didn’t tell the FBI you’re here?”
I shook my head. “No. They had their chance to protect me. They failed. Crone’s guys still found me, and I know they aren’t going to stop. They’re going to keep coming until I’m dead.”
“I won’t let them kill you.”
I made a sound. “Don’t you understand what I’m saying, Liam? These men… they’re professional killers. I betrayed them. And what’s worse is I got away. More than once. Anyone associated with me will get caught in the crossfire. I’m like a walking time bomb.”
I climbed off his lap, despite his attempts to not let me go.
“This is why I can’t stay here!” I said, flinging my arm wide. “This is why I can’t be your girlfriend. Technically, Bellamy Cutler doesn’t even exist anymore.”
The severity of this situation seemed to crash down on me full speed. I felt like I was being pummeled by that avalanche all over again. My body slumped under the weight of it all, and my shoulder ached. Tears I didn’t even know I’d been crying dampened my face and dripped into my lips, leaving a salty tang across my tongue.
I’d been stupid. Blind. Liam made me blind. He gave me a sense of security and the love I’d always desperately wanted.
I loved him. Fiercely. Almost stupidly.
And by being here, I signed his death warrant.
Shame filled me. The kind of soul-crushing humiliation I’d honestly only ever known when I’d seen my mother that first time after my father’s murder. The time she looked at me with a sad, almost damning look in her eyes.
She’d tried to tell me. I didn’t listen.
I never fucking listened.
Security wasn’t mine to have. His love wasn’t either.
A sob ripped out of my chest, and I rushed toward my clothes, slapping my hands on the fabric, feeling it was still wet but knowing it was going to have to do.
Maybe if I left right now, if I took off and never came back, those men would follow… and they would forget about Liam.
Maybe if I just let them kill me, then everything would stop. Liam would be safe. My mother would be safe… I wouldn’t have to run.
Another sob ripped through my chest, and more tears splashed across my cheeks.
“What are you doing?” Liam demanded, appearing by my side.
“I have to go,” I said, picking up the jeans. “Just let me go.”
The wet denim was ripped out of my hands and thrown across the room. I reached for another article of clothing, my shirt.
The shirt Liam had given me to wear.
Clutching it to my chest, deep, wrenching sobs ripped out of me.
Warm, strong arms encircled me from behind. Liam pulled me against him, hunching around me like a protective shield. “You’re not leaving,” he murmured.
“If I stay, they’ll kill you. They’ll kill us both.” I sobbed.
“I’d rather die with you than live without you.”
I sucked in a breath. The sobs shaking me stopped, and I stood frozen against him, his body holding up mine. “W-what?”
“I mean it, Bellamy,” he intoned, his voice dangerously low and sincere. “If you leave, I’ll follow. I’ll chase you around this damn globe if I have to. I will not live without you.”
I shuddered under the sheer power in that statement. I couldn’t even fool myself into believing he didn’t know exactly what he was saying. He knew.
He meant it.
My lungs trembled when I finally sucked in a breath. I turned to face him. The second he pulled back to let me, I folded toward the floor.
With a grunt, Liam caught me, pulling me right into his chest.
My entire body was shaking, teeth chattering again. It was too much. He was too much.
“Why?” It was all I could manage. All I could think of.
“Because I love you. Because one day with you is better than a lifetime without.”
More tears fell.
The crushing emotion in my chest coupled with the weakness in my limbs overcame all thought. Even fear.
Fear, the strongest emotion I’d ever known, the strongest arguable emotion of the entire human race, had succumbed.
To Liam.
The pads of his thumbs were warm and slightly rough when he dragged them over my wind-burned, tear-soaked cheeks. My breathing hitched, and he smiled tenderly, making me feel I’d just been wrung out and hung in the sun to dry.
“You’re staying here, Bells. You’re staying home with me.”
“Home,” I whispered, tears filling my eyes anew.
He nodded, and I found myself nodding back. My hands closed around his wrists, holding on to him while he held on to me.
We stood there for a long time, the light of the fire creating an orange halo around Liam, giving his already strong body a superhuman glow as we held each other, just staring.
A log in the fireplace fell, and the sound of it was loud and interruptive. I jolted, taken off guard. Liam steadied me before easing back to add more wood and stoke the flames.
When he was done, he piled a few more blankets on the floor in front of the warm glow and then reached for my hand. Our lips met just seconds after our hands. His mouth was gentle and cajoling. A veil fell over everything. On one side, it was just him and me, and on the other was the rest of the world. The only sound in the room was that of our lips meeting again and again. The only light was from the flames of the fire and the one inside the lamp.
Outside, the wind howled. A stream of the icy air entered through the broken window on the door and brushed across my lower back, almost like a skeleton reaching out to me from a grave.
I shivered and pushed closer. Liam closed around me and turned, putting himself in the path of the air and blocking me from its clutches. Warmth reached out from the fire, wrapping around my legs and caressing my skin.
Lifting his head, Liam looked down with heavy, silver eyes.
I thought about speaking. Of saying something to try and convey exactly how he made me feel. In the end, I said nothing because there were no words that could explain, and no words could match the ones he’d just spoken.
Wrapping an arm around my waist, he lifted and pushed. My body went willingly onto the pile of blankets, landing softly beneath his.
Firelight stretched across his side and climbed over his defined shoulder. I traced the shadows with my fingertips and watched with bated breath as his nipples tightened. Lowering again, his mouth brushed mine, and we kissed endlessly, using our tongues to explore each other. I felt his erection brush against me every time he moved restlessly, and each time, I felt my own restlessness grow.
My fingers explored the contours of his back and sides. The way his body responded and rippled beneath my touch was intoxicating. His mouth ripped away from mine, and I gasped when he latched onto the side of my neck and sucked. I arched into him, turning my head to the side to give him all the access he desired.
Too soon, his lips gentled, and I made a sound of frustration and pushed up toward him farther. Liam kissed across my collarbone and flicked his tongue across my nipple.
I sucked in a breath, then expelled it when the pressure of his lips closing around the swollen pebble shot a tingle of pleasure through me that ended between my legs.
I grabbed at his hair, filling my hands, and ran my foot up the inside of his thigh.
Liam lifted his head. The glint in his eyes was hot and dangerous. “Watch that arm, sweetheart,” he rumbled.
I blinked, not really hearing what he said.
God, just the sound of his voice was sexy.
I must not have done what he wanted because he smiled, lopsided, and kissed his way back up my body.
Pushing up onto his hands, Liam pulled my one hand away from him and pressed a kiss to the palm. “You can’t be moving around too much,” he said, placing the arm at my side.
My shoulder. Right. I’d forgotten about it.
In this moment, I didn’t fucking care.
I reached for him again, ignoring his order.
He drew back, arching an eyebrow. “Don’t make me stop, Bells,” he intoned deliciously. “Please, don’t fucking make me stop.”
My arm fell back to my side, and he lowered again.
“This really isn’t the time for this,” he said, pressing kisses against my mouth as he spoke. “But goddamn, I want you so much.”
Curling my hand around his waist, I pulled his body down until we molded together. His eyes flickered to mine, and I opened my legs so his body fell between them. His rock-hard cock nudged exactly where I wanted it to.
Both of us shuddered, and his hips thrust forward. He’d have been inside me with the movement if our underwear wasn’t in the way. I moaned and moved restlessly beneath him.
Rising to his knees, he hooked his thumbs in the waistband of his boxer briefs and tugged them down. I sucked in a breath, gazing upon the strength in his body and the way his long, lean torso gave way to a sinful V-shaped muscle that turned the inside of my mouth into the Sahara.
Curling a hand around the back of my knee, he lifted my leg, propping it up on his shoulder. Slowly, he dragged the panties over my legs using his fingertips as foreplay all the way down the inside of my thighs and past my knees.
Once the panties were gone, he kissed the inside of my ankle and nipped at my calf.
I watched him, feeling like the fire wasn’t beside me anymore, but inside me. My fingers curled into the blankets beneath me, pulling up fistfuls as I waited so impatiently for his body to touch mine again.
The way his eyes lingered on my naked body was making me crazy. I was soaking wet and ready for him, and he didn’t even have to touch me.
“Liam,” I murmured.
“Tell me what you want, sweetheart,” he whispered.
I pulled my foot from his shoulder and opened my legs in stark invitation, beckoning. “Come home, Liam.”
His eyes flared, and then we were skin to skin. I felt his wide head at my entrance, but he didn’t push inside. Shuddering, he rose over me, a low curse dropping from his lips. Balancing on his elbows, he met my eyes. “I almost forgot.” His voice was gruff.
Liam pushed up, moving away. With a cry, I surged up, wincing a little at the sudden movement of my shoulder.
“Careful,” he rasped, coming back and dropping a kiss to my mouth.
“Don’t stop.” I reached for him.
“I’m not stopping, sweetheart. Hang on.” He went to his coat, reached into an inside pocket, and pulled out his wallet. Seconds later, there was a foil packet in his hand.
“You on the pill?” he asked, looking between me and the condom.
I shook my head sadly. “Never needed to be.”
He chuckled. “Can’t say I’m sorry to hear that.”
“I wish I was now,” I murmured.
Dropping between my legs again, he rolled the rubber down over his length.
“We can fix that soon.” Reaching between us, he stroked a finger up my center. I arched and cried out. I watched him stick the finger slick with my desire between his lips and suck. “For now, though, this will be enough.”
He rose over me again, blocking everything so all I saw was him. In one movement, our bodies joined. My mouth opened, but no sound came out. Liam froze above me, pushing up onto trembling arms. “Did I hurt you?” he asked.
The effort it took him to not move was evident on his face.
I shook my head. “You feel good.”
He moaned. “You are so fucking tight.”
I moved beneath him, stroking against him. His face dropped into my neck, lips latching onto my skin to gently suck.
Slowly, Liam began to move. It was torture. He felt so good, stretching out my walls, filling me up completely. Need and desire built inside me until it felt I might blow apart if he didn’t give me what I wanted.
Reaching around, I grabbed his butt and pushed him deep.
We groaned at the same time.
He thrust deeper, and I whispered his name.
And then he was moving. He looked like the definition of control as he pushed up over me and pumped his hips, hammering into my body.
My head drifted to the side, and my eyes rolled back in my head as wave after wave of intense pleasure surged over my body.
“Bellamy,” Liam rasped, the sound sort of like a prayer.
Turning my head, our eyes locked and I met him thrust for thrust. Lifting my hips each time he came down. The intensity inside me built and built until I was gasping for breath and there was no holding back anymore.
His name ripped from my lips as mind-numbing pleasure burst over me. My body shuddered and shook as the orgasm seemed to go on and on.
Above me, Liam shouted, his body stiff as he emptied inside me. Every quiver of his cock sent more ripples of insane pleasure shooting through my entire body.
I didn’t come down until he did. Until he gathered me close and rolled, carefully draping me over his chest, anchoring his arms around me.
“Promise me you won’t leave,” he said a little while later as his fingertips dragged down my spine.
“I’m not sure you understand how bad this could get.” I didn’t know what else to say to him. I’d told him everything. It was as though he wasn’t even afraid.
His voice was all rumbly when he replied, “I understand, Bellamy. I choose you.”
He chose me.
That was his choice.
My heart swelled with love… and with guilt.
Still, I made a choice.
I chose him.
“I promise.”