Chapter Thirteen

 

I woke the next morning and threw my arms over my head as I let out a yawn and stretched out my body. It felt like a normal morning until I remembered everything that happened the night before. Holy crap, X kissed me. I threw the pillow over my head and groaned. What if X was drunk? What if he regretted it? What if he was mad at me? I couldn’t face him. Humiliation trapped me in bed. I stayed in bed for a few more hours and hid like an idiot. Around eleven in the morning, someone gave my door a couple of knocks. X walked in and leaned in the doorway with a big grin on his face. He was wearing all black, per usual, and his dark eyes were the brightest I’d seen them.

“You hiding?” he said with a teasing smile.

“Maybe,” I said, pulling the covers up to cover my mouth.

X laughed and came around by my bed, pulling the covers down slightly. I sat up and smiled. Okay, so he didn’t hate me. He didn’t seem to regret it either. He seemed happy.

I looked at him suspiciously from the side of my eyes. “Okay, so you weren’t drunk?”

“Drunk?” He laughed. “No, babe. I was fully present for the kiss part.”

“Okay.” I smiled, feeling ridiculous.

“So is that why you’ve been hiding in bed for hours because you thought I regretted kissing you?”

“Yeah, that about covers it and the fact that I put on that whole charade at the bar last night.”

X laughed but quickly turned serious.

“Aly, you don’t need to hide up here if you are embarrassed about something. Just come talk to me.”

“You can be a little scary, you know. Intimidating?”

X closed his eyes and ran his hand through his hair. “Yeah, I’m working on it, but I’ll always be that way to some degree. Just know that no matter what my reaction is, I’m not judging you, and I’d much rather you come talk to me than hide up here. Okay?”

“Okay.” I nodded. “Now get out. I need to change.”

X lifted his hands in surrender and left the room. I threw on a red polo, jeans, and white sneakers before running down the stairs. His parents were sitting at the table reading the newspaper and drinking coffee. The minute they saw me, they both smiled.

“I see things worked out well last night,” his mom said and then winked at me.

“Umm yeah,” I said, biting my lower lip as I held back a smile of my own. “By the way, I will get every last cent back to you.”

“No need. You’ve done enough.”

“You all have taken me in when I had nowhere else to go and accepted me. I will pay you back,” I said as I grabbed toast and stuffed it in my mouth.

My appetite was stabilizing slightly, but I was still pretty hungry all the time. I was chewing a mouthful of food when X walked in the room.

“Finally, she comes out hiding,” he said with a smirk.

I turned bright red. “You don’t need to tell your parents I was hiding.”

“Oh, babe,” he said, laughing. “We all knew. We had a bet going on when you would finally come down the stairs. At eleven in the morning, I won the bet because I said you wouldn’t come down unless I physically retrieved you.”

I moaned out of embarrassment and X just laughed.

“I want to take you out today,” X finally said as we all finished up our breakfast. We all need to talk, but tonight, I want to go out just you and me.”

I looked at his parents, slightly embarrassed that he was saying this in front of them. They both looked down and kept reading to give us some privacy.

“You mean like a date?”

“Yeah, that’s what this would be,” X said as he leaned against the door frame. “You in?”

“Mm-hmm. Sounds good,” I all but whispered. I felt so warm inside.

“Wait, you’ve never been on a date, have you?”

“No, I haven’t,” I said under my breath.

His parents look up at me, surprised.

“Never had a chance, you know?” I clarified.

“That’s crazy. Well, no pressure, your first date and all,” X joked, but it was clear that made him nervous for some reason.

“There is no pressure. I’ve never done anything, so you could walk me down the street and I’d be happy.”

“Are you a puppy?” He laughed.

I rolled my eyes and laughed too.

“I fucking promise I can do better than that.”

“You curse a lot, you know.”

“Yeah, it’s part of my charm,” he said with a wink. “Now let’s get going.”

I rolled my eyes but smiled. “Thank you for breakfast,” I said to his parents as I bounced out the door with X.

I got in the passenger seat like I always did, but this time I felt different, lighter. He turned the radio up, and we drove for about ten minutes before I finally decided to ask where we were going.

“X, where are we headed?”

“You’ll see.” He paused; then looked at me seriously. “Can I ask you something? I want your honesty.”

“Sure, of course. You know I have word vomit, so you’d probably get it anyway, whether you wanted it or not.” I gave him a small nudge to try and ease some of the tension that he was now visibly carrying.

He barely smiled. “When I went upstairs to get you this morning, you said something and I was just curious how much you meant it.”

“What?”

My head was now flying through everything I said that morning. I felt my heart pounding in my chest as I continued to stare at X, waiting for him to speak. He wiped his palms on his black pants and continued staring straight ahead.

“You said something this morning about me being ‘scary.’ You said that’s why you didn’t just talk to me about how you felt and instead decided to hide in bed all morning. Do I scare you?”

The concern in his eyes was beyond apparent. X had three moods that I’d seen, four sometimes. There was angry, cocky, indifferent, and in life-or-death situations, worry. It was very rare for X to look vulnerable, but he did at this moment. Whether he knew it or not, he was letting all his feelings hang out. I immediately grabbed his hand to comfort him.

“X, you are an intimidating man. You’re over six feet, solid muscle, and have black hair that hides your face, and virtually black eyes. Not to mention, you are a professional fighter with anger problems, but that can all be an asset. I view it that way. You command respect, and you should do something with that, something good. Use your background and your intensity and start something. I will add that you don’t scare me. You intimidate me, but not for the reasons you think. I hate making you angry. I hate hurting you. I hate all those things because I care and I’m scared of losing you or hurting you, not the other way around.”

He paused and thought deeply for a few minutes. “You’re so eloquent, you know?”

I laughed. “Thanks! Now seriously, where are we going?”

“I told you you’d see.” He took his eyes off the road for a second to wink at me.

“Fine.” I crossed my arms over my chest stubbornly. “I guess I’ll see.”

He grinned.

About twenty minutes later, we pulled up to this farm with a bunch of trees surrounding it. X got out of his Porsche without saying a word about where we were. I quickly followed him out of the car. He was already way ahead of me, walking towards this small wooden building.

“Um, aren’t we on a date?” I called out to him. “I’m not an expert, but aren’t you supposed to be doing this with me!”

He turned around and threw me a mocking smile. The minute I finished speaking, he stopped and held the door open as he waited for me to get inside.

“Better?” he said as I shuffled past him.

“Umm yeah, but where are we?” I said as I looked around this strange little shop.

The place looked straight out of the Wild West. It was filled with horse gear and the woman running the front desk was a full-on cowgirl.

X laughed and put his hand on my lower back as he walked me to the desk.

“Hey, Ginger,” X said with a huge smile.

He knew this woman. She was older, probably mid-forties with tan skin that had seen way too much sun. She had curly red hair that she hid with a cowboy hat and a big, rowdy smile. She looked at X curiously, then realization hit her face.

“Axel?” she yelled. “Oh my boy, you are all grown up and looking damn handsome!”

I looked at the two of them. Who was she? Where were we?

“Thank you, Ging,” he said with a warm smile. “I’ve missed you a lot.”

“It’s so good to see you,” she said, rounding the desk as a tear almost slipped from her eyes. “You’ve done very well for yourself. Pro boxer? Four titles, huh?” she said, giving him a rough nudge.

“You’ve been keeping up with me?” he said with a proud smile.

My heart was already warmed by the closeness of their relationship.

“Of course,” she said. “You are like the son I never had. When everything happened...well, I feel for you.”

“Thank you,” X said. Then he looked down. “I’m sorry I cut you out. It wasn’t your fault, and I just left. I’m sorry.”

“No!” she said with a firm country accent. “Don’t you do that. You’re here now.” She grabbed his shoulders and smiled. “But if you leave me again without a goodbye, I’ll fucking kick your ass.”

I gasped, and both of them turned to me. It was as if they both just became aware of my presence in the room. She instantly let X go.

“And who are you, young lady?” She took a step towards me and eyed me curiously.

“Hi,” I said through the knot in my throat. “I’m Aly.”

She looked at my hand like it was some foreign language, so I dropped it.

“I’m Ginger; most people just call me Ging. I run this place here,” she said, extending her arms proudly.

“And what exactly is this place?”

She turned to X and frowned. “You know her?”

“Yeah.” He laughed.

“And she doesn’t know where she is?” she said, raising an eyebrow. She looked offended.

He walked over to me and put an arm around my shoulders proudly. My cheeks turned bright red.

“Here’s the thing about Aly, Ging. If I told her what this place is and what we were going do, she’d get herself all worked up. She’s been quite sheltered. Think Rose from Titanic.”

“You have a lot of references for me, don’t you? Dobby, Rose, a puppy…” I mumbled under my breath.

He laughed and Ginger looked at us. There were tears in her eyes.

“X, you’re going to fucking make me cry. You’re okay.”

I looked around, confused.

“Trying to be,” he said as he walked over to her and patted her on the back.

“So two for an hour?” She rounded the desk and began to type stuff into the computer.

“Make it two hours,” he said, holding up two fingers. “Allows for some time to talk.”

“Got it!”

“Okay! Where the heck are we?!” I said loudly, crossing my arms over my chest in frustration.

Ginger laughed. “So you aren’t as much of a wallflower as I thought.”

I scrunched my face. That offended me, but X caught it right away.

“Oh, Ginger, Aly is no wallflower,” he said, laughing. “She’s closer to a bomb than a wallflower.”

Ginger looked at me and shook her head. “Well, let’s go get them.”

X started following Ginger out the back door, and I ran to catch up.

“Get what?” My question was immediately answered when we walked into stables that were filled with the sounds of horses neighing.

“What are we doing?” I said with increasing panic in my voice.

“Told you she’d panic,” X said, turning to Ginger with a smile.

We all stopped in front of a stall and faced each other.

“I can’t ride a horse,” I said, stepping back. “Are you crazy? And who knew you could ride a horse!”

“Oh, Hun,” Ging cut in. “Axel is the fucking horse whisperer. Spent half his childhood here.”

I looked at him in shock. “You did?”

“Yeah, I’ll tell you about it when we get going.”

“X, I can’t ride a horse. I’m not kidding! You can’t make me. Go, enjoy yourself. I’ll be here when you get back.”

He ignored me and went over to one of the stables and immediately began petting the face of one of the horses and talking to him softly. He was a completely different person here. He was gentle, soft. I stared at him with my mouth open in shock. He was transfixed with this horse, and I was transfixed with him. Ginger came up next to me.

“Good, isn’t he?” she said quietly.

“Yeah,” I said, breaking my gaze. “He’s so gentle.”

“He’s a complicated man, that Axel.”

“How do you know him so well?” I asked.

“Axel spent a lot of time here growing up. Here, school, Sarah, and fighting. Never felt like he fit in. Always felt angry that kid, but for some reason, Sarah and the horses helped keep him calm. I became like his crazy aunt or something. He’d talk to me. After Sarah, you know, I never saw him. Then he went to juvie and became famous, and well, I’ve missed him. I think the real question here is how do you know him?” she said, cocking an eyebrow at me. “I know Axel well enough to know he’s only let like five people in his life enough to see him like this…” She gestured to where he was tending to the horse. “So get talking.”

“Um, well, I…”

Before I could say anything, X was by my side and turned to Ging with a smile. “Aly will spill her whole life story to you before getting to the point. How about you help us get on the road and then make us one of your bomb-ass meals, and when we get back, I’ll catch you up.”

“You’re a bossy little asshole, Axel,” she said with a smile.

“You love me,” he shot back casually.

“Well, Axel, despite the years, I’m sure you know what to do. Pick your horse and get her set up. I’ll help Aly.”

“Ging,” X said. She turned to him, taken by his serious tone. “When I say Aly’s been sheltered, I mean really fucking sheltered. She’s been through a lot of shit, so really help her, okay? She’s scared, and I want her to love this as much as I do.”

With that, he walked away and left both Ging and me staring at him in shock. She shook her head and looked at me.

“Okay, I’ll take you to Panter. He’s a giant teddy bear. He’s older and will cause you no problems. Follow me.”

I nodded, and she walked me to the far end of the stables. She opened the door; I took five steps back as I felt my hands begin to shake. Despite the adventures of the past couple of months, I’d spent all my life in church, in prayer, at work, or home. Even in Seattle, other than that one bad night at the arena, I worked and spent most of my time at the local church. I had never been around animals.

“It’s okay, Hun,” Ginger said as gently as I think she was capable of. “Panter won’t hurt you.”

I took a few steps forward. “Look, X is just being protective. You don’t have to help me or be nice or whatever. I’ll be fine. If it means this much to him, I’ll get on the horse and go out there.”

Ginger glanced over at me and assessed me thoroughly. “Listen to me, young lady. If Axel cares enough about you to give a shit, then he really freaking cares. If Axel says you’ve been through some shit, then you must have been through a hell of a lot of shit because sympathy is not one of his strong suits. I’m getting the feeling there’s more to you than meets the eye and if you care about him enough to do something that scares you, then I like you too. So follow me, and I’ll help you get situated.”

With that, she took Panter’s reins and started walking him out of the stables. I followed and ran through everything she said in my head. Was she right when she said he cared about me a lot? I wanted to pretend I wasn’t so thrown off by what she said, but I was. I still didn’t feel good enough for a guy like him. I couldn’t help but feel this was all some rush brought on by circumstance. There was no way he’d care about me when we got out of this bubble we were in.

When we walked out, X was standing by a horse at what looked like the beginning of a trail. When he saw us, he walked over.

“You got it from here, Axel? I know it’s been a while,” Ginger asked him.

“I got it,” he said. “Thanks, Ging.”

She looked at him. “You’re different.”

“Only in the best ways,” he said with a wink.

“Okay, maybe not that different,” she said with a laugh as she walked away. “I’ll get lunch started.”

“She’s great,” I said after a long pause.

“Yeah, I love her.” He took my hand and began walking back over to Panter. When we reached the horse, X walked off and grabbed a stool. “Step up on the stool,” he said, turning to me.

“Axel, I…”

“On the stool, Aly.”

Reluctantly, I got on the stool. My legs were shaking as X ran through how to get on the horse and what to do when I was on. I tried swinging my leg up like he said, but my leg was too short. I tried to jump and pull myself up by the saddle, but I kept sliding off. Ginger was right because this horse was so patient and didn’t budge despite how annoyed he probably was. I was growing to love him already. On my fourth try, I huffed and put my hands on my hips, annoyed.

“Fuck this,” X said. “Stay here.”

He stormed off and grabbed his horse. I was curious where he was going, but I didn’t move. I just stood on the stool by the horse. I stayed frozen in place, scared the horse was going change its mind and decide it didn’t like me. When the horse proved it wasn’t going kill me, I set a hand on its neck and it turned its head towards me. I flinched. But then looked into its deep auburn eyes. The horse looked at me so gently that it almost made me cry. I put my hand on its face and started stroking it.

“You are so nice,” I whispered.

In that moment, I felt more at peace than I had felt since I lost my sister. It was almost like everything that had ever happened to me was put aside for a moment. I petted the horse and just kept whispering things to him. If I didn’t know better, I’d think the horse really understood me.

“You’re a natural at that,” X said from behind me.

I was so enthralled with the horse that his voice caught me off guard. I tripped over my feet and fell backward off the stool and into the dirt.

“Jesus, Aly,” X said as he ran towards me and helped me to my feet. “You were having such a beautiful moment.”

“I know,” I grumbled as I wiped the dirt from my knees.

“You’re bleeding.”

“Barely, I’ll be fine.” I looked up. “Where’s your horse?”

“You sure you’re good?”

“I’m fine.”

“Okay, then get back on the stool.”

I got on the stool and X came on with me. I looked at him. “What are you doing?”

“Helping you,” he said as he grabbed my waist and placed me on the horse.

I gasped the minute my feet left the ground, but he got me up there easily and helped me get situated. He told me to scoot all the way forward and hold the knob that was on the saddle. I did. Then X reached over me and swung his leg around, grabbing the reins effortlessly from my grasp.

“What the heck are you doing?”

“Riding with you,” he said matter-of-factly. He shook the reins, and the horse moved forward, just like me and Axel were.

 

I had originally planned on Aly and me riding separately down to the creek, but after witnessing her trying to get on the horse half a dozen times, I realized she didn’t have any idea what she was doing. I put my horse away, and when I came back, Aly was petting her horse Panter so lovingly it made me stop. It did something to me watching her connect with horses the way I always have. Horses had always calmed me and made me feel loved. It was clear they did the same for her. Of course, the minute I said anything, she fell backward on her ass, once again proving she was a walking oxymoron. I helped her on the horse and then jumped on the back to make sure she didn’t fall off of the thing.

It didn’t take very long for me notice how badly she was shaking. I subtly moved my hands down the reins and felt her pulse. It was through the fucking roof.

“Aly,” I asked as we made our way down the trail. “Are you really this scared of riding? You seemed comfortable with the horse a few minutes ago.”

Her whole body stiffened. “I’m...I’m not nervous.”

“Aly, your heart rate is…”

Then it dawned on me that I was an asshole. It wasn’t the horse or the riding; it was me. It was us riding together.

She’d probably never been this close with a guy before. The creek was at least two miles down the road. Her body language indicated she was now not only nervous but highly embarrassed. As much as I wanted to touch her and how fucking hard it was for me to keep my distance from her, this was not how I wanted her to feel on her very first date. I hopped off the horse and swung the reins out to the front.

“Where are you going?” she asked as her body visibly relaxed.

“I’m just going to lead from the front. Probably easier that way,” I said. I tried to make it sound like it had nothing to do with the anxiety I had just noticed in her. I didn’t want her to feel bad or anything.

There was silence for about another mile before she spoke again. “Axel?”

“Mm-hmm, what’s up?”

“Thank you,” she said quietly. I stopped and looked back at her. Her cheeks were red, but she looked grateful. “You got off because of me, and you didn’t make me feel bad.”

I nodded. She didn’t need to thank me.

“You can get back on. I was just caught off guard.”

“No, Aly. It’s okay.”

“No, Axel, I want you back on,” she said with determination and a small flirty smile.

My eyes blazed. She didn’t need to tell me twice. I jumped back on the horse and kissed her neck. She giggled and relaxed into me. It was the best feeling ever. I loved when she said my name; my real name. She was one of the very few people I liked hearing it from. One of the few people who didn’t make me feel like a young teenage punk when they used it. What I loved more was how she only used my real name in the most personal, intimate settings. She never used it around other people.

“Do you trust me?” I asked as I put my head on her neck.

“Yeah,” she said with only a second’s hesitation. “I do.”

I laughed and clicked the reins. The horse took off in a jog, and she fell back a bit. I put one hand around her waist to steady her. She seemed to like it. Less than a few minutes later, we were at the creek, so I stopped the horse. If she would allow it, I wasn’t going to stop touching her.

“Why did we stop?” she asked as I hopped off the horse and extended my hand to help her.

“Follow me.”

It only took a few steps for her to see the creek.

Aly gasped and sprinted for the water. “This is beautiful. You lived here. You are so lucky. All I had around was a stupid homemade pond.”

This whole date was making me realize how little we knew about each other. I realized it the minute she told me about her sister at the bar too. That was why we were here. She didn’t want to talk today, but she couldn’t always get what she wanted. She fiddled with the water for a bit before turning to me for direction. I lay down in a clearing by the spring. It had a layer of soft sand, and was where I used to come as a kid to think all the time. She came right over and sat next to me. I grabbed her shoulder and pulled her down. She put her head on my chest, and I stroked her hair. After a few minutes, she put her hand on my chest too.

“There’s so much I don’t know about you,” I whispered in her ear.

“I feel the same way about you.”

“Let’s remedy that, then. Tell me about yourself; everything.”

“Axel, that’s not a good idea.”

“I want to know.”

“It’s boring and depressing. I’d rather not.”

“What? You’d rather continue with your secrets?” I waited for her to respond. When she didn’t, I continued. “Well, since you know me, you know that I won’t accept that. I want to know about you, and you’re going to tell me. Secrets keep you sick.”

“I’m not sick.”

“Have you been to church yet? Prayed? Doneany ofthat shit you do?”

She immediately sat up. “How can you talk? You have no right to say that to me!”

“This isn’t about me. It’s about you, Aly. That stuff is important to you, and you refuse to acknowledge anything that’s happened, and it’s hurting you. It’s making you hate yourself. I see it in everything you do. I see it every Sunday and every night before you go to bed. I see it in the way you talk about yourself. Talk to me, babe. Talk to me,” I said, grabbing her face and forcing her to look at me.

“You said we’d talk tomorrow,” she said as she bit her shaking lower lip.

“I compromised.”

“Without me.”

“We have to talk, Al. I’m sorry.”

“It’s our first date. Our first one.”

“But it’s not really. You know that.”

She looked down. “Fine, but I expect the same from you.”

I nodded and encouraged her to sit back down. I stroked her hair since that always seemed to relax her. I could tell by the way she softened when I touched her and the way she pulled closer to me the longer we lay there. Once I had started stroking Aly’s hair, she began to tell me about her life. What it was like growing up in a strict Christian home, how she and that fucker Brandon became friends, how Carmen and her used to sneak out and eat lollipops in the front yard when her parents went to bed, and what it was like when Carmen left and how she dealt with it. I was glued to every word she said. She told me about our meeting on the train and how meeting me somehow gave her the courage to stay in Seattle, and why she even went back “home” in the first place.

There was silence when we finally got to the part of her story that involved her being locked in a storage closet. She tried to brush past it and tell me it was my turn, but she had to talk about it. She wouldn’t heal unless she talked about it. To be honest, I didn’t want to fucking hear it either. I didn’t want to relive that moment. Controlling my anger, my flashbacks to Sarah would be nearly impossible, but Aly needed to talk to someone she trusted and not to be cocky or anything, but I knew the best person for her to talk to in that moment was me. I knew I could understand her and calm her.

“So it’s your turn,” she said quietly. She knew she wasn’t getting out of here without talking about what happened, but she was trying desperately to fight it.

“Aly,” I said, rolling her over and trapping her under my body. Her breath hitched. “Tell me. Please talk about it.”

“It’s over,” she whimpered.

“Physically, yes, it is, but not in here,” I said, pointing to her head, “or here,” I said, pointing to her heart.

Then I got off her and sat up. She followed suit and turned her body to face me.

“When I saw your headline,” she said quietly, “my heart broke for you. You know I texted you and all that. Well, when Brandon saw me packing, he seemed nice at first, but then he said sorry, and I just remember blacking out. I woke up tied to a chair and very confused. I didn’t know what was going on and then Dad walked in, and I was even more confused. Panic didn’t set in until I looked in Brandon’s eyes. He started ranting about me leaving, and I instantly knew that it was about me rejecting him when I was sixteen. It was revenge.”

I glanced at her. She bit her lip, and tears welled up in her eyes.

“He had always warned me it would happen. I knew he had roped Dad in somehow and I couldn’t imagine it was that hard to do. My dad had always been prone to violence. I think somewhere along the line; my dad knew what they were doing was wrong. Not that it makes it any better.” She looked down at her feet and took a deep breath. She was trying to continue on without crying and I respected that, so I stayed quiet. “Anyway, they started quizzing me on Bible verses and stuff and I got most of them right, but I fumbled the wording on a few. They’d tase me when I messed up even slightly. They had untied me by then, and every time they tased me, I just saw stars. I felt like I was going to pass out or vomit or something. That wasn’t the worst part, though. After three days, I was so hungry and thirsty and alone. I couldn’t believe they were doing this to me. What hurts the most was knowing that the closest people to me didn’t care that I was hurting, and despite how much danger I was in, there was no one in the world who would help me. I tried to get out on my own, but I couldn’t. Everything was locked up. My heart burned more than my body. When Brandon brought out the knife, I was terrified. I begged my dad to save me. I tried to reason with him on a fatherly level, but he just kept saying I needed to learn.”

Aly started tearing up, and I had to close my eyes for the second to regain composure. The pain in her eyes was too much.

“I just didn’t get it. I still don’t. What was I supposed to learn? What did I do so bad?” she cried. “I asked God to save me. I knew what they were doing to me couldn’t be his willThey said they were doing this because they love me, but I knew love wasn’t supposed to hurt that much. I think the most desperate I got to escape was when Brandon pulled out the knife. Luckily, he didn’t get too far with it because you showed up. When you came, I was barely conscious. I thought I’d died. Then I realized you were real.” She choked up and bit her lip so hard it started to bleed.

“Aly, you can cry.” I said, rubbing her arm.

She nodded. “I won’t stop.” She continued biting her lip and started blinking her eyes rapidly to hold back the tears that were threatening to slide down her cheeks.

I put my hand on her mouth to both stop her from biting herself and to wipe the blood off her lip. “I’ll stay down here until you stop. I promise.”

She looked at me and then burst out in tears. “What did I do so bad, Axel? I don’t get it. They kept saying what a whore I was. I don’t understand.”

I pulled her head into my chest and held her tightly. She sobbed quietly in my arms. I wanted to take her pain away, and it killed me that I couldn’t.

“If there’s a God, Axel, how could he let this happen? Did I deserve it? Was He punishing me?”

I couldn’t take it anymore. I grabbed her shoulders and made her look at me.

“Aly,” I said, trying to fight back my own tears.

I’m not a pussy; anyone would have cried hearing the way she spoke. Aly was the purest, best person I’d ever met, and she was feeling like she was a career criminal who needed ongoing punishment. I couldn’t take it.

“That is THEIR SHIT. Not yours. You are a good fuckin’ person. I came to save you because you are the best person I’ve ever met. Ever. If there’s a God, He wasn’t punishing you. I imagine He let it happen for a reason. I don’t understand what that couldbe, and honestly, I can’t think about it because it pisses me off, but...“Aly cut me off.

“You saved my life, you know that?” she said, wide-eyed. “You are my hero. You made the pain stop.”

“I’m no hero, Aly.”

“Well, you are mine. Okay, I’m done,” she said, shaking her head. “It’s your turn. That’s all I can handle emotionally for today.” She wiped the tears off her face. “You know, this is some date, Axel. Do you make all your dates cry?”

“Try not to,” I said with a small smile. “While we are on the topic, there is one more thing we should discuss.”

“Okay?” she said hesitantly.

“There’s a warrant for your dad and Brandon’s arrest.”

She drew back. “What?”

I watched her reactions carefully. “They got served, and neither of them responded.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, how do you feel about that?”

“Honestly?”

“No, please just feed me a bunch of bullshit.”

“Oh, ha-ha. Anyway, I feel confused about my dad, but Brandon, I hope they find him. I hope he spends the rest of his life in prison. I hate him.”

That answer threw me off guard, but I tried not to show it. I didn’t expect that from her. She was angrier than I thought.

“Now it’s your turn! Come on, man.” Her eyes looked desperate.

I laughed and told her as much as I could about me. I told her about how I never felt like I fit in, how deep my anger truly ran, how boxing helped my sanity, about Sarah and how I truly loved one another, about how I met Ginger at the local fair and came here nearly every day after boxing and most importantly about the day I found Sarah and what I did to Ryan. I was scared to tell her about my time in juvie and what sent me there, scared she’d see me different, but she didn’t. She asked questions, wanted to know all about me. She held my hand when I talked about Sarah and asked all about her. I felt like I was honoring Sarah in a way. Aly felt for her and the life she had, and it made me care about Aly in a way I never thought I was capable of. When I was done spilling my guts to her, she looked at me and smiled.

“We done?”

“Yeah, we’re done.” I laughed. “Ya know, for someone with the worst case of word vomit I’ve ever seen, you sure hate to talk about your feelings.”

“Feelings suck,” she said with a shrug.

I stared at her for a second and then grabbed the back of her neck and kissed her like I was sure she’d never been kissed before. I let my tongue slip into her mouth, and she opened it for me immediately. She grabbed the back of my head and pulled me towards her, and I eased her back onto the ground. We kissed each other like horny teenagers, and I couldn’t get enough of her. I wanted so bad to go further, but I couldn’t. It hurt me to pull away, but somehow, I managed. Aly took a deep breath and wiped her mouth. I could see it in her face that she was just as turned on as I was. The difference between us was she felt conflicted with her faith and where she was with that. I would not so much as touch her below the waist until she was sure of what she wanted. I could hurt a girl like Aly, I had to be careful. Even if it was fucking killing me to do it.

“We should head back,” I said.

She nodded, clearly feeling every bit as flustered as I was.