I’m at the bar with a couple of my friends, Rob and Jack. I’m ready to blow off some steam and potentially get shit faced.

Yes, that’s the kind of day I’m having, where I need to use alcohol as a way to escape my fucking problems and forget I’m in this fucking mess in the first place.

We find a table in the back of the bar, a cozy little booth away from everyone else.

Jack stares at me as if I don’t have my head on straight.

“Why the fuck are we sitting all the way back here, man? The hot chicks are at the front.”

“Good, I don’t need to get fucking tempted tonight,” Rob says. He’s married with two kids and the last thing that guy needs is to be booted on his ass while his wife keeps the massive house out in Montclair.

“You definitely don’t need to be a stray cat/” I grin and laugh at Rob’s expense.

Rob has an issue when it comes to resisting the bad forces, and he’s been caught several times by his wife for various afflictions.

Now, I’m not necessarily talking about cheating every time. I actually think he only cheated once, and that was years ago with a stripper at a bachelor party for another one of our friends.

But that’s a different story for another day.

He’s also been caught gambling away their mortgage money, and various shit of that nature. Rob is a nice guy with a great big ole’ soft heart; he just isn’t fucking good at being smart.

He’s calmed down quite a bit since his wife popped out their son and daughter, but on nights like these when the three of us are together, anything can and most probably will fucking happen.

“Fuck you dude, you’re the one tied to a ball and chain, so why should the rest of us bros have to suffer?” Jack is only giving Rob a hard time for the fucking fun of it, and I don’t mind getting in on that action too.

“I’m not looking to score tonight,” I admit.

Both guys pause with their mouths hanging wide open, their beers in the air mid glug.

“What the fuck did you just say?” Jack whispers as if he’s witnessing hell freezing over.

I laugh.

“I need a break from women.”

“Are you okay, dude?” Rob gives me a funny look and places the back of his hand against my cheek, pretending to check if I have a fever.

“I’m fine.” I jerk his hand away. “Don’t fucking touch me. I don’t want to get any of your disease.”

“What fucking disease?”

Rob is a little on the heavier side and has a receding hair line, so he fucking hit the jackpot when his wife Natalie took his proposal offer and said yes. The only problem is, he feels inferior when he hangs out with the rest of us pretty boys and he gets defensive real quick.

“You’re married. I don’t want any of that shit rubbing off on me,” I rag on him.

“Man, fuck you guys,” Rob says and takes another swig of his beer.

Jack cuts right down to business.

“So, why don’t you want to meet a hot chick and score tonight?”

“I’m having a shit storm with one currently,” I say and lean back against the back of the booth.

“No way? Who’s the unlucky lady who has to suffer next to you?”

I roll my eyes.

“Piper Stewart.”

“Piper Fucking Stewart?” Both guys stare at me as if I’m crazy for even touching that land mine with a ten foot pole.

I think I’m starting to perceive their point of view now.

“You guys won’t even fucking believe me if I tell you the fucking mess I’m in with her.” I shake my head remorsefully.

“I’m all ears,” Rob says and perks up, leaning over the table to hear me over the noise of the bar.

“I actually need your advice,” I say, hating the fact that I have to fucking lean on somebody else for advice to get out of my issues with the easiest route possible.

“I’ve got plenty to spare.” Rob grins and Jack punches his arm.

“Fuck you!” Rob roars as if he’s deeply wounded.

“Can you guys please fucking get along for two seconds?” I ask. I’m usually cool about things, but I’m just not willing to be their moderator tonight.

“Okay tell us all about your problems and how everything revolves around you.” Jack rolls his eyes.

I ignore him.

“Anyway, I’m in a contract of sorts with her.”

“Sounds boring,” Jack laughs and looks at Rob for support but Rob only shakes his head and glances back my way.

“She wants me to give her a baby,” I say flatly, knowing this statement will capture the bastards’ attention.

It works, and both my friends spit their beer out of their mouths.

“Hey, what the fuck?” I scream and stand up because I’m the victim of their spray storm. “You guys suck.” I take a few napkins and wipe the beer off my shirt. “This shirt is fucking new too,” I say.

“Sorry dude,” Jack says and shrugs. “You’re dropping a bomb like that on us, how the fuck do you expect us to react?”

“She’s blackmailing me,” I go on.

“Sounds likely,” Rob says and nods. Everyone knows Piper is as much of a hard-ass as I am, and some say she’s the female version of me.

I have to disagree, though, because I fuck the living shit out of her.

I point my finger at them and look them squarely in the eyes.

“You guys have to take this shit to your graves,” I warn.

“We won’t say a fucking word to anyone,” Jack agrees.

“She says if I don’t provide her ‘baby batter,’ she’s going to fire me as her manufacturer.

“What the fuck is ‘baby batter?’” Rob laughs.

“It’s my sperm, you fucking idiot,” I say.

“She wants you to be her fucking sperm donor?” Jack looks positively baffled.

I nod and take another sip of my beer.

“Yep.”

“Shit, we need more drinks for this, let’s order some kamikaze shots,” Jack shouts.

Rob shakes his head fervently.

“Fuck no, are you fucking crazy? We are over thirty now, asshole.”

“You’re just afraid you’ll cheat on your wife again.” Jack rolls his eyes and places his elbows on the table.

“Can we get back to my problem?” I ask.

“Yes, please go on.” Rob waves me ahead.

“The best perk to this agreement is that I get to have sex with her. She’s fucking hot as shit and I love fucking her brains out. She’s easily the most fantastic lay I’ve ever had.”

I say this proudly because honestly, I am proud to have Piper as one of my conquests, up on my metaphorical wall of fame.

“She’s smoking hot,” Jack agrees. “Did you actually sign something?”

“I did.” I nod. “I don’t think I can get out of it now. I’ll have to take my business overseas if she kicks my ass to the curb.”

“You certainly don’t want that shit,” Rob adds.

“There’s one other tiny detail I’m leaving out,” I say and pause.

“What?” They both look apprehensive.

“Her fucking ex is trying to blackmail me too. He says if I don’t back out of the contract, he’ll take my company. He’s apparently got some Asian investors to back him up. I’m fucked.”

“Nah, he’s bluffing.” Jack is adamant.

“He’s not.” I shake my head sadly.

“Take the money and run,” Jack says and Rob agrees.

I contemplate this.

I’m backed into a corner, and there doesn’t seem to be a fucking outlet. I need to keep my company afloat, but I’m doomed either way because I have to appease two people who want to fuck me over if I don’t comply with their fucking demands.

“I’ll think about getting a duffle bag full of cash and beelining it the hell out of Dodge,” I say, but I’m only partially serious.

The more I think about it, the more I can’t deny there’s more to this story than just the fucking money. I think I’m beginning to care for Piper, no matter how strongly my subconscious tries to push those feelings to the back of my mind. But I can’t tell these assholes that.

What the fuck am I supposed to do.

I nurse a few more drinks and stew over my situation.

Finally, after privately evaluating the choices, I fucking realize my mind is already thoroughly made up now. Shit, it probably has been all along. Yet I went and acting like a fucking asshole to her over the phone.

Goddammit. Per usual, I went and ran my cocky mouth. I knock back the rest of my drink, my mind set. I have to talk to Piper and make things right with her.