Tina

My body felt alive. Kevin’s dick filled me in a way I’d never experienced before, and the moment he drove himself into me I knew I was done for. My body hummed in anticipation when he strapped me down, but the moment he thrust his cock inside of me my body shook with delight. Electricity flowed throughout the limbs of my body and my soul seemed caught in my throat. I wanted to cry out his praises, to tell him how much I adored his attention and how beautiful I felt, being used for his pleasure.

But I still didn’t understand why I felt this way, especially now.

“Kevin?” I asked. “Where you going?”

He had coated my skin with his cum before he dropped to my body, and oh, how I adored feeling him heave against me. Watching his muscles work underneath his milky white skin only for me made me feel powerful even with my arms and legs bound to the bed. The way my body innately trusted him even though I still had yet to be convinced was a testament to how attached I had still been to him after all these years. He said it himself: he partied and learned, but never once considered taking on a full-time sub until we happened.

Until that vacation happened.

Until I let my guard down and decided to bring this tryst back home.

And now, I was laying there with tears brewing behind my eyes while he wiped my entire body down. I felt him scratch at the dried fluids on my leg before he wiped my stomach clean, and the entire time tears threatened to spill forth as I wracked my mind with what just happened.

The begging and the immobility; the sheer force of my orgasms and the stars that burst behind my eyes. I always thought that was bullshit, how women talked about seeing stars with their partners. But even as the helpless tears of joy ricocheted down my cheeks, the little silver slivers were still bursting in my vision.

“I’ll untie your ankles in a bit, alright?”

I had begged him. Begged him like he asked for what I wanted most. I begged him for my release, for my mercy, and for my body. I begged him to stop while everything inside of me screamed to keep going. He pushed me to a level of my life I had never intended to breach-- one I would’ve never had entrusted to anyone else had they not been Kevin.

All of a sudden, my body began to tremble. I curled into Kevin while my legs were still bound and all I wanted to do was bury myself deep into the crook of his neck. I longed to wrap myself around him, to tremble in the arms of the man who had debased me to such a low point. Never in my life had anyone taken my emotions by the reigns and dragged them through the mud the way they just did.

And still, my pussy throbbed with the excitement that it might happen again.

I felt him massage my arms and legs while tears continued to stream in droves. My body shook with the earth-shattering realities that were pummeling my body. I felt incredible. Relaxed. Free from the stressors of my job and the voices that ran through my head on a daily basis. I didn’t hear the reel of self-deprecation I repeated to myself after having sex with Kevin nor did I question whether or not he enjoyed himself.

For the first time in my life, I felt confident as well as beautiful.

And ironically enough, I had to give up the fight completely and surrender myself in order to find it.

I didn’t understand. I didn’t understand why I was crying or why it had taken my full submission in order to feel this way, but curling up against Kevin while he held my body close felt… right. I slid my leg between his as he covered us with the comforter, and I could hear him talking to me. I could hear him asking me how I was and what I enjoyed and whether or not I liked what had just happened.

But, his voice sounded so far away. It was like my tears were dripping in my ears, raining upon my mind and blocking any other stimuli that wanted to try and penetrate this moment.

This moment of vulnerability and power.

Dichotomous things such as this didn’t exist in my world because I couldn’t explain them. Tears of joy and release didn’t happen because tears were sad things. Being restrained during sexual moments where your body should be clinging to your partner never even dawned on my mind because it didn’t make sense not to hold onto the person you were bucking against. It would be like throwing your hands out to the side while on a bucking bronco and expecting to not get hurt when you’re thrown off.

But, I wasn’t thrown off. I was tossed into an endless pool of satisfaction, and I could feel myself drinking in the water as I sank to the bottom and drowned on its intoxicating taste.

“Say something, Tina,” Kevin said. “You’ve been quiet awhile. Part of this process is communication.”

“Why did my legs and arms tingle so bad?” I asked.

“Because the restraint partially cut off your blood supply. It’s not dangerous as long as you don’t lock them too tight, but the more you struggled to get free the more blood flow it cut off.”

“Oh,” I said.

“If it makes you feel better, your arms and legs turned a beautiful color,” he said.

“Not sure how I feel about that.”

“And that’s fine. What I need is for you to talk to me. It took you awhile to stop shaking,” he said.

“Is that odd?” I asked.

“Not always. Like I said, it depends on the person. Some people experience bigger and more emotional sub drops than others. It depends on how new it is and the type of headspace the sub slips into.”

“Headspace?” I asked.

“Yeah. It’s like… a frame of mind. The more a sub slips into that part of their personality and the more it takes over their conscious mind, the greater descent into their psyche they go,” he said.

“Like… digging a hole?” I asked.

“Yes. And my massages were to help with the blood flow as well as slowly get you out of the hole. I brought you out of your sub space slowly so your body and mind could adjust. Like your eyes would have to adjust to the light after coming out of the dark hole you dug,” he said.

“The massaging… it made me cry more,” I said.

“A bad cry?” he asked.

“I don’t think so. I didn’t… feel sad. Or hurt. Or anything like that. I just don’t quite understand why it was happening.”

“And that’s alright. To not understand everything right now. I’m here to help you navigate it,” he said.

I curled deeper into his body and pressed my lips to his ear. For some reason, being this close to him was something I needed. Feeling his warm skin against mine while his hands ran up and down my back was something my mind was screaming it needed, and the moment I closed my eyes tears rose back to them.

“I don’t know what’s happening to me, and I’m sorry,” I said with a whisper.

“Never apologize for what’s happening,” he said. “A sub drop is merely an emotional reaction brought on by a chemical restabilization in the brain. The greater the chemical reaction flows in one direction, the greater the chemical restabilization has to be in order to get you back to what your body considers normal. I’m here to walk you through it.”

“Thank you,” I said through fresh tears.

I felt him move away from me before his hand wound up my shoulder and cupped my cheek. He caught my tears on his thumb while his eyes danced between mine, and I simply got lost in the beauty of him while my body settled out. A small smile played upon his lips as I leaned in to kiss him, melting into him as I threaded my arms around his neck. I felt something in my chest leap with joy when he pulled me tighter to him, causing my trembling to return.

“I think your touches aren’t doing much good,” I said.

“Just let me take care of you,” he said. “It’ll be over in a little while.”

All of a sudden, I felt very tired. My eyes were fluttering closed and my body was sinking into the bed, and Kevin’s fingers began to weave their way through the tendrils of my hair before a yawn peeled from my mouth.

“How are you feeling now?” he asked.

“Tired,” I said.

“That’s normal. I just needed to hear you say it.”

“Why?” I asked.

“Because part of this is also honesty. I need to know that when I ask you a question-- no matter how complex or simple-- that you’ll always give me an honest answer. It’s part of how I’ll learn to take care of you during this moments, should there be more.”

“Do you want there to be more?” I asked.

“It’s not up to me,” he said.

“I thought you were the dom and could command anything of me,” I said, smirking.

“Tina, I’m not-”

“I know, I know, I know. That was a joke that time,” I said.

“Ah. Well, as long as it was a joke,” he said. “Why don’t you get a nap in? You’ve earned it. I’ll wake you up for dinner later on.”

“Sounds perfect,” I said, yawning.

I fell asleep against his chest, but when I awoke I was alone in my bed. The wet spot we had created was dry and hard against my thigh, reminding me of the fact that the memories I possessed had actually happened. I didn’t dream the lessons or make up Kevin’s demeanor. Each and every beautiful thing that I could remember had actually happened, and even after a nap I still felt alright with everything.

I didn’t get it, but it didn’t feel wrong.

I sniffed the air deep before my stomach started to growl. I looked over at the clock and realized I’d been asleep for four hours, so I swung my naked legs over the bed and tried to stand. It took me a few steps to gain my strength, wobbling from the disorientation that had been delivered to my body first class by the beautiful man downstairs. I smiled while I made my way to the bathroom, ready to splash some water in my face and brush my teeth, but when I caught a glimpse of my body in the mirror I was stunned in my place.

Red bite marks and small bruises around the nipple he punished were visible against my skin, and for a brief second I was enraged. I had a professional job to do and I didn’t bring near enough makeup to cover the shit up I had on my neck. How the hell was I supposed to continue what the fuck I was doing if I looked like a patchwork doll!?

I ran my fingertips over the divots and that’s when I caught the redness around my wrists. I looked at my ankles and groaned when I saw the same thing. I’d have to give Kevin a fucking piece of my mind whenever I saw him next. I couldn’t be marked up like this. I worked too damn hard to get to where I was with my career without being someone’s fuck toy and it being broadcast to the entire world. The male politicians I worked with would eat me alive!

“Tina!?”

Kevin’s voice rang up the hallway and something inside me relaxed. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths before I answered him because the words ringing in my ear told me there was a chance he would listen. He told me, before I fell asleep, that part of this process was communication so he could get a sense of what I liked and what I didn’t like.

So, I just had to tell him that I didn’t want to be marked.

It wasn’t that I didn’t enjoy being marked. The light bruise around my nipple pulled at the corners of my lips and the small teeth marks made my body shiver with memories, but I had no way to cover any of this up. Hiding my ankles would be easy, but hiding the shit on my wrists would take some serious work.

And I had to meet my client first thing in the morning tomorrow.

“Yeah?” I called out.

“Dinner’s down here whenever you want some. Get dressed and come on down when you’re hungry.”

“Yes, sir! Right on it, sir!”

I know I’d said it mockingly, but something in my toes tingled when the word ‘sir’ fell from my lips. I flickered my gaze back to the mirror before I started cleaning myself up, and I realized halfway through that I was humming to myself.

I never fucking hummed. What the hell was this?

I threw my hair up into a bun as I made my way downstairs and the smells coming from the kitchen made me lightheaded with hunger. I strode in and sat down at the plate that already had a full glass of wine, and Kevin soon joined me at the table with the last plate of food.

“Italian from up the road. Hope you don’t mind,” he said.

“Would I have had a choice?” I asked, smirking.

“Nope.”

I dished up some food onto my plate while Kevin poured himself a glass of wine, but then he simply stared at me. I took the first few bites without wondering what was going on, but when my stomach was no longer trying to eat my intestines, I looked over at him. He was watching me from above his wine glass, the crimson liquid swirling slowly as he twirled it in his hand, and all I could do was stare at him before I blushed underneath his gaze.

“I liked it when you called me ‘sir’ earlier,” he said.

“Well, I liked it when you tied my body to the bed. So there,” I said.

“Did you really enjoy that?” he asked.

“I did, actually. Yes.”

“Was there anything you didn’t enjoy?” he asked.

“Maybe you should sit down for this conversation. Eat with me, maybe?” I asked. “I mean, only if you’re hungry.”

“I’ll eat when I’m ready. What didn’t you enjoy? Did I hurt you?” he asked.

“Oh, no. God, no. I just-”

“Tina,” he implored. “Talk with me.”

“It’s just weird. You, standing over there, staring at me. It’s weird. Just… odd.”

“Does it make you uncomfortable?” he asked.

“A bit. Please, just-... I know you’re a dom, but just this once, please sit down,” I said.

He walked over to the table and sat in front of me, and all of a sudden I felt like I was on trial. My heart rate sped up and my wine glass trembled in my hand, and all of the things I wanted to tell him got caught in my throat. I coughed, trying to get the knot out, but all I did was drop my wine glass in my lap before it crashed to the ground.

“Oh, my god!” I exclaimed.

And Kevin rushed to my side before I had a chance to move my chair.