Kevin

I took the stairs two by two and burst into Tina’s room. I found her on the floor, sobbing with her face in her hands. For a split second, I was frozen in terror. In the fifteen years I’d known Tina, never in my life had I ever seen her cry. She was the epitome of emotional strength. People looked up to her for the way she could compartmentalize and deal with tragedies at the drop of a hat without so much as blinking an eye. For every problem, she had a solution, and for every ounce of bullshit that was thrown her way, she had a smart quip before she could rope it back into place.

She had been my rock time and time again in my life, and now she was sobbing into the carpet on her floor.

I was ripped from my trance by her second shriek, and I rushed over to her and scooped her off the floor. I sat us on the edge of our bed while she buried herself into my chest, her hands grasping for any piece of fabric on my body. Her cheek soaked my bare chest while her snot dripped down my abdomen, and the only thing I could think of that would cause this type of reaction made my stomach drop to my knees.

“Tina, what happened to your father?” I asked.

Her body was trembling. No matter how close I held her, she simply got more and more hysterical. I peppered the top of her head with kisses, trying desperately to soothe her with my warming voice. Time and time again, Tina had told me the most soothing thing about me was the way I spoke lowly in her ear.

I trying to leverage anything I could in order to get her to calm down.

“I’m right here, Tee,” I said deep into her ear. “Just take a few deep breaths for me, alright?”

She tried to suck in some air through her nose, but all she did was joke on her own snot. She coughed and coughed, retching into my lap as she heaved for air. Her body was completely out of control and I had absolutely no idea what to do.

The woman who had always been there for me-- who always knew what to do in times of emergency and stress-- and I had no idea how to help her.

“My daddy’s-”

I clenched my jaw before I peppered her forehead with kisses. I knew what was coming, and even I couldn’t believe it. I wasn’t ready to convince myself that her father had died. That man had been her emotional relief-- the person who provided a buffer between her and her mother.

I wasn’t ready to think about the consequences that would manifest now that his buffer was no longer present.

“He-... h-h-he… oh, god. Kevin. No…”

I heard someone stumbling around the corner and whipped my head up to see a sobering Maddie walk around the corner. Her haphazardly clothed body leaned heavily against the doorframe until her eyes landed on the scenario in front of her. I watched her eyes grow wide before she rushed to Tina’s side, taking her hand and massaging her arm.

“Tina. Sweetheart, look at me,” Maddie said.

“No, no, no, no, no, no, no…”

Tina pushed her head deeper into my chest. So deep, in fact, that I almost couldn’t breathe. Maddie got up and pulled her hair from her face as trails of snot fell to my lap, and she secured Tina’s beautiful hair back with a hair tie just as she began to take deep breaths through her lips.

“That’s a good girl,” I said. “Deep breaths, sweetheart. Deep breaths.”

“What happened?” Maddie mouthed to me.

“He’s dead, Kevin. Oh, my god. He’s dead.”

She said it. She finally said it, and it silenced the entire room. Everything downstairs faded to the background as tears lined Maddie’s eyes, and even I had to take a few deep breaths in order to keep my emotions at bay. I was holding the strongest woman on this planet in my arms while she crumbled to the floor, and the only thing I could do was sit there while she bathed herself in her own pain.

How I wished I could take it away from her.

All of a sudden, Tina leapt from my arms. She threw her arms around Maddie as she pushed off my lap, and the two of them tumbled to the floor. Confusion wafted over my face as Maddie wrapped her arms tightly around her body, and for a split second it made me angry. I had no right to be-- this had absolutely nothing to do with me-- but I wanted to keep comforting her. To kiss her and hold her. To control the shaking of her body while she tried to get herself under control.

I wanted to be there for her, and she wanted to be with Maddie.

Just then, as Maddie was rubbing her back and cooing lightly in her ear, I caught a glimpse of her foot. It was black and blue, and her pinky toe was cocked off to the side. I looked at the rushed packing job of her suitcase that sat on the bed, and I figured she probably slammed her toe into something while she was trying to run around and collect her things.

“I’ll be right back,” I said.

I got up to get the first aid kit from the bathroom upstairs and I had to take a second to breathe. Never had I ever seen Tina so willing to cling to someone before, especially when she was feeling emotional and vulnerable. Usually, she pushed people away. Especially people she didn’t know well.

People like Maddie.

But instead, she was pushing me away and pulling her closer.

And I didn’t understand why.

“Will you come home with me?” I heard Tina’s voice ask.

“You know as well as I do Kevin will be better for you. I’ll need to go back and manage the office while you deal with all this, Tina,” Maddie said.

“I can’t take Kevin,” Tina said.

“Why not?” Maddie asked.

“Because the last time him and my mother were together, I had to stop them from tearing each other’s throats out,” Tina said.

I stood around the corner and listened to them talk as tears sprang to my eyes. Tina wasn’t willing to cling to me because of the tension between her mother and I, and it killed me inside. I wanted to be there for her. To help her through this dark and desolate time, but she was more concerned with alleviating tension more than she was taking care of herself.

“But, that was years ago, right? Like, back in college?” Maddie asked. “Maybe it won’t be like that anymore,” Maddie said.

“I don’t have the energy to take that chance, Maddie. Please. I-... I can’t do this alone,” Tina said.

There it was. The admission of the century. The words I never thought I’d ever hear Tina utter in her entire lifetime.

And she wasn’t uttering them to me.

“Please come with me,” Tina said.

“Alright, alright. Just… take a deep breath and calm down, alright? We can’t get you packed up the rest of the way if you can’t calm down,” Maddie said.

“You just… go pack, okay? I’ve got my stuff in order,” Tina said.

“Looks more like you tried to stuff an elephant into your purse,” Maddie said.

“I’ll come back if I need something. Or, I’ll buy it,” Tina said.

I came into the room with the first aid kit in hand and the two women whipped their heads over to me. Maddie nodded in my direction before she got up and made her way out the door, and I sat down and took Tina’s foot in my hand.

“You’ve broken your toe,” I said.

“Yeah. I hit it against the bedpost,” she said.

“I’m gonna do what any other doctor would do. I’m gonna set the toe and tape it against the sturdy one. Just try to keep as much pressure as you can off it,” I said.

“Is it gonna hurt?” she asked.

I looked up into her vulnerable, frightened eyes, and my heart leapt to my throat. Never had I ever known Tina to be afraid of pain, but right now she looked like a scared little school girl who wouldn’t admit she was afraid of the dark.

“On my count,” I said. “One… two…”

I snapped it into place and pressed it against her sturdy toe as she swallowed her moans. I quickly taped it before I placed her foot in my lap, and my hands massaged her calf as silent tears continued to roll down the side of her face.

“So, I heard you around the corner…” I said.

“Oh.”

“I’m gonna go back with you,” I said.

“Kevin, I can’t-”

“I’m not going to your house. I’m not even going to approach your mother. I’m only gonna get a hotel in town where I can do some work, and I’ll stay by my phone in case you need me. We can go get lunches, or I can take you out for a drink. It can be a place you come if your mother becomes too much,” I said.

I felt her staring at me, but when I looked up at her I found she was staring over my shoulder. Her emotional outburst had sucked back into her body, reverting her to a catatonic-like state I’d never seen before. I was treading in waters I was unfamiliar with when it came to Tina, and I knew I needed to swim lightly.

Otherwise, I would incur her wrath. And that was the last thing I wanted.

I picked her back up in my arms and sat her on the bed. I looked around for her pair of flip flops before I found them under the bed, and I slowly slipped them onto her feet. Maddie rounded the corner dressed in regular clothes and carrying her suitcase, and our eyes locked for a split second before I lightly shook my head at her.

“I’m ready whenever she is,” Maddie said.

“Let me get on the phone with the pilot and I’ll get him to the island,” I said.

And still, Tina simply sat and stared at the wall.

“Is she alright?” Maddie asked with a whisper.

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “No, she’s not.”

I talked with the pilot while I walked across the hall to pack my things in my room. I told the pilot he was needed as soon as he could get there and I apologized for how early in the morning it was. I threw the things I knew I would need in my suitcase before I packed up my laptop, and I left everything else behind. I could come back with it later if I needed anything before our next vacation, and it gave me an excuse to drag Tina back here if she needed to get away.

And I had a feeling she would need it before the turn of the new year.

“I called the pilot,” I said, poking my head back into the room. “He’ll be here in 30 minutes.”

“We’ll be down there,” Maddie said as she rubbed Tina’s back.

Brit and Spencer were waiting for me at the bottom of the steps with worried looks on their faces. I set my suitcase down next to me before I embraced them both, and I was glad when Spencer initiated the conversation.

I honestly didn’t know if I had the energy to.

“Brit, Brady, and I will stay behind to clean up the house, then we’re gonna fly on back, too,” Spencer said.

“Maddie sent me a text message,” Brit said as she held up her phone.

“She’s not gonna want us all at the house,” I said.

“I figured as such. Brady’s on the computer making hotel arrangements for us,” Spencer said.

“Tell him to include me in those plans, but get me a room by myself. I want a place for Tina to retreat if it becomes too much with her mother,” I said.

“Which we all know will eventually happen,” Brit said.

“Let Brady know I’ll cut him a check for the room,” I said.

“Already taken care of,” Brady said as he came around the corner. “How is she?”

“I found her crying on the floor, she broke her toe, and now she’s catatonic,” I said.

“Holy shit,” Brady murmured.

“It’s bad,” I said.

“Where’s Maddie?” Spencer asked.

“Tina is-”

I was hurt that I wasn’t the one upstairs with Tina. I was hurt that Tina’s arms flew around her neck instead of mine. I was hurt that she didn’t want me at the house-- though I understood the precedence she was drawing from.

But, it didn’t stop the hurt I felt that Tina wanted Maddie rather than me.

“She just needs a girl,” Brit said. “Her and Maddie have gotten close ever since Tee hired her to work for her. Plus, we all know about the last time she stuck you and her mother in a room together.”

“That was fucking fifteen years ago,” I said.

“Just try to understand where she’s coming from,” Spencer said. “None of this is being done to intentionally hurt you. She’s just… grasping at straws. She’s an emotionally compartmentalized person. This isn’t the last time a breakdown like this will happen, and she knows that. She’s just trying to minimize the amount of tension she had to wade through the next few days.”

“I know, I know,” I said, running my hand through my hair.

“Are you going to fly out dressed like that?” Brady asked with a smirk.

I looked down at my fishnet shirt and my tight leather pants and groaned. I needed to slip into the bathroom and change before the airplane got here, but I didn’t want to march back upstairs and have Tina think I was spying on her again.

She seemed to forgive the first incident, but I’d never known her to be a constantly forgiving person.

“You can go into my room and find something,” Spencer said. “I probably only have sweatpants and t-shirts that will fit you, but it’s better than what you’ve got on.”

“Thanks, man. I’ll wash them and get them back to you,” I said.

And just as I trekked down the hallway and began changing in Spencer’s room, I heard the whirring of the plane’s engines roar atop the island.