Days became weeks, and for the first time in what felt like forever, I was dealing with an interesting case again. A young woman called Gina. I had been assigned to help Gina after she had refused to work with a male psychologist, Magnus, one of my peers with whom, incidentally, Cain also had refused to work. But the cloud of paranoia hanging over her made her mistrust everyone—including those who were trying get the bottom of her problems.

Especially men.

Our sessions were emotionally fraught as she tried to deal with the demons in her mind whilst adjusting to life in hospital. A place she didn’t want to be and didn’t feel would help her. She was a very closed person, and I was struggling to get to her to open up to me. Eventually we had our first breakthrough. She finally had begun to look me in the eyes and smile. She told me that I was easy to talk to and that I didn’t come across as judgy even though it was partly my job to be so. We even laughed a little. But it was the day after our breakthrough that would change my life forever.

It was around two months after Cain had gone and I was still going through the phase of relating everything in time to accumulative hours, days and weeks since he had departed for the USA. And yes, I suppose I was in some kind of grieving process but the only person I could confide in was Esme.

I was due in to one of my sessions with Gina and I was refreshing my memory by reading the notes from our last session. She had confided in me about some of her darkest nightmares where people were conspiring against her, but I had drifted off to a conversation Esme and I had been having the night before. I’ll admit that it was unprofessional of me to bring my personal thoughts into work continuously, but let’s face it, it was far from the worst thing I’d done at work in connection with Cain.

“So you haven’t heard anything at all from Cain?” Esme asked before taking a gulp of her red wine. We were in Johnny Foxes eating dinner, and I had been staring at my plate.

I shook my head as I wondered where he was and what he was doing. Had he moved onto the next woman? I hoped not. But hope was a waste of time.

“I bet he’ll get in touch after he sorts things out over there, honey.” She was trying to reassure me, but nothing was really helping to fill the Cain-shaped hole inside of me.

“I doubt it. Why would he get in touch?” I lifted my gaze, hoping to see anything but pity in my friend’s eyes. But like I said, hope was a waste of time.

Her eyes were filled with pity. “He loved you, Kelly. You loved him. Surely that counts for something?”

I laughed without the faintest hint of humour. “It means nothing, Ez. He and I were never meant to be. We were doomed from the start. It’s just as well that he left or I could have lost everything.”

She placed her cutlery down and glared at me disbelievingly. “Oh, and you haven’t lost everything anyway?”

Someone hammered on my office door, making me jump and dragging me back to reality. I placed Gina’s notes down and went to open the door. Gina stood there, wild-eyed, staring at me.

I smiled, trying to make her feel at ease. “Oh, hi, Gina. You’re a little early.”

“I need to speak to you now.” Her voice was calm and unwavering despite her appearance.

I nodded. “Okay. Come on in. We can start now.” I turned and began to walk over to my couch. The door slammed and before I could turn, I felt a thud on the back on my head, the force of which knocked me to my knees. A searing throb vibrated from the point of impact all the way down my spine, and I was overcome with nausea.

I cried out in agony.

Her voice bellowed out as a hoarse banshee screech. “It was you! You told them! You bitch!” She began to hit me again with whatever it was that she held in her hand, and I fell forward, covering the back of my head with one hand and trying to reach for my personal alarm with the other.

Where the hell is everyone?

My vision became blurry as I tried to make sense of what she was shouting at me. But the pain shooting down my neck was far too intense. I tried to scream for help but instead a sob fell from my mouth as another blow came and I felt the bones in my fingers crunch.

“G-Gina stop… please… stop.” My voice came out as a weak and mousy croak.

Although petite, she loomed over me where I cowered, wielding what looked to be a large document stapler. “No! You bitch! You deserve to die! I knew you were just like them! You’re on their side!”

Another blow, this time to the side of my face. I cried out again as a sharp, head-splitting sting shot through my cheekbone and up the side of my skull.

Another thwack followed by a stabbing pain, and I tasted the metallic tang of blood.

Finally managing to grip my personal alarm, I pushed the button with every ounce of determination to survive that I could muster.

She hit me again. And again.

Then nothing.

Later on after I had showered and changed, I could hear lots of voices down in the main room, and I made my way there to check on what was happening. As I descended the stairs, I could see men of all ages laughing and drinking beer with their women draped all over them or around them.

“Here he is!” Colt’s voice boomed out louder than the ACDC track playing in the background.

A loud cheer rang out around the room, and when I hit the last step, I was engulfed in a group hug. People slapped me on the back and told me how much they’d missed me. Some looked familiar but others were people I was sure I’d never even met. It was a strange feeling supposedly to have been missed by people I couldn’t yet put names to, and I tried to ignore the unease in my gut.

“Cain, I don’t know how many of these folks you will remember, but these are the members of your extended family. This is the main man from the Denver charter. Cain, Ike here has been looking out for Rosa since she was moved out of here.”

Ike grabbed my hand firmly and shook it. So this guy knows the whereabouts of my kid sister, huh? My heart rate increased and the moisture in my mouth suddenly evaporated. “Where is she? Is she okay?”

“Don’t be panicking, son. Rosa is very safe. She’s not in Denver right now. But you have nothing to worry about. She’s with people who can protect her.”

Why was no one willing to tell me anything? I couldn’t shake the feeling that these people who called themselves my family were hiding way too much from me. I narrowed my eyes and felt my nostrils flare. “And where is that exactly?”

Ike chuckled and I wanted to punch him. “Safe is all you need to know, son.”

I matched the man in height and I got closer until my nose was almost touching his. My jaw was clenched. “I’m not your fucking son, old man. Now tell me where the hell my sister is!”

Ike glanced angrily over at Colt, who laughed and gripped my shoulder a little too tightly. “He’s been through a lot, Ike. Don’t mind him. He means no harm.”

Ike responded through gritted teeth. “Well you’d better get him out of my fucking face before I mean him some harm.”

Six appeared at the front of the gathered group and yanked me away. “Come on, bro. Let’s go get you some beer and pussy, huh?” I allowed him to put his arm around my shoulders and lead me away. When we were out of ear shot he whispered, “You can’t talk to Ike that way, man.”

I stopped to face my closest ally. “He has Rosa, and I want to know where the fuck she is. She’s my sister. Why won’t anyone tell me?”

He pulled me toward the bar and shoved me against a stool. I reluctantly sat as Six ordered me a neat whiskey from Delilah.

He turned back to me with a look of concern. “Look, Cain. The reason he’s not telling you is to protect you from yourself. He knows that if he tells you, you’ll go shooting off up there to get her, and by doing that, you’ll alert the Legion to where she is and that you’re back. You’d be putting us all in danger. We told them you’re dead. If they find out we lied, there’ll be all-out war.”

Delilah placed the glass full of amber liquid before me, and I grabbed it and downed it in one gulp. “Fuck. I can’t rest, Six. I need to see her. The flashbacks are scaring the shit out of me, and I’m terrified she’s suffering some kind of physical abuse or mental trauma or… or what the fuck ever. My head is torturing me with visions of her screaming and crying. And I’ve missed her eighteenth fucking birthday.” That particular realisation hit me like a ten-ton truck and I dropped my head into my hands. “Awww fuck, shit fuck!”

“Look, she was given a great celebration. Don’t worry. And seeing you will be all the gift she needs.”

I lowered my voice. “Does… does she know I’m okay?”

Six shook his head. “No, man. It was decided that it was best not to tell her. Not until you go up there anyway.” Shit. So she’s somewhere with strangers and she doesn’t even know I’m alive? Fuck. She could be grieving my death without any need. The poor kid. My heart broke a little more.

I heaved a deep sigh and glanced into the centre of the room where the party had kicked up a notch. Scantily clad women I didn’t know gyrated around rubbing their tits in the men’s faces as Alice in Chains’ “Them Bones” blared from the wall mounted speakers.

“There’s something more going on here, isn’t there, buddy?” Six’s eyes were filled with concern.

I shook my head. “Nothing I can do anything about.”

“Come on, man. Me and you… we were partners in crime. Told each other everything before you left. Well… almost everything. I mean I’m a guy and I don’t do all that advice shit, but… well… you know… if you got something going on, maybe you should get it off your chest, huh?”

I sighed long and deep. “I met someone. In Scotland.”

“No shit, really?”

I glanced to my left and Delilah was behind the bar but hovering around us like a puppy waiting for scraps. I turned my attention back to my friend. “Yeah. Before I remembered about Melody. The funny thing was it turns out she looks just like Melody. Long auburn hair, same soulful green eyes, and fucking curves to die for. I… Awww fuck, Six, I fell for her. Hard. I’m fucking in love with her and she’s thousands of miles away. And do you know what really fucking gets to me? I would’ve married her. I’ve never felt that way about anyone. Not even Melody. I loved Melody, I remember that feeling. But with Kelly…”

His eyes narrowed. “Didn’t she wanna come back here with you?”

I smiled at the impossible thought. “She couldn’t. The shit would’ve really hit the fan.”

Six nodded knowingly. “Married?”

I took a long pull of my drink. “Kelly was my psychologist.”

His eyes widened so much I thought they were going to pop clean out of his head. “No fucking way. Oh, man. Did you… you know…” He leaned in conspiratorially and grinned. “Did you fuck her?”

Although I knew he meant no harm by it, I had to rein myself in when I heard him talk about her like that. Instead of punching him I closed my eyes briefly and willed my temper to calm. “Six, I loved her. I love her. So… we didn’t just fuck, okay?”

The grin disappeared from his face and he nodded. “Shit, man. I’m sorry. That must’ve been hard. You know, leaving her behind and all.”

My gaze drifted over once again to Delilah as she bit her lip and cocked her head to one side. Six gripped my shoulder and drew my attention back to him. “Look, maybe you just need to move the fuck on, dude. Huh? Go pick a woman and get your rocks off. I’m sure Delilah would be game for that. And you’d feel a whole lot better.”

“How old is she anyway? I guess I’ve fucked her before from what you’ve said.”

“Don’t worry, man. She’s twenty-three. And smokin’ hot, in case you haven’t noticed. And look at those tits, bro. Don’t you just wanna… you know…”

I discreetly trailed my gaze down to her pert breasts. They were smaller than Kelly’s. Kelly had the most amazing tits and fuck, I missed her. Another whiskey appeared before me, and I closed my eyes and gulped it down just like the first one, the alcohol making a beeline for my head and slightly numbing my senses. I opened my eyes and glanced over at Delilah again, who was smiling at me longingly. Maybe a really good fuck is what I need?

Six chucked his chin at the pretty blonde. “Hey, Delilah, why don’t you take Cain up to his room and… you know… help him to relax a little?”

Delilah hadn’t moved her gaze from my face. “Sure thing. Come on, Cain.”

She walked out from behind the bar and took my hand. I followed her up the stairs, but in the back of my mind a seed of guilt sprang to life and began to grow.

Once we were inside the room where I’d been sleeping Delilah, pushed me back onto the bed. “Just lie still and relax, Cain. I’ll take your mind off of everything,” she breathed.

I lay back and felt her tugging at the buttons on the front of my jeans. Next thing I knew my pants were halfway down my thighs and I closed my eyes, hoping to lose myself in what was to come—no pun intended.

Delilah moaned as she drew my rigid flesh into her mouth. I clenched my fists and fought against the fabricated images my brain had conjured up of Kelly performing this very act on me. I had to forget about her. Deciding I needed to keep my focus on the girl I was with and not the girl I couldn’t have, I pulled myself up a little and rested on my elbows as Delilah worked my cock with her hand and mouth. She gazed up at me as she licked the full length of my erection, and I inhaled sharply as she circled her tongue around the sensitive tip. Pleasure, like some kind of drug, seeped through to every nerve ending in my body, and I growled my appreciation. She was good. But she wasn’t Kelly. I pushed myself all the way to a sitting position and looked down at her where she knelt before me. I wished so hard that the blonde head bobbing up and down on me and devouring my favourite body part was covered in long auburn waves belonging to a certain Scottish beauty.

I closed my eyes again as I reached down and cupped her breasts, toying with her nipples through the fabric of her top. She released me from her mouth and moaned again, lost in her arousal as a pink flush crept up her slender neck. Pushing herself off of me, she stood and with her gaze locked on mine, she pulled her tank top from her body to reveal her petite braless tits to me. She must have been wearing a padded bra before.

“I’m yours, Cain. You can do anything you want to me. Anything at all. I’ll fulfil all your fantasies if you’ll let me.” She slipped her jeans shorts down her legs—revealing that she wasn’t wearing panties—and stood there before me naked. A fine line of blonde hair covered the middle of her pussy. Her hips were narrow, and suddenly it hit me how completely different from Kelly she was.

I didn’t like it.

I didn’t want her.

She stepped forward and straddled me, grinding herself into me as she kissed my neck. Nausea crept up on me, and I didn’t know if it was the whiskey or just the fact that I felt like I was being unfaithful.

“Kelly… Oh, fuck, I mean Delilah… Delilah, stop. Please. I… I can’t do this.” I lifted her from my lap and placed her on her feet. When I glanced up at her, she was twisting her hands together and her eyes were glistening.

I felt like shit.

“What did I do wrong, Cain? All I ever wanted was to belong to you. I’ve loved you for so long. I didn’t care if you needed other women, but I wanted to be yours. Only yours. Why don’t you want me? What’s wrong with me? Why don’t you love me back?” The brimming tears overflowed and trickled down her cheeks.

I pulled my boxers and jeans back up as I stood. Dragging the blanket from the end of the bed, I wrapped it around her. “You’ve done nothing wrong, okay? I just… My head is fucked right now. So much has happened. Melody is—”

She held up her hands. “I get it. I understand. I’m sorry. I know you’re still getting over Melody. I’m such an idiot. Please forgive me.” But she really didn’t get it. Yes, I’d mentioned Melody, but she didn’t know about Kelly and she hadn’t picked up on what I’d said before. What she didn’t know was that I was missing the Scottish girl with all my heart and any sexual act with another would feel like betrayal. Regardless of the fact that Kelly was thousands of miles away.

“Hey, no. There’s nothing to forgive.” I pulled her into my arms and kissed the top of her head. “You’re a beautiful, sweet girl and you deserve better.”

She laughed humourlessly. “I’m not as sweet as you think. And all I want is you. You’re plenty good enough. You always have been no matter what’s in your past.”

I stroked her cheek. “I’m sorry, okay?” She nodded and wiped her face with the blanket. “I’ll… um… leave you to get dressed.” I tipped her nose with my finger and left the room. Once the door was closed behind me, I leaned against it and inhaled a deep breath as I chewed on the inside of my cheek. The pain of losing Melody and Kelly hit me all over again, and I figured whiskey was the only thing that would help me to numb the pain.

Back down in the bar, Six spied me and waved me over. “Feeling better?” He winked and punched my arm.

“Oh yeah, much,” I lied.

“I knew Delilah would help you out. She gives the best blow… I mean… she’s… she’s a sweet woman.” His cheeks must have been bright red at slipping up like that when he thought I might’ve made Delilah my old lady, but I couldn’t tell thanks to the dim light.

“There you are, Cain.” Colt appeared behind me with Ike. “We’ve been talking and we feel it would be best if you left and headed up to Canada for a while.”

I scrunched my face. “Canada? Fuck, are you kidding me?”

“This situation is no joke, son.” Ike over pronounced the word son, and I guessed he was trying to show me who was boss. I couldn’t be bothered to argue with him. “Believe me when I tell you that Canada is the safest place for you and for Rosa.”

Hang on, so I’m supposed to take Rosa away from her home too? Again? Hasn’t she been through enough upheaval? I shook my head. “No way. I have my family around me right here. You said so yourself, Colt. I’ll stick around. Rosa can come back and we’ll be fine. I’m going nowhere.”

Colt clenched his jaw and narrowed his eyes. “You have no fucking idea what you’re saying. You staying will cause all-out—”

“War, yeah I get it. But what if I’m not prepared to run anymore? What if I want to be here where I belong, huh?”

“You got balls, kid. I’ll tell you that much. But my boys and me won’t be defending your ass if the shit hits the fan. Just so you know.” Colt growled in exasperation and stormed away with clenched fists, a string of expletives falling from his tight lips.

I finally retreated to my room, seething with anger. Delilah had disappeared and I was relieved of that. I flung myself on my bed, grabbed my iPod, stuck in the ear buds, and hit play. The first track that hit me was American Head Charge’s “Just So You Know”, and I laughed darkly to myself. I guessed the song was one I had chosen originally because of Melody, but as I listened to the lyrics, it was images of Kelly that sprang to my mind. And despite the anger in the deliverance of the words, the soft melody of the chorus made my insides churn with emotion and loneliness.