I stared at the white plastic stick in my hands, feeling a sickness completely unrelated to the flu-like symptoms I'd been experiencing for the past two weeks. It had been a month and a half since that disastrous night where I'd slept with Jeremy, and I'd been on suppressants for years with no problem.

But here it was. The double line confirmation.

Pregnant.

Nausea roiled in my stomach again, a feeling that was almost becoming the norm for me. I'd only taken the test to rule a pregnancy out, to stop my anxious thoughts from getting the better of me. To wave the negative test in the face of my inner voices with a giant middle finger. The lawyer had called to tell me that Mark and his lawyer were continuing to file motions for dismissal, and I just wanted one mental stress off my plate, since I couldn’t do anything about the legal proceedings.

How could this have happened? It had only been one time with Jeremy, and he'd been avoiding me like the plague ever since. He hadn't even been coming to family dinners.

At first I'd been hurt. Who wouldn't? You finally get the guy you've been crushing on to notice you, you take a chance, it works fantastically—and then he dumps you like so much trash the moment it's over.

But then I got pissed off. Jeremy knew everything I'd been through, and he thought it was okay to sleep with me, then ghost?

I knew it wasn't about me. Grover had, in his gentle, grumbling way, pushed me into finding a counselor while all this crap was going on with Mark, and I'd felt stupid at first, but like I owed it to Grover to give it a shot, and if there was one thing I was learning, it was that most people's crappy actions had little to do with me, and everything to do with them. So Jeremy ghosting was totally some internal bullshit on his part, but it wasn't okay that he didn't take two seconds to think how his actions affected me.

And in spite of it all, I still wanted him to come around. I wanted his attention. Which just made me appalled at myself. I couldn't do this again. I couldn't fall for an alpha who was more focused on himself than on a family. Because beyond the fact that I was worth being taken care of—one of Andrea the counselor's mantras—I had Simon to consider as well. And even when my brain was willing to sacrifice my own happiness for a hint of love, I was never willing to sacrifice Simon's.

But this... this baby complicated things.

There was no way I was going to get an abortion. The thought flitted through my mind and flitted out just as fast. As crappy as the timing was, as terrible as the situation was, I'd always wanted another kid. I wasn't going to ditch this one because things didn't happen just the way I wanted.

I couldn't imagine how difficult this kind of situation would be if I didn't want more kids.

Damn. I had to tell Jeremy. But how? He went out of his way to make sure we wouldn't run into each other. Was I going to have to steal his dad or brother's phone and trick him into answering, telling him as quickly as possible before he hung up?

The injustice of it all smashed my ability to hold back the nausea, and I dropped to my knees, sticking my face in the toilet bowl just in time.

I flushed the toilet, still hanging over the bowl panting, sweating, when someone knocked on the door.

"Alan? You okay?"

Darius. He'd come over to watch Simon after school today because I was feeling so extra terrible and Grover was back to working full hours in the garage.

I didn't have the energy to answer, and after a moment, the door creaked open behind me.

"You okay?"

I turned my head to see Darius peeking through the open crack of the door. I nodded, resting my head on the toilet seat. I'd been wiping it down with bleach wipes after every vomiting fit, so it wasn't like too many germs could have survived. Especially since I wasn't sick, like I had been hoping.

Darius's eyes widened suddenly, and he pushed the door open a bit more. "Is that what I think it is?" He nodded at the white stick in my hand.

I hesitated a moment before I lifted it up and he took it from me. Darius was the closest thing I had to a best friend right now, and I wasn't strong enough to hold this information by myself. But it was too much, too real if I said it aloud. I didn't have to tell him who's it was just yet, right? I needed someone who could stand beside me and acknowledge what I was going through, even if I wasn't ready to tell him everything.

The first time I’d found out I was pregnant, I'd been just a teenager. Alone, terrified to tell Mark. And when I finally told him, I'd been ecstatic when he'd responded by proposing. I hadn't realized that was the start of a long, dark journey. Of him isolating me.

I wouldn't be locked down again.

Darius looked at the test, then picked up the instructions, which were still sitting on the sink. After a moment, he asked, "Is it Jeremy's?"

I blinked at him in surprise.

"How could you possibly know?" I croaked, pushing away from the toilet and bracing my back against the bathtub wall so that I could see Darius better.

He rolled his eyes. "I know my brother. He’s obsessed over you from the day you arrived."

I sighed. I wished. "Your brother hates my guts."

Darius snorted. "My brother is head over heels for you."

The anger stirred inside me, returning some of my energy. "Yeah, because a guy who is head over heels for you never looks at you, never talks to you, and after you sleep together, avoids you like the plague."

"Don't you think that someone who didn't care wouldn't be running so hard?"

I rubbed my face. "You're making my head hurt. What kind of logic is that? I know your brother's got issues, and I got caught in the middle of them somehow. It sucks, but that's what it is."

"I'm not going to argue about Jeremy having issues. Anyone who looks at him can tell you that. And you of all people should know better than to dismiss someone’s past pain. His is old and deep.” Darius crouched down next to me. “I know my brother better than almost anyone, and I'm telling you, he's completely twitterpated."

His admonishment stung because it was true, and the hope he offered felt like the wisp of a dream. So I deflected. "Have you been watching Bambi with Simon again?"

"Hey, no rabbit trails. I'm serious. Jeremy is just... confused. Don't give me that look, I'm trying to figure out how to describe him."

"Where's Simon?" I suddenly realized my son was being entirely too quiet.

Darius smiled. "If that was a distraction technique, it's still not going to work. He's watching TV. And yes, it's more Disney. So Jeremy. The short of it is that he doesn't believe he deserves love."

"That's ridiculous," I said immediately. "Everyone deserves love. Except for maybe asshats like Mark."

Darius shrugged. "I think that Jeremy kind of sees guys like Mark as what he could be."

"But he's not," I said stubbornly. I was upset at him, frustrated about the situation, and okay, yes, still hurt, but I had seen the care and caution Jeremy took in regards to his family. He was protective as hell, too. And while that was a little scary, his instincts lead him to be good, not to hurt others.

"I know that. You know that. He doesn't."

"Then he needs some professional help," I grumbled, and Darius barked out a laugh.

"Don't we all. So... just keep that in mind, okay? He's pretty terrible at this whole love thing."

I groaned, rubbing my hands over my face again. "I have to tell him."

Darius nodded.

"But I don't want him to feel guilted into anything because I'm pregnant."

Darius came into the bathroom and flipped the toilet lid down before sitting on it, leaning his elbows on his knees. So what are you going to do?"

He let me think in silence. I had to tell Jeremy. That was non-negotiable. And part of me, a part that wouldn't go away no matter how hard I kicked at it, wanted him back in my life—and as more than just a shadow on the wall. But I couldn't accept a pity relationship. There was something there between us... more than a spark. It was more like a banked ember, covered and waiting, ready to burst into flame.

He really was nothing like Mark. Mark had used every opportunity to manipulate me and Simon. But Jeremy had actually paid attention to Simon. He'd barely spoken to me, but there had always been this undercurrent between us, and it had broken into the open that night in the dark. Jeremy clearly hadn't been ready for anything yet. Hell, I probably hadn't been ready. But it had been so long since I'd felt actually wanted, desired...

If Darius was right, maybe we could become something. But I had to put myself first. I wouldn't cut Jeremy out of his child's life, and I doubted he was the kind of man to ignore his responsibility. But I wouldn't put up with his self-sacrificial bullshit. I'd lived the other side of that coin, making myself less than I was to please someone who used me. Jeremy had walled himself off so he couldn't be used.

"I'm going to tell him the truth," I said.

"About the baby?"

Hearing it aloud kicked my anxiety into overdrive. "Yes. But not until we talk about me and him and us."