"We don't have a relationship," Jeremy sputtered.

I trailed my hands down his waist, relishing the shiver that followed my touch. "You keep telling yourself that." I rocked my hips forward slowly, knowing that if I had my way, Jeremy wouldn't have much time to dwell on the negative voices in his head before I got him into bed and banished them.

In his absence, I'd forgotten the magnetism between us, the way he drew my attention and kept it. I was still worried and terrified about the baby, but something inside me told me that if I could fix whatever was wrong between Jeremy and me, that everything else would seem a little less scary. Looking into Jeremy’s eyes, I knew that he could never treat me the way Mark had. I just had to convince him of that.

"What are you doing?" Jeremy stammered, his hands hovering mid-air, as if he wasn't sure whether to push me away or grab me.

"Seducing you," I said simply. "I know you're broken, but I don't think you're broken in the way you think you're broken." I slipped my hands behind his back and under his waistband. I couldn't give him enough space in his thoughts to wind up his anxieties again, but they did have to be addressed. "You think you'll hurt me. You already did. And guess what? I'm still here."

Jeremy's face twisted in pain and he opened his mouth to argue with me but I popped up and stopped him with another kiss. Just like before, he melted against me after a moment. I don't think he even realized his hands fell to my shoulders, holding me closer, but I did. Good. This was working.

He pulled away softly and started talking before our lips parted. “My biological father was a vicious asshole who beat me and my mom up daily, and I never did anything to stop him. I hate that when I think of him, all I want to do is tear the world apart. I saw the look on his face when he was using his fists. I’ve felt that same look on mine. The rage. The fury. The hate. The same beast that lived in him is in me. I am my father’s son.”

"Your brokenness isn't irreparable. Neither is mine. Do you think that just because Mark treated me like shit for years, to the point where I felt like I didn't have any worth, that I would feel that way for the rest of my life? Do you think that is true? That I will never be whole again?”

"Of course not—"

"Then why do you think the same about you? I don't know what happened to you, Jeremy, but I want to. I want the chance to get to know you without all these shouldn'ts and can'ts between us. I want to see what we could become."

Jeremy sighed, a shuddering release of air that shook his entire body, but at least he didn't pull his hands away. "But what if this is doomed, Alan? What if all I can do is hurt you? I don't want to risk that."

"Everything is a risk, Jeremy." I slid one finger over the soft skin of the top of his ass, and his eyes fluttered shut. "Just walking down the street is a risk, but I'm not going to stop doing that."

"I'm not a walk down a street in broad daylight," Jeremy said, his voice sharp and jagged. "I'm an alley, filled with garbage and anger and—"

"I don't believe you."

He was getting wound up again, and I had been doing such a good job of distracting him. I couldn't lose him. If I lost him to his fears again, how would I ever recover just the few steps we'd made right now? I'd still have to tell him about the baby, and that memory, a memory that should be good, would be tainted forever.

I dropped to my knees, pulling my hands around to unbutton his pants.

"What are you doing?" Jeremy asked, his hands trying to grip my shoulders and pull me up as I unzipped his pants.

"Distracting you." There was no point in lying. Hidden fears were our obstacles. The only way to fight them was with transparency and truth.

Jeremy swore and hooked his hands underneath my armpits, pulling me up, nearly throwing me over his shoulder before turning and rushing us into his house. The moment he set me down, I was back on my knees, Jeremy's back thudding against the door as it closed.

"Where is Simon?" Jeremy's voice was breathy.

I was busy shoving his pants down out of the way. "He's with your dad. Now stop thinking. Everything is taken care of. I'm going to take care of you for once in your life. Your problem, Jeremy, is you think you don't deserve love. Everyone deserves love."

His cock popped free and I stopped talking, locking my hands over his hip bones, pressing him against the door as I took him into my mouth. He'd finally admitted he wanted me, and I was going to give myself to him. Not to be taken or controlled. This wasn't about that. That was his fear. I couldn't force him to accept what I had to give him. There was something between us, more than friendship, less than forever, but there was a spark of the possibility of love, and that was what Jeremy needed more than anything. He did his best to stomp it out, afraid of destroying the fire once it was burning, but it wasn't his choice to make for me.

My own spark had been stomped on and snuffed out for too long. Now that I was reclaiming myself, I wanted to explore this possibility between us. Maybe this would only be a fling, and if so… well, that would be that. We'd figure out how to work our lives around each other. But if we weren't meant to be anything more than this, I wanted to know we'd explored it to our fullest, and not ignored it out of fear.

Jeremy's hands were gripping the door frame, and I released my grasp on his hips to grab his hands, twining our fingers together as his breath quickened. His hips jerked involuntarily, and then he came down my throat.

I swallowed it all, wishing I could swallow his pain just as easily.

Jeremy slumped against the door, barely able to stand.

"You fight dirty," he grumbled, prompting a smile from me.

"That was just round one," I promised, standing, walking backward into his home. I barely paid attention to the furnishings as I drew him along with me, just checking to make sure I wouldn't trip over anything as I made my way to what I hoped was his bedroom. "We've got a few more rounds before I win the battle."

He followed me silently, but his eyes glinted with something I hadn't seen in him yet. A sparkle that made me want to dance with excitement, because it was the only thing I wanted out of this encounter.

Hope.