My muscles ached as I cranked the wrench one final time for the day. I flexed my arm to relieve the stress in my muscles.

“Not used to working so hard?” Tommy teased.

“Aw, shut it, you know I’ve been putting in hours like a dog this week.” I glared. Normally I worked regular hours at the shop, but since Dad was taking care of Alan and Simon, all the crap he normally dealt with was falling on me.

“Yeah, you have, I’m sure Grover appreciates it too.” Tommy stretched his arms high in the air, to signify he was done for the day, and so was I.

I wiped my hands clean with a towel and stood from the oil covered cement floor. I didn’t mind picking up some slack this week for Dad. I was grateful to see Alan and Simon in good care. They needed someone watching over them right now, and there was no one better suited than Dad. He had done the same for me and both my brothers when we needed it.

“So what the deal? Now that his three sons are out of the house, Grover needs a new charity case to lend his helping hand to?” Tommy smirked.

It wasn’t about charity with Dad. He was a good man who would take it upon himself to help anyone in need, especially someone from a broken home. Just like he’d taken in me and my brothers.

I didn’t feel like debating semantics with Tommy, though. “You know how he is.”

“Yeah, yeah, I just haven’t seen him much at all this week. It’s not like him to miss so much work.”

I had talked to Dad a few times on the phone this week and he had been busy taking Simon to school, or driving Alan to see lawyers and doctors, pretty much doting the both of them around. But I couldn’t blame him, I would do the same if I could. If I trusted myself around them. I was sure he just wanted to be there as much as possible, as a comforting presence so the two of them could feel safe and sleep sound at night.

“Well, how about we close up for the night?” Tommy reached for the garage door, ready to pull it down.

“Way ahead of you.” I picked up the key off the tool bench to lock back door.

“Tell Camden I say hi, will ya?” Tommy said as the garage door hit the ground.

“Sure,” I said, but he was already gone.

I had almost forgotten Cam was in town and coming for family dinner tonight. The last thing I wanted to do after this long week was muster up the energy for family dinner, but the last time Cam came to town, I had bailed. I couldn’t bow out this time. We never knew when we’d see him next.

The shop was looking good, everything in order for the night. I ran my oil smudged hand through my hair, flicked off the lights, slipped out the back door, and lit a cigarette as I thought about tonight’s company.

I could deal with seeing Cam and Darius, even Dad, but I knew Alan and Simon would there too and that made me uneasy. The last time I saw Alan, all I had wanted to do was make sure he was safe. I waffled some on whether or not I had done the right thing in beating his husband—ex-husband and abuser, I reminded myself—to a bloody pulp, but I always decided it had been the right thing, the only thing I could have done.

My fists clenched and I took a deep inhale of my cigarette. The image of Alan’s ex beating him made my blood burn. I couldn’t cope with the anger that welled up inside me. The only thing keeping me from slamming my fists through this wall at the thought of him was the cigarette.

The anger, my reaction to it, was the reason I didn’t want to go to dinner tonight.

I didn’t want to be in the same room as Alan or Simon. I wanted to know they were safe and if anything I wanted to protect them myself, but I couldn’t be their protector. I was too unstable to be around those two. At any point I could go off, posing a threat to either of them.

I threw the butt in the trash and lit another to calm myself. Why did I feel the need to protect these two so much? I knew it wasn’t in my blood to be a protector. The only thing in my blood was anger and violence. Coming up through foster care, I saw it over and over. The sins of the father were visited on the child. My father thought with his fists. I’d learned to put walls around myself so I would stop from doing the same. Darius’s parents were druggies. He refused to touch the stuff, knowing one hit would be the end of him. Cam’s parents just didn’t give a shit about him. Now Cam was the one who was always leaving us.

Dinner tonight to see Cam and the family was a must, but I was going to have watch myself. Not that Dad would ever let anything happen, and not that I would ever dream of hurting the two, but I would never trust myself, and that was the problem.

I finished my smoke and felt a little more relaxed. At least I would see Alan and Simon were safe, and that did make me happy.

I double checked the back door to make sure it was locked and rode home to shower before dinner. But even the hot shower—paired with blaring rock music, two more cigarettes, and the smooth ride on my motorcycle—couldn’t stop me from worrying about how I’d act around Alan and Simon. When I arrived at Dad’s, I took a deep breath before reaching for the door handle, but the door swung open before I had the chance to touch it.

“Jeremy! Long time no see, brother.” Cam poked his head around the corner to catch a glimpse of my bike. “I heard that thing from a mile away. Nice ride.” He gave me a his customary smirk that said he didn’t give a shit, but I knew it was a lie and took it as an opening to give him a big, brotherly hug.

The aroma that wafted from the grill out back reminded me of Sunday dinners Dad forced on us when we were kids. We’d been miserable punks. One of us was usually up to no good, or too moody, or too hyper. But, he kept trying, and we stopped being such little assholes. Mostly.

We walked through the house, filled with scent of smoky meat, to the backyard where, sure enough, Dad had a juicy prime rib roast rotating on the grill. I thought it was still a little too cold to be grilling out comfortably, but as soon as the weather popped up above fifty degrees, Dad was lighting it up at least twice a week. Darius sat in a folding chair behind him.

“Hey, Jeremy.” Darius lifted his hand for a brief wave, but made no move to stand. Fair enough. I saw Darius on a fairly regular basis. He lived in town, but didn’t work at the garage like Dad and me. He was the artistic one and had turned his hand to tattooing, and his body boasted ample examples of others’ work.

“Hey, Darius. How are things?” I walked over to him and ruffled his hair. He hated that and swatted me away without responding.

Dad checked the temperature of the roast. “So where you been, Camden? Mining for gold in the Yukon? Isn’t that the latest reality show?” Dad’s voice was gruff. Cam said yes to just about anything that involved a big paycheck, which usually took him on a wild adventure of some sort. He’d been on some crab fishing show up in Alaska a while back, and Dad never let him live it down.

“At least I got paychecks coming in.” Cam scowled.

“Relax, he’s just teasing.” I put on a hand on his shoulder but he nudged it away.

Dad pulled the meat thermometer out. “Roast is done. The table set?”

Darius helped Dad lift the roast from the grill to a pan while I stepped inside to set the table. Cam followed me, but took a left to the bathroom.

I froze at the entrance to the kitchen when I saw Alan’s back. He was tossing a salad, Simon by his side, munching veggies. I cleared my throat. Alan jumped and spun around.

“Mr. Superhero!” Simon waved his hands in the air, breaking the uncomfortable tension that seemed to linger in the air.

“Hey, buddy.” I smiled at Simon, but avoided eye contact with Alan. Apparently my words hadn’t been enough to deter him from his false impression that I was a good guy.

“Roast is done. I’m just setting the table.” I fingered through the cutlery drawer, careful to put my back to them and reduce my threat level as much as possible.

“You hear that, Simon? The roast is done. I’ve got special macaroni for you if you get yourself seated and wait patiently,” Alan bribed as Simon jumped up and down.

“Yay! Can I sit beside Mr. Jeremy?”

I looked up at the mention of my name and caught the corner of Alan’s eye. I immediately turned away again.

Alan seemed to ignore the boy’s request, which I was grateful for. I was stupidly pleased the kid liked me, while afraid of the same damn thing. I was sure Alan didn’t want me near his kid anyway.

Simon helped Alan carry the salad and dressings into the dining room. Darius and Dad were plopping the steaming roast in the middle of the table, and Cam appeared just as I brought over the forks and knives.

Darius lifted his glass. “Here’s to Camden being home, and to family being together again.”

“To family,” the table chimed in.

Cam unenthusiastically lifted his glass. “Well, for now.”

I rolled my eyes at Cam’s snarky comment, and we tapped glasses in a cheers. My eyes darted away when I tapped Alan’s glass.

“Dig in!” Dad announced and we began scooping and plating ourselves dinner.

There were several minutes of silence and small talk while we stuffed our faces, before Dad started in on his familiar refrain whenever Cam was around. “When you moving back home, Camden? There’s always be a spot at the garage for you.”

Cam huffed with annoyance. “So what? I can be at your beck and call like Jeremy?”

I ignored his scornful comment.

“Just be nice to see you more,” Dad said.

Cam pushed his last few bites around his plate. “Well, I’m here now aren’t I?”

Cam’s snarky comments made for a cold atmosphere. I wanted to make Alan feel more comfortable, but I couldn’t look him in the eye. Darius took over and did it for me, leaning toward Alan and saying in a stage whisper, “If you can’t tell already, Camden is the black sheep.”

“We’re all black sheep,” Cam snapped.

“We’re all brothers,” Darius said with a glare. “Dad took us all out of the system, raised us himself. We’re a family of misfits, but we’re the Greaves family.”

“You’re Greaves, I’m still a Short,” Cam said.

I looked across the table, catching a brief flutter of a smile cross Alan’s face as he looked up from whispering something to Simon, but when he caught me looking, his expression fell flat and I felt an uncomfortable heat rise to my cheeks. I began to furiously cut my meat, avoiding his glance.

I wanted to ask him if everything was okay. How was he holding up? How was Simon? But I couldn’t let myself get involved. If I involved myself now, my protective instincts would take over and become something frightful. I had a beastly anger inside me I never wanted him to see again.

“Camden is just a sour puss,” Darius whispered to Simon.

Cam and Dad bickered back and forth about trivial details while Darius kept Simon entertained by showing off his latest body art.

“And this one is Ninja, see? He’s kicking the dragon on the side.” Darius lifted his arms so Simon could see the full piece.

“Cool!” Simon gasped.

I ate silently. Every so often, my gaze drifted around the table, but everytime my eyes crossed paths with Alan’s, I returned to my plate.

Everyone seemed to be finishing up and I jumped at the opportunity to clear the table. I took everyones plates and dumped them in kitchen sink. I wanted to keep myself occupied and away from the table, away from Alan, for as long as possible.

“You ready for dessert?” Dad asked Simon.

“Yes!” Simon squealed happily.

I heard a chair push out from the table and I prayed it wasn’t Alan. No such luck.

“Just be patient,” Alan said to Simon as he entered the kitchen. My body tensed. I could feel his presence near me and I was suddenly very aware of my every movement as I washed the plates, my back towards him.

The fridge door opened and I could hear him rummaging inside. I looked over my shoulder to see to him place a pie on the counter. With the dishes all washed, I had nothing more to occupy me. I had started to leave when I noticed him struggling to reach the dessert plates on the top shelf of the dish cupboard. He was able to bump his finger under the lip of the bottom one and attempted to draw it closer to the edge. I could just see that ending badly, the plates crashing on otop of his head.

“Here.” I slipped my body between him and the cupboard, reaching for the plates with both hands.

“Oh, thank you.”

Thinking he was still behind me, I turned to place the plates down on the counter, but he’d stepped to the side and my chest brushed against his dainty shoulder. Our eyes locked. I could feel his warm breath on my neck. I was inches away from his face, and I could see the pout in his bottom lip as my eyes bore down at him. Quickly, I stepped back, increasing the space between us.

“Thank you,” he mumbled and grabbed the pie off the counter. I followed him back to the dining room.

“Pie, yum!” Darius rubbed his stomach to amp up the excitement of dessert for Simon.

I looked around the table, feeling hot and uncomfortable. I couldn’t seem to shake this anxiety that had been growing all night, and that close encounter with Alan had just made it all the worse. I had to get out of here before I did something stupid.

“Hey, Cam, it was nice to see you again. I’m pretty wrecked from this week of working. I think I’m going to head out and get some rest.”

Cam pushed his seat back. “Yeah, get out of here so I can too.”

I wanted to slap Cam. He wasn’t a bad guy all the time, but he was always more of a shit head after Dad started harassing him about coming home.

Dad and Darius stood to show us out the door and I nodded in Alan’s direction. Simon was too enthralled with his dessert to notice his hero leaving.

Once I was out the door and safely back on my bike, I let out a giant sigh of relief.

I had been intensely aware of Alan’s presence throughout the evening. I was conflicted between the need to see him safe and my fear that if something endangered him, I would lose control again. I had to run away, I had to remove myself from that dinner table because after brushing up against his tiny delicate shoulder and feeling his warm breath on my neck... I didn’t know what was boiling inside my body, and I didn’t want to stick around and find out.