There’s blood on my hands.

They’re twisting in my lap as I sit there breathing heavily in the dark of my uncle’s truck. Rain drums like bullets across the roof, pouring in sheets across the windshield.

“Fuck,” Declan mutters in the driver’s seat, dropping his phone into his lap. “They’re onto the hit, kid. It’s all over the police scanners.”

Shit.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

My heart’s hammering, the pain throbbing in my side from the crash.

“Don’t worry, kid, I’m gonna help you outta this.”

I look up through the rainy windshield, through the glass front doors of the hospital. I can see her crying, her family around her. Huddled, hurt, and broken.

Because of me.

Because of the job gone wrong - the one her brother never should’ve been on. I can still feel the sting of her words from twenty minutes ago, slicing right through me. Slicing me in half.

“Why did you go?” Her eyes are pleading as she looks up into my face, tears running down hers. “Why’d you do the job?”

I have no real answer, because I don’t know. Maybe because I’m young and stupid, and I wanted to be able to give her the kind of life she’d want - that kind of life she deserves.

“I don’t know.”

“I asked you not to, Silas,” she’s crying now. “I begged you not to do it.”

It doesn’t matter that I was there to stop her brother - my best friend - from making the mistake of his life. Because he was only there because of me in the first place.

This is my fault.

“Ivy-”

Jacob steps forward, moving between me and his daughter. “You need to get away from her, right now.”

“Sir-”

The reverend’s jaw tightens beneath his thick beard, his eyes twitching with rage. “You aren’t welcome here, Silas.”

Irene steps forward, her hand on her husband’s arm as she dabs tears from her face. “Jacob-”

“No.” He shakes his head, his eyes never leaving mine. “Get out.”

I’m reeling, the world rocking beneath my feet. I’m face-to-face with the only family I’ve ever really known, and I can see the pain and the hurt I’ve caused across every single one of their faces.

I turn to Ivy, but she shakes her head.

“You should go,” she says softly.

It’s the last words we speak to each other.

And now I’m watching the aftermath of paths taken and choices made. I’m living with the outcome of going on the fucking job for Declan I never should’ve gone on - the job I only did go on because I found out Rowan had taken my place when I’d backed out the first time.

I couldn’t have that.

I’m already lost, but my best friend has his whole life ahead of him.

Or did, until I just wrapped our car around a guardrail fleeing the scene of a crime I helped commit. Until I dragged him out of that wreck and carried him on my back to the hospital, his leg bloodied and raw, mumbling that he was sorry.

Declan pats my shoulder. “Uncle Declan’s got your back, kid.” He shoves an envelope into my hands.

It’s an Irish passport.

I look up at him, my face caving. “What?”

“All expense paid trip to the old country, kid. Ireland.” He chuckles as he pulls a cigarette from the pack on the dash.

“Well, not all expenses.” He grins at me as he lights the smoke. “Nothing in this world is free unless you take it, ain’t that right, nephew?”

“I don’t understand.”

“Got some people we’re friendly with over in Dublin.” He gives me a hard look. “You’re going to be working for them now.”

“I’m leaving?” I shake my head, my eyes narrowing at him. “No. No fucking way.”

Declan cocks his head. “Kid, you robbed an armored truck.”

“You set up the job!”

He shrugs. “Yeah, well nobody told you to pop a bullet in the driver’s arm, did they?”

I can feel my blood pumping like fire, my breath coming raw. “I told you, that was Sean.” I swallow. “Dec, I was just the getaway driver.”

“Just the driver.” Declan snorts. “Oh, yeah, they’ll love that.” He gives me a hard look. “Sean just got picked up, by the way.”

Oh, fuck.

“You shot a guard, kid.” He holds his hand up. “Doesn’t matter who pulled the trigger, you were there, and every fucking cop in the state’s going to be out for your balls.”

His eyes narrow at me. “You got one chance to dodge the heat, Silas. You get to Dublin, you sit tight with my people, and you let this simmer down.”

Holy shit. I’m going to Ireland. I’m leaving Shelter Harbor.

“What about-” I look at the front door of the hospital. She’s still crying inside, rocking in her older sister Stella’s arms.

“You stick ‘round, you’re going to jail for a very long time my friend.”

“I didn’t shoot that guard,” I say quietly, still staring straight ahead through the rain at the one good thing in this world that I’ve ever known.

“Don’t matter. Leave town, go to Dublin, and we’ll put those talents of yours to good use until this dies down.”

“When.”

“Tonight.”

My head jerks around, my jaw dropping.

“There’s a ship of mine leaving from the Dorchester docks down in Boston in about five hours.” He cracks the window an inch and flicks his cigarette out.

“You gotta go now. I’ll get one of my guys to drive you.”

I turn back, my heart shattering in my chest as I lock eyes on her - the only thing that’s ever mattered.

The thing I’m about to walk away from.

“But what about-”

“Forget her, forget that family.”

Declan turns the truck on.

“Believe me kid, they’re already forgetting you.”