Chapter 17
I woke up the next morning with a deep ache in the pit of my stomach. I’d only felt that way a few times in my life. I hated each and every time I experienced it. As soon as I felt it, I knew that something had to change. I couldn’t let anyone make me feel this way.
Before I even opened my computer or started a pot of coffee, I grabbed my copy of Samantha’s book, Becoming Zara. Whenever I started to feel insecure about something, I would read through a few chapters. I could really relate to the main character in the book and whenever I read it, it was like Zara herself was cheering me on to be the warrior princess I was meant to be. It was a good reminder that I was strong—that nothing could limit me.
I spent the morning curled up in bed with the book. I tried not to think about the way it felt the night before to have Trent turn away from my kiss. My cheeks burned each time I thought about it. I was sure that he’d been aware of the attempt.
The way he’d said my name echoed through my mind. For just a moment, I’d believed that there was something in his voice, something that spoke volumes to my very soul, but that wasn’t the case. He’d turned his head because he didn’t want to kiss me, and I’d probably strained everything between us by attempting it.
My phone had been silent all morning. Not a text from Trent or Ben—not that I expected to hear from Ben.
I sighed and read another chapter in the book. By the time I finished reading, I’d begun to feel better.
So what if it bothered Trent that I tried to kiss him? I had the right to take a chance, even if it led to failure. If that made him uncomfortable, then he was just going to have to get over it, because I wasn’t going to let him go—not as my tech consultant and not as my friend.
With all this on my mind, I headed to Common Grounds to meet Hanna for breakfast. Ever since she’d told us the news about being pregnant, I’d been giddy with happiness every time I saw her, but she was also in high demand. We’d finally been able to schedule a breakfast together and I wasn’t going to miss it for anything.
When I arrived, the cafe was pretty busy. I waved to Alex, who was behind the counter. She waved back with a smile, then moved on to the next customer.
Hanna was already at our usual table. I studied her for a moment, expecting her to look a little different. The only thing I noticed was the peace in her expression.
As I walked over to the table, she looked up at me with a smile. Her skin was a little paler than normal and her eyes looked a little tired, but she was as beautiful as ever.
“Hi, sweetheart.” I sat down across from her. “How are you feeling this morning?”
“I choose not to answer.” She rested her chin on her palm. “How are you?”
“Uh-oh, sounds like trouble.” I raised an eyebrow. “Is that little monster already tormenting you?”
She groaned as our drinks were delivered. “I honestly don’t know what’s going on in there, but it isn’t good. Still, I’m glad it’s happening. It’s magical, you know? At least when I’m not super sick to my stomach.”
“Magical.” I smiled. “I imagine it is. Exciting too. I have to admit I’m looking forward to meeting this little guy or gal.”
“Me too.” She grinned. “So how did your date with Ben go?”
“Noella told you?”
“Sorry, I begged her for something to distract me from the nausea. She told me about Ben and how you two were going out dancing. So? Was there chemistry?”
“No.” I sighed. “Nothing. I broke things off with him. It wouldn’t be fair to him to keep pretending. The thing is, all this time I thought I was just having fun—enjoying myself, playing the field with no interest in settling down. But now I’m starting to think that I might actually be ready to look for that one person I can settle down with.”
“That’s a big discovery.” She smiled. “It makes sense to me. I can’t imagine what it’s like anymore to be single. But I remember when I was. I was always longing, even after I’d given up hope. That desire—I think it’s inside us all. It’s just well-hidden in some. I know that some people claim they don’t have that need, but I think they’re just lying to themselves.”
“That’s an interesting thought. I never really understood when someone said they had a crush on someone, or that they were in love and heartbroken over it. I sympathized of course, but I didn’t understand it.” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “It’s not like I’m in love or anything, Hanna, but wow—I can’t stop thinking about him.”
“Ben?” Her eyes widened. “But I thought you just said—”
“No.” I frowned. “Not Ben.”
“Oh my, it’s Trent, isn’t it?” A wide smile spread across her face.
“Don’t look so happy about it. He doesn’t feel the same way.”
“You don’t know that for sure. He could and you just haven’t—”
“No, Hanna.” I stared hard into her eyes. “He made it clear he’s not interested. And now I have this awful churning feeling inside of me—and I want it gone.”
“Zoe, I’m so sorry.” She took my hand. “I know that’s hard. I spent so long believing that Jake wanted nothing to do with me and it hurt.”
“But this is different. Trent really wants nothing to do with me. And the worst part is that I have to see him all the time. He’s part of my life and I don’t want that to change. So how do I fix it?”
“My best advice would be to try to be his friend. If you want to keep that friendship, then focus on it and maybe the romantic desire will fade over time.” She shook her head as she frowned. “I really thought the two of you were a nice match.”
“We’re not. We’re total opposites and I should have listened to my instincts about that. But your advice is exactly what I need to hear. I want his friendship, so I’m going to make sure that I do everything to make things normal between us.”