Chapter 25
As soon as I was alone, the full impact of our evening together hit me.
Yes, I wanted to be Trent’s friend, but the truth was, I wanted a lot more than that. No amount of pretending seemed to be erasing that fact.
I’d been so tempted to ask him why he’d been so cold to me—to confront him about the kiss that he’d rejected—but I just couldn’t. It had felt so nice to have him back as my friend and I didn’t want to put that in jeopardy.
There’d been moments during the evening when he’d looked at me in such a way that I’d thought for sure he felt something more for me. But the moments had passed, with no mention from him, and I didn’t want to disturb the nice time we were having by being wrong.
I flung myself across my bed and closed my eyes. If only I could rewrite my emotions so that I wouldn’t feel so much desire for him, then maybe things could go back to normal. But I knew as it was, I would never feel normal around Trent again. I would just have to learn to deal with that.
As I fell asleep that night, his words about love echoed through my mind. He wanted true love, something I wasn’t sure was a possibility for me. He wanted that one woman, that one perfect person. How could I even imagine that it might be me?
When I woke the next morning, I had a heavy pressure in my chest. It frustrated me to experience it again. My life had never been like this. What I wanted, I went after. I didn’t hang on to things, and I certainly didn’t typically wake up with a sense of dread or loneliness.
Instead, I usually opened my eyes to a bright new beginning, a day that I could truly enjoy.
Luckily, I had plans to meet Dawn for a shopping trip. Her wardrobe still needed some updating and I wanted to encourage her to try out some new styles. That was what finally pulled me out of bed.
After a shower and a quick breakfast I headed out the door. Before I could start the car, my phone buzzed with a text.
A quick glance revealed that it was from Trent.
Thanks again for last night. Let’s get together about the website soon. I have some exciting ideas.
I smiled at the text. No, it wasn’t everything I hoped for, but it meant that he didn’t want to keep our relationship strictly business either, and that felt like a relief.
I texted him back, thanking him and suggested some dates for us to meet. Then I drove to the store where I planned to meet Dawn.
When I arrived, she was already there.
“Hi.” She grinned as she threw her arms around me. “So? How did it go last night?”
“Oh, good. He’s talking to me again.” I smiled.
“I meant with Sammy.” She laughed.
“Oh, the ceremony was great!” I linked my arm through hers as we stepped into the store. “And she was as amazing as always.”
“And apparently things with Trent warmed up a bit?”
“Enough that we can work together again.” I sorted through some of the clothes and chose a few outfits for her to try on.
After she selected a few things, she smiled as she pulled out a sparkly dark blue dress with large orange flowers embroidered along the skirt.
“Zoe, this is gorgeous, what do you think?”
“It’s pretty. But not for me today.” I smiled and put it back on the rack.
“Alright, you just turned down something sparkly. What’s going on with you?” She looked into my eyes.
“I’m sorry, I know I’m not quite myself. I’m a little distracted.”
“Let me guess. Trent?” She smiled.
“Yes I know.” I sighed. “It’s sad.”
“It’s not sad. It’s beautiful.” She squeezed my hand. “Tell me the truth, Zoe. What are you really feeling?”
“I wish I could tell you, but I haven’t figured it out myself.” I frowned. “One minute I think I can handle just being friends with him and the next—honestly—” I looked at her. “—I’m wondering how I’m going to live the rest of my life without him.”
“Aw, you’ve got it bad.” She nodded.
“But I’m sure it will pass. I just need to give myself time. What other option do I have?”
“Are you kidding?” She raised her eyebrows as she looked at me.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, have you even tried to go after what you want?”
“Yes, I did. I tried to kiss him and—”
“And you were in the middle of a date with another guy. How do you think that looked?” She shook her head. “A wise woman once told me, don’t let something like this pass you by. Do whatever you have to.”
“That was different, Dawn. Everyone knew that Garrett was head-over-heels for you—everyone but you.”
“Maybe it’s not so different?” She met my eyes. “Because Trent seems to take every opportunity to be around you.”
“We’re friends.”
“And what if you could be more? What if all you had to do was try and you let this chance slip by?”
“What if I take it and he says no?” I frowned. “I’m not sure I could handle that.”
“The Zoe I know can handle anything, anything other than giving up. So what’s changed?”
The question made my head spin. What had changed? Dawn was right. Normally I met a challenge with a sense of determination and excitement, not an urge to find a place to hide.
“I guess I’m just not feeling confident in myself.”
“Zoe, if you let this go, if you give in to your fear, you are going to be battling what-ifs for the rest of your life. When I think about how easily I could have let Garrett pass me by, it makes my heart ache. Not just for myself, but for him too. I don’t know what our future is yet, but I do know that every minute I spend with him is a minute I wouldn’t trade for anything. Just think about it.”
“Thanks, Dawn, I will.” I hugged her as her words lingered in my mind.