Chapter 33

Jessi

“Knock knock. You there, Jessi? I’ve been standing here for, like, five minutes.”

Megan’s voice ripped me from my trance and I stood up from my couch. Caleb was fast asleep and I had been staring at a blank television screen. I had completely forgotten that Megan was coming over. I pulled my robe around my body and walked to my front door, then unlocked it so Megan could get in.

“What gives?” she asked.

“Help yourself to come coffee,” I said.

I shuffled back to the living room and flopped down on the couch. Megan came in a few minutes later with coffee that was laden with sugar and creamer. She sat beside me, her eyes studying me closely. I was sure I looked like hell, but I didn’t really care at this point.

“Have you showered today?” Megan asked.

“No.”

“Any reason why?” she asked.

“Not working today,” I said.

“Never stopped you from putting on a full face of makeup before.”

“I didn’t feel like it getting up this morning.”

“Uh huh. And why didn’t you feel like it?” she asked.

“Because I didn’t, Megan.”

“Let’s calm the attitude and talk like adults,” she said. “What’s going on?”

I sighed and closed my eyes as I brought my coffee to my lips. I took a large sip, allowing the hot liquid to burn my throat going down. It was the only thing keeping me awake. Keeping me from slipping into sleep alongside Caleb and dreaming about him.

Thinking about how he had left.

Again.

“I told Chris,” I said.

“Oh shit,” Megan said. “When did this happen?”

“Yesterday morning,” I said.

“Uh huh. And he’s not here because—?”

“Because he needed time to think.”

“About what?” she asked.

“Well, I don’t know Megan. Maybe about whether or not he wants to be a father. Like I told you he would.”

“That doesn’t make any sense. He’s been around you for days hanging out with you and Caleb. What changed?”

“He found out Caleb was his, that’s what changed. It rooted him to a spot and he’s not that kind of guy.”

“Why isn’t he that kind of guy?” she asked.

“Do you people keep forgetting he up and left for a year and a half?” I asked.

“Okay, I admit—that was a dumb question. But—have you heard from him at all?”

“Nope.”

“Have you tried calling him?”

“Yep.”

“And he’s not picking up?”

“Nope,” I said.

“What a fuckwad.”

“Yep,” I said.

“I mean, you did hide this from him.”

“Whose side are you on, anyway?” I asked.

“It’s true! The man’s been back in town for over a month and you’re just now telling him.”

“Megan, okay. I’m going to lay it out for you like this. I stumbled upon the fact that Chris was back in town. When I saw him at that fashion show rehearsal, do you know how long he had already been in town?”

“Uh oh.”

“Two fucking weeks. That man had been back for two weeks. Justin knew he was back before I did. And I asked Chris yesterday if he ever had any intentions of finding me when he got back into town. Like, at all.”

“What did he say?” she asked.

“He said he would have eventually.”

“Eventually?”

“Yep. Eventually. So you guys can blame this shit on me all you want, but that asshole had no intention of finding me when he got back into town. You guys think that the second I laid eyes on him I was supposed to spill all of my secrets simply because he knocked me up, but that isn’t how this works. That man had been in town for two weeks before we haphazardly ran into one another. I was convenient for him, and he couldn’t ignore me because of my past. And you think this is all my fault?”

“I’m saying you both have fault in it, Jessi. I think you should’ve told him sooner. The moment things started getting hairy with you and Justin, you should’ve talked to him. Hell, the moment you started enjoying your time with him again, you should’ve talked to him. But now that he knows, he’s going to need time to digest and adjust. He’s going to have to come to terms with the fact that he’s missed out on the majority of his son’s first year of life because of his own stupid actions. And that’s going to come with anger he’ll have to resolve on his own.”

“Then why won’t he talk to me?” I asked. “Why won’t he take my calls?”

“Because he’s angry. Or maybe he’s scared. Or feeling guilty. Or a mixture of all of it. When you found out you were pregnant, what did you do?”

“I bucked up and took responsibility,” I said.

“After three weeks of wallowing in your own self-pity. I had to come bang down your bedroom door to drag you out as I recall. You were in shock and you felt betrayed. Think of this from Chris’s perspective. Not only did you know and not tell him, but his best friend knew and didn’t tell him.”

“He’s my brother. Of course he’s taking my side.”

“Yes, but that’s not the point. The point is people he cares about knew he had a son and didn’t tell him until the last possible second. That’s all he’s seeing right now. And as he digests all this, he’ll see everything else. But you needed three weeks to wrap your mind around it all. He’s going to need that same amount of time.”

“He needs to grow a pair,” I said.

“And he will. Like you did. After the news sinks in.”

“You know, when I first started seeing him I had this whole plan.”

“To make him fall for you so you could break his heart,” she said.

I panned my gaze over to Megan as my jaw unhinged with shock.

“You knew?” I asked.

“I’ve gotten good at reading between the lines with you. I’m pissed I have to do it as your best friend of however many years, but I’m getting good at it. It’s a shit plan, by the way. Revenge gets you nothing.”

“I think I’m falling for him,” I said.

“I know you are,” she said. “Only Chris could put that big of a smile on your face before plunging you into such a state where you don’t even bathe.”

“I’ll take a damn shower,” I said.

“You’ve always had feelings for him, Jessi. I know you better than that. You grieved over the loss of him, but you never got over him. Those are two different processes. I always sensed you were hanging onto him somehow. And now that you’re tangled up in this terrible plan of yours, you’re using your plan as an excuse to spend more time with him. So you don’t have to admit that you’re still in love.”

“I don’t love him.”

“Then you’re dang close to it. It’s time you put on your big girl panties, Jessi. You’ve got it bad for Chris. And if you care about him the way I know you do, then you’ll give him time with all of this. If he wants to be a part of you and Caleb’s life, then let him. If he doesn’t, then get Justin to beat his face in. You know he’ll do it.”

I giggled and shook my head as I took another sip of my coffee.

“How’s your dad doing?” Megan asked.

“Better,” I said. “He’s finally home from the hospital. He’s got a nurse checking in on him every day, changing the dressing on his surgical wounds and all, plus making sure he’s eating the way he should be.”

“How badly does his diet need to change?”

“Everything needs to change,” I said. “No more red meat, no more fast food, no more cooking with oil and butter. Limited sugar, no saturated fats, and definitely no more desserts.”

“The stress alone will do him in,” she said, with a grin.

“That’s the joke Mom keeps making to try and stay afloat during all of this. I’m heading over to their house after Caleb gets up. Wanna tag along?”

“Sure. I didn’t want to drop in until things had leveled out a bit anyway.”

I headed for the shower to get myself ready. Megan tended to Caleb, then the three of us headed to my parent’s house. There were cars in the driveway I recognized and I looked over at Megan. I gave her a look that told her she needed to keep her mouth shut and not pester the people who were here visiting my father.

No matter how many famous people she met because of him, she still acted like an idiot every single time.

“Is that my daughter I hear?”

“Hey, Daddy.”

“And she brought my grandson. Oh, my heart feels better already.”

Megan handed Caleb to my father as a couple of the rappers that were visiting him stepped off to the side. Megan was trying to contain herself, shuffling from foot to foot as she gazed upon one of the rappers she constantly kept on a loop in her car. I grinned and shook my head as my father doted on Caleb, but once he got too rowdy I took him into my arms.

“How are you feeling?” I asked.

“Like I want a cheeseburger,” my father said.

“Tough,” Megan said. “We gotta keep you alive a few more decades.”

“How are you, Megan?” he asked.

“Trying to keep your mess of a daughter afloat, but other than that I’m doing okay,” she said.

“I hate you,” I said.

“She needs the help,” my father said.

“Hey! I thought you were on my side,” I said.

“Okay, that’s enough ruckus for your father,” my mother said.

“Hey Mom.”

“Hey there Jessi. It’s good to see you again too, Megan.”

“Is there anything I can do for you guys while I’m here?” Megan asked.

“Can you get me a slushie?” my father asked.

“As long as it’s flavorless, sure,” my mother said.

“That’s just water and ice,” he said.

“Yep. And speaking of that, it’s time for another glass of water.”

I giggled as I watched my father roll his eyes. It was good to see him joking around and alert. He had given all of us a scare and there were moments where none of us thought he would make it. I handed Caleb to Megan and leaned down, pressing a kiss to my father’s cheek.

“I love you, Daddy.”

“I love you too, sweetheart.”

“Don’t scare us like that again, okay? I’m not sure we can handle it,” I said.

“I promise I’ll do my best,” he said.